The Beginning

Avengers: Age of Ultron | Saviors | The Beginning

Many months have passed yet so much has happened. Bucky and Steve were able to find Ava, or Winter as she wants to be called. Neither of them, including Winter, knows how to act around each other - she's the spitting image of someone they thought died 75 years ago, it hurts to see her and know that their true Ava is still not back in their life.

Winter has gone through many changes since that day at the Smithsonian museum, she immediately traveled to find answers after their first breakthrough with her memories. But every time she found a new trail with Hydra, she came up with a dead end. It doesn't help either when every day she keeps getting new memories stuffed into her brain from her past life. At this point, she is neither The Winter Soldier nor Avery Rogers. She is someone different - someone she can't even really explain to herself. She has the memories of her current persona, The Winter Soldier. But there's also the remnants of Avery Rogers' life pushing into her - this other person's life is making her feel things she never remembers feeling or thinking.

Unable to ask or accept help, which is something she, as a well-trained soldier would never do - she allowed the two American heroes a chance to find her, to see they are, true to her newly found memories, as being loyal and loving towards this Avery Rogers. And they came and answered.

Winter stood upon the old, abandoned railway tracks of the place Avery Rogers was taken away from the world. There was meaning to this, as she waits for their arrival. She started to fully remember what happened to her…to Avery. She will never speak the words out loud, but she needs help and those two seem to be the only ones who can. She remembered quickly in their presence last time - maybe it will this time too? Inside she knows being alone isn't a good idea anyway, and she's starting to get that.

There must be side effects to the machine that deleted her memories, because ever since that last wipe, memories that are slowly coming back are starting to hurt. They are painful, sometimes excruciating. At one point, she actually felt scared. And this is something entirely new for Winter, she was taught and trained to never feel emotions, and many have come up during the past couple of months, but never fear. As soon as that emotion touched, every fear Avery Rogers had before her death came rushing back in the form of a heartache. It's like she finally longed to see the two American heroes to make her feel better, and this is something she hates herself for feeling.

And now, she stands in a small glass-windowed room, looking out to the city of New York. Tony Stark was kind enough to offer her a place in his tower; her room is in between the two American heroes rooms. They were obviously too busy to look for a place of their own during the time she was being tracked down, but she can't help but feel safe within these walls - this is yet another thing that has started to slip into her in the form of a feeling.

Her hair is naturally straightened, a gloss from her darkened hair shining against the warming sun. Her skin is a little more tanned than last time after her travelling mission, small black bags under her eyes are starting to show - she really isn't getting enough sleep these days. Nightmares keep her awake. Her style of clothing hasn't changed much; she wears black skinny jeans pretty much all the time, they are the only things that feel comfortable (and they are the only things that feel comfortable, she has on a pair of combat boots, a forest green tank top and a black leather jacket. This is literally all she will wear day to day now unless a mission has come up. The jacket is to keep people from looking at the metal arm attacked to her body, she doesn't like people staring at it.

Winter doesn't really know what her role is when it comes to the Avengers missions. Sure, they want her to come along and find this scepter or something they are looking for, but do they trust her? Not really. Do they like her? She doesn't know. Is she an Avenger herself? That she can't tell you either, because she really doesn't know what her role is in this place. She can't even give them much on Hydra either, even after living with them for the past 70 years.

There's a wall of guilt and shame built in her mind, everything she has done since becoming The Winter Soldier. She was a stone-cold killer and all the lives she took from that day weigh on her heavily, her soul had been darkened and destroyed. It's a wonder as to why these Avengers haven't gotten rid of her for the terrible crimes she has committed over that vast time period.

She crosses her arms against her chest but still gazes down below, people are walking around with their amazingly normal lives ahead of them, no one worrying about anything other than what their futures might consist of. Her fingers slowly lift to just below her neck where a chain is hanging from, her hand grabs gently onto the small object hanging on it - a ring. This is the memorial abject she stole from the dark-haired super-soldier, once she saved him from drowning. She never was able to get many more memories out of this piece of jewelry, she only remembers the day that sh-Ava received it. She's able to remember that event pretty clearly more than others which feels slightly odd.

A knock sounds at the door making her jump out of the thinking space she was in. The chain drops from her fingers, falling back down her shirt - hidden.

She glances towards the door. "Who is it?" She questions, not moving from her spot.

"It's me," the familiar voice of Steve Rogers calls through the closed door. "Can I come in?" He asks, sounding nervous in his tone.

"Okay." The door opens and Steve's head pokes through for a moment before his body follows. He closes the door behind him. Winter has seen a lot of Steve recently, she's seen Barnes too but not as often, he seems to be avoiding her a little. She has an inkling that the reason is because she isn't what he was expecting to find. Both the American heroes were probably hoping she regained a lot of her memories back by now, at least started going by Avery Rogers from now on, along with acting like the woman. "Why are you here?" Winter wonders bluntly, her brows furrowing in confusion - she turned towards him fully with crossed arms and a tilted head. She watches as the Captain's shoulders slump at her tone, he was probably thinking she'd be happier to see him. From the part of the memories that have Avery in them, that's how she would react - happy and curious. But right now, she just seems confused.

"Um," Steve begins, crossing his own arms with a sigh. "I was wondering if you wanted to go out for a bit?" He asks. "Get out of the building." His shoulder shrug with a thoughtful look. "Maybe get a hot dog?"

Winter frowns, looking a little interested. "Where would we go?"

Steve shrugs. "I could show you around a bit, I haven't explored much myself since I woke up so I figured - why don't we do it together." He knows Ava loved to explore and do new things. Maybe if he starts to interact with Winter this way, he'll be able to find his twin in there somewhere a little faster.

Winter thinks for a moment, it does sound like fun. Whenever there was a mission, she was never allowed to stray from it - Hydra was very strict when it came to the completion of a mission. Besides, it's not like she has anything better to do other than look out a window and act all depressive with these mind-boggling memories being stuffed into her head. "Alright," she nods, accepting his invitation. A thought comes to mind. "What about Barnes?" She asks, wondering if he'll be coming along - a part of her feels a spark of hope crawl inside her, it's like she can't help it.

Steve sighs, shaking his head. "No," he says. "He's helping Natasha and Barton train."

Winter makes sure not to change her mood and posture in front of him, because if she does, she'll look a little unhappy about where Bucky is. "Right," she plays it off. "Are you going now then?"

"Sure." Steve looks happy when she accepts and even though she doesn't try to show it, he does see a small change in her demeanor when he mentioned what Bucky is doing right now. Maybe his sister is starting to come back?

….

"What is this place?" Winter wonders as they walk around a large lake with trees trailing around the edges. There are dozens of people walking about through this park; a part of her hurts when she watches a man and woman holding hands, laughing to each other with happy smiles on their faces.

Steve shoves his hands into his pants pockets. "It's called Central Park," he tells her. The two of them have walked here on foot from the tower, neither wanting to be inside a small car - he would have used his newly reformed motorcycle but he doesn't think Av-Winter would feel comfortable. He understands her hesitation to trust them and feel again; she has been through a lot since she 'died.' Even if Bucky hasn't seemed to grasp it yet, there is still a long way to go until their Ava is returned to them. She may not, and this will have to be something they have to live with if or when the time comes.

They stop by a wooden bench, Winter takes a seat - just staring out into the water with a blank but thoughtful face. Her hands are held together between her knees, her head tilted as her gaze wanders. This place feels weird for Winter - she has seen places like this before, but none seem to make her feel like this. She feels calm and at peace here, the water in front of her is clear - little children are trying to chase the ducks waddling near the water and dogs are hurdling after tennis balls. This place, it feels…pure. Like nothing can destroy what it has to offer the next person.

"It's nice, huh?" Steve questions, taking his hands out of his pockets, sitting beside her comfortable. He bends over a little so his elbows touch his knees. He looks over to her. "It kind of makes you forget all the things happening in the world."

Winter nods. "Yes, it does seem like that doesn't it?" She says, leaning back. There's a moment of silence as Steve just looks at the woman who wears his sister's body. As far as he can tell from the last week of having found her, only a small portion of his sister has been drawn out since the last fight she had with Bucky. From the moment they found her, she made sure to tell them what she wants to be called. Winter. It hurts to know that she doesn't want to be called Ava or Avery, but she isn't ready for that and he can live with it, for now. She isn't exactly acting like his sister anyway. Mostly, he just wants his twin back, the one he can always count on - the one who completed him, they were like two peas in a pod. He just wants her to come back after all this time having been deceased through history.

There's one thing though, both he and Bucky are making sure they don't pressure her with questions. They want to know more about what she's currently remembering and what has actually happened to her, really. Not just what was written in a folder filled with a bunch of paper. He could barely read all of what was in there, everything was so…he honestly doesn't have a word for it. If everything that was written down, is true - it's surprising his sister, or Winter in this case - how is she not in a traumatic catatonic state? But even the files don't contain everything, it was pretty vague on a lot of details.

Coming to Central Park is part of his plan, he wants to ask what really happened after all these years - to ask if there's any chance of his sister returning to him - to ask if Bucky is ever going to get his fiancé back.

"Ask," Winter speaks bluntly, not looking towards him. She slowly closes her eyes, enjoying the small breeze flushing against her face. She sees right through him, maybe it's this Avery part of her feeling it or it could have just been because of her training, she doesn't know. Steve is a little surprised at first but then realizes what she means. That's another thing he noticed from her, she has Ava's ability to know what other people are thinking. She did it to him all the time, they always had a twin instinct.

He can't help but ask the one thing that has been on his mind ever since he found out from Bucky that she was alive. "How?" He asks, not realizing how vague he's being. It just popped out.

Winter's eyes open, her mouth forming a confused frown. "Excuse me?" She questions, finally turning to him. What is that supposed to mean?

"How did you survive?" He says with more detail. "You fell out of a train! Hundreds of feet in the air from a mountain!" His sister falling out of that train is still a vivid memory in his brain, it flashes in his mind once more to remind him of the horror that broke his heart.

"Ava!" Steve and Bucky's broken voices scream after her tumbling body - they watch as it disappears, too far to see from the moving train they are in.

"I-" Winter opens her mouth but it goes dry, there's only so little she can remember about that time. But the event he's talking about is pretty clear in her head, the memory was one of the first to pound her head in. "I remember falling, you and Barnes were there…then everything went dark," she starts, her mind trying to muggle around all the visions she has been having lately. "There was a small man with an odd looking face and rounded glasses. I think his name was Zego, Zolo of something?"

"Dr. Zola," Steve says, his brows furrowing with concern. A bubble of hatred for the man bubbles under his skin, that name wasn't in the file - his fists clench.

The name is recognizable. "Yes," Winter nods, turning to him. "He did things to her…me," she corrects herself, she has to get used to the fact that this Avery Rogers is her - that these memories are actually her own. "He said I would be his greatest weapon - Hydra's greatest weapon once he was done with me, until the reconstruction was complete." Her looks begins to distance. "I didn't even realize what he meant until I looked at my arm…" she unconsciously touches her metal unmoving arm, through her jacket with her human hand. "It was like it was ripped off, I guess I must have caught something when I fell out of that train."

Steve swallows hard at what she's telling him, but one thing still bothers him more. "But, how were you able to survive?" No normal human would have been able to survive that fall, even with the most amount of luck someone can get.

Winter tries to think back. "I think…" she begins. "It must have been back when I was taken before than. I-I can't remember when, though," she explains but her vision goes dark with pictures, a throbbing pain lingering in her frontal lobe.

The room is dark, only small lanterns are lit - the room's walls are made of old bricks - it looks like some kind of secret basement for experiments. On a small table, in the middle of the room is a long dark-haired woman lying on it, she wears a dirty white tank top and American army-style pants. Her skin is layered with sweat, she seems to be mumbling incoherently to herself. Her arms are tied to the table, there are no markings of any sort covered on her body that show. Suddenly, two men burst into the room wearing soldier uniforms. It's Captain and Sergeant America.

Bucky looks around the room, wondering why Dr. Zola was in here - running away with a briefcase full of papers. It isn't until he sees the woman when his eyes widen. "Ava!" He exclaims, running to the woman's side almost instantly with fear imbedded in his gut.

"Avery!" Steve's eyes widen as well, seeing his twin lying on the table strapped down. She doesn't react to either of their faces at first, she seems to be too entranced by what's going on in that head of hers - her eyes are drooping, she's under the influence of several drugs in her system by the looks of it. And this is what scares the two boys the most, she never reacted well to too many of the current days drugs.

Bucky reaches forwards, grasping her cheeks gently. "Avery, he says to her, trying to sound comforting but her lack of reality is really worrying him - fear is evident on both their faces. "Ava, it's me. It's Bucky and Steve."

The two names seems to spark a reaction out of her. "Steve…James…?" She mumbles, giving a small giggle in her words. It only takes another moment before she starts to return back to normal, whatever it is inside of her must be starting to disappear.

Steve lets out a breath of relief. "Oh, thank god," he mumbles, proceeding to take off the restraints from her body. Bucky helps her sit up before hugging her with a tight hold, helping her stand on her feet - she nearly falls but he's able to catch her before she does. "We thought you were dead." His voice cracks. Both men feel tears of relief catching in the corner of their eyes.

Ava shakes her head, trying to get her mind straightened out. But when she looks up, she makes a double take. She blinks, finally realizing what she's seeing in front of her. "I thought you were smaller?" She questions Steve, with a slight draining wobble to her voice, her head tilts with confusion. She also has to question if her sanity has left her during her hold with Hydra. Her brother is now the same height as her and honesty, she finds it a little creepy…

Winter groans, holding her head in her hands, a bold grimace formed on her lips. "Ava?" The worried tone of Steve flutters in her ears, his hands on both her shoulders - he must be kneeling in front of her now. "Avery!"

"Stop calling me that!" She growls back at him, feeling irritated from the pain in her head but also at the fact that he called her someone she isn't - she shakes off his hands - flinching back as far as she can get, looking up at him with narrowed eyes. "I've already told you, it's Winter." She forgets all about trying to be this Avery person again; the frustration is bubbling too much over the surface.

Steve can't help but flinch at the tone of her voice, it's one his sister was never capable of - she was too soft and defiant for a normal person. When he and Bucky found her on that mountain, Winter really had told him what she wanted to be called.

Winter cracks her neck to the side, leaning back again with a dulled enough brain. "I'd like to go back to my room now if you don't mind." With that she stands without waiting for an answer, walking away leaving Steve kneeling by the bench - looking forlorn and saddened about what just happened.

….

Winter practically storms through the streets on the way back to the tower - she's sure a few people are knocked over by her shoulder and she doesn't care. She has to shove her hands into her pockets to hide the metal arm attacked to her. The jacket does a lot to cover up but she forgot her gloves back at the tower.

Now, she finds herself in the training gym a few floors up - it's something Tony put in when he found himself housing a bunch of superheroes. Winter is ignoring everything around her, just focusing on the large punching bag in front of her, punch after punch smacks against the object - it's force is so hard that small minuscule cracks begin to form on the ceiling from where it hangs. The training room itself is pretty big; there's a small counter with stools over to the side for snacks and water.

"Ooh," a voice sounds from behind Winter with amusement. "Someone's pissed off little soldier." Winter grits her teeth, not liking herself being a soldier either - without even realizing it, she smashes the bag too hard and it flies across the room - successfully making a large dent in the wall as it crashes into the plaster board - the bag falls with a thump to the floor. The poor thing is probably glad no more abuse is going to happen to it, well, not right now at least.

"What do you want, Stark?" Winter counters back with clenched fists, not moving from her spot - just gazing at the bag with narrowed eyes. It still amazes her as to how much strength she holds within this body of hers - it isn't normal, but then, she will never be normal, will she?

Tony is leaning against the doorway, his arms folded with the usual cocky smile plastered on his face. He gives her a shrug. "Just simply seeing what kind of damage you're causing to my home," he replies, not at all worried about the crack in the ceiling, the now broken punching bag or the large dent in the wall. "Besides, I wanna know what's making you so cranky. You looked fine when you went out with Popsicle number one."

Winter sighs, rolling her eyes at the name. "It's Steve." She feels her fists starting to unclench slowly, he's starting to take her mind away from her frightening thoughts.

"Whatever…" he waves her off, walking over to the breakfast counter - hopping up to sit on one of the high chairs. He picks a blueberry out of the bowl of fruits sitting in the middle before plopping it into his mouth. "So, what's up, little Rogers?"

Winter takes in a deep breath in an attempt to keep in her twitching nerves. "It's Winter," she repeats, feeling like she's had to repeat it more than a hundred times. If she stayed away, maybe she wouldn't be in this mess.

Tony scoffs. "Sure." His tone isn't believing it. "Whether you like it or not, you're the littlest Rogers in the family."

She huffs at that without even stopping herself. "Actually Steve's the youngest by not even a min-" she stops, this time, realizing what she's saying. To the side, Tony grins with accomplishment when he catches her.

"Ha!" He exclaims, pointing a finger over to her. "Gotcha!" He throws another berry into his mouth, chomping away at it with that grin still attached to his face. "You are little Miss Rogers after all!" He rolls his eyes. "And here I thought you were some kind of doppelganger here to twist the two pea brains of Rogers and Barnes."

Winter groans with annoyance, she runs her fingers through her hair - one either side of her head - her fingers squeeze at her roots before releasing with aggravation. Why is this man even here? He's the most irritating being on this planet eight now. "Shut up," she begs loudly, not wanting to get into this right now. "Just, please…shut up!" That's two firsts for her as The Winter Soldier - begging and saying 'please,' that she knows of anyway. Even some of her Winter Soldier memories are scattered and gone for some reason. This time, he does stop to watch how she ignores the broken punching bag, making herself sit against the wall - she tips her head back until it hits the wall behind her. Winter closes her eyes, trying to make herself look blank like she has done so many times while being The Winter Soldier.

Tony frowns with interest. "Why are you so intent on ignoring who you really are?" He questions, getting her to open her eyes and turn to him with a tired look.

Winter takes a moment before blinking at the question. "Maybe because who I really am…isn't someone anyone knows yet, not even me," she replies and all the anger and frustration just seems to drain out of her. She can't even be bothered to try and fight anymore. At least for now, she's done trying - no one is ever going to get it; and really, some part of her still doesn't get it either.

Tony doesn't seem to understand. "You're Avery Rogers," he tells her like it's the most obvious answer in the world. "Cap believes it. Your lover boy believes it. Hell, everyone in this building believes it!" He pauses himself. "Why don't you?"

"No," she stops him. "I believe it," she tells him, looking serious for her own statement. It feels weird talking to him, it wasn't long ago that she was silent for pretty much the entire time. In the past, she would have never spoken out like this - let alone feel something deeper and more pronounced to go along with it. "It's just that…" she pauses, trying to think of a way how he'll believe it. She sighs. "For the past 75 years," she begins again, knowing what to say now. "I've been The Winter Soldier with only several set missions to accomplish with my life. I was an emotionless, homicidal bitch if you want to be literal. And then, all of a sudden, I'm ripped away from everything I've ever known - being forced to remember things I've never even dreamed or felt before." Her metal hand grips tightly around her human wrist and if she didn't have this extra not-normal strength, she'd have a hefty bruise in the morning. "I'm being forced to remember a past life. To remember a person who technically died when I was born, so to speak."

Tony interrupts her, confused. "Shouldn't you be happy about that though? Finding out Hydra were liars? That you actually had a daily and loved ones mission you? Hydra was using you to kill innocent people weren't they?" His father flashes through his mind. He doesn't know or what to know whether she was the one who killed his father, but he can't help but remember it. Ever since Steve told him about Hydra being possibly involved in a cover-up to kill his father; he still can't help but think about it every now and then when he looks at this woman.

"Somewhat," she admits, some of the people she killed were good - but most were bad. The soldier part of her thought it was to fight a war that needed to be fought. But that's the guilt and shame she'll have to live with every day now that she has all these feelings and thoughts riddling in this body of hers. "But that's not the point I'm trying to make," she says. "What I'm saying is, how can I be Avery Rogers when I've been The Winter Soldier for nearly a century and when I was her, all I did was kill and manipulate. And then, how can I be The Winter Soldier when I feel all this human crap blinding me. Avery Rogers was a strong but sweet girl, she looked after the ones closes to her, even strangers on the street. She had a goal to make a difference in the world and the soldier destroyed that the moment Hydra gave the first mission. The Winter Soldier was supposed to be a hatred-riddled soldier with nothing but a mission to look forward to. Now…" she shakes her head, shrugging. "I'm a shell with a broken head. I may call myself Winter but…" she pauses again. "Really, I'm not even her either. I'm neither of them - I just simply don't exist anymore." It hurts to know she has no place to go, this is all she knows and has left in the world.

Tony seems to understand because he nods his head, he really was listening closely. It makes sense what she's saying, he just doesn't know if the boys will understand like he does or anyone else would. By the way she's talking, it sounds like the Avery Rogers they knew and loved will never be coming back - and that is something he doesn't know whether the two can survive even looking at her every day with.

"It's not their fault, though," he says to her after a moment, talking about the two American heroes.

Winter frowns in a confused manner. "What's not their fault?" Who are 'they?' Because there are several of them bouncing in her head right now.

"Steve and Bucky," he replies. "Steve just wants his sister back and Bucky wants that girl he fell in love with back in the day. It's not their fault you can't decide who you want to be and it's not like you've actually explained anything to them like you did for me," he shrugs. "As far as I can see it, you're not only causing yourself pain but to them also. You need to really think about who you want to be before something really does get broken - and by broken, I mean something that can't even be fixed." He glances to the damages int he room before grabbing another handful of berries, standing up from the stool and stretching out his limbs a bit. He starts walking over to the door, nibbling on a berry. "And if you want my advice, I would decide what you want sooner rather than later." He gives her one last cocky grin and a wiggle to his eyebrows before leaving the room, needing to call the interior decorator who built the gym in the first place.

Winter just watches him walk out, her mind reeling. Did, Tony Stark, just offer really good advice? She doesn't know him really, at all even, but hearing the whispers of those Avengers and other people who actually work in the building, all he is, is a cocky know-it-all millionaire with too much money for his own playful good.

But all she can think as he walks out is 'Who do I really want to be?'

Note: Let me know what you think! Fav, Follow, and Review!