The sun had barely risen and Zuko already had a headache. As he had told Katara 6 years ago at the North Pole, he rose with the sun, quite literally. As the sun had steadily risen above the mountains surrounding Caldera and the Palace, Zuko had tried to get ahead with some of his reading. Everyday new reports would come in, from the smallest fishing incident to the dangers of the New Ozai Movement. Of course not everything would pass through him directly, at least not anymore. After 5 years on the throne he had slowly started to trust more of his minister with handling his affairs how he wanted them to. It had been a very slow and painful process; with more sleepless nights he had ever imagined. There were even days he missed the boring yet predictable days at sea hunting for the Avatar.
Luckily his uncle was there to help him out as well as his mother. He turned his attention away from the economic downturn rapport of the Ma'inka Islands and looked at the small portrait of his mother on his desk. Some days he forgot that she had actually aged. In his mind she sometimes still looked like the young woman that left the palace when he was 12 years old. Now almost 10 years later, she was still a very beautiful woman with long dark brown hair that had a few silver strands and bright golden eyes. Although Azula favoured their mother more in looks, Zuko could recognize he had his mother's eyes and spirit.
He could only thank Agni every day that they had been reunited once more. To rebuild their bond, they would spend at least one morning a week together in the gardens, drinking tea and feeding the turtleducks. And as always he looked forward to meeting her this morning.
His reminiscing thoughts were abruptly stopped when the door to his study was slammed open. Flames burst in his hands. Unfortunately, New Ozai supporters had tried to harm him on more than one occasion, he always had to be prepared.
"Calm down Zuzu, its only me." Another thing that he still had to get used to. Azula's annoying nickname that she had used so condescendingly throughout their childhood and teenage years, had been picked up by his half sister Kiyi, his mother's and Noren's daughter. But unlike Azula's harsh sneers, Kiyi's was playful and loving, teasing him only in the best of ways. Perhaps it would help to get over yet another childhood trauma. He was however thankful his nightmares had started to subside a bit more. Perhaps one day, he could be rid of them completely.
He looked at his little sister, who bounded towards him. She had grown so much over the past 3 years. Now 7 years old, she was taller, her dark brown hair longer and her face sharper. Except for her deep brown eyes, she started to reassemble Azula and his mother more with every passing day. Ever since unlocking her firebending abilities, she had grown even more confident in herself then she already was. Zuko definitely envied that personality trait. Maybe if Ozai had been different, both he and Azula would have been as happy and confident in themselves as Kiyi was. But he was grateful she was in his life, to teach him this, without even realising it. She made his days brighter with her impish grin. He casually leaned back into his chair.
"Good morning Kiyi. You're up early."
"Duh, I am a firebender, I rise with the sun." Zuko smirked. Kiyi looked uo to him. She used to follow him around everywhere like a little turtleduck. Whatever he said or did, she wanted to do as well. One time he had mentioned how early he awoke every morning, and so naturally she wanted to do the same. Except is wasn't really something that came naturally to her, despite being a firebender. Kiyi could sleep throughout the morning and day and actually had to try her hardest to get up early. But her stubbornness prevailed and she tried anyway, especially if it meant spending more time with Zuko. Without paying attention to the papers on his desk, she hopped on to it. Zuko quickly moved his ink set out of the way.
"Mommy says she'll be in the garden in half an hour. She's bringing sweet cakes." And as to demonstrate this she pulled one out of her pocket. With her small hands she pulled it after before popping one half in her mouth and offered the other to Zuko who took it gratefully.
"Thank you Kiyi, and thank you for telling me. After I finish reading this I will go meet her."
"Hmmm." She replied munching happily. Then she turned her inquisitive eyes to him. "Is it true you are going on a holiday without me?"
Zuko hadn't really expected this question and looked carefully looked at her.
"I have invited my friends to spend some time on Ember Island before the celebrations." He knew Kiyi knew about the Coronation celebrations. Apart from what she was learning at school, she had also been preparing some firebending routines to show off during the entertainment shows. She was very good.
"But I am your friend too! Why can't I come?" He had to think a bit about a good response that would satisfy a disappointed 7-year-old.
"Yes of course we are friends Kiyi, the best. But they are my friends too and I haven't seen them for a long time. Besides, I need someone I trust here in the Palace when I am gone. I was hoping you would do that for me?" Her brown eyes went wide with excitement.
"Will I be Fire Lord when you're gone?" He laughed at this.
"No, I will still be Fire Lord. But I trust you with taking care of mom and Uncle Iroh for me. Can you do that?" Kiyi puffed out her little chest.
"Of course I can Zuzu! Do I have to go to your meetings?"
"No, don't worry."
"Good!" She replied happily and jumped off his desk. "They are boring and those men smell bad." She pulled a face and Zuko smiled. He knew exactly which two poor ministers she was talking about.
"Daddy said he will be at breakfast soon and I am hungry. Will you come training with me today?"
"Of course I will, I wouldn't want to miss it for the world." She grinned at this.
"Master Jiro has taught me some new moves. Maybe I can teach them to you too."
"I would like that Kiyi." Again a bright smile lit her face. She was such a firecracker as she bounded back to his door.
"Will Katara be coming to Ember Island?" She asked quickly. The beautiful waterbender had made quite the impression on her when she stayed with them a few years ago. Zuko was still grateful how she had helped find his mother and support her back at the Palace. She had always been great with children and the mother figure of the Gaang. Naturally Kiyi had been drawn to her. But Zuko always suspected his little sister was more aware of the situation than she let on. He couldn't help a blush spreading across his face.
"Yes of course. Katara is a good friend of mine. Why do you ask?" She simply shrugged.
"She's very kind and pretty. I like her." A simple statement, as it should have been. But for Zuko it definitely wasn't that simple.
"I am glad you do, I like her too." He hoped she would interpret is as innocently as possible and was glad to see her final grin as she left the room.
He buried his face in his hands and groaned. Was it that obvious that even his little sister could see straight through him? He tried to breathe slowly and stop the hammering of his heart. Perhaps it was just kids' intuition rather than him wearing his heart on his sleeve. He really hoped so. He already felt very conflicted by his feelings towards Katara, even more so because she was with his best friend Aang.
'But their relationship isn't going well…' A high voice very similar to Azula's ran through his mind. 'You have a chance…"
He groaned again and pushed away the voice. He was no fool and could read between the lines. He had regular correspondence with Katara and the rest of Team Avatar. He knew the situation. But letters between him and Katara happened most often. It had started after the war, and despite them not seeing each other often – the last time was almost 2 years ago – due to her letters he still felt as if he was part of her life.
Katara was someone he respected from very early on. Even as he hunted the Avatar, he could appreciate her dedication and skill. She was smart and resourceful and their fight at the North Pole had proved to him that she was his equal, in every sense of the word. Her forgiveness and compassion were qualities he would never take for granted. Once he had finally regained her trust, he was determined never to lose it again. He could still feel ashamed at his actions in Ba Sing Se. During his nightmares he always hoped he would choose differently, choose better, choose her.
He had told her about his embarrassment when they rode Appa from Ba Sing Se to Caldera to challenge Azula. When his uncle told him he could not face Azula alone he had no doubt in his mind, not a second hesitation when he called out to Katara. Her triumphant grin had sent shiver to his stomach. As the Earth Kingdom swept beneath then and he tried to collect his thoughts to prepare for the battle ahead. Zuko knew he had to tell her.
"Katara, I want to apologize to you." She looked at him in surprise with those startling ocean blue eyes.
"Why? What for Zuko? You know I've forgiven you right?"
"I know that, but I've never truly apologized about what happened in Ba Sing Se…" She lay a cool hand on his arm. It felt electric.
"Zuko, I know it's okay. You were confused and…"
"No!" It came out harsher than he expected. He turned to her softly. "No please, let me finish. I know you find it hard to let people apologise to you, your to soft sometimes but you deserve this." This earned him a smirk.
"Not too sift on you I hope?"
"No, and while frustrating for me, you had every right to be angry and I deserved it. I hurt you then, and I want to say now before anything happens, that I am sorry."
"Thank you Zuko, that means a lot to me." He smiled back at her, his heart feeling lighter.
He didn't think twice when he jumped in front of Azulas lightning.
That seemed to be a common thread with Katara. He couldn't stop thinking about her when she wasn't around and stopped thinking completely when she was. He knew she didn't need him – Agni – she probably didn't really miss him. She had her family and more importantly, she had Aang. Aang was the one to put an arm around her to comfort her at the South Pole. Aang was the one to support her with her decisions. Aang was the one she followed across the world. Aang was the one he was working together with creating Cranefish Town, creating balance in this world.
But he missed her. Her conversations, stimulations, maturity, and dedication. Agni, he missed her smile, her laugh, her ocean eyes and the trail of iris and vanilla that she left behind her. He buried his head in his hands again. What was wrong with him? She has his friend, Aang was his friend. Ever since he and Mai broke up 4 years ago, these thoughts, forbidden thoughts of Katara seemed to flood his mind. It had to stop, he thought grimly. He knew his minister were anxious for him to at least show some interest in a lady, preferably a Lady from the Fire Nation Nobility. After the coronation celebrations he would start his search in earnest because this was getting out of hand. Perhaps that was another thing Uncle and his mother could help him with.
With his concentration gone he decided to head towards the Royal Gardens. He had expanding them when he became Fire lord. Adding more greenery to Caldera was still something high on his agenda. Without his mother or his uncle at court, the gardens hadn't been maintained as they should have been. Zuko had personally started to tend to the many plants, scrubs, tress and flowers himself. Especially the cherry blossom tree and surrounding maple encircling the turtle duck pond were some of his prized possessions. With summer nearing its end the garden was preparing itself for the milder autumn weather. Especially the panda lilies were at their best this time of year, as were the large blooming roses.
Approaching the garden via one of its many arched bridge Zuko was surprised to already see his mother, perched delicately on one of the elegant stone benches.
"Good morning mother." Ursa turned to him and smiled warmly.
"Good morning Zuko dear." He took a seat beside her and she gently tucked a stray strand of hair back into his topknot.
As his hair got longer it didn't happen that often anymore but he enjoyed his mother's care. Then she moved to his scar. Her eyes always looked over it with a combination of pain and pride. After Zuko told her how it had happened, the feelings of guilt she already felt for leaving were increased a hundred fold. Her usually calm demeanour had been gone. She had shouted and screamed. Argued with Iroh how he could have let it happen and even confronted Ozai again. How dare he hurt her son, his son like that? A fighting mother turtle duck could be vicious and so was she. It was Zuko who had been able to calm her down and when she finally did, the pride in her eyes had almost made Zuko burst into tears.
"Everything Ozai thought he was taking from you failed. You, my son, are the most honourable man I have ever met. This scar should be celebrated, it shows your fighter spirit and everything you have accomplished. And I am so very proud of you Zuko. I hope that one day when you are a father yourself you will understand the magnitude that I cannot express in words." She had told him before they sank into a hug that lasted hours. With her medicinal knowledge she had made him some creams that soothed his scarred skin. It became a bit softer and more pleasant to touched. Not that Zuko cared about it all that much. He had gotten used to its feel, even to his own reflection. But he knew his mother wanted to help in some way that she could and he always appreciated her efforts.
"How have you been?" He asked her as she softly stroked his cheek. She smiled.
"I've been very well. It's exciting the organise these celebrations. I had forgotten how much fun they were. I hope you will enjoy them."
"I am sure I will. I know you and uncle have poured a lot of energy into this."
"So have you, besides all your other duties." She told him as she handed him a steaming cup of tea. "I am happy you will have a break next week. You need it. You work too hard my love."
"I have to, there is always so much to do."
"I know dear. Maybe you should think about someone to help you with it."
"Have you been eavesdropping my ministers again?" A mischievous grin appeared on her face. She could play the innocent party often enough with others, but Zuko was happy he was able to look straight through her.
"Perhaps…" She admitted and turned to the turtleducks in the pond. They had gotten used to their visits and were eagerly waiting for some sweet cake crumbs. Ursa threw a few at them delicately and they all quacked happily. "You know Zuko, I didn't mean marriage proposals. Just a good friend you can rely on to help you around. I know you value me and your uncle, but it would be good to have someone your own age around. I know you miss your friends."
"I understand and I do miss them. Even when I do see some of them, its all about work and stressful. I am looking forward to Ember Island."
"Will you go to the play?" Zuko laughed heartily.
"They've seen a play there once mom and it wasn't any good. Filled with lies and caricatures." That wasn't entirely true… some elements were true, but Zuko would be damned if he'd ever admit it. Ursa shrugged her shoulders happily.
"It was worth a try." She said and they sipped their tea silently as they watched the turtleducks swim around.
Zuko's mind went to his upcoming holiday. Katara's letter of confirmation had come first. She had taken the liberty to add Sokka and Suki in there too. He had been surprised she didn't include Aang, she usually did. Perhaps he really wasn't able to come, Zuko hadn't heard from his friend otherwise. It looked a full reunion wouldn't be in the cards. He wondered if it ever would with all their responsibilities. At least Toph would be there too. He had definitely missed the tough earthbender. She felt like another sister to him and she would often pair up with him whenever there were activities going on. His still owed her a life changing fieldtrip, she would never let him forget it. Despite her busy life as the first metalbending teacher she often came to Ba Sing Se and kept his uncle company when he ran his tea shop The Jasmine Dragon.
"What about an ambassador?" His mother's voice brought him out of his thoughts.
"Hmm what?"
"I meant for one of your friends. Would any of them like such a position?" Zuko had to admit he hadn't really thought about that. Usually heads of state organised their ambassadors to the Fire Nation themselves, just as he handpicked them for others.
King Kuei and Chief Arnook had both sent experienced elders. Aang was still the regular go between as representative of the Air Nation and Chief Hakoda was still trying to determine a good candidate. Their bonds for now were strong enough to go without one, but both men realised that someone should fulfil the position to help out. What if…"
"What about Katara?" Shocked he looked at his mother, positive she read his mind. He didn't like the knowing smile on her face. It was that obvious apparently.
"I… I don't know. I know she's travelling with Aang and busy teaching in the South Pole. I doubt she has the time."
"Oh I am sure. But it can never hurt to ask right?"
"No I guess not…" He said and sighed softly. The Spirits must really hate him.
Meanwhile Katara relished the feeling of the ocean breeze in the air. It reminded her of the travels they had done on Appa. She would never tire of the smell of the sea. She felt it's push and pull in her entire being. Patience wasn't her best quality and she couldn't wait to be at their destination. But at the same time she would definitely enjoy the journey. She felt his large strong hand on her shoulder and smiled up at Sokka. The same excitement she felt was mirrored in his own eyes.
He too had grown up. Gone was the boy that tried to fill in the shoes several sizes to big for him. He had grown in every aspect. Taller, broader, stronger and more confident in himself. Even his public speaking was improving with his father' s guidance. He helped the rebuilding efforts, laying new foundations of the Southern Water Tribe. He helped train the expanding men and boys arriving to the tribe either by expanding families or migration. He also held close ties with Zuko and Aang to help them expand Cranefish Town. He also couldn't be more proud that Suki was at his side. They often travelled between the South Pole and Kyoshi so she too could support the rebuilding efforts. Suki also spend several months a year in the Fire Nation as one of the personal guards to Zuko and his family. Katara at times felt envious at how well they worked together and gave each other the space to develop themselves together and individually. She hoped she could feel this type of satisfaction herself.
"You're excited to go back aren't you?"
"Yes I am, it will be so nice to see Toph and Zuko again. For us to finally spend some time together."
"We needed the break." Sokka agreed before eyeing her closely. "Nice of Zuko to arrange this all for us." Katara couldn't help the blush spreading along her tanned cheeks.
"It is, very kind of him. I am glad to hear he's doing well."
"From what I heard, he's looking forward to seeing you again."
"I am sure that's for all of us." Katara said not trusting where this conversation was going.
Thankfully Toph wasn't here to hear her heart race. A feeling of shame started to twist in her stomach. She couldn't remember the last she had felt this excited to see Aang again. But then they did spend months together. Suki called out to them. She had pulled out the Pai Sho set and invited Katara to join her. Sokka was only happy to watch. Despite his own skill in strategy, pai sho was not one of them.
The sun had started to lower in the sky and over the past few days the temperature had started to increase. The days at see where passing quickly. Sokka supplied them both with tea as Katara and Suki renewed the board. Suki was currently leading with 2 to 1. Katara hoped she could outsmart her friend this round.
"Will Aang be joining us as well Katara?" She quickly calmly, her dark blue eyes assessing the board.
"I am not sure to be honest. He was very busy at the Eastern Air Temple last time he wrote. We left so quickly made his reply missed me. I am sure he got an invite as well. With Appa he'll travel a lot faster than we can." Katara explained. She hoped it wouldn't sound as vague as it did in her own ears.
Suki made her move and she waged her options carefully, missing a pointed look between Sokka and Suki.
"Katara?" Suki started slowly and Sokka mumbled something about getting some snacks. "Oh Sokka can you bring some Akutaq? I am craving some ice cream."
"Sure!" He said with a smile and give Sukis crown a quick kiss before disappearing below deck. Katara turned to Suki.
"What did you want to ask?" Het friend moved around rather nervously, which worried her. Suki was usually calm and collected.
"Well..." she twisted a strand of auburn hair behind her ear. "To be honest we are a bit worried about you and Aang. Is everything going okay between you two?"
"Yes...yes of course! Why would you ask..." but when she met her friends raised eyebrows and sharp blue eyes she knew Toph wasn't the only lie detector. She sighed heavily and twisted a strand of hair in her hand. It had become an annoying habit of hers that she couldn't seem to stop.
"We are fine together but I am not sure I am fine... does that make sense?"
"Not completely. Can you explain?"
"Well Aang has been so busy with Cranefish Town and the different Air Temples... and honestly I've been feeling a bit... useless." Suki looked at her in surprise.
"You? Useless? Katara you are the most hard working and well least useless person I know. How can you think that?"
"I told you it was difficult to understand. I mean there's a lot of work at the temples, but I don't feel useful. Everyday is the same, cleaning and cooking. And that's not bad necessarily, it's useful and necessary. But I don't feel I am contributing to anything special and..." she lowered her voice feeling more shame spread through her. "And I don't feel appreciated anymore." She admitted and avoided Sukis eyes.
She glanced at the sea, and despite the difficult conversation she felt lighter having uttered the words to someone out loud. She felt Suki's hand comforting her own and her friend's kind gaze on her.
"I am sure Aang appreciates you and would want you to feel better."
"I know he does, but whenever I try to bring it up he doesn't really listen. He keeps telling me how I am helping rebuilding a nation but I don't feel the same satisfaction about it as he does. And when I want to help Dad and Sokka he makes me feel as if I am abandoning him. It's becoming quite exhausting."
"Hmm I can understand that. I didn't expect him to be dismissive of your roots."
"He's not dismissive... he's just very focused on his own right now. He's still so young too." "Katara, you can't keep pulling that card. He's almost 18. We all had to pull our weight that age. Sokka was focusing on the Southern Water Tribe and the Northern relations while helping Zuko. And Zuko was already Fire Lord and having to focus on all the other nations including his home. And he doesn't have Acolytes happily following his every move. Neither did he have a very supportive girlfriend. I was surprised him and Mai even lasted a year."
"I know..." Katara sighed, "I know I am very protective of him. I was hoping that some time apart would help that."
"Has it been helping?" She looked at her friend, a stone seemed to have nestled itself in her stomach, her limbs felt heavy and the lump in her throat seemed to push tears in her eyes. She was so close to admitting it, her heart hurt and disappointment swirled in her mind. She hadn't expected this, she hadn't wanted this. She had spent the past few years avoiding it and denying it. But here, somewhere in Fire Nation waters, with Sukis sharp look she knew the running was over. Defeated she hung her head.
"No, no it hasn't."