Authors Note- Thank you to the two who commented some ideas C: I'll be working to get those done, now that I've finally got this idea out of my brain. Enjoy!

The Day Deidara Died

As one might imagine, in the Akatsuki, there are very little rules. Even the ones that were rules weren't really rules. Like no killing your partner. It was generally frowned upon to do so, but if you did, it wasn't like you would be kicked out or anything. With the exception of missions, the Akatsuki could basically do what they wanted. If you got killed, though, well...that sucked.

However, that didn't mean the Akatsuki didn't have lines they wouldn't cross. This differed from person to person, and what one person might be able to do to someone, another wouldn't be able to.

A few of these lines included:

Don't touch Itachi's shampoo, Konan's paper, Kakuzu's money, Kisame's sword, or Sasori's puppets. (Everyone was really very possessive about their stuff)

Don't talk about Jesus in front of Hidan.

Don't insult art in front of Sasori or Deidara.

Don't call Pein "Carrot".

Don't lick Tobi's mask. (No matter how many times Tobi said it, nobody believed him when he said it wasn't a lollipop.)

All of these actions were a fast-track way to die, or, in Hidan and Kakuzu's case, get badly injured.

However, one day, one ambitious blonde decided to see how long he could go without being killed...he was sure Kakuzu would sew his limbs back on if needed.

It was looking to be a perfect, sunny day when Deidara took the mission of pranking/annoying as many of the Akatsuki members as possible. Because he was the first one up, he had time to make his preparations before anyone found him out.

And then he waited.

Slowly, the various people started to rise. Itachi made cheesy scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast, before heading to take a shower. He always was stingy about perosnal hygiene. Sasori had once called Itachi the mom of the group, but Itachi had embraced the nickname more willingly than expected, and had since lived up to it quite well.

Hidan was lounging on the couch upside-down, clicking through various channels on the TV. Deidara had no idea why they had got the technology, though, as it only played in Spanish, which none of them spoke, and only had channels with bad dramas, the news, and Christian sermons, along with opera music. Pein had dropped it off one day, claiming it would help to stop people from spontaneously destroying things, as they tended to do when bored. Currently, Hidan was watching the pastor speak with an annoyed look.

"Ya know, Hidan, I really have no idea why you watch these things when you hate them so much, un." Deidara mentioned, leaning his forearms on the front of the couch. "Are you looking to convert, un? I'm sure Jashin would be sad, if you did. His number-one follower," he continued.

"Tch. I would never. What sort of religion doesn't have ritual sacrifice? It's no fun if it doesn't."

"I dunno, I think it sounds cool to be 'forgiven' and whatnot, don't you?" Deidara replied. "We should go to a church sometime together, un!" I think there's one in the Leaf, nearby, that we can go to. We can get you baptized and everything, un!"

"Shut up, Blondie. Damn faker! Jashin's the only real god!"

"Hmm...I mean, are you sure?"

"Since when are so philosophical? I'm right!"

"You know, I think you might be faking…" Deidara teased.

"Do you want your head cut off!? I'm not faking! See this!" Hidan declared, before hopping off the couch, running to get his...weapon...thing?...well, whatever it is he used, and then stabbing himself in the chest. He hunched over as he coughed up a bit of blood. "See! I'm not faking!"

Deidara laughed. "Wow! You look so weird, un, like that!"

"Damn Blondie! You're looking to get your head cut off!"

"Aren't you technically blonde? Like, if your hair was a shade of two brighter...un." Deidara mumbled. "So, you just said you would cut off your own head, un?"

Hidan looked at Deidara in disbelief. "Why would I do that?" He shot a glance at himself in the mirror. "Huh, I guess you're right."

"Why don't you wanna cut off your head?" Deidara asked, cocking his head to the right and taking an intentional step closer to Hidan. "Would Jashin not put it back on, un? I think the- whoever, on the TV, the one the pastor was talking about? I think he would put your head back on, if you cut it off, un."

"I-what? No! Jashin would put my head back on!" Hidan yelled, swinging the scythe-thing at the blonde, who scittered back.

"I don't believe you~" Deidara sung cheerfully, dancing around Hidan as he continued to attack Deidara, just for the hell of it.

"Yeah! Watch me!" The priest responded, before doing as Deidara had suggested and cutting off his own head. His body slouched to the ground, decapitated. Hidan's head smiled, rolling around on the floor. "See! I'm still alive!" Said head stuck out it's tongue tauntingly. "Do me a favor! Put my head back on my body. I can heal from there."

Deidara studied Hidan's head. "Mmm….nah!" Deidara, laughing evilly, picked it up, and started to run with it. Still laughing, he tossed the head into the dumpster outside their hideout. Closing the bin, so Hidan's cries were stifled, Deidara was practically dying of laughter. Deidara could hear Hidan yelling, "HEY! BLONDIE! WHAT THE HELL! GET ME OUT! IT SMELLS LIKE FEET AND TUNA CASSAROLE!"

After dragging Hidan's body into a storage closet that Itachi didn't use, and so was virtually untouched because nobody but Itachi and Pein, who were perfectionists, liked to clean, Deidara mentally checked off Hidan in his head.

Deidara enjoyed the quiet of everyone still waking up or getting ready for a few more minutes. He messed with the camera in his hands, waiting for the moment to come.

A horrified scream came from the bathroom. A second later, a furious, Sharingan-activited Itachi stomped out, a towel tied around his waist.

"WHAT BASTARD DID THIS!?"

His hair was colored bright purple, still a little bit wet, waving to the small of his back. Deidara peeked over the couch, still laughing. This was only half of his pranks. Quickly snapping a photograph before he was spotted, Deidara looked at it, covered his mouth with the not-palm of his hand to keep quiet, and sunk into the couch.

"KISAME! THIS ISN'T FUNNY, YOU DAMN FISH!"

Hands on hips, Itachi stormed to Kisame's room, pounding on the door, demanding entrance.

"FISH, TODAY IS THE DAY YOU DIE! YOU RUINED MY HAIR!"

Kisame opened the door a little bit, hair spiky and clothes rumpled. "Wha-Oh my god!"

Bending over in laughter, Kisame tried to stop laughing. But, still, there was nothing funnier than the image Itachi presented currently. "I-woah!" Stopped by another round of giggle, Kisame slowly got ahold of himself.

"I-I didn't do that."

"THEN WHO DID?" Itachi demanded.

"I don't know. Gotta say, you look much better like this," Kisame replied with a smirk. He eyed Deidara, who could be seen taking a few more pictures from the couch. Kisame knew. But he wouldn't tell anyone.

Itachi screamed in annoyance, turning on his heel, and then went to his room, slamming the door.

Kisame mouthed, good one, to Deidara, who in turn gave him a thumbs up.

He wondered if Kisame would keep the same attitude once he found out what Deidara had done to Samehada.

Kakuzu, Sasori, and Tobi came out of their rooms next, close after one another. Pein had gone out for the day, and Konan was still getting ready. Itachi was sulking about his hair. Hidan's head was in the trash can.

"Where's Hidan?" Kakuzu asked, aware that normally Hidan would be yelling at the TV at this junction in time.

Deidara winked. "He's out. By the way, if you hear anything from the dumpster, ignore it, un. I think we have some rats, un."

Sasori nodded, then came and sat next to Deidara, draping his legs over the blonde's lap. Leaning his head on Sasori's shoulder, Deidara accepted the affection while he could.

He wondered if Kakuzu would save him from death. He was one person Deidara decided not to mess with, being that he might need him to sew his limbs back on if anyone found out that it was he who had done the various things he had done to them.

"Hey, Sasori.." The blonde mumbled quietly. "Would you mind being my accomplice?"

"Hm?" Sasori asked.

"How fast do you think you can transport a tiny package to Orochimaru's? By, like, your puppets?" Deidara responded.

"Mm..a few hours. What is it you need to be taken to there?"

Deidara suppressed a smile. Pulling out the camera from his pocket, he showed Sasori the photos he had took of Itachi. Sasori pursed his lips, but Dei knew he was amused.

After passing the photos to the red-head, Sasori said, "I'll get these sent quickly. You owe me."

Deidara nodded earnestly, watching him go off to the puppet room to give his puppets the letters.

Sasori didn't come out for a few minutes, but when he did he looked furious. Sasori was a different sort of angry from Hidan, instead getting real quiet. It was scarier, though. He squatted in front of Deidara, looking him in the eyes. The blonde did his best "innocent" look, puppy-dog eyes and all.

"What did you do to my puppets?" Sasori demanded, pulling on Deidara's hair and pushing him into the couch. The blonde smiled evilly. "I didn't do anything, un!"

"Then...why...do they all look like King Julien from Madagascar, but sexy, and Barney?" The red-haired boy asked, pinning Deidara. "Sounds like an improvement, un." The blonde responded cheekily.

"I think it would be an improvement if you did something other with your time, Deidara." Sasori hissed, pulling him into his room.

-30 minutes later-

Deidara smiled, slightly sore now. He loved getting Sasori angry. Although, he had to say, his reaction had been quite interesting. As it turns out, Sasori had indeed been kind of bored with his puppet's looks. Although Sexy version of King Julien wasn't what he was thinking.

Earlier in the day, Deidara had snuck into Sasori's studio with some clay and some paint. Now, all his puppets were various versions of King Julien and Barney. Deidara's favorite was the one with lacy underwear and fishnets painted on it. He had also made a zombie Barney, as well as a Hello-Kitty dressed Barney, complete with glitter.

As he exited Sasori's room, he nearly ran into a black wall.

Correction: he did run into Kisame, who was leering above him angrily.

"Why." Kisame asked, holding up Samehada.

Samehada, whose sheath was now made of a light pink fabric, with white lace and ribbons. A dash of sparkly purple glitter was near the bottom, fading into less glitter as it got closer to the top. Deidara smirked. It clashed so horribly with Kisame, who was this big, buff shark. "I like your new look, Kisame! I'm sure Samehada loves it!" He chirped.

He very nearly got decapitated that time. In an attempt to save his life, Deidara ran, laughing manically as Samehada swung desperaetly behind him. Ducking behind a wall, watching as Kisame ran past, screaming bloody murder, Deidara turned around and saw…

Pein.

"Good morning, Carrot-sensei, un!" He smiled and said, before skipping off. Pein looked bewildered by Deidara's outburst. A minute later, Pein figured it out.

"YOU BLONDE IDIOT, GET BACK HERE! IT'S NOT MY FAULT MY HAIR IS ORANGE-COLORED!" He yelled, sending a clone to go and find Deidara.

The blonde had taken refuge in Kakuzu's room, smiling sweetly as the sounds of Kismae and Pein searching for their target could be heard. "Hey, Kakuzu, un!" Dei said happily, sitting down on the bed next to him, making Kakuzu jump a little bit. It had been Konan's idea to get everyone water beds, and that, unlike the idea of the TV, was a great one that everyone could agree on. Especially Kisame, the fish.

"How's the money-counting going?" Deidara asked politely, leaning over his shoulder to look.

"Horribly. We've spent too much money on the water beds, and the electrivity bill is going up. We need to do some more bounties, or someone needs to get a constant job, so we can pay for all this. It's infuriating. Why are you in here," Kakuzu realized, turning to look at Deidara.

It was just before the blonde was going to respond that a earth-shaking BOOM! BOOM-BOOM! BOOM! Could be heard from the other room, closely followed by, "DEIDARAAA!"

Kakuzu tilted an ear in the direction of the scream, saying, "You're dead."

"Protect me?" Deidara asked.

"No. Get out of my room."

Deidara giggled as he left. Despite the inevitable pain that would follow, he had no regrets.