"Marla!" you shout at her, "Marla I'm right over here!"
She cannot hear you.
You step in front of her.
She cannot see you.
You embrace her deeply, stroking her skin gently.
She cannot feel you.
Can the man even see you from up there? She grabs her paints and begins painting your face with a deep shade of blue. She got it right again. You laugh, and so does the man. Oh, the sky was dark, it wasn't before... she hated the dark. Oh, now she's biting away at her skin. Oh, how you hated when she did that. She knew you hated it, but every night, there she goes again, biting away. As if it were her last meal. You scream. You sob. It was light again. Oh dear, you've split your paint, now you've done it…
Your eyes snapped open. You swallowed heavily as you jerked your head up from your desk in a cold sweat. You gave yourself a moment to adjust to your surroundings, eyes flicking back and forth to take it all in. You sighed, still in the library...of course, because where the hell else would you be? You rubbed your watery eyes. Your breathing was still erratic, so you slumped back into your chair, taking slow breaths until it returned to its original rhythm. You glimpsed at the small clock on your desk. It was just past one in the morning. You must've fallen asleep while you were reading. You took one last shaky breath before sitting up from your slouched position, straightening your back in your chair. Another nightmare? You shut your eyes tightly, desperately trying to recall the events of your dream, but you couldn't.
Often, when you had nightmares, you had this gut wrenching feeling of fear in your stomach when you awoke, but today was different. You were a little frightened, sure, but the core of the feeling wasn't in your stomach, instead, it was in your chest. You had felt so painstakingly sad when you awoke. Was it a memory of an old friend?... Who was it? Almost immediately, a face came to mind. Involuntarily, your mind began to trail off into old memories. But you were not going to allow it to continue. You smacked the sides of your face with your hands, leaving a stinging pain on them as you slowly lowered your hands. Best not to get into that now. Otherwise, you didn't think you'd be able to sleep once you returned to your room.
You forced a small smile onto your face, before pushing your palms against your desk, forcing yourself up. You stretched your arms behind your back, and letting out an obnoxious yawn. You grabbed your glasses, tenderly placing them into your dress pocket, and headed to the library doors, and back to your room.
After you had returned to your room, you fell asleep pretty quickly, and when you woke up the next morning, you didn't have any night terrors to note, which was a great relief.
Today Hange had some time off, which meant that your highly anticipated get together had finally arrived. You scurried around your room, preparing for the day. Today you guys had planned on going to get breakfast at a bakery in the city. Although you didn't usually put much thought into your appearance, today, you wanted to look nice. You hadn't gone out in months. You put your hair up in a half up half down style, and moved into the bathroom. You stood awkwardly in front of your mirror, tightly grasping the small makeup kit that your mother had gifted you some time ago. It was a small furnished wooden box, with a floral pattern carved into it. In it held a small tub of mascara and its brush, some facial powder, blush, a lip tint, and various make-up brushes, with carved metal handles.
When you were younger, you had watched your mother put on make-up nearly every day before she went to work, peeking at her through the doorway. When will I be able to do that? You'd thought. You snickered at the memory. Now here you were, the long awaited day, and you had no idea what the hell to do. You gingerly picked up the biggest brush and dipped it into the powder, and began lightly dabbing it over your face. It didn't look anywhere near your color, but maybe it would even your complexion? When you were finished, you looked up into the mirror. Pasty. It made you look like a ghost. You scrubbed it off with some hot water, and settled on placing some under your eyes, to alleviate your growing bags. Next you dipped a smaller brush into the creamy lip tint, painting your bottom lip, and pressing your lips together to spread it to the top, leaving your lips looking rosy. It looked cute, you decided, so you moved on to the mascara, only brushing a little on to avoid it being too noticeable. Lastly, you put on the blush, lightly pressing the powder against your upper cheeks. "Too much and you'll look like a clown." That's what your mother had always said . You gave yourself one last hard look in the mirror, evaluating yourself, and your face softened at the sight. Pretty.
You gave yourself a satisfied nod and left the bathroom, moving to your wardrobe. You had done some laundry yesterday, so today, you had more options. You picked out a white button up blouse with flowy sleeves, and a large ruffled forest green skirt to wear over it. After you put both on, you felt out around in the pocket of the skirt, and pulled out a matching bow that went with it, tying it around your collar. With that, you were ready, and you headed to your door. But right before you entered the hallway, you stopped, and turned around to look at your desk. On it was a small glass vial of rose water. You turned back and grabbed it from your desk, and rubbed a little on your wrists and neck. Now you were ready.
If your intuition was correct, Hange was probably still knocked out cold in their bed. The maniac insisted on staying up until ungodly hours of the night with their research, so they usually slept in when they had the opportunity. Because of this, you headed over to give them a little wake up call. They took about two seconds to get ready, so you wouldn't be late if you woke them up right now. You walked across the now empty training field to the scouts barracks. It was much warmer than yesterday, which you were appreciative of. The sun shone brightly through the piecing white clouds, and there was a light breeze in the air. It truly was a lovely day to go out. Soon you had reached the barracks, coming to a halt. What was their barrack number again...? You squeezed your eyes tightly shut as you tried to remember, rubbing your temples. After a while, you let out a heavy exhale. You couldn't remember, but at the very least, you thought it was on the right hand side, so you walked over, scanning the area, looking for anyone you could ask for help. After a while you settled on the only solution you could think of. You had a very general idea of where they might be, so you were just going to give every room in that area a little peeksie until you found them. Reluctantly, you headed to the first door.
At this point, you had checked about five rooms, and you already felt drained socially from the few, short but awkward interactions you'd had. You stopped walking for a moment to gather yourself. You reached up to rub your eyes, but stopped yourself when you remembered you had mascara on. Ugh . Okay, there were only two doors left, and you were sure that it was between these two. If not, you would go back to your room, that crack pot could come get you instead. You inhaled deeply before grabbing the handle of the thin wooden door and pushing it open, and your eyes widened in surprise. Three heads immediately turned to face you. It was Isabel, Furlan, and Levi. They were standing in a circle, and they wore stoic expressions over their faces, even Isabel, who usually wore a bright smile. The atmosphere seemed tense. You made a dumb face ('3') as you inched backwards towards the exit.
"Ah, sorry," You said in a hushed tone, putting a hand up, "Well I'll just excuse myself right no- "
"OH IT'S YOU" Isabel exclaimed, tearing herself away from the group, running over to you. She grasped your hands tightly. Just like that, the stiff feeling from before was non existent. But you couldn't help but wonder what they had been talking about before you had barged in. It made you uneasy.
"Good morning Isabel. I hope you slept well."
"I did, I did! How are ya? Why are ya here?"
"Ah, I was looking for my friend, but I couldn't remember what barrack number they were in." You paused."Perhaps you could help me with that…?"
"Oh! Well maybe! What's their na-"
"Well you just look lovely today" Furlan interrupted as he sauntered over to where you and Isabel stood, "What, do you have a date today? "
"No I don- well," You looked up for a moment "Well I guess I kind of do." His face immediately dropped. A short silence fell over the room.
"Wait, really?" He asked, quietly.
"No, just messing around. Anyways," You said, turning back to Isabel, who was giggling at your joke, "Could you help me out? I'm looking for someone named Hange."
"Hange? Hange Zoe?" Levi asked from the back.
You blinked, surprised that he had spoken out on his own accord. You looked at his face, and saw that it was painted with distaste. Ah, I see how it is, you thought, smiling to yourself. Hange had that effect on people sometimes.
"Yes, Hange Zoe, we've been good friends for about 5 years now." You replied. He scoffed.
"I don't know who in their right mind would willingly spend time with that titan lunatic." To his surprise, you let out a laugh at this.
"I honestly can't blame you for thinking that" You said with a grin. Just imagining Levi and Hange interacting was a funny thought. He probably couldn't stand them. He clicked his tongue before looking away from you.
"So you've been friends for a while?" Furlan interjected, now fully recovered from your jab earlier. "How long have you worked in the library?" He asked. You hummed.
"Maybe a little less than a year?" You guessed. He looked confused.
"Wait, so how have you-" Before he finished, you predicted his question.
"I used to serve as a Scout… but for obvious reasons, I can no longer continue on expeditions."
"So it was an accident." Isabel whispered, before quickly returning to her normal volume. "I was thinkin' about that! What happened?" You shifted uncomfortably, but she didn't seem to notice.
"I promise I'll tell you another time Isabel, but I really need to get going now, could you please tell me where Hange is?" You said sweetly. You felt a twinge of guilt for having to brush her off.
"Oh! I'm sorry! I forgot" She said, sheepishly. "They should be two doors down." You gave her a smile, before turning to the door.
"Thank you Isabel! I'll be at the library later, so we can talk more there if you have the time!" She nodded vibrantly as you exited the room.
"HANGE!" You shook their shoulders rapidly, jerking their head back and forth. They were drooling. How lovely. You frowned. How could someone be such a deep sleeper? You sighed.
"Just know that I didn't want to do this." You whispered, as you pulled your hand back, and gave them a hard smack in the face. Their eyes flickered open.
"OW" They yelped, shooting up in their bed. "WHAT THE-" They looked up at your annoyed face, and their eyes lit up.
"Oh! It's just you." They said. You looked down at them defeatedly.
"Hange, we were supposed to go out today." You whined. They had now slipped out of their bed, and were stretching their back, yawning.
"There, there," They said lovingly, patting your head. "I'll be ready in a second." You gave them a tired smile as they walked into their bathroom, closing the door behind them. While you waited, you sat yourself at their desk, looking through their research notes. Hange was pretty open with their research, so you knew that they wouldn't mind. How do a titan vocal cords work? Was written sloppily at the top of the page. Soon enough, you were immersed in their work, eyes flicking back and forth over the pages. They were theorizing really fascinating stuff. Suddenly, Hange was standing behind you, and you turned your head in their direction.
"Ready?"
"Damn it!" They said, crossing their arms. "How did you know I was there? I know for a fact you can't hear me," You rolled your eyes. "And I was tip-toeing so you couldn't feel my footsteps."
You put their notes down, taking a breath.
"Would you like me to be honest?" You asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"Of course!"
"You smell." You said flatly, getting up from the seat.
"Oh? Like what?" They asked excitedly. You thought for a moment before answering.
"Dirt." You replied. They frowned.
"Well that's no good, is it?" They pouted, as you both headed towards the door.
"Perhaps if you showered more often."
"I don't have time for that!" You let out a loud snort.
"Figured as much."
Hange followed you out the door, and you guys walked back to the castle, chattering away as you made your way to the city.
The walk though the city was fun. The King's birthday was two days ago, and the high spirits from the festivities hadn't completely died out yet. But unfortunately, you couldn't enjoy it entirely. You found yourself getting tired quickly, taking heaving breaths as you kept up with Hange's long legs.
"You really are out of shape aren't you? " Hange teased, with a coy grin. You responded back with a deathly glare.
"Oh my! How scary you are!"
"You sure are annoying, and I'm not out of shape, I'm just tired from yesterday."
"Late night?" You nodded in response.
"Well it doesn't matter, because we're here!" They spread their arms widely, presenting you with the bakery as if they'd built it from the ground up themselves. It looked really congested today, small crowds of people frantically moving in and out of the small door, the little bell at the top ringing over and over again. Suddenly, the scent of freshly baked bread wafted up your nose. You almost drooled. You quickly wiped your mouth before turning back to Hange.
"It looks pretty busy today, so I'll go in and order, just tell me what you want." You told them, eyes flicking anxiously to the large crowd in front of you.
"Ah thanks! Well if that's the case could you get me two cheese rolls?" They chirped. You gave them a hard nod, and headed to the door, weaving your way through the mass.
You made your way the the counter, and ordered Hange's cheese rolls, plus your own sweetbreads. You didn't like to admit it, but you had a massive sweet tooth. You and the cashier exchanged polite smiles before you carried the stuffed paper bag out the door, which you had to kick open with your foot. You scanned the crowd, but you couldn't see where Hange had wandered off to. You sighed, you didn't want to do what you were about to do, but it's not like you would be able to hear them if they called out to you. You sharply inhaled-
"HANGE! WHERE ARE YOU." You shouted, voice cracking slightly. You felt your cheeks heat up as you saw people shooting you odd looks. Soon you saw a pair of hands waving above the crowd frantically, and the top of a brown head bobbing up and down, and you rushed over.
"There you are!" you breathed.
"Hey! Sorry, I got a little lost, but we can head over to sit now."
You gave them a wide grin as the two of you headed over to a grassy area to sit and enjoy your bread.
The sky was beginning to get dark. You and Hange had been talking for hours, the two of you had so much to catch up on, and even if you didn't, you didn't doubt that Hange would have had something to talk about. You were mostly listening to them chatter away, but you didn't mind, you were more of a listener anyways, maybe that's why you guys clicked so well. Eventually, the conversation wound up being about the new recruits.
"Have you met them yet?"
"Ah, yeah I did, Erwin sent them over to me so that I could put some information down for their records" They perked up at this, eyes wide.
"Did you find out anything cool out about them?" You shook your head.
"Jackshit." They wilted a bit.
"Why do you ask?" After you asked them this, you saw their face shift into a more serious one, one that you didn't often see on them.
"Isabel and Furlan are insanely talented with their ODM, and they're both very physically fit, I can hardly believe that they were self taught." They paused, before continuing, and lowered their voice.
"That being said, Levi... he's a monster. I have no idea how he can move the way that he does. When someone is using ODM, if you watch carefully, you can see the learned movements attained through years of training... but with him, it seems innate." You stared at them. The way they talked about him, the look in their eyes as they did, it was nearly identical to how Erwin had a week ago. Was he really that extraordinary? You both went silent, laying together on the grass, until Hange let out a shriek and began rolling around, in a fit of giggles, causing you to gasp loudly.
"JEEZ WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?" You shouted.
"AHH I JUST NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM, I HAVE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM, I NEED TO KNOW HOW HE TICKS, I'M SO CURIOUS IT'S KILLING ME." They were clutching their hair in their hands, and kicking up in the air. You rolled your eyes.
"Jeez, you're such a creep!" you groaned. You stood yourself up and offered them your hand. They grabbed it and hoisted themselves up.
"We should get back to headquarters… it's getting dark." You said, and Hange nodded with a goofy looking smile on their face, and the two of you walked back to the castle.
When you returned to the castle, it was about seven thirty. You said your farewells to Hange, and the two of you headed in opposite directions. You were headed back to the library, but before you did, you wanted to go into the kitchen and grab yourself a cup of tea. You gushed silently to yourself as you walked through the dark castle, thinking about where you would be in about half an hour, in the library, cuddled up on a couch against a soft blanket, reading a good book, with your hot tea and mouthwatering sweet bread placed on the small table next to you. Quietly, you pushed open the doors to the kitchen, and set some water to boil. You moved over to the wooden cupboard, and held two tea cans up, debating with yourself over which one you wanted. Green or Black? … Black today, and green tomorrow. You hummed, and placed the green tea back into the cupboard. Soon, your water was boiling, and you carefully poured it into the mug, and placed the tea bag in. You paced around in the dark kitchen while you waited for it to steep. When it was done, you slowly picked it up from the tea plate, and steadily walked back to the library so as to not spill it.
Soon enough, you were exactly where you had imagined being half an hour ago, in the library, cuddled up on a couch against a soft blanket, reading a good book, with your hot tea and mouthwatering sweet bread placed on the small table next to you. You hummed happily to yourself as you turned the page. The story you were reading was about this mother and son who lived alone together. One day she picks up a missing person flier, and her son's face is on the page. She goes to the Military Police, insisting that she has lived with her son for seven years, and that he's perfectly safe, but everyone calls her crazy. It was a really gripping mystery... but you already knew how it ended. You'd read this book before. Rereading books gave you peace of mind, it felt like a sense of control, because you already knew how the story unfolded, nothing could surprise you.
You put the book down, and you remembered that you still had some leftover sweet bread. You giggled happily to yourself as you pulled out a second piece of sweet bread from the crumpled paper bag. When was the last time you had a sweet treat like this? You took a large bite, and you got a taste of the tart strawberry jelly on the inside. In the process, some powdered sugar landed on your face. Darn. You got up to grab a napkin from your desk, and as you stood up, you finally noticed that Levi was standing in the library, staring at you. You stared back at him for a second before shooting your hand up at him, as if to tell him "Wait." You looked down as you walked over to your desk, so that he wouldn't see the probably stupid looking expression you were making. Oh Lady of the Walls just kill me now. His lips moved, but you didn't focus in on time to catch what he'd said. You quickly wiped the sugar off your face with your handkerchief, flattened your skirt down, tucked your hair in behind your ears, and turned to face him, gluing a polite smile to your face, as if he hadn't just witnessed you giggling over a pastry like a child. For the first time since you'd noticed him, you mustered up the courage to look him in the face. If he thought it was funny, he didn't show it. If he thought you were disgusting, he didn't show that, either. The indifferent expression he wore in his face that usually annoyed you now brought you comfort in the awkward situation. You cleared your throat, your face still feeling warm.
"So sorry I didn't notice you before, Levi." You hesitated. That was the first time you addressed him with his name. "Or would you prefer ?"
"Levi is fine."
"Very good, very good," You said, chuckling nervously, "Well, what can I help you with?"
"Furlan wanted me to grab him a book..."
"Oh! Is there a reason Furlan couldn't come himself?" Levi didn't strike you as the type who would do Furlan a solid out of the kindness of his heart. Levi looked at you for a brief moment, as if he were analyzing you. He let out an exasperated sigh before continuing.
"The idiot was fucking around with the ODM gear and he busted himself up pretty bad." Your brow furrowed with concern.
"Is he alright?"
"Yeah he's fine, he just needs to rest tomorrow." He replied shortly.
"Oh, well that's very good to hear! Now what type of book was he looking for?"
"He said he wanted one called 'The Dead Man's Tree '." Your eyes brightened.
"Oh! I know that one! It's a lovely horror...but I'm not entirely sure that we have it here... but I can check the catalog." You said as you scurried over to your desk, pulling out a large binder, and dropping it on your desk with a thump. You sat back down. Section D…. Da..De…Ah, there's Dead. Dead Eye...
Dead in the Crossfire, Oh there it is, Dead Man's Tree!
"Turns out we do have it! If you go to the fourth bookshelf on the right side, that would be the mystery section, and then, it would be under the 'D' section." You told him, not looking up from the binder. Now that you were looking at it, it was seriously outdated. Shit. You needed to update it. You grabbed a pen, and reluctantly began going through the titles, crossing out things that you knew didn't exist on the shelves. Suddenly, a bony finger lightly tapped on the page you were working on, and you looked up to see Levi standing over you, your heart stopped. He smells good...Oh please shut up. Although you were used to people getting close to you to capture your attention, this felt awkward. You looked up at him, offering a stiff smile.
"S-sorry, did you say something?"
"Even if you are deaf, you need to pay more attention to your surroundings, this is getting annoying." He said in a low voice, and your face flushed again. Ass.
"Duly noted." You said quietly. "But did you need something?"
His face shifted slightly, and he looked a little...apprehensive?
"Where did you say the book was again?"
"Ah, sorry if you didn't hear me, It would be on the fourth shelf, in the 'D' section." You answered, while pointing to the general direction of it with your finger. He turned his face to the side and said something. You frowned.
"If you said something to me right now, I do need to be able to see your lips when you speak."
He gave you a hard stare. How frightening.
"I asked if you could show me where this book is."
"Oh… well do you wanna go check for yourself first?"
"No." The polite smile on your mouth twitched faintly. Can your stubby little legs not carry you that far?
"Well I suppose I could go grab it for you." You said, feigning kindness. "Just follow me." He nodded.
You guided him over to the mystery section, trailing your finger along the book spines as you walked, until you reached the 'D' section.
"Should be here." You said, as you turned back around to face him. And there it was again, that look of sullen apprehension as he gazed at the books. You peeked at the area he was looking at, and you saw it, 'The Dead Man's Tree' . You were about to point it out to him, but you stopped yourself. It was right there, so why wasn't he grabbing it? He was looking straight at it, but his eyes seemed to glaze right over it. Then, something clicked in your brain. Suddenly, a question came to mind. Something that you probably shouldn't ask out loud.
"Levi… Do you know how to read?" Shit.
He shot daggers at you with his glare. Before you knew it, he'd snatched a random book off the shelf and was walking briskly to the door. You hastily grabbed ' The Dead Man's Tree' from the shelf and began to follow him.
"W-wait! That's the wrong book, I-it's fine if you-"
He shot you one last nasty glare. A shiver ran up your spine. He's really pissed.
"Shut the hell up!" He snapped back, and he slammed the large door behind him. An eerie silence filled the library after he left.
Did I fuck up?