Are you all as excited as I am? I hope so! Lets jump right in, shall we?

Chapter One

And I was catching my breath
Staring out an open window
Catching my death
And I couldn't be sure
I had a feeling so peculiar
That this pain would be for
Evermore

Bella POV

I stared down at my luggage on the front steps, waiting for my mom to pull herself away from Phil and Vicky in the house. I took a deep breath knowing this was what I needed to do. My mom was getting ready to drive me to the airport so I could catch my 6:45am flight to Forks.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and took it out, glancing to the text from my dad.

'Fly safe, baby. See you in a few hours.'

I found it in me to smile at the endearment from my usually dry dad and tucked it away. I was too nervous to reply right now. I was getting ready to turn my world completely upside down. Not only was I going to be finishing my senior year at Forks High School after spending almost my entire life in Phoenix, but I was also running away from a life I could no longer keep up with.

I looked down to my body, not yet shielded by the winter coat hung over my suitcase in preparation for February in Washington. I let my eyes linger over my loose fitting tee and jeans, wincing at the sight of it. Not only was I nervous to see my dad again after years of not visiting, but I knew I wouldn't be who he expected to see. My skin is deathly pale, my cheeks are sunken. My eyes are surrounded by dark circles from lack of sleep and energy with an overload of anxiety. And I was currently 92lbs. I sighed and smoothed my shirt, though knowing it was pointless.

What I really needed was some new clothing...which I never thought I'd admit to. I did have a pair of yoga pants in my suitcase which actually fit way better. I instantly regretted choosing an outfit that made my weight loss so noticeable.

'Great job, Bella. Are you trying to draw attention to it?'

Not only would I have a lot of explaining to do with Charlie about the way I looked, but also for our conversation two days ago.

"Bells, Happy Birthday baby. How are you doing?" I took a breath before replying.

"Hey, dad. I'm...good. You?" I knew I sounded disinterested but it was hard to feel enthusiastic about anything anymore.

"Can't complain. Did you get your present in the mail?" He asked and I nodded, glancing to my new purse and wallet sitting on my bed.

"Uh...yea. I did. Thank you..." I could hear him shift through the phone hesitantly.

"Good... good. You uh... you got any plans for the big 18?" I shook my head.

"Nope... just... home. Mom and Phil are busy with Vicky and I'm just doing some homework." He chuckled.

"Seriously, Bells? Its your eighteenth birthday. You didn't want to go out with your friends? What about that boy you're seeing?" I felt my hand shake as I held the phone to my ear.

"Oh...um..." I didn't want to say he had ditched me... or that I didn't particularly even want to see Aaron. I'd never be able to explain that one.

"What's going on, Bella?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. You're acting...different. What's on your mind?" I felt tears welling in my eyes and my voice cracked with my reply.

"N-nothing." He was silent for a few moments before replying.

"Bella. Tell me what's wrong." I took a shaky breath. Don't crack Bella. You can do this.

"Nothing...really. I just-"

"Bella. Its been a few years but I still know my daughter. Something's bothering you."

"Dad..." I felt my resolve falling, tears silently starting to fall down my cheeks.

"Baby...just tell me." He told me softly and I came undone.

"Dad... I can't... I can't do this anymore."

"You can't do what? Are you crying?"

"C-can I come to Forks?" I felt my eyes go wide at my sudden request. I didn't even know where it came from... but I found myself not regretting the request.

"...What?"

"I can't stay here anymore. I...can I live with you, dad?" he was quiet again. I found myself inwardly begging for him to agree.

"Well... I mean of course. If you want after graduation I can-"

"No, now." I said urgently cutting him off. I felt my insides shaking with fear and anticipation at the silence on the other end.

"What about school?"

"I don't care. I... I can finish at Forks High with Jasper. I just..." I felt another wave of desperate tears. "D-dad I just need to get out." I whispered. He cleared his throat.

"How soon?" He asked after a moment and I felt a wave of relief flooding over me bringing on more tears.

"I need it now."

"Ok... give me ten minutes, Bells. I'm going to book you a flight for Saturday morning. That's the earliest I can get to Seattle with work." I nodded frantically and sobbed. I'm doing it. I'm getting out.

"Baby... are you going to be ok 'til then?" He asked and I nodded again.

"Yes. Thank you... I...I miss you dad." I whispered and heard the worry in his voice.

"I miss you too, Bells."

I sighed again nervously. I knew I'd have to explain myself but part of me just didn't care. Last night I had finally told Aaron it was over. He was pissed, of course. He'd never have let me go so easily if he could help it...but he couldn't. I had a police chief awaiting my flight within twelve hours of our breakup...he wouldn't dare try anything, which was why I waited until the last possible time to do it. I felt my cheek, still sore from last weekend when he'd slapped me. I made sure I broke up with him on the phone and not in person, just in case.

Aaron has been physically abusing me for about ten months now. We'd dated a year and a half but his abusive behaviour didn't start until a few months in. It started with odd comments about my weight and who I hung out with, slowly getting worse over time. First he cut me off from all of my friends, then he started in on my confidence and independence. Before I knew it, I was completely alone...my only lifeline was him. Mom and Phil have been so preoccupied with the pregnancy that they didn't see me slowly wasting away to what I am now. I knew I had nothing left here. I had no family except for my mom and Phil, I had no friends left. All I had was Aaron...and I knew I couldn't live this way any longer. It wasn't living at all...I knew I was slowly dying.

Aaron had essentially put me on a diet. Though eating 'nothing' isn't much of a diet. It started as a "suggestion" that I reduce my portions and eat healthier. That suggestion led to anger when he would catch me eating carbs or meat. He'd start calling me names like fatty, pudge, chubbster. He'd tell me people would think I was pregnant if I didn't stop eating whatever it was I was trying to enjoy. That he was embarrassed to take me out places because he was fit and took care of himself and I clearly didn't. He stopped wanting to go out on dates with me and would make me decline outings with friends to save him the frustration of being seen with me. He'd hang out with his friends at school and "suggest" I didn't flaunt myself around...which meant he didn't want to be seen with me at school either. He's the quarterback for our football team and said he has a reputation to maintain. I'm sure the cheerleaders he very closely "hangs out" with are just to save his image. I rolled my eyes at the thought.

I started that relationship at 130lbs. I was happy with the way I looked... I didn't see anything wrong with my body. Now though...

I looked down at myself again and felt my fist tighten on my suitcase handle. I knew I looked sick. Who was I kidding... I am sick. I have never struggled with body dysmorphia or eating disorders and now...now I feel like I don't know if I can stop. I hate how I look...but I also hate eating. Especially in front of other people. Every time I try all I can hear is his voice.

'Are you really going to eat that, fatty?'

I shuttered at the thought of having to eat meals in Forks. That was an oversight to this whole idea...but I knew I needed to leave. I held back tears thinking about my current state...I don't want to die.

My dad would be good for me. He would give me tough love but he also has a soft spot for me. I never thought I'd get to a point in my life where my dad would be more emotionally supportive than my mom, but here we are.

Not that my mom is all that bad but...since remarrying she has been distant and distracted. She is so focused on her new life that I'm kind of...forgotten. They are busy...I get it. But it's getting to the point that I know they are favouring Vicky and I just cant feel alone anymore. Aaron had me deathly secluded from everyone...and then the only family I had here in Phoenix started shutting me out.

I think that's why I couldn't hold it together when my dad called. I finally felt like I wasn't alone and I was terrified of losing that. I knew I wouldn't survive it.

I felt my phone buzz again and pulled it out, peeking in the door seeing my mom was still distracted. I looked down to see a text from Jasper.

'You have a safe flight, Miss. Marie. Can't wait to see you again.'

I smiled a guilt-ridden smile, tucking my phone away once again.

Jasper.

I missed him like crazy. I stopped going to Forks when I started dating Aaron because he didn't like me being around "those guys" without supervision.

And by "those guys" he meant Jacob. He didn't like that we were close friends. He had seen a picture in my room of Jake and myself with his arm around me and that sealed it for him. All of a sudden Jake was "too touchy feely" and was clearly trying to get into my pants. At first he told me he didn't want me going without him...then he just flat out told me I wasn't allowed. Unfortunately, that also meant that Jasper and I grew apart.

I tried to keep us close through text and email but he just kept asking when I was visiting next and I couldn't keep letting him down. Finally we just...stopped talking. It was easier that way.

I missed him like mad though. I feel so guilty for losing touch with my cousin and childhood best friend. Jasper was everything to me growing up...we were more like brother and sister than cousins. Thursday he emailed me asking if the news was too good to be true and I told him I was indeed coming back. We fell back into step quite easily but I still felt a distance there. I felt a distance from everyone if I'm being honest. That's what numerous secrets and depression will do to a person and their relationships. I just hoped I could find that closeness to Jasper again once I'm back, he is pretty excited that I'll be going to school with him and his friends. I was nervous having not really hung out with anyone in a long time. It didn't go unnoticed by me that all of my friends were quick to ditch once I started declining invitations. I felt that familiar feeling of self-loathing setting in. I couldn't help but feel like maybe they didn't ever really like me at all.

Jasper seemed very excited for me to meet his friends but I didn't really care too much to make friends. I'd only be there a few short months before graduation and it was unlikely they would want to be friends with me anyway.

"Ok, bye baby! I'll miss you!" my mom shouted into the house as she finally emerged. "Ready?" she asked me, already walking to the car. I nodded and pulled my suitcase behind me, struggling to load it into the back of her SUV by myself. I finally got it in and tossed a few other bags and items in with it before climbing into the passenger seat. She turned the key and immediately turned up the radio. I didn't much mind... we didn't talk much anymore...radio was better than silence.

We said a short goodbye outside of security, consisting of a smile and a hug that felt somewhat genuine.

"I'll miss you, Bella. Let me know when you land and have a great time with your dad, ok?" I nodded and told her I loved her too. We said goodbye and I turned and headed to security. Luckily, early morning flight security is quick and before I knew it I was through and getting in line to board. I soon found my seat and buckled in, ignoring my seat buddy as he sat down. I noticed him glance over to me a few times, so I chanced a look myself. He had to be early twenties, not bad looking, but I wasn't really in the mood to make nice. I knew why he was continually looking my way, I wasn't at all what you see everyday. I looked like one of those characters in a show that they use makeup and special effects to make them look sickly.

He finally turned away to listen to the standard pre-flight instructions about emergency landings and seatbelts. I only half paid attention, having heard it many times before. Instead I thought about what would be waiting for me in Washington, trying to calm my nerves. After a few minutes I noticed the eyes of my seat buddy on me again and realized we had already taken off.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked me lightly. I turned my head to him. It was obvious I had been in deep thought.

"Um, yeah. I'm alright just daydreaming I guess." I replied. He eyed me curiously but seemed to let it go. He held out his hand with a smile.

"I'm Jackson. It's nice to meet you..."

"Bella." I inserted for him as I slowly stuck my hand out to shake his. He gently shook my hand, which I knew appeared extremely fragile compared to his huge one.

"Nice to meet you, Bella. So what's taking you to Washington?" He asked, putting down his tray and tossing his headphones on it.

"My dad lives in Washington." I decided to keep it simple. He smiled and after I asked him the same question, I discovered he was actually an NFL player for the Seattle Seahawks. He seemed hesitant to say this, and kept his voice a whisper. I had to smile.

"Well stay clear of my dad when we land...he's going to blow your cover." He smiled at this.

"Ah I'll let it slide this time." I chuckled.

"So what are you up to now that the season is over?" I asked. I'm not sure why I decided to hold a conversation with him, but it was easing my nerves about landing so I leaned into it. He sighed.

"Just coming back from a vacation and a bit of relaxation. My parents live in Phoenix so I've been there since we got knocked out of the playoffs, but now I'm headed back for training. I've got an apartment in Seattle." I nodded.

"Oh cool. Gotta whip you into shape." I told him with a smirk and he laughed.

"Ouch...where's the burn unit?" He asked in mock offense and I laughed genuinely for the first time in months.

"So where are you headed once we land?" He asked, glancing to the attendants coming down the aisle taking drink orders.

"Uh... Forks. I doubt you've-"

"No, I've definitely heard of Forks." He told me with a grin. I gave him a shocked and amused look.

"You're joking, right?" he shook his head laughing.

"Nope. Don't know how I drove through it one day…but I did and obviously it stuck with me." He joked and I laughed again.

"Yea, it's such memorable place." I teased and we laughed. Once I sobered I sighed.

"It's actually great to be honest. I miss it." I told him and he smiled.

"You just visiting? Or…" I shook my head.

"No…uh…I'm moving up here…actually. Going to go to graduate there instead." He smiled.

"That's great. Big plans after graduation?" he asked and I felt my smile falter. I didn't like thinking about it.

"Somewhat…I suppose. I've applied to a few schools." He nodded.

"That's gotta be stressful. I just let football carry me where I needed to go. Took a lot of the decision making out of it." I nodded and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Yea…that's future Bella's problem." He chuckled but dropped it, clearly sensing it was a sore topic for me.

We held a steady conversation through the whole flight. He made me feel lighter…like I almost forgot I was escaping an abusive relationship and struggling with what I was going to tell my dad. Like I wasn't in anguish daily, dreading my next meal.

Before I knew it, the plane was descending and we had landed. We talked as we walked each other to baggage claim.

"Hey…I hope this isn't weird or anything…but can I have your number?" he asked and I gave him a bit of a look and he held his hands up and smiled.

"Not like that…I just liked talking to you. If I'm ever in the area or you're ever in Seattle…maybe we can grab a coffee?" I watched him for a moment before smiling and nodding.

"Yea…that sounds great actually." He handed me his phone and I put my info in for him. He smiled and grabbed my suitcase off the belt for me, waiting another moment for his.

"It was really nice to meet you, Bella. I'll text you." He told me and gave me a wave. I smiled, feeling lighter after the flight than when I boarded. That moment was fleeting however as reality came crashing down. I sighed and set off to find my dad, soon seeing him jogging towards me.

"Bells!" he wrapped me in a hug and took my luggage from me.

"I'm so sorry, I got held up at the station and I meant to meet you at the gate!" He panted. I just smiled at him as he pulled away. He did not mirror that smile as he took in my tiny frame.

"Isabella. Marie. Swan. What have you done to yourself." He stood there in shock. 'Uh oh.'

"I…um, I don't…I don't want to talk here, dad. Please can we save questions for later?" I said looking down. He sighed, nodding reluctantly. I saw him take me in once more and wanted to shrink into myself. I could feel him analyzing the way my clothes hung off my body, desperately grasping at any bone to hold onto. He led me out of the airport and to his cruiser. I let myself melt into the familiar seat and sighed.

Even though I'm dreading our talk…it feels good to be back.

Charlie POV

I knew something was seriously wrong when Bella asked to stay with me…but now that I see her...my stomach churned at the thought of the events that took place in Phoenix. It almost made me cringe feeling her shoulder blades poking out of her back knowing she was so far from the Bella I remembered.

We drove the three hours back to Forks in light conversation about school and moving to Forks for the remainder of the year. I liked catching up, though I knew there was much more we needed to catch up on. I snuck a glance to her and tried to guess how much weight she had lost. 30…40lbs? It was hard to tell through the loose fitting fabric just where she started. I also could see the faint hint of a bruise on her left cheek. I immediately turned my eyes back to the road, my knuckles white on the steering wheel.

Once back at the house, I took her luggage up to her room. I had tried to spruce it up for her a bit. I knew she had her own style though...I was planning on letting her redecorate it the way she wanted. I wanted her to feel like she was home.

"I cleared off some shelves for you in the bathroom, sorry you don't get your own..." I said clearing my throat. She just smiled at me softly.

"I'm just happy to be here." She told me quietly. It was then I noticed the dark circles under her eyes and her sunken cheeks. How she didn't quite smile the way she used to...her eyes lifeless and dull. I took a deep breath and nodded, forcing a smile of my own. I gave her some alone time to shower and get settled in, taking this chance to sit on the couch and think.

She was so different...this wasn't like Bella. She didn't pay any mind to weight loss or diets. She didn't obsess over the mirror or care what anyone thought. I sighed, knowing I'd have to call Kerri but was dreading it. She had wanted me to fill her in on what's been going on with Bella but I don't think either of us could have anticipated this. I picked up the phone and reluctantly dialed her number. She picked up after three rings.

"Charlie! I hope you aren't calling to cancel on us. I want to see my niece!" She answered and I sighed.

"No, no, Kerri of course not. I uh...I thought I should call and fill you in a bit. We um...we have a big problem." I finished, unsure how to proceed and she hesitated as she replied.

"...O-okay. What's the matter Charlie?"

"Have you spoken to your sister lately?" she was quiet for a moment.

"No...she's been pretty busy lately, what with the baby and all. What's going on?" I rubbed my face with my hand and let out a long breath. Where to even begin?

"Bella is...I don't even know. I think...I think she's sick." I told her and could hear her breath pick up on the other end.

"Wh-What do you mean...sick..." she asked, worry in her voice. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers and shook my head, not even wanting to say it.

"I think Bella...has an eating disorder." Kerri was silent so I continued. "She...Jesus Christ she must be down 40lbs." I told her and heard her gasp.

"What?!" she whispered, clearly upset. I could hear Jasper in the back asking her what was wrong but she ignored him. "You can't be serious..." she asked and I nodded.

"I pray to God I'm wrong...but I don't know what else it could be. Her clothes are hanging off her, her face is sunken in...she looks just...beyond unhappy. I don't know what to do." I told her.

"Did you talk to her?" she asked and I sighed.

"I'm going to. She's just in the shower but when she's out I'm going to sit her down." I could sense her nod through the phone.

"Well just...be compassionate but direct. And if you need anything... anything at all. Call me. Ok?" She asked and I nodded.

"Ok. Thanks Kerri. Oh, and can you...tell everyone to just...*sigh* I don't know. Just...try to treat her normally? I want her to feel like she's being welcomed home." I heard her sniffle.

"Of course." She said quietly. I heard the shower shut off upstairs so we said goodbye and I dropped the phone beside me on the couch. I didn't bother with the TV, far too nervous to bother trying to seem casual. I wasn't often shook up but...seeing my baby like this was killing me. All I wanted was to take her in a big hug and heal her.

I rubbed the back of my neck, dreading the conversation about to unfold.

Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter! I am changing a lot in this story. Names, huge chunks of the plot, small and big details…but at its core its very much the same story. Let me know what you think! :)

Song: Evermore – Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver