"Addie. Addie! Stop. It's not your problem to fix!" Amelia hissed, stopping Addison from going over to the obviously fighting Seattle Grace's golden couple.
"Amelia, they're breaking their marriage!" Addison whispered back aggressively, her tone as if Amelia's having trouble grasping her words. Truthfully, Amelia has no idea why Addison has been so invested in stitching the crumbling relationship of Derek and Meredith. Everyone in the hospital knows their break up is bound to happen. What they were now anticipating was whether the golden couple's separation would be the kind of explosion Seattle Grace has yet to witness.
Amelia thought her former sister-in-law would have been jumping for joy. Well, she thinks she would be if she were Addie. But no one really understands Addison Forbes Montgomery. If anything, Amelia is close to believing that Addison could actually repair the damages of Derek and Meredith's relationship with the attention and efforts the redhead was doing.
"Yeah, everyone can see it from a mile's radius. It's like trying to stop a 150 mph car from crashing into a speeding train—there's nothing you can do about it, so shut it!" Addison backed down after some staring contest with Amelia.
"That's… quite an image," Callie muttered, looking at Amelia cautiously. Though that probability isn't really far from reality as far as the Ortho attending was concerned given the unusual amount of death not only of patients, but also of employees, Seattle Grace Mercy West holds under its name.
"Wait… they hugged. They hugged! What does that even mean?" Arizona asked, the entire table wondering the same thing too.
"Oh, God. Here he comes, act normal everyone," Amelia muttered. She sneaked a glance at her former sister-in-law and she just knew with the way Addie was fiddling with the things around her that she would bombard Derek with out-of-line questions as soon as he's near enough.
Addison Forbes Montgomery is the most composed, professional, and put-together Neonatal Surgeon yet when Derek Shepherd is thrown in the picture, her professionalism just goes out of the window. Knowing the lengths Addison's words can get them if she opens her mouth the minute Derek reaches them, Amelia forces her sandwich on Addison's mouth, making the redhead bite into it hugely and unwillingly.
"Shut it, Addie," Amelia warned.
"Hey, where's Mark?" Derek asked, looking at Addison amusedly as the woman struggled to chew the large bite Amelia forced on her. She was a picky eater and growing up in Bizzy's household meant taking smaller than small bites. Only when she started to hang out with Naomi, Derek, and Sam in med school did the woman loosened up with her diet and eating habits.
"Who knows where that man is," Callie remarked while intensely staring at Dr. McDreamy, making him shift uncomfortably. Just like Bailey, Torres makes him squirm from time to time with just her stare, more likely because the woman deals with setting bones right for a living, he is highly aware she knows how to tear them apart the most painful way.
Derek knows they were all burning with questions he's not ready to answer as of the moment. So he remained standing, making it obvious that he is not planning to join the all-girls attendings table.
"You okay there, Addie?" The woman just gave Derek a thumbs up, her cheeks puffed out with Amelia's sandwich, then proceeded to glare at the young woman beside her.
"Alright. I'm off to surgery! See you all later." As Derek walked away, everyone in the table turned their eyes to look at Meredith, only to see that the woman was laughing with her friends, as if she did not just have an intense talk with her now soon-to-be ex-post-it husband.
"Are they broken up?" Amelia asked no one in particular as they all stared at the residents' table. Callie and Arizona shrugged, also wondering the same thing.
"But they are post-it married. I don't get it," Addison said sincerely, making the rest of the women in the table look at her as if she had grown another head. "What?"
Addison misses Los Angeles. As she stepped out of her house, she was disappointed to see that the only view she had waiting for her was the clear sky and her fence. She was ready to lie down on her chair and let the beach air soothe her stress away. Instead, it was Seattle's empty sky and humid air… which were not so enticing stress-relievers.
She lay down on her outdoor chair, and curled up, taking a break from the festivities inside. There were enough people inside her house to keep the other one entertained, so it wouldn't hurt for the hostess to take a short break from everyone's chattering.
"Missing the beach?" Addison looked up and saw Derek, walking to sit on the other chair to her left. She just nodded and snuggled on her scarf.
"How'd you know?" Addison asked quietly, staring at the empty sky.
"Amelia showed me the photos, while telling me how you practically bought a house in heaven after you left me," Derek explained. It was a place far from heaven, that Addison was certain. So she just hummed, not really up for a small talk. She did get out of the house to have some peace and quiet… she forgot how… energetic Seattle people could be. She got used to quiet nights back in L.A., chill nights even when there are people over.
People who are now… not her people.
"You alright, Addie?" Derek asked after a moment of silence, and Addison just nodded her head, sending a small smile to her ex-husband. There were a lot of thoughts running inside her head, and she cannot bear to fixate on one because she would surely have a meltdown.
"Meredith and I tore the post-it." Addison's head snapped to look at Derek, but the man was facing the sky, hands underneath his head.
"If we were legally married, we would cite 'irreconcilable differences' on our divorce papers," Derek said, chuckling. Addison couldn't understand how the man could just laugh, and then she suddenly remembered Meredith Grey doing the same thing with her friends a couple of hours ago.
"That's very... Hollywood, very L.A.," Addison commented, riding along with Derek's mood. She decided to follow Amelia's rather insistent advice, as her token of appreciation for keeping her secret and for Derek not grilling her with questions as to why she suddenly moved to Seattle despite him obviously itching to ask her.
"I guess it is. But, I still love her, you know? It's just… now, we're mature enough to acknowledge that it's been falling apart for quite some time and what we feel for each other isn't strong enough to hold onto our relationship." Addison kept her mouth shut despite wanting to scream at him for breaking up with Meredith.
Respect boundaries, Addison, just like how they respect yours.
"Thank god you said 'mature' and not 'old' or I would have raised a riot," Addison said jokingly, though feeling satisfied that Derek admitted his immaturity at such an old age. The man just laughed, and they settled in comfortable silence once again.
"Naomi and I had a falling out… we were barely talking before I moved back here," Addison said quietly, sharing a bit of information to match Derek pouring his heart out. Granted that was one of the lighter things she's carrying right now, but she felt like she had to tell Derek since they were once friends too.
"Is that why you went back?" Addison laughed out loud, looked at Derek, and immediately stopped when the man looked genuinely curious.
"Wait, you really think I would move my entire life once again just because my best friend and I are not okay?" Addison asked, laughing, yet genuinely surprised with herself that she can voice it out loud easily now without plunging into another episode of sadness.
"Derek, you basically tortured me here in Seattle, you were my husband back then, and it took me almost a year to finally get to my senses and move away. Nae and I going through a silent cold war is not as horrible compared to…" Addison trailed off when she noticed the pained look Derek was sporting. Her words replayed inside her head and she cringed.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't—that was uncalled for. It's in the past now and we both moved on—"
"It was the truth, Addison," Derek cut her off, giving her a tight smile. The woman sighed, silently cursing herself for not thinking before speaking.
Derek almost jumped when he heard Addison suddenly laugh. The mood was dark, as Addison just brought up the moments where they mercilessly butchered each other's feelings and emotions as if they weren't once madly in love with each other.
"What?" Derek asked, unable to stop looking at his ex-wife as if she had suddenly lost it.
"Nothing. It's just that, I remembered before that I kept accusing you of being this cold person who just packed up and left his entire life. Only… I'm really the cold person who just keeps leaving places… thrice now actually. When I moved here from New York, then moved to L.A., then moved back here…"
Derek reached out to hold her hand, noticing how Addison was close to spiraling.
"You did what you had to do," He said softly, squeezing Addie's hand lightly. He received another adorable smile. After a moment of basking in comfortable silence, Addison spoke again.
"I wish this is the last time I would pick up my entire life. I wish I could stay here and that this is it, you know?" Right when she said that, Derek was brought back to the night a week ago when he brought a drunk Addison home. Before he could ask her a question, she continued.
"It hurts less and less the longer I'm here… time and distance just… does the cure for me," She said softly, eyes pooling with tears.
Derek kept hold of her hand. If they were going to rub salt on their wounds, might as well do it together. They had always been stronger together.
"I almost had it all, did you know that? I was close to that fairytale happy ending—decent guy, the most adorable and sweetest baby, the house. We were happy and we loved each other. Turns out, it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough for them." Derek stared at his now empty hand, and he watched as Addison was curled into her usual comfort position, her knees tucked near her stomach.
In the littlest of movements, she wiped the lone tear that escaped her eyes. He wanted to reach out, to go over to her and hug her and just hold her because he was taken aback with the amount of heartbreak and sadness Addison was conveying through her eyes as she told him the story.
"We were happy. I asked him if what we had was real because I don't want to get too attached, you know? I could still be with them because I am his friend and he needed me. But it's still different when I let myself get too comfortable and… I can't afford to get too comfortable. But he told me he loves me, and while he loves his baby's mother still and I am fine with that, what we had was different and real and I believed it.
"I stupidly believed him and fell so madly in love with him and-and his son and then she came back. Then I was roped into their hurtful custody battle but I don't regret being involved even if it almost tore me apart. They were both so focused on hurting each other and I was the only one fighting for ou—their son. Only, it eventually ended up with both of them winning and me losing every..."
Addison was sobbing so hard that she can't continue her words and mindlessly, Derek went over to her and lay down with her, holding her shaking body close to his tightly, his heart breaking with her, and he's afraid to let her go.
"I knew I was no match against her the moment she came back and I knew he was going to choose her in the end but it still hurt. And I have no right to be." Derek just held her tighter, whispering soothing words as she kept crying. He ran his hand softly on her head, knowing how much that comforts Addison.
He knew that despite her oftentimes cold exterior, Addison feels things deeply. And he knew how much she wanted a child—her own family. Mark told him enough.
He wanted to hurt those who hurt her because California was supposed to be Addison's fresh start. The people were supposed to make Addison feel happy and content yet here they were, with Addison preferring a life back in a city she once hated so bad.
He was feeling different things, mainly sadness for Addison. But he was also feeling jealousy, over a California man who managed to take hold of Addison's heart after him. The man who could have been Addison's next husband, with a child who Addison obviously loved so much, and Derek felt uncomfortable because in his mind it wasn't right.
Almost three years had passed yet only now did he let himself acknowledge the idea that Addison gets to move on too, after those one and a half decades of being together. They were married for 12 years but everyone knows it's much more than that. They've known each other longer and Addison is one of the most important people in his life and after divorcing her, it did not cross his mind once that she could have something much more serious than what she had with Mark, and it ignited something inside Derek that made him want to cry and down scotch all night long.
He did not notice Addison's sobs dying down. He only noticed her pulling away from him by sitting up and resting a hand on his chest.
"Don't end up like me, Derek. Don't… what you have—had with Meredith, it's something that other people can only dream of. Love her, get legally married, have lots of babies with her. No one's stopping the both of you so don't waste time, okay?" He felt Addison lightly tap his chest and he can only stare as she tearfully smiled at him.
He wanted to scream at her that he loves her still, and that Meredith was the first one to see that, and he's now realizing and slowly accepting the fact that he had never really fallen out of love with his first wife.
"Meredith's a great girl, and you… you get her all to yourself, Derek. You both have each other. Not a lot of us get to have that." She gave him one last sad smile before wiping her tears, taking a deep breath, and walking back inside, leaving a confused Derek behind.
"Derek knows," Addison said immediately as soon as she was near Amelia enough. She watched as the young woman stared at her with pure shock on her face. They both took a sip of their drinks and let everyone's chatters fill in the silence between them before Amelia spoke.
"You do know that that means Mark would know eventually, right?" She asked with a smirk on her face. "They call the other 'best friend', seemed as if they never outgrew their kindergarten selves."
That made Addison laugh, but the dread of Mark knowing settled at the back of her head. That seems worse because Mark had been to L.A. a few months before she left and he met—clashed, rather, with Pete. Though Addison did not mention a name to Derek, they were both surgeons, smart enough to connect simple dots with what they both know.
"I didn't say his name though. Or any names… I still can't… but I'm going there, I think. I'm healing," Addison said, and they both knew that she was actually talking to herself, convincing herself of should haves that never seem to really helped her.
"At least there's no secrets now, right?" Addison just hummed. Even if they all know, she has this uncomfortable feeling in her gut, like something's about to go down. And she knows it will definitely happen when she least expects it.