There were many places Zoë Hange would rather be than stuck in a tight, dark closet with a super tense Levi pressed against her back.

She had tried. She had tried and fretted and found excuses for his behavior. Clearly, Levi was grieving. He was exhibiting all the familiar signs of someone who was trying to cope with death and despair and was failing miserably at it. He had snapped on the day his entire squad, the best of the best handpicked and carefully trained by him, had been wiped out by the Female Titan like their skill amounted to nothing. No, wrong… Levi didn't snap. Levi took it all in silently. Levi barely moved a muscle in his face when he looked at the horrors that surrounded them and went on pretending it was nothing.

But she knew him. She knew him on a level she didn't know many other people, for better or worse. She knew that under his cold, haughty exterior, he was suffering greatly.

She had tried to talk to him about it. Talking didn't bring back the dead but it helped with the coping: Sharing your regrets, your fears, discussing the what ifs, what had gone wrong, eventually starting to make plans for the future - talking about it with your comrades was a necessary reassurance that others thought the same, felt the same, that they were all in this together.

But Levi had difficulties bonding with others. She believed it had something to do with losing his mother at an early age and then growing up with Kenny the Ripper. Who, she had heard from Erwin, had been Levi's uncle. Kenny had a gruesome reputation and from what she had been able to piece together, all of it was true. A coldblooded, power hungry killer who had left teenage Levi to struggle for himself after teaching him how to use a knife, drilling into him to be the most violent in a place of violence if you wanted to survive.

Talk about messed up families. Apparently hers wasn't the worst after all.

Maybe, Zoë thought as she stood in that cupboard and found it hard to breathe because this hiding space was not made for two adults, especially not two with a history like theirs, maybe she should have forced Levi to talk about what had happened to him in the Underground instead of letting him put up his guards again, this time even stronger and more insurmountable than before. Maybe she wouldn't have lost the ability to talk to him if she had. Maybe.

With the experiments in the weeks after his recovery, she had tried to help him. Nobody simply lived on after the kind of physical and mental torture the Panther and his people had exposed him to. But he had blocked all her attempts to be of use, deliberately or as an instinctive defensive mechanism, she didn't know. Admittedly, she had despaired quickly, feeling clueless and overwhelmed. It wasn't her specialty, dealing with people.

So, she had chosen a coward's way - she had made herself believe that stepping away and letting Levi sort it out for himself was the better course for both of them. That's why it had eased her mind to see Erwin and Levi develop such mutual trust and respect in the years after the Underground Debacle. Clearly, it signified that Levi didn't need her? It was Erwin who developed the ability to coax Levi out of that shell he liked to erect around himself, to tease him and be teased roughly in turn, and to use that phenomenal strength of his to the Survey Corps advantage.

But now that Eren had mastered his hardening ability, they were going to attempt to reclaim Shiganshina very soon. Ever since that day Eren had transformed into a Titan and Erwin had found a key around his neck afterwards, their Commander had worked towards one goal: Getting to that Yeager basement; taking another, maybe the decisive step closer to the truth by unearthing the secrets hidden down there.

Only... Erwin's time as their leader was coming to an end. The loss of his right arm made it nigh impossible for him to lead any future missions - the Survey Corps had a very strict rule about allowing wounded soldiers on the battlefield. Truth be told though, Zoë felt not at all ready to take over Command from him. She hadn't slept well a single night since he had appointed her his successor. She was… terrified of what lay ahead.

Thus, she had tried. She had tried and fretted and found excuses for Levi's behavior, sought for a way to talk to him just like Erwin did, in that rough abrasive buddy-way that came so easily to men, because – because she needed a senior officer other than Erwin to confide in, someone to get advice from, someone who would tell her she was an idiot at inopportune times, someone who made her laugh at herself. Someone to rely on. Levi. The old Levi.

Then she found the documents.

She had asked Erwin for permission to search her parents' house a couple of weeks after the coup d'état. It had disgusted but not surprised her that her father was treated like he was one of the innocents instead of going to prison where he belonged. After paying what was rumored to be a very large sum, Council Hange moved his entire household to his biggest country estate with aplomb, never to return - and she soon found herself wondering about the forbidden books in the library and everything else of potential value left at the house.

No surprise to find her father had been prepared and rather thorough: There were locks in all the important places. There were little presents for her in others. Like several thick folders full of detailed information about the Survey Corps and certain of its members that Levi had collected for her father over the years.

She didn't allow her personal feelings to guide her actions after the discovery though it felt like the world was collapsing around her. Those folders were under lock at her workspace in Stohess, she had not told a single soul about them yet. She simply didn't know what to do. Spilling military secrets on this scale would amount to death by hanging, especially in the current political atmosphere. The top brass knew how important Levi was for the Survey Corps and by extension for humanity - but would that save him? She doubted it.

The clash with Levi in the library just now - it hadn't been planned. But how could she be alone with him and not confront him? It tormented her, this knowledge of his betrayal, every second of her waking hours. Why, Levi, why did you do it? No excuse was good enough.

Thus, she found herself in a hugely uncomfortable situation in that cupboard she had maneuvered them into unthinking. Levi radiated heat and alertness behind her, his tenseness mirrored and amplified by hers. She was goddamn quivering, and it wasn't from nerves. It was him. Too suddenly too much of him - from keeping a distance for years that felt like a huge chasm to no distance at all in mere seconds.

He breathed in deeply. Her knees went a little weak. His hot breath touched her neck – stop it, stop it, what are you doing? - then suddenly, his lips followed, hesitant and searching, making a violent shiver race from her head to her toes.

"Levi…," she whispered, before remembering what hearing his name did to him. Oh, but saying his name like this… it did things to her too, had she forgotten?

He made a sound in his throat, like a deep sigh was wrenched from his very core, and he slung his arms around her middle like a man drowning and holding on for dear life.

She struggled for breath and composure in his tight embrace, too surprised to know how to react, her emotions a confusing tumble: Kick the traitor where it hurts - goddammit I still miss him - you scumbag why are you doing this to me - if you are the one who hurt Eren, I will have to kill you.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Levi whispered urgently, his arms tightening even further, "just let me… like this… just for a moment. Please."

He sounded exactly like that time he had begged her to stay by his side and not to leave him. Zoë felt her throat constrict painfully at the memory. Why, Levi, why? I don't understand you anymore. But she held still and let him hug her desperately in the dark because...

Dark?

Oh shit.

"Levi, we left the lamp out there!" she squealed. On the bookshelf! When she had searched for the mechanism to open this passage! She was such an idiot. Levi let go of her instantly and swore when he bumped what had to be his elbow and she swore too because she had trapped them. All the intruders had to do was wait for them to come out - or bust their way in and finish them off like cornered animals.

"You know these people have guns, right?" Levi remarked in a low whisper. "They're your father's men. They have very good guns, actually."

"Who told them we're here?" It couldn't be a coincidence. "Do you think they came to kill us?"

Levi snickered.

"Is this funny to you?"

"Well," he chuckled. "Yes. Didn't you just confront me about working for your father? Clearly, I'm the most likely candidate for a traitor in the Corps. But you're currently stuck in this cupboard with me. That's funny."

"You've got a strange sense of humor," she frowned.

"Well," he replied, "maybe they'll reconsider killing us when they see me, one of their dear associates? Open the door and we will find out."

"Are you crazy?" Zoë pushed against him to prevent him from reaching the mechanism and he put one arm around her again as a response. She fought the impulse to lean against him.

"I didn't leave a lamp outside the hiding place as a signpost, so… no, I'm not the crazy one here. That title clearly belongs to you."

Yes, maybe she got carried away a little sometimes and behaved in ways other people considered abnormal. They called her Crazy Hange in the other military branches, she was aware of it - like that redheaded woman in his bed today. Pah! Thinking of that scene made her find the center of her anger again right away.

"Tell me, I'm curious. Did you get a kick out of telling my father I was sleeping with Mike?" she whispered sharply.

He withdrew the arm. Silence fell. And it was one of those extremely loaded, long silences that carried a horrific weight. Zoë cringed and died a thousand deaths while it went on and on and on… anger? It wasn't anger she was feeling. It was a sea of hurt and she had just invited him to trample all over her to make it even bigger.

"No," he replied softly. "Dammit, no."

She felt a soft tug on a strand of hair that had come loose from her ponytail and then the gentle touch of his fingertip circling against her scalp as he slowly wrapped it around a finger.

"Are you not going to defend yourself at all?" she asked, suppressing another shiver.

"No," he whispered. "What's the point? You saw the documents. You know what I did."

"But… why? Why, Levi?"

He let go of her hair and his voice turned hard. "You said it yourself: I am compelled to follow orders. You've known this for years. Apparently, it's called being an Ackerman."

Zoë shook her head. Too convenient. Too easy! If what her father had written in his first note to her were true, if Levi had really "imprinted" on her instead of a royal then why…?

"An Ackerman doing exactly what he wants," she remarked drily. "I haven't seen a lot of him in the last few years, unlike some other women. An imprint? A protective impulse? It doesn't look like that to me."

Another silence. Her cheeks were beginning to burn, but luckily, it was too dark for him to see. Grand, Zoë Hange, she thought, well done, making a scene like this. He's going to tell you how stupid you are. But he didn't. He just stood behind her, breathing in and out, avoiding to touch her as much as possible.

"I wanted to prove something to myself," he sounded pensive when he answered. "It didn't work. Look where I'm standing right now: Behind you in a tiny closet in your father's mansion. And it's the best thing that has happened to me in months. That's how fucking pathetic I am."

"Are you two done chatting in there?" a muffled, impatient voice interrupted from the outside. "Come out slowly with your hands in the air!"

Levi's growled eagerly. "Jackpot - It's Basil. Duck, Hanji!"

And with that, his hand hit the mechanism above Zoë's head with eerie precision. She ducked as requested and Levi vaulted over her as soon as the shelf began to swing outward.

There were six men in the poorly lit room, cocked pistols aimed in their direction. But they had never in their life confronted someone as fast as Levi. The split second of surprise was all he needed to disarm and floor three of them, zigzagging between them like a devil dancing to a hellish tune. Zoë charged and wrestled the man standing closest to the shuttered window, managing to smash his head against a shelf until he didn't struggle anymore.

Two shots were fired somewhere close behind her.

She let herself drop to the floor, rolled behind the divan, and ducked on her knees, bracing for the next attack. Luckily, she hadn't been hit - fighting Kenny's Anti-Personnel Control Squad had given her ample opportunity to see what bullets did to human bodies. The world was eerily silent apart from the blood rushing in her head – before her ears started ringing like her head was full of church bells.

"Ouch," she groaned.

Nobody attacked. Slowly, she lifted her face above the back of the sofa. With relief she saw that Levi was the only one left standing in the room. His head snapped in her direction when she stood up.

"Are you alright?" his lips moved but the church bells were too loud for her to hear him well. There was dirt on his face - or was it blood? The lamp with the glowing ore had fallen to the floor, casting a strange, dreamlike sheen on everything from below.

She showed him her upturned thumb though she had to hold onto the sofa in order not to stagger. Church bells in your ears did something to your balance it seemed.

Levi bent over the man he was standing over and lifted him up roughly by the shirtfront. Then, he began hitting him with brutal precision and force. Right hook, left hook, right hook, left hook, always catching the shirt with the other hand as the guard's head lolled this way and that. With a start, Zoë recognized the man as Basil - his face would soon no longer be identifiable if this continued.

Zoë stumbled in Levi's direction and grabbed his arm. "Stop, you'll kill him," she said. Levi's eyes were dark, inhuman and beastly when he focused them on her, his balled fist frozen above his head, shaking from suppressed rage.

"Stop," she said again for emphasis and louder because her ears were still ringing horribly.

"You're too soft for this world, Hanji. Toughen up as long as you still can," his voice was soft and muffled through the bell concert in her head, but he let go of Basil who fell to the bloodstained carpet like a lifeless puppet. Levi kicked him in the head once, throwing her one long, sullen look afterwards.

He said something she couldn't understand, so she shook her head and pointed at her ears.

Levi moved his finger across his throat telling her to "kill them". Or "kill him"? He clearly did not like Basil much, huh. She shook her head more vigorously, signaling "make them talk".

Levi shrugged, then began using the wire he had brought to bind the men's hands and feet tightly. Zoë went over to one of the guns on the floor and picked it up.

"Is this yet another design?" she asked, turning it in her hands to look at it from all sides. Interesting. This one held more bullets and the trigger mechanism…? Levi didn't answer, because he was busy slapping Basil in what might be an attempt to make him gain consciousness - or not.

"New?" she signaled, holding up the gun to distract him.

"Yes, custom made," Levi replied. And added several words that seemed important but she didn't catch any of it.

"Can you hear well?" she pointed at her ears. This was getting annoying.

He frowned and came over, making a grab for her head with both hands. She jerked back. They stared at each other until Zoë swallowed. She wasn't afraid of him, was she? His hands came up again, this time more slowly and she didn't resist when he cupped her ears, blocking out all sound. His hands were a little cold and a little calloused but the church bells became softer the longer he held her, like he had the power to drive them out of her head. Remarkable.

His lips moved. She shook her head but his grip tightened, holding it in place. His lips moved again. Had he just called her a big stupid idiot? Yes! A big stupid idiot who was going to be the end of him. A horrible woman who made his world a living hell. Oh, Levi. Focusing her attention on his taunting lips felt precarious... so she focused it on his eyes instead. Only, his grey eyes held a storm, they were choke full of emotions… like back then.

She panicked at the unexpected sight. She couldn't deal with it. Hastily, she reached up to peel his hands off her ears, putting them firmly by his side and looked at the floor.

"Go see a doctor," he said gruffly. "We can't have another senior officer impaired."

"Not necessary, it's already much better," she said. It wasn't a total lie - the pressure in her head had lifted somewhat and if she concentrated on something else, the ringing could be dealt with.

Basil groaned. Levi kicked without looking.

"Do you think he'll talk?" Zoë thought of other prisoners they had taken in the past who had proven very resistant to pain. Unpleasant.

"No," Levi said darkly. "He'll never."

She looked at the other men.

"Those might," Levi remarked, following her gaze. "If you're too soft today, wait outside."

She left him to it then - too soft? Maybe she was. The thought of watching Levi torture people was strangely discomforting. Instead of waiting outside, Zoë went down the stairs in the dark, down and down until she reached the kitchen. Lighting an oil lamp and checking the shelves, she located tea leaves in tin cans - ten different kinds. Sniffing one after the other she decided on fat leaves with a silver tint. There was firewood stacked neatly in the corner and she got a small fire going in the hearth, filled a kettle with water and waited for it to boil.

Zoë pursed her lips in thought. Had her father sent his men to prevent them from finding something in particular? It was likely. Now that he had shown his hand, she was even more determined to find out what it was. Maybe someone had watched the house. Had seeing her with Levi triggered the attempt to stop them? Why? Because her father knew of his lock picking skills? Or was it something Levi knew that she didn't? Nothing about Levi's behavior indicated he was loyal to her father... to fool her? But why would he have to - she had already seen the proof of his guilt.

His guilt. He had not denied it. But before, in the library… Can you even begin to understand what it means to suddenly have a name but it's the name of slaves, of dogs bred for a specific purpose? His voice, full of agony.

Yeah, this wouldn't be easy for him, she mused. It was so unlike Levi to betray the Corps that she had not wanted to believe it at first. She had suspected her father had planted this information so she would find it and… and… but no, it would have been too much work to compile this much false evidence just to discredit Levi. The one explanation she wanted to cling to was that Levi could be controlled through this mysterious bloodbond of his. If he was forced… he had not sold them out voluntarily. Then he wasn't the traitor she feared he was. But if he could be forced...

Then the consequences were just as bad. If it was true, he was a liability that they couldn't take on their next mission - or no missions ever again. She had to tell Erwin. Had to. They had to take the Titan serum away from him and make him disappear before they could hang him. If Erwin agreed. Or she could wait until she had command herself and…

"Shit," she said and kicked one of the shabby chairs the kitchen maids had sat on to clean and prepare vegetables.

She put the silver tea leaves into her favorite pot and put boiling water on top, watching the leaves bloat and float for a moment.

"Shit," she said again, then turned to the shelves to locate teacups and a tray to carry everything upstairs.

All was eerily quiet in the library when she stopped to listen outside.

"Levi?" she pushed open the door with her shoulder. He looked up sharply from where he sat brooding on her father's desk. "Did they… talk?"

"Yes," he said, throwing the men scattered around the room a disdainful look. "One did."

Not looking too closely at the state they were in, she put the tea tray on one of the small tables and poured two cups. This had been her mother's favorite china, she realized with a pang. And she had left it here?

"I brought tea," she explained.

Levi pushed himself away from the desk and came over to take one of the cups, sniffing at it.

"It's not poisoned," she joked.

"You killed it. The water was too hot when you poured it in," he replied but took a sip anyway.

"So?"

"They had orders to stop us."

"Stop us doing what?"

"Breaking into the library."

"Did they say why?"

"They don't know," Levi shrugged. Then he pointed his chin towards the shelves and the piles of books she had created earlier. "Anything there that would warrant such orders?"

Zoë moved her head from side to side. "Not really. Only a book that you…"

Levi blinked.

"With the plants," she explained. "Like the one you gave me."

"I remember," he said curtly.

Silence. One of the guards moaned - so they were alive. Levi sipped his tea thoughtfully.

"Your father showed me a book," he cleared his throat like it embarrassed him to talk about it.

"A forbidden book?"

"Yes," he took a quick breath. "To… well, uhm... to convince me I was what he claimed I was... many years ago. It was… red. Shabby looking. Half-eaten by bookworms. Have you ever seen it?"

Zoë frowned, then shook her head. "I don't think so. What's in it?"

"It details experiments with a serum that turns certain humans into perfect soldiers."

Oh Levi.

"Should we look for it?" she offered.

Levi looked at her over the rim of his teacup. It was so plain obvious that she wasn't sure how she could have missed it until now: he was afraid.

"Did it say in your documents that I told your father about Eren?" he said very quietly.

She had studied all the entries. If those were all of them…

"No," she admitted. "Just that those were your orders."

"Then I probably didn't do it," he pressed out.

What killed her was the hope she heard in his voice.

"Right?" he asked. And behind this one word - the hope for reassurance, the hope to be free of guilt ... and the fear that he was not.

She had been wrong. Levi needed her after all. Much more than she needed him.