Beatrice supposed that she should have felt relieved when she moved to sit once again in the Abnegation section. Relief did not come and her nerves spiked once more as she was directed not to return to sit next to her mother and father but instead to join the others who had chosen to remain down at the base of the section. Beatrice opened her mouth to protest, but Marcus was calling the next name already.
She pursed her lips and settled into the chair that she had been directed to. From here her view was much more limited. She could only catch the side of Caleb's face and even that was through the crowd of Erudite and Candor that separated them now. The ceremony progressed on. Now that the first transfer had revealed themself, the tension in the room had eased off some. Beatrice found herself also glaring at Jeanine when she realized that she could see the Erudite woman more clearly than Caleb.
It was a stupid thought, but Beatrice pondered if Caleb would have remained with them in Abnegation if Jeanine hadn't butted in with her curious questions about whether she and Caleb would make the same choice. Another thought, darker and filled with implications that Beatrice would chew on through the rest of the ceremony also rose.
Had Caleb decided long ago? He had been the one to express surprise that their father was on speaking terms with Jeanine. Was there more to that surprise? Had he been in contact with the Erudite leader himself?
No answers presented themself to Beatrice, and she only further aggravated herself with wondering. She barely managed a polite smile when Susan Black joined her in the row of Abnegation initiates. Robert was quick to join her which seemed to be a source of great relief. At least there would be only one mismatched sibling pair among the Abnegation today. Beatrice looked around the room once more. Among the newly chosen there were only three transfers. They stood out in their mismatched colors among the other initiates. One to Erudite, one to Amity, and one sitting a few seats over from Beatrice among the Abnegation initiates.
Marcus called the crowd to order one final time. "Each year we commend the bravery that all of our new initiates have shown by their choices. While some may surprise us, we know that each of our children has made the right decision for themselves. And with that, they have chosen what will push our great city forward into a brighter future," he said firmly. "Let's have one final round of applause for those who have taken their first steps into their own, personal futures. They are dependents no more. We are proud of them."
Beatrice tasted only bitterness in her mouth. She remained in her seat while the rest of the room stood to give one final round of applause. It was a send-off, but Beatrice could not enjoy it. She wasn't going anywhere. Her brother had left her, left them, and she had just committed herself to a life of routine and duty and self-sacrifice. Everything that she had seen from her mother and father, everything that they had instilled in her since childhood.
She did not want it. She did not want any of this.
Like salt rubbed into a wound, Beatrice wasn't even given the satisfaction of seeing her mother and father after the ceremony. Their group of initiates was summoned together by an Abnegation woman that Beatrice vaguely remembered being one of her Sunday School teachers at some point. She had explained that their journey to full faction membership was beginning then with no delay. They spent the next hour or so helping the event team to take down the folding chairs, the audio equipment, and even to roll the bowls to the freight elevator to be taken back downstairs for cleaning, sanitizing, and storage.
It would feel like nearly any other inter-faction event if not for the obvious lack of Caleb next to her. They had been roped into assisting with more set up and take downs than Beatrice could fathom to count. Perhaps that was why it stung all the more.
This was their Choosing Day. After everything that Marcus had rambled on and on about, ultimately Beatrice was still here after the fact rolling up microphone cables and stacking lord knew how many folding chairs into piles. Just another afternoon spent being quietly irritated that their faction was the one left to put things away after the other four departed.
Eventually all the chairs were stacked and the auditorium lights clicked off. Their group was ushered out and clustered in a rough circle around the woman who was directing them. "Thank you for your time," she said. The words were familiar and route. Everyone in their circle save for the single yellow-clad Amity girl parroted back the appropriate response.
Bitter. That was still all that Beatrice could taste. Even the words that she had uttered so many times before were like ash in her mouth. She barely heard what they were being told about what the next few days would entail. It was nothing surprising: acts of service, quiet time for contemplation, basic group work to practice working with the committees and projects that directed Abnegation's work.
That was the problem. Beatrice knew everything that they were going to go through in the next few weeks. Abnegation had the easiest initiation of any faction; that was an open secret. Of course Beatrice had nothing to worry about. She just couldn't keep the irritation from rising from her chest.
"We'll be dining as a group tonight. For the next few weeks, actually, we will remain within this group. For meals, for our initiation work, and for rest. This is an opportunity to separate yourself from your past life and to decide who you will be when you join the faction fully," the woman explained cheerfully.
It would have been easier if Beatrice wasn't alone. It would have been easier if she had at least gotten to spend her evening with her parents like normal. It would have been easier if she hadn't needed to choose the faction that she was expected to.
Beatrice took a deep breath in and held it for a long moment. She had kept herself together throughout today. She would keep holding it together.
"If you'll follow me, we'll head back to Abnegation for the evening." Beatrice's heart fell when she saw their leader directing them not towards the neat row of elevators and instead moving to the wide stairwell doorway.
Getting her feet to carry her along with the rest of the group was like moving through molasses. Beatrice slipped to the back of the crowd. It was easy, then, to end up further behind everyone else as they wound their way back down the spiraling stairwell that the Prior family had ascended together only a few short hours ago.
She watched as the rest of the group quietly chatted amongst themselves. Beatrice knew most of them. They'd been in school together for years now and several of them like Robert and Susan even lived on the same street as her family. Now she would grow up with them, pick a career path, and - if her father had anything to say about it - probably marry someone like Robert to push the cycle on.
Beatrice stopped on the edge of the landing she had just cleared. The rest of the group marched on, apparently content. She looked down at her feet. Her toes peeked out over the edge of the landing over the next step she needed to take. Her life felt like this staircase, endless in its monotony. The rest of the group might be happy to continue on following it. Beatrice couldn't stomach it any further.
It wasn't worth it if she was the only one suffering through this. In another world if Caleb had stayed, perhaps Beatrice would have been selfless and content. In this one, Beatrice turned and ascended to the exit door that she had just passed by.
It opened readily when she pressed on the push bar. Beatrice held her breath, expecting some kind of alarm. Surely this wasn't allowed? But it opened and she passed through without issue. The Hub was more than just an auditorium and an atrium, after all.
The stairwell door snapped shut behind her, cutting off the quiet chatter completely. Beatrice stood in the hallway feeling something bubbling inside her chest. She cautiously stepped from the stairwell to the wider hall that housed the bank of elevators. The confidence startled her. She embraced it nonetheless.
Her hand shook until she took a deep breath in. Then she pressed the call elevator button. One of the lights popped on instantly and the dial counted up as the car ascended to find her.
Beatrice licked her lips. Where was she going? What was she doing now?
Her test results made up the only compass she had to go by. Abnegation, that had been a mistake. Erudite, hah! Beatrice would rather die than follow her traitorous brother there. Dauntless remained the only choice.
It wasn't a choice by default, though, not really. The elevator doors popped open after a light ding alerted her to the car's arrival. Beatrice entered with smooth steps and pressed the button for the atrium. This confidence, this certainty. She had only felt it one other time recently - when she had taken the aptitude test.
It was enough to reassure her that this was the right call. Letting the elevator doors close in front of her, Beatrice felt like she was truly making her own decision, now. Whatever happened, she wasn't going to be stuck in Abnegation. Not anymore.