Letter #2: Well, it looks like I am going to make a habit of writing these. Maybe Dr. Falstad was right and this will be helpful, but I still am uncertain. He said that one letter a day will be the most beneficial. I wish I knew what to do. I wish you were here to tell me what to do. You didn't always know, but you always seemed to know me and that was enough. Look at that. I'm using past tense. What does that say about me?
Do you remember the first time we saw each other? I remember running into the auditorium at Duel Academia, late as unfortunate circumstances could be. And I was told to duel you. And you were so excited. The fire in your eyes was something I had never seen before. None of the Arctic Academy Duelists were anything like you. They didn't care as much as you did. They weren't as happy-go-lucky, not so full of life. But you were. Even when Amethyst Cat scratched your face (she wants me to apologize to you), you still had the most fun in our Duel. And I was captivated by you. You seemed to just "get" me. Like you were everything I was missing in my life.
I hate to go back through my memories of us, but that's all that I have now. I just want it to stop. I want you back. Can't you just come back? Why did you have to go and do that to yourself? Why did I let you be the hero? No, I can't do this again. I need to write about something else. What would you write me about in a letter like this?
Did you hear the news? About that tournament that you thought about entering us in the Tag Team Tournament? Jounouchi Katsuya won the East Asia Duel Monsters Invitational. He beat Kenzan in the finals, just a few hours after you, no, I still am not able to talk about it. It was worse for him, because he only found out when the reporters asked him after the Duel.
I don't think I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight. I just want to go to sleep and wake up to you holding your arms around my waist. And your chin tucked into my neck. And your body pressed up against mine. And then we could just spend the morning in bed, doing nothing and everything at the same time. But you're not. And you can't. And everything is wrong. And I am so lost.
But most of all, I am frustrated. How it was all planned. How he got away and no one can find him. How Yubel was trapped just as everything happened. How they couldn't save you. How I couldn't save you. How you just fell. Everyone saw it. It happened in front of the cameras. And it all meant nothing.
Eight days later, and you won't change. You won't get better. Why? How could you not? Why is it different this time? You fought through everything and through different dimensions to save me. And I cannot even muster myself to go see you in the hospital. You are so much stronger than me. So why are you not fighting harder? Why? Do you want to die?
I'm sorry. That was all very rude. But, Dr. Falstad told me not to erase my thoughts. That wouldn't help me heal.
He also told me to tell you any time I made a small achievement. So, today was the first day I took a shower since it happened. But I didn't hear Fubuki when he came into the apartment, so now you are not the only person that has seen me naked. He told me he was going to go home and grab his ukelele and write a song about it. But that seems a bit out there, even for him.
It's late. Writing at night seems to help me get my thoughts out. But, I'm tired. We'll see if this continues tomorrow. Maybe it won't. Maybe you'll be better.
But what if you aren't?