A/N: Thanks to everyone who has shown interest in this story so far! I really didn't think anyone would be interested in a Jacob/Nessie post-Breaking Dawn story!

I forgot to mention some trigger warnings for this story. Be aware that some traumatic events will be revealed in future chapters. I don't want to spoil what's to come, but if you want more specifics, please feel free to message me!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Jacob's POV is coming in chapter three. :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

"peace" by Taylor Swift
I never had the courage in my convictions
As long as danger is near
And it's just around the corner, darling
'Cause it lives in me
No, I could never give you peace

RPOV

My flight landed in Denver right on time. I had a two-hour layover before boarding my flight to Panama. Once I landed in Panama, I would stay the night there before traveling to Asunción. I needed to learn how to use Google Translate on my phone, or some other app, because my Spanish was minimal, and Asuncenos also speak Guarani, which I am completely unfamiliar with.

I exited the plane, read the monitor to find my next gate and trekked through the airport. I found my next gate easily then looked around for a somewhat secluded, isolated area. I found a corner that was decently far away from others. I sat down and flung my backpack into the seat next to me.

I took a deep breath, feeling anxiety flood my nervous system, as I switched Airplane Mode off on my phone. My stomach knotted. I felt queasy as I watched the notifications pop up – six unread text messages, two voicemails, and seven missed calls. I swallowed as I opened my messages first.

The first three were from Jacob:

Hey, Ness! Just taking a break to check on you. Were you able to get some more sleep once you got to your parents' house this morning?

I love you!

Nessie, what's going on? You left town? Everyone's freaking out. I'm really worried. Call me back.

Two were in the large group chat with all my family members:

I read the message from my Aunt Rosalie: Nessie, I can't believe you left without telling us! Are you okay?

I know you're going through so much, darling. Just be safe and please come home soon.We all love you, the text from my Grandma Esme said.

Then I had one from just my mom: Renesmee, call me back when your flight lands, sweetie. Your dad and I are not mad. We just want to know you're safe. We love you.

I clicked on my voicemails and held my phone up to my ear to listen to the first one from Jacob from two hours ago: "Hey, Nessie. Your mom just called and said that you left town? You haven't responded to any of my messages today either. What's going on? Call me back as soon as you can. I'm really worried. I'll come meet you wherever you are… I love you so much, Ness. Bye."

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat before clicking on the next voicemail from my mom. "Renesmee," I could hear the worry in her tone. "Please call me back as soon as you listen to this. I just want to know what your plan is, sweetie. We won't stop you if you really want to leave for a while… You are an adult, and you can make decisions like this on your own… I love you so much. Bye, baby."

I took a deep breath and clicked on my recent calls with shaky fingers. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath, and my body started to feel sweaty. Was I hyperventilating? Was this some sort of panic attack? My heart was pounding, and I still felt incredibly sick to my stomach.

What was I going to say to everyone when I called them back? What was I going to say to… to Jacob? I couldn't tell Jake the entire truth – that I was doing this for him also, that I was not good enough to stand beside him anymore, that I couldn't continue to see the pain in his face every day. The pain that I caused. He was too selfless to even admit that he was suffering too, but I knew him better than that.

What would the wolf pack think now that I was gone? Would most of them be happy? I broke their trust and hurt their brother, their Alpha. Maybe they only tolerated me now because Jacob forced them to… I shuttered at the thought of how that probably caused Jacob's relationships with all of them to be strained. But, regardless of if they still accepted me, I missed them. The pack was my family, too. Or used to be.

I focused on taking a few deep breaths. Before I could chicken out, I tapped Jacob's number and held the phone up to my ear.

He answered right after the second ring. "Nessie?" I could hear the relief in his voice, which made my eyes fill up with tears because I was going to take that relief away soon enough. "Jesus, Ness. I've been so worried! What's going on? Everyone's freaking out. Blondie's beside herself and everyone's fucking pissed at Alice. Your dad wants to kill me because he thinks this is my fault, so same old, same old in that department."

While he talked, I subconsciously reached up with my free hand and fidgeted with the pearl that was attached to the dainty chain around my neck. Jacob gave me this necklace several years ago for my birthday, and I never took it off.

"You're with my family now?" I asked.

"Yes, but I ran outside when I saw that you were calling me. I am far enough away from the house so no one can hear our conversation, if that's what you were trying to avoid by leaving so quickly earlier." He laughed lightheartedly.

"Jake," I said in a serious tone.

He immediately stopped laughing and was quiet for a heartbeat. "What is it, Ness? Where are you? Why are all my instincts screaming that something is wrong?"

"I'm in Denver right now," I answered. "I leave for Panama City in a couple hours. I'm staying the night there, then I'm going to Paraguay. I'm going to visit the Amazon Coven."

Jacob was quiet again. "I'll go home and pack a bag right now. I just have to arrange things with Leah and Embry so they can keep the pack running smoothly. Are we keeping this a secret from your family? Should I –"

"Jacob," I said, my voice cracking. I reached up and wiped the tears that were spilling over with the sleeve of my shirt. "I don't want you to come."

"But why?" He asked, confused. "Ness, it's really not a big deal. Leah will be excited that she gets to boss everyone around for a while."

It wasn't sinking in. "I didn't tell you I was leaving for a reason, Jake… I am doing this alone… I don't want you here with me."

I heard him sigh. "Nessie, is this because of everything that's happened? You know –"

"Jacob, stop," I shook my head, erasing the memories that were bubbling up to the surface from his question. "I just need to be away from everything and everyone for a while… Take a break from everyone, clear my head, and figure things out."

"Why can't I come with you?" He pressed. "You need to get away from me, too?"

I sniffed. "Yes."

"What does that even mean, Ness?" I heard the desperation in his voice. "You need to figure out if you really want us to be together, is that what you're saying?"

I wanted to tell him the truth about how I loved him, how I very much wanted him here with me. Not being with Jacob made me feel physically ill. All my muscles started to ache, like I could feel the hurt in my bones somehow. But he needed this break, too, and I knew he wouldn't be able to understand the truth.

So, I lied to him instead, which made my entire body feel like it was crumbling. "Yes."

"Renesmee," his voice sounded pained. "I… I can't not be with you. You have all of me, I am completely bound to you in the most unbreakable way possible."

"I know, Jake… But you once told me that you would do anything I needed you to do, right? Well, right now, I need you to let me go," my voice cracked again as I felt hot tears rush down my cheeks. I tried to wipe them away, but they kept coming. "I need you to stay there and do what you need to do for the pack and not worry about me. I need you to move forward on your own and give me some space. I need us to take a break from each other."

He was quiet for a long time before choking out, "I'll do anything, be anything you need, Nessie… But I can't move forward without you, and I can't not worry about you. Those things are impossible for me… But I can give you the space and break you need."

"Okay," I replied quietly.

"When will I see you again? Will you let one of your family members meet you there? I just… I have to know that you're physically and emotionally safe. I can't stand the idea of you not being okay and me being so far away. I mean, I know you can hold your own against anyone, but I still worry, especially when it comes to your… emotional state."

"I don't know when I'll be back. I don't really have a solid plan for any of this. And I don't want anyone else with me. I will be okay, Jake. I promise."

"Ness, I have to be honest; I don't know if I can stand to be this far away from you… Every fiber of my being is screaming that I have to find you, be near you… I'm afraid that, when I phase, my instincts will take over and force me to find you. Every part of me needs you," his voice cracked. "Ness, it's like you're my life-force, my pacemaker, the oxygen I breath… Nothing else matters but you."

I was full-on blubbering now. My body was shaking with sobs that I tried to stifle so Jacob couldn't hear them. My cheeks were soaked with my tears and my nose was runny. I saw someone walk by and eye me awkwardly. I self-consciously turned more toward the corner and scrubbed my eyes, begging for the sobs and physical pain to stop.

I had to lie to him again; otherwise, he may not be able to let me have this break. I was quiet for a second as I mustered up the courage and made my voice as steady as possible. "But what if I don't need you?"

As soon as I said the words, my heart shattered into a million little pieces – as if it were glass and I just dropped it onto cold, hard cement. It wasn't true, not really. I loved and needed Jacob, but I couldn't give him what he wanted or needed. I had to say the words to make him stay where he belonged – far away from me. I was broken and damaged. And all I did was break him, too, like I had some kind of curse.

I knew the words hurt him because he took in a sharp breath, like someone punched him in the gut. "I'll stay away then… I'll do anything you need. I'll never restrict you from doing the things you need to do for yourself… I'll always respect your decisions."

My stomach whirled, sending a wave of nausea through me. I was going to throw up. "Thank you... I gotta go. Bye, Jacob."

"Nessie, wait!" He yelled frantically. I held the phone back up to my ear. "I… I'll be here whenever you get back… So, do whatever you need to do then come home when you're ready. I will never stop you from doing the things you want or need to do… Just please be careful."

"I don't know how to respond to any of that right now, Jake… I really have to go. Bye." I hung up quickly this time before I changed my mind about everything. I shoved my phone into my pocket.

I stood up quickly, slung my backpack over my shoulder, and swiftly jogged to the nearest restroom. I pushed open an empty stall and threw up the contents of my stomach. Once I was done heaving, I wiped my mouth with toilet paper, flushed the toilet, then walked to the sink. I washed my hands and splashed my face with cold water.

I studied myself in the mirror for a second. My skin looked a little paler than normal, my cheekbones were more prominent because I often forgot to eat, and I had permanent dark circles under my eyes. I guess that's what happened when you woke up either screaming or running to the bathroom to throw up your guts every night. I shuddered at the thought of not having Jake to soothe me back to sleep… Was I making the right decision? Talking to Jacob on the phone just now was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life.

I sighed as I dried my hands and face then slowly walked back to my little corner by the gate. I sat back down and took a few deep breaths before reaching for my phone in my back pocket. I dialed my mom's number. This conversation would be hard, but not nearly as difficult as the first one.

"Renesmee?" My mom's voice filled my ear after the first ring.

"Hi, mama."

"Oh, sweetie." Even though it was impossible for vampires to actually cry, it sounded like my mother was. "Where are you, baby? Are you okay? I know you just called Jacob, but he ran out of the house."

"I'm fine, mama. I promise. I'm in Denver right now… I have a flight that leaves in a couple hours to Panama."

"Panama?" She questioned, confused.

"Just a stop on the way. I'm going to go visit Zafrina and her sisters."

"But why so rashly? What's going on?"

I pressed my lips together as I took a deep breath, willing myself to keep it together. Because we were so close, my mom was one of the only people who could somewhat empathize with me over everything that happened in the last eighteen months. My Aunt Rosalie and Grandma Esme understood my depression surrounding everything that happened with Jacob, but I knew they probably didn't understand my transgression afterward.

Regardless, everyone in my vampire family stared at me with pity-filled eyes that made me want to tear into their throats.

So, long story short, I had the pity and disappointment from my vampire family, the fury and judgement from my werewolf family, and the overwhelming shame and sorrow that haunted my relationship with Jacob.

Summing it all up that way, of course I fucking ran away from home.

"I just needed to get away from it all." I said, condensing my thoughts.

I heard some rustling in the background before my mother murmured, "Did you leave so quickly today because you didn't want your dad to know what was going on? He's not close enough to hear us talk now."

"Yes," I answered honestly. "I didn't want him to stop me if he heard my thoughts. Is he really mad at Alice?"

"He'll get over it," she promised. "Sweetie, I understand the need to get away with everything that's happened, but do you want some company? Is Jacob going to come meet you, or do you want me or someone else to?"

I sighed. "No, I really just need to be alone, mom."

"Jacob's not going either?" She asked, sounding surprised.

"I asked him not to."

"He was okay with that?"

"No, he wasn't, but it's what I want, and I know he will respect my wishes."

She was quiet for a moment. "Honey, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes," I answered immediately in as level of a voice as I could manage.

I really was "okay," I supposed. I just couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I couldn't stand to see all the distress and disconnection that I'd caused within my families. I hated myself. I was dragging everyone else into this dark, black hole with me. At least now I was in solitude and didn't have to worry about being the bearer of anymore heartache.

"Did something else happen with Jacob? Did he say or do something?"

"No, mama, of course not… If anything, I just ripped his heart out by telling him I didn't want him to come with me and that I needed a break from him. I'm the one to blame for all of this."

"Oh, sweetie," she sounded like she might be crying again. "You know that's not true. You had no control over… everything that's happened. He doesn't blame you. No one does."

If only what she said were true… I knew that Jacob didn't blame me for anything, even though he should. He couldn't because he was a lovestruck puppy dog. But his pack members criticized me. And even though my vampire family didn't necessarily blame me, most of them were disappointed, and that was almost worse.

I was crying again as some of the memories I'd been trying to shove to the side resurfaced. I snapped my eyelids shut and felt my body start to shake with panic. I felt like I couldn't breathe as adrenaline and cortisol flooded my system.

Jacob screaming my name in terror, too much blood, trees whirling past me, bright white lights, feeling numb…

"Yeah," I finally croaked as I pushed the memories away again and focused on taking deep breaths. I hunched forward, willing my nervous system to regulate.

Everyone learned quickly not to explicitly bring the trauma details up. So, instead, everyone tiptoed around it, saying things like, "the events that happened." That wasn't much better, but at least it didn't usually send me into hysterics when it was talked about in that roundabout way.

I heard my mom take a deep breath. "Are you sure one of us can't join you on this trip?"

"I really, really just want to be by myself."

"Alright," she conceded. "When will you be back?"

I exhaled loudly. "I don't know."

"Okay," she paused. "Your dad is here now and wants to speak to you. Are you okay with talking to him?"

I wiped my eyes. "Of course."

"Okay, here he is, sweetie. Please, please, please call us if you need or want anything while you're away. Check-in as much as you can. I love you so much. We all do."

"I will. I love you, too, mama." I said before hearing some swishing in the background.

"Renesmee," my dad's voice anxiously filled my ear a second later.

I sniffed. "Hi, dad."

I heard him sigh. "I wanted to demand that you come home, but your mother told me I'm not permitted to do that," he growled.

I snorted. "I wouldn't have listened even if you did."

"I figured just as much. You, unfortunately for me, inherited your mother's stubbornness. Did Jacob or the pack do something to trigger this impromptu trip?"

"Dad, c'mon," I said with an eye roll. "You know better than me how much Jacob avoids doing anything that could cause me even an ounce of discomfort. And he wouldn't let anyone in the pack hurt me."

He huffed, but I knew he agreed. "Yes, I know. I still had to ensure your departure wasn't from something that transpired with them, especially when Jacob sprinted for the trees earlier when you called."

"He just didn't want anyone to hear what I said to him, in case I was trying to keep it a secret for some reason."

He was quiet for a moment. "I'm going to miss you every day until your return," I could hear the sadness in his voice. "You're the heart of our family, Renesmee. We cherish you more than you'll ever be able to comprehend."

The tears were flowing again. I knew my dad loved me an inconceivable amount, but the disappointment about everything felt the strongest from him. Well, and from my Grandpa Carlisle. I wasn't sure if they were really as disappointed as I thought them to be, or if it was just my own shame and disgust with myself that I was projecting. Probably the latter. I knew they loved me despite my mistakes. Even if it wasn't justified.

Regardless, I worked hard not to think about the disappointment I felt from them when I was around my dad. I didn't want him to tell me that he really didn't feel that way.

I wanted them to be disappointed. I deserved it. I deserved much worse.

My poor Uncle Jasper avoided me like the plague lately. He once commented that my emotions were that of deep, immense agony that made him feel incredibly squeamish. I knew it was hard for him to be around such pessimism, so I didn't blame him for the distance. And even when he tried to control my feelings, it only lasted for a small second before the anguish returned.

"I'll miss you all, too. I love you, daddy."

"I love you, too, my perfect, obstinate daughter."

I smiled for a fraction of a second. "Dad, can you do something for me while I'm away?"

"Anything," he vowed immediately.

"Can you keep an eye on Jacob for me? You're the only one that will really know how he's doing with my absence. Well, the pack will, too, but you know what I mean… His sister and brothers may not always be the best to look after him, especially when he can order them not to."

"He's not joining you!?" He spat angrily. "Why? You just said he didn't do anything to provoke your departure."

"Mom can fill you in." I said evenly.

"You're going to be traveling alone? No. No, that is unacceptable. You need to –"

"Edward," I heard my mom say his name firmly in the background.

"She is a child, Bella! A naïve juvenile going to scour the world with no protection and no guidance! Alice can't even see her future, for crying out loud! How can we know that she's safe?"

"Our daughter has never been naïve, Edward! She's been through hell the last year and a half, and if she needs a break, we are going to respect her decision."

I gritted my teeth. "Would you feel the same way if I was a boy, or traveling with one? Obviously not since you weren't nearly as worried when you thought Jake would be with me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Renesmee," he growled. "You are a beautiful young woman, and I just don't trust any vulgar, repugnant beings around you – human or otherwise. You are my daughter, and it will always be my job to ensure your safety."

"Dad, you do realize that I'm entirely capable of fending for myself, right? I'm not a helpless, damsel-in-distress human girl. Especially not after all the training I've done with Uncle Jasper and Uncle Emmett. Regardless, I'm not coming home, no matter what you say or do. And I'm going on this trip alone." I took a deep breath, feeling somewhat exasperated. "Now, are you going to look out for Jake or not?"

I knew that my dad meant well. He was always the overprotective one when it came to anything regarding my mom and me. I knew it was tied to how much he cared for us, but I needed him to understand that I was an adult and could take care of myself now.

Once I was a little older, my uncles had taken it upon themselves to train me in hand-to-hand combat after everything that transpired with the Volturi over a decade ago. Everyone anticipated the Volturi's involvement again at some point, and they didn't want me to be left defenseless – even though I doubted my physical combat skills would save me in a fight against someone like Jane. Regardless, I've been training with them an hour or two a day for years now. Well, until recently.

One time, a few years back, Seth snuck up on me in his human form when I was highly distracted with Jacob. I reacted solely on instinct and took him down to the ground in a matter of seconds. Jared had been curious a week or so after my scuffle with Seth and challenged me. I took him down, too. Easily. I knew I could hold my own against any type of physical threat.

My dad was quiet. I heard some murmuring in the background, and I imagined my mom reasoning with him. He sighed before answering my question. "Yes, I will... I know you are entirely adept at caring for yourself. I tend to overlook your capabilities because I cannot tolerate the idea of you being harmed in anyway."

"I know that it's hard for you, dad. I understand. And thank you," I said, feeling somewhat relieved that Jacob would have another set of eyes on him. "Oh, and please don't be too mad at Aunt Alice. She was helping me with the decision I decided to make as an adult."

"'As an adult,' ha!" He said with a sarcastic chortle. "Renesmee, you may be fully grown, love, but you're still only a little over fourteen years old."

I rolled my eyes. "Dad, please."

"Yes, I will forgive Alice… After I demolish her Porsche, that is."

"You will do no such thing!" I heard Alice yell in the background.

I smiled very briefly at their banter. They would be fine with my absence for a while. "Okay, dad. I'll let you go. Tell everyone else I love them, and I'll see them soon."

His voice turned very stern. "You will call me immediately if something is wrong, or you need assistance with something. And…" He paused for a couple of seconds. I waited for him to continue. "And just remember who you are, Renesmee."

I swallowed the lump that instantly formed in my throat. "I will, dad. I promise. Bye."

"Goodbye, my sweet daughter. Please be safe and come home to all of us soon."