Jesus saves the whithorse from cannandidalanidans chaptar 2: George nad Marytha Washindishes firght king Jorje the thrid.
Discalimer: I do not own the chrisitan book.
Still based on real life historical events.
George Warshington and Mary washington were fighting King Jorje III. King Jorje took out his lightsaber(I do not own lightsabars. They blong to Gaorge Fucas.) and started slinging it around like a sword which it is but with more concentrated light and less steel. And it was red. So Geroge Washingtook out his own lightsaber and so did mary washington and theirs were purple. Nad they started a doin a lightsaber fight.
Mary washington tried to slash Jorje king the king but he blooked it with his own lightsaber and then said "How dareth you queenwanking Pumpernickels Crumpeteth me with thineth bloodyeth lightsabar attackeths!" in old british but Gero washington only spoke american. "two againsteth oneth is quiteth bloodyeth unfaireth!" and then he threw a smoke bomb while shouting "Bloodyeth smoketh bomb!"
Suddenly George washington figured out how to speak old british because he was that smart to leanr a language from the meaning of one sentence. Not that it mattered because it was the time for action and specifically the action of kicking king jeorje the thrud's asses, for he had three due to a genetic defect that was why he was so mean to americans. He coveted the president powers granted by the electron earrings that would allow him to have butt (Geddit?! Because an ass is a butt?! I am the puns de lioness! I am the ultrimanal pungineer!) one ass.
George washington threw a telekinesis at King Gero the thrid, but king George the thrud blocked it with he lightsabar, blokcing it quite effectively, and then zapped some lightnign at George Washindishes! But marytha washingtun kicked King General the Specific in the testiballs, so he went down like a sack of potatoez!
"That wans't very nice Mary," said Gero Ashtonwing.
"Lol, sorry," giggled Mary Washington, trying not to giggle and failing because she giggled it because it's funny when guys get hit in the nutballs, but guys are usally embarrarararrarsed abbott it.
So kind geore the turd was beaten and mary washingtion saved the america from its gratest emeny.
Well, it's greatest emeny, except for the Barbarian Pirates. Those who dwell in america today have forgotten about the barbarian pirates, who sailed on the sea with flags not of the Jolly Roger, but of the Angry Conan! But they existed nonetheless! They were muslim for some reason, which is weird because you'd think barbarian pirates would be christian or pageant but not muslim who live in the desserts of central asia and not on the mediterranean oceans of afarika where ugandan echindae live. Geroge and marrrth washington tried to fight them but they only one man, evan if one of them was two woman. So they eventually died regretfully,
Meanwhile, satan sent king gorge the thrid to possess jesus. Jesus died, but his soul was much too powerful for king jroje to maintian control of it for long terms, and his soul escaped back to earth, but couldn't stay long and had to ascend to haven. Also George washington's soul went to hell and killed all the domens and king joerge the turd's soul before gong to heaven itself.
The next presidetn was Thomas Jeffer's son. It wasn't very nice of his dad to not give him his own name to be honest, but he was a good predisnet anyway, and took some of amerika's experimantel metal pirate ships to fight the barbarian pirates who didn't have metal pirate ships but only wooden ones, but the angry conan was more powerful than the jolly roger and there were lots more wooden pirate ships back then because metal hadn't been invented yet so it was a pretty even fight to be honest with canon balls and ships flying all over the place. Eventually the porates were forced to retreat back to libya from whence they came so Thomas Jeffer's Son chased them to the back of Labia.
Thomas Jeffer's son got his girl pirates off and stood upon the shore, telling his girl pirate ships because ships are girls to stay like a good girl. This was silly because girls are independent and don't do what men say so she sailed off without him into the sunset but she'd come back for him... eventually. That was why they didn't take girls on pirate ships back then because ships are girls and they thought the ship would get jealous because they were sexist and thought girls were crazy irrational stupid idiots because they were sexist.
Thomas Jesser's Fun took out not his lightsabar for he had something better! He had a wizard stick! And he raised it and zapped lightning upon the Labian barbarian pirates and everyone else in lybia because they supported the barbarian pirates expect for the kiddos who weren't lightning zappified by the lightning of the wizard stick.
Thus Thomas Jeffer's son reutruned home victorious, but Thomas Jeffer's son was a flawed man, though quite virtuous in many ways, he believed in slavery, and he chained up a buncha people from libya and dragged them home in chains of slavery and imprisonment. He whipped them whippily every day, forcing them to work tirelessly because heavy construction equipment had not been invented yet. And they picked a lot of cotton and made him huge amounts of money. But he still whipped them a lot.
But that's the next chaptre.
End of chapter, if you couldn't gather from that last lion.
By the way, if you don't believe me about the barbaryan pirates, THEN YOU CAN BLOODY MOTHERFUCKING WELL GO LOOK IT UP ON WIKIPEDIA IT WAS THE BARBARY PIRATE WARS YOU DUMB DUMB HEADS! please review, I like reviews a lot even flames and mean things are welcome as long as it's a review!