Every day of staff training felt like a week. It was dinner time and only their third day and everyone seemed sun-worn and starving. Quinn spent the entire time talking to Sam and some white boy pretending to have dreads. Santana sat alone, rolling a meatball back and forth on her plate. It was super disgusting and Santana knew she was going to be eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly this summer. Puck was at a returners table and Brittany sat across the hall between Artie, Mike and Tina, who was Brittany's cocounselor and apparently dating Mike Chang despite sharing a last name. Santana wasn't sure what in the Alabama that was about. Her eyes lingered on the group a little too long.
"You've got a crush," a boy said in a bemused tone as he slipped into the seat next to Santana.
Santana instantly went into high alert mode until she really looked at the guy. She hated talking to boys. All of them wanted one thing and pretended not to. But no straight boy wore that much hair gel or cuffed his tshirt sleeves like that. Santana couldn't for the life of her remember this dude's name, though.
"Excuse me?" Her voice was tight and curt.
"You've been staring over there for like ten minutes straight," the guy smirked. He put out his hand, "I'm Blaine by the way."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Santana replied, eyes cast down at the table now. She ignored the handshake.
"Oh, come on," Blaine laughed. "I'll tell you about my crush."
"You don't even know me," Santana deadpanned.
"No, but I think I'd like to try. I get the feeling we might get along," Blaine smiled softly. "Anyway, I've got a huge stupid crush."
"It's been like, not even three days," Santana criticized. "How could you possibly have a crush?"
"Camp time," Blaine explained. "A day at camp is like a week of normal life in terms of social interaction. You form relationships a lot more quickly and a lot more intense."
"Oh," she deadpanned. Santana was a little uncomfortable with how close that comment hit home. "So who is it?"
"Sam," Blaine shook his head. "It's so stupid but his humor and confidence! Also, those lips don't hurt."
"You got a thing for the guppy lips?" Santana was amused now. She'd play. "I'm pretty sure he's straight, though."
"I know, it's tragic," Blaine shook his head. "I'll admire from afar."
"Kurt is definitely gay," Santana nodded towards the pixie-looking boy. She was sure if she lost a tooth, she'd catch him trying to steal it in the night and replace it with a quarter.
"He's definitely gay," Blaine agreed with a laugh. "I'd put money on Brittany too."
Santana felt her cheeks go red. So he had caught on to who she was staring at.
She was still intrigued though, so she asked carefully, "What makes you say that?"
"Have you seen her backpack?" Blaine raised a brow. "It's literally covered in little rainbow pins."
Santana stood suddenly as the conversation started to feel like a bit too much, "I've gotta gay- go! I've got to go."
Blaine just smirked and waved her off.
Santana hit the self destruct button. She did it often and every time things might turn in her favor. She found Sam behind the dining hall looking dumber than a box of rocks. He was the perfect victim for this storm Santana felt inside. Fuck Blaine and his stupid crush. She would be saving him the humiliation. And fuck Brittany for... for nothing… Brittany was perfect. That was just embarrassing, really. She just needed to make her mind go blank. She turned to the only coping skill she had.
"What's your problem, trouty mouth?" She scanned her eyes up and down the human Ken doll.
"Ah, I was just thinking," Sam replied. "Where does air come from?"
God, he was stupid. Maybe she could run the blonde out of her system.
"Do you want to hook up?" Santana blurted out. "One time offer. For the list."
Sam stuttered so she nodded towards the car lot. They made their way into the back of his car. It was sticky and awkward. The car smelled like socks. Sam's body was too hard under her. His stubble brushed her face like sandpaper. It felt sharp and uninviting.
"This is seriously a one time hook up," she glared down at him and he nodded eagerly. Santana was glad for her physical appearance because it didn't take long for the boy to be done for. She was hot and she could take what she wanted. Hooking up with dudes like this had always made her feel powerful, in control. But again, she felt ill and out of body.
Only twenty minutes later and she was leaving him to clean himself up in the car. Another five and she was bent over a toilet, spilling her guts. Years of confusing control for attraction caught up to her in a moment. No, she couldn't run the blonde out of her system. She wanted one blonde and her name was Brittany Pierce. Sam had been just another body that lay in her wake as she ran away from her identity.
"So did you really hook up with Finn for Pucks dumb game?" Quinn asked, starting up a conversation as Santana entered the cabin. They both changed into sweatpants because the night air had grown cold.
"Yeah. Also I just hooked up with Sam," Santana shrugged. The experience flashed behind her eyes and she felt instantly nauseous.
"Oh, don't give me this shit again," Quinn rolled her eyes. "Did we go through the last year for nothing?"
Santana shot the blonde a look that could kill. It didn't phase Quinn. She continued anyway.
"We're not going to see most of these people ever again and the ones who go to school with us already know."
"I don't need to deal with my shit, I'm in the middle of the woods," Santana deadpanned.
"Whatever you say," Quinn dropped the topic knowingly. "Puck is hosting a game night in staff lounge tonight. Wanna go?"
"I might just stay in bed," Santana grumbled. These people were relentlessly social.
"I'm gonna go pick up Brittany and head out in like two minutes," Quinn smirked so that the Latina couldn't see it.
"Fine," Santana dragged her legs off the side of her bed and slipped on the sandals she had bought for the summer. They were delicate and strappy but technically met the requirements for camp appropriate shoes.
Quinn knew that Santana would fall for the bait. Quinn Fabray was many things but the thing she prided herself most on was her keen observational skills. She sat and watched. She noticed everything about everyone around her. So as everybody chattered on about the summer and themselves, Quinn watched their interactions. Santana Lopez had been fixated on Brittany since they had arrived. It made the blonde smile. Santana was never this soft with anyone.
The two made their way next door where Brittany and Tina were bunked. The cabin was covered in posters of musical heart throbs- Justin Beiber, the Jonas Brothers, Katy Perry, even Gaga. There was a rainbow flag on the ceiling and a million smiley face stickers around the walls and bunks.
"Brittany went a little nuts with the stickers," Tina laughed.
"I love stickers!" The taller blonde bopped up right in front of Santana and stuck a sticker on her nose.
Santana took it off and looked at it. It was a holographic blue smiley face. She stuck it on the back of her phone. It felt important for some dumb reason. Quinn immediately noticed. Damn nosy bitch.
"We're headed to the staff lounge," Quinn said quietly, so as to not alert Tina. "Puck said we could check things off if we needed to."
"Oh, don't worry," Tina chimed in. "I know about the list. I usually don't do too many of them but I like the parties."
"Oh, good," Quinn replied. "So we'll all go."
The four made their way along the dirt path, towards the main lodge. It was dark and Tina immediately tripped. Quinn grabbed her arm to steady her and they started talking. Suddenly shy, Brittany walked with her hands in her pockets alongside Santana. The girl had shown up to the cabin in a pair of grey sweatpants and a black tank top. It sounded super casual and maybe even a little slummy, but Brittany didn't think that anything could look slobbish on the Latina. Her grey sweatpants were rolled down along her hips and the black tank hung just below her belly button so when she stretched upwards, Brittany caught a glimpse of her tanned and toned stomach. It made her mouth go dry.
"Sorry that you aren't bunked with us," Santana struck up a conversation.
"That's okay," Brittany answered easily. "Tina is cool but she keeps trying to get me to make Artie my boyfriend. He's cute I guess but he looks at me... weird."
"It's cause you're out of his league," Quinn chimed in.
"Artie is a really good guy," Tina protested. "All I'm saying is that you should give him a chance."
"I did give him a chance," Brittany answered, a bit of edge to her voice.
"What'd that prick do to you?" Santana bristled immediately.
"Calm down mama bear," Quinn all but laughed at the sudden outburst.
"Oh, well we hooked up... yknow for the list?" Brittany answered quietly. "He convinced me that it would be a good idea and he seemed alright so I went back to his bunk."
"Was he that bad?" Quinn half joked but Santana picked up the same protective edge to her voice.
"It was boring," Brittany shrugged. "But he called me dumb for not wanting to do it again today."
"You didn't tell me that!" Tina shouted.
"He doesn't deserve you then," Quinn stated very seriously.
Santana grimaced at the thought of Artie getting to put his face anywhere near Brittany's perfectly pink lips. She must have physically reacted to the thought because she found Brittany's eyes on her.
"Are you cold?" Brittany asked sweetly.
"Oh, uh," Santana wasn't about to admit she'd just shivered with disgust at the thought of a grody boy getting to kiss the girl. She lied, "Yeah."
"Here," Brittany started taking off her yellow flannel. Before Santana could protest, it was being handed to her. Rather than fight it, the Latina just put the thing on. It was just to make the lie more convincing, she convinced herself. It was a men's shirt so it hung loose around her shoulders but the material was thick and comfortable. It smelled like cotton candy perfume and some scent of old spice deodorant, not the original.
"Is this your boyfriends?" Santana asked, happy to be swimming in the comfort of Brittany Pierce's clothing.
"Oh, no," Brittany shook her head. "I just like boys clothes. This one looks better on you though. You should keep it."
"I'll give it back at some point," Santana smiled.
Game night was just a dimly lit excuse to get Puck and his boys laid. Turns out the staff 'lounge' was a ton of futons and bean bags in one of the unfinished dance studios. Instead of windows and mirrors, inspirational bulletins were posted on the walls. There were about a dozen people packed onto all of the couches when the girls got there. Kurt was shamelessly trying to flirt with Blaine, Rachel was basically draped over Finn and Sam waved eagerly for Quinn to join them. That left a singular bean bag on the floor for Brittany and Santana. It was definitely big enough for two but Brittany didn't hesitate. She grabbed Santana's hand and pulled her down on it with her. The Latina tried to sit as far from Brittany as she could but the dip in the chair brought their hips together. Brittany dropped her arm over the back and leaned down to whisper.
"Rachel isn't in the game is she?" Brittany asked, lips almost against Santana's ear.
"No," Santana answered. "I don't think that that boy Jesse is either."
"Hmm, okay," the blonde shrugged.
Santana shifted again, looking anywhere but the blonde beside her. She played with her nails, chipping the tattered black paint from them. Santana felt the girl beside her lean towards her.
"What're you looking at, Pierce?" Santana's eyes were suddenly on the blonde to her side. "You," Brittany smiled. "You're really beautiful."
"I- uh," Santana stumbled but was thankfully interrupted.
"We're playing never have I ever, folks," Puck announced to the room. "No booze but we've got Gatorade. You know the rules- Take a sip if you've done the thing."
Finn and Sam pulled out cases of the sports drink. The boys started passing them out to everyone in the room. Brittany chose red and Santana blue. Everyone sat at the edges of their seats, so that they were in a closer proximity. Puck grinned, getting the game started.
"Never have I kissed a dude," the mohawked boy was starting out easy, testing the waters.
All of the girls in the room drank alongside Kurt and Blaine. Surprisingly, Jesse drank too.
"The expression of human sexuality should be fluid and experimental," he shrugged, his tone far too serious. "I'll try anything once."
"Cheers to that," Blaine agreed much more lightheartedly. His grin was annoyingly infectious and Santana tried to smush down a smirk. Everyone took a sip of their drink after raising their bottles in agreement.
"Never have I had sex," Mercedes stated boldly, as she was next up. She had a smug grin, knowing most of the room would have to drink.
To nobody's surprise, everyone drank with the exception of Mercedes and Kurt, the latter looking thoroughly embarrassed. Santana smirked.
"Pixie boys never been laid," Santana murmured to Brittany. "Maybe he's too delicate."
"Maybe he just hates fun," Brittany giggled quietly.
God, Santana missed fun. Why couldn't things just be fun anymore.
"Your lips are stained red," Santana laughed. She raised a hand and ran her thumb over the corner of the girl's mouth, rubbing away a bit of the dye. Brittany just giggled in response.
The two were drink for drink the entire night. They both drank for skinny dipping, drinking at school, trying something illegal. They drank for everything except for Sams strange statement about licking a football, which only Puck drank for. It was some kind of weird inside joke that left everyone confused. Brittany's hand fell onto Santana's lap, making her dizzy. Her warmth felt really nice against her side. It was Brittany's turn and she scrunched her face up as she thought.
"Never have I been to camp before," She decided on, making a few people drink.
"Never have I been a blonde," Santana shrugged with a smug smile. It was harder to think of a thing she hadn't done that would get others to drink.
"Cheeky, Lopez," Quinn laughed from her spot next to Puck. The two had been playing footsie all night. Santana was pretty sure she was the only one who noticed with the possible exception of Joe, who clearly had a thing for her.
"Lame," Blaine grinned. He was up next. "Never have I hooked up with a girl."
Santana felt suddenly nervous as she watched the people around her. All the straight dudes in the room drank, followed by Quinn. The boys hooted at this but Santana knew it had just been her and Quinn trying something.
"You didn't drink?" Brittany questioned to her right. Her brows were furrowed.
"Oh, you did?" Santana asked tentatively.
"Yeah," Brittany smiled. She said it like it was the easiest thing in the world. Her eyes lingered on Santana's lips for a second. They were so full and honestly, Brittany wanted to taste whatever chapstick she had on.
Nervously, Santana took a sip of her drink. Her eyes were still on Brittany. She knew Quinn was right in that moment. Everyone knew or nobody cared. She didn't get any hollering from the boys because they went to school together. They had heard the rumors. Santana was still working through her shit, though. Maybe nobody else cared but she did. She couldn't deal with the thought of anyone thinking lesser of her. She was a bad bitch that didn't need the baggage of being a lesbian. She just hadn't come to terms fully yet with the whole world knowing.
"I think I like kissing girls more," Brittany pondered, only loud enough for Santana to hear.
The game went on but Santana's brain was spinning. Kissing Brittany Pierce was an actual option. Well, maybe. If Brittany wanted to kiss her. Blaine had been right. Suddenly, this was a game and not just a longing. It felt real and dangerous. Her head felt fuzzy.
"Never have I played truth or dare," Rachel Berry spoke up in her irritatingly proper tone. It was more of a sad confession than a good game move like she'd intended.
"Are you serious?" Artie spoke up first. "That's like an adolescent right of passage."
"Didn't you go to sleepovers as a kid?" Quinn deadpanned.
"No, I have a very specific night time ritual that cannot be tampered with-"
"Okay so we're definitely playing," Puck interrupted. "Rachel, you kind of suck."
Rachel went to speak up but was immediately interrupted again.
"But I cannot work with a person who hasn't experienced the horrifying awkwardness of Truth or Dare."
"Lord, no," Santana protested. "Are we twelve?"
"A lot of our kids are gonna be," Blaine replied. "Consider this a painful reminder of the personal hell we called puberty."
"Truth or Dare, Rachel," Finn smiled at her.
"He looks like a baby who just learned how to fart," Santana muttered to Brittany. She got a giggle in response and inferred Rachel's choice of Truth.
"Who was your first crush?" Finn asked.
"Jesse, actually," Rachel replied easily. Finn looked disturbed to say the least. Who cared about this shit?
"I hate it here," Santana threw herself backwards on the beanbag, sprawling across it dramatically.
"Since you think you're too good for everything Santana; truth or dare?" Rachel piped up.
"Dare," Santana rolled her eyes. "Hit me with a good one, dwarf Streisand."
"I dare you to kiss Artie," She replied. The bitch must have been observing her closely the last couple of days. The smirk on Berrys face made it clear she knew Santana was not fond of the boy.
Never one to back down, Santana stood up and walked over to the boy. She leaned over and gave Artie the kiss of his lifetime. This time, she got a few catcalls. Good. She was still a hot bitch after all. His lips were weirdly soft for a dudes and hardly moved. He just let her do all the work like every guy she'd ever kissed. Women were different. They took what they wanted from you. They challenged. She loved that. This? This was boring and way too slobbery.
Artie looked thoroughly flustered. Santana separated herself from the boy and strutted away from him. She turned to Rachel and Kurt, who had gone red.
"Truth or Dare, boy Berry?" Santana asked Kurt, wiping the boy's drool from her lip.
The game continued. Brittany snuggled right back into Santana when she sat. Her hands didn't fall on Santana's skin again and they were both disappointed to have lost that contact. Every time Santana relaxed with Brittany, it seemed like someone had to ruin it. Artie came over and started talking to Brittany. He was apologetic and sweet. He even apologized for kissing Santana. Brittany was just letting him talk and stumble over his words. Annoyed, Santana stood. She needed some air. After telling the girl beside her so, she walked outside. Gravel crunched under her feet and she was pissed for no reason. It wasn't even fair for her to be mad because she hooked up with a dude just the same. That made her so mad. She was angry at herself for closing the closet doors again. Stupid boys and their stupid existence. She walked out to a bench near the lake and was surprised to find Blaine there.
"Are you like the fucking fairy gay mother or something?" She groaned as she sat beside him.
"Apparently so," he laughed in response. "Why are you out here Santana?"
She didn't answer. She just stared out at the lake. Santana had no reason to be mad. She had no claim on this girl who was way too sweet and perfect for some one like her. She seemed pretty open, too. Santana wasn't so trusting.
"It wasn't easy for me," Blaine spoke after a few moments. "Coming out sucks."
"Again with the assumptions. You don't know me, pretty boy," Santana bit back. But she sighed just as quickly.
"I feel like I do," Blaine shrugged. "Take away the cuffed tshirts and the gel, I look pretty damn heterosexual. I like sports and fixing up old cars. Nobody really expected me to... be gay. I didn't really fit the mold and surprise came off as anger from some close friends."
"Who told you I was?" Santana deadpanned.
"Told me?" Blaine laughed again. "Nobody had to tell me. You've been basically undressing Brittany with your eyes all week. Plus, your nails."
Santana looked down at her short trimmed nails and rolled her eyes. "How did it suck for you?"
"My parents were't the happiest about it at first," Blaine was looking out at the water now. "I lost most of my friends. Got bullied out of a public school after I came out."
"At least you got to do it on your terms," Santana shook her head.
"What happened?"
"I got caught hooking up with a girl by a dumb gotcha journalist at a cheerleading tourney. Ohio isn't exactly the most accepting place in the world and they wrote an article about Sue Sylvester's lesbian cheer squad. They dropped my name, front and center," Santana explained.
"That's terrible," Blaine frowned.
"My mom is cool but my father and abuela disowned me," Santana sighed. "I don't know why I'm telling you this."
"Camp," Blaine shrugged.
She supposed he was right. She was in the middle of nowhere surrounded by people who knew her or that she would never see again. She had been repeating that to herself all week but maybe she'd start to believe it. She wasn't ready to start waving a rainbow flag but at least she could be honest with herself on a bench by a lake with a stranger.
Santana smiled. "Thanks, pretty boy."
Santana went to sleep that night curled up in Brittany's flannel. She didn't even care if Quinn saw.