Chapter Forty-Four

I can't see you

A/N Ok, so the plot of the invisibility will obviously work a bit differently but I think it'll alright, and Tara and Spike will be able to see Willow but not Anya and vice versa.

Sunnydale, the world without shrimp 2003

"Sweetie, remember when I met your parents for the first time, I was nervous, like super nervous that they wouldn't like me. And you calmed me down remember. You were completely there for me and made me feel like you always do. It's my turn." Tara said taking Willow's hands in her own as they stood casually outside the front door of the Summers' house. Willow bit her lip, not wanting to admit to Tara how scared she was, she'd been playing it cool all morning. But the I can't see them message was still flooding her brain. Little did she know Tara could hear all of it, she knew Willow far too well to know that she would play this cool. She was being extra comforting because she knew the raging war that was more than likely going on inside her girlfriend's head.

"Yes Tara I remember. Look I'm fine, I'll be fine." Willow replied, still shaking and failing very much to hide her nerves. She could feel something doomed inside - like the magic wouldn't keep itself down, or maybe it was just butterflies.

"They're your friends, they've been your friends forever and they let you back after you know, last time. They love you, not exactly the same as the way I love you, but they definitely love you Willow and I'm sure they miss you very much. Come here." Tara said reaching out for Willow's shoulder and brought them close into a tight hug, gripping on too much as Willow nuzzled into Tara's neck, not letting the tears run out just yet.

As she pulled out of the embrace, Tara's hand went to cup her cheek and she loosely managed a smile back. "I promise you." Tara said quietly before letting her fist rattle against the door before Willow could stop her. The door opened slowly revealing nothing to Willow, just an empty gap, clearly they didn't want to see her either.

But then Tara started talking, like she was talking to Buffy – pointing back at Willow as she attempted to step over the threshold. But she just couldn't, none of the words coming out of Tara's mouth meant anything, she couldn't hear it, she was fading. All her senses falling out of whack as she watched Tara try and pull her into the house, her legs simply refusing to move, she knew Tara was giving her a hard stare, but there was a car behind those eyes.

Trying hard to regain any and all composure Willow was sure she must have left, she took a deep breath and peered inside the house. There was no one, it was empty, like everyone was out, all her friends anyway, there were a few potentials lurking around the living room but apart from that she saw no one she cared about except Tara. She'd wronged them and now when she'd arranged to see them and now they were playing some kind of cruel trick on her. But Tara was talking again. Talking to people she couldn't see, not that the words were audible. She was so stuck inside her own head that she could no longer understand what was happening around her. It was magic alright, overtaking her senses – trying to shield her from seeing them, it was her inverse reaction and it was taking an adverse effect. She couldn't be there in that space anymore.

So Willow bolted, slamming the door shut behind her, all she heard was Tara's piercing scream after her but she just kept running, the disorientation stopping gradually the further and further away from the house she got.

The whole day had been pulled out from under her feet. Willow watched as the daylight faded into night from the armchair she'd curled up in - inside the Stevenson Hall foyer, where she'd first met Tara and all this magic started. She couldn't go and hide in their dorm, it wasn't right, she didn't feel right. The tears had started to fall when the thought hit her. Should I have never met her? If I'd done what Oz said, stayed with him, let him take me back, none of this would've happened. He knew the magic was a bad idea, he tried to talk me out of experimenting. Well, I guess he got his wish, he was right. I can't control it anymore. Maybe I don't deserve her and the universe is punishing me.

It was as all these things began to creep into her that Willow couldn't handle being awake anymore. The tears slipped out and wet the arm of the chair and her eyes closed too tight and made it painful and crusty for her to open them again. A thousand people could've walked past but nobody noticed her, it was a wonder whether anyone saw her at all.

It was a while before Willow heard the patter of feet approach her. She didn't look up, thinking she knew who it was, or speculated who it was. There was a whole host of possible options running through Willow's head but her prime suspect was Tara. But it wasn't Tara. In fact, Tara wasn't sure what to do, she would've followed Willow as she ran but Buffy held her back, grabbing her arm. And nervous abandon had made her stay in the house for Willow's return. But she was so stupid, she knew Willow would want her, would need her and she hadn't even tried to follow her. What kind of girlfriend- lover was she supposed to be if she just let her love run away from her.

She too was silently sobbing on the couch, head in her hands and wishing to all good Goddesses that Willow would call, or come back or something. What'd happened had been so messed up, one minute they were fine, Willow was nervous, she knew that but they were talking, they were touching and it was all fine. Now it wasn't. Willow had just freaked out, it looked like she was having some kind of panic attack. And I just left her. Just let her have a complete meltdown and I wasn't eve there to comfort her. Goddess, what am I doing I need to find her?

Just as Tara leapt up from the couch and headed for the door she watched as the darkness loomed and Spike made his way out the house in front of her. She didn't know where she was going, or where he was going, her only thought was that she'd wasted too much time and desperately needed to find Willow. She thought her dorm was the best bet as that's where they'd been sleeping.

As Spike approached Willow's curled form he didn't smile. He couldn't tell what kind of magic this was or why, but he knew what a person in pain and anguish looked like and this was it. He'd gone out to look for her because somehow it felt a duty, both Willow and Tara hadn't been especially mean to him ever, and Buffy needed both of them and if it was for Buffy he was glad to look. She had too much on her mind to be thinking about that right now. Somehow he was a decent man now, his soul gave him that, slight purpose.

So as he came across the redhead lying in a ball like her entire body was bound together with rope. Her face was tear stained and puffy, she was sniffing quite heavily and trying to control her breathing. Not something Spike remembered much about but he did know a thing or two about love. In fact he was basically the expert on the subject and this looked like a love problem to him. He sat down in a chair opposite, his elbows resting above his knees as he leaned forward and spoke softly.

"Willow? Listen to me pet. Whatever fight you two had it's not worth crying your guts out over it. I've seen the way yous two look at each other. There's love there. Do you love her?" Spike asked, peering into her small puffy face. Willow was looking up now, sniffing more and looking like she'd regressed to her former magical self. There was sophomore Willow in there, instead of graduating college Willow, it was like the overalls were growing back over her. Willow nodded gently in response, knowing they hadn't had a fight, but realising Spike might be impartial enough to talk to.

"I just- I don't deserve her. If we hadn't met then I wouldn't have tried to strengthen my magic and I wouldn't have gone all dark. And maybe I don't deserve her love at all, maybe she'd be better off without my magic to bring her down. She's so good, so good and I've ruined her goodness. This magic, this darkness inside of me - it's eating away at her too. A-And I can't. I-I can't lose her-" Willow cut herself off when her tears began to sting the back of her eyes again, the pinprick of salt water threatening to overtake her whole body again. She was almost shaking underneath the weight of her breakdown. She hadn't been this down since the summer - since Tara had taken care of her the whole time. Another sob crashed loudly onto her face with that thought.

Spike looked sympathetic, his head tilted sideways but he knew if he tried to step nearer to her there was a chance she would strike him. Dark magic and high emotions didn't fare well together and he didn't want to be skewered. "Red, I don't think-" Spike was cut off by a very worried, very anxious Tara swiftly entering the foyer and crouching down beside Willow. She didn't walk as fast as Spike and she'd lost him in her frantic nerves. Somehow his aura had changed that day, a new blue colour flickering through it instead of his usual red, indicating a care, a calm he didn't have before. She nodded a quick 'thank you' to him as he left them alone in the square.

Few people walked through that area of the building when it was this dark and this late. Time had been at a standstill but now it was coming back into orbit as Tara's loving hands came through Willow's red hair. Willow leant up into Tara's touch so willingly, just wanting to be comforted. She was too tired now to abject, to spout lies about undeserving and situations that were not as they were. Tara's lips were in contact with her forehead and she finally closed her eyes in defeat. She could never fight the arms of the woman she loved. And they hadn't fought, they weren't in turmoil. They were just fine.

"I love you, so much, and if it's too much to see your friends right now. Then we won't I promise. I can feel it, your worry about the magic, we can't make it go away Will, we just have to live with it. And you're doing so well, magic isn't easy to control, you're one of the strongest people I know. And I can't be without you, so please, will you come to bed?" Tara said quietly, continuing to press little kisses the redhead's forehead and run the ends of her hair through her soft fingertips. Willow nodded deeply into Tara's palm and let the blonde pull her up into tight embrace. Then letting her guide them towards a dorm they would need for just one more night. For there was still a demon on the loose.