We Can Do Anything
AN: Thank you all for the support! I get stupidly giddy whenever I get a new notification, so give me some serotonin and tell me how you think the story is going!
Disclaimer: I should warn y'all that this story is about pregnancy; I am writing from my own experiences, and if you feel uncomfy with it, this may not be the story for you.
I'm Pregnant
New Years Eve 1979
"Shit," Lily whispered to herself. "Shit, shit, shit." She glared at the stick in her shaking hands, the pink plus sign glaring back at her just as fierce.
She didn't know why she was so surprised at the results, and the second Marlene had brought up the possibility of being pregnant, the reality of the last few weeks had finally registered. Her boobs hurt nearly all the time, she had been sick every morning that week, and she hadn't even realized she missed her period in November.
"How could I be so stupid?" Lily berated herself in the mirror. She felt her heart thump, and she absentmindedly set her hand on her belly. Of course, she wanted children, ten years down the line when she and James had a home to call their own, and the blood war was long in the past. Every part of her ached to be a mother, but she had no idea what her husband even wanted.
Glancing at her watch, she vaguely registered the fact that she had a few more hours of solace before her husband was due to return home and begrudgingly pulled open another pregnancy test box. Lily went towards the counter, picked up her empty water glass, and refilled it. "You can't be pregnant." She chanted to herself in the mirror, willing it to be true and praying for a false positive. She downed the glass of water and went back to the loo.
Lily spent the better part of the next hour in her bathroom, screaming at herself for being so stupid, crying because she is only nineteen, and occasionally taking a break to laugh manically at herself. "We never even talked about children. Who gets married without talking about kids?" She thought to herself, sitting on the edge of her bathtub and burying her head in her hands.
Anxiety began to consume her as she finally dared to take a look at the second test, reconfirming her worst fears.
"Of course," she whispered furiously, throwing the pregnancy test at the wall across from her, "of fucking course I get pregnant the one time we forget the contraceptive charm." She was furious at herself for being so careless.
In her darkest moment, she let her mind wander over to her sister. In November, Lily and James had bumped into Petunia outside of a Christmas market near Lily's hometown. Petunia had been pushing an expensive pram, and inside was her blond baby boy. Three months old with chubby pink cheeks and a tight-lipped smile like his mother. She thought back to when they were children. Petunia still treated Lily like her sister; they played with their dolls together, pretending to be mothers and making false promises of being the best aunties to each other's future children.
Her parents are gone now, and so are James'. She scoffed in the mirror, "How sad is that? My baby won't even have grandparents."
The thought of her parents as grandparents made Lily's stomach lurch; they would have been so disappointed in her. Her father certainly wasn't happy when Lily and James eloped.
"You should have been in a church," he told her furiously.
Soon her thoughts began to spiral, thinking of church, painted a vivid image of the sun beaming down on a bright Sunday morning, shining on her perfect family. A small girl with bouncy red curls hand in hand with her Mother and Sister. She closed her eyes, and loud bells chimed in her memory, surrounded by the angelic hum of a choir. Mum would be so disappointed in me.
Lily opened up the third box. To be sure.
Angrily ripping open the cardboard box and pulling out the test, she told herself she wouldn't think of her Mum. It hurt too much.
She felt her stomach swell with panic, knowing that her husband would be home soon and she would have to pull herself together in time to greet him. Lily was sure he would be exhausted after a day crouched under his invisibility cloak and tracking Lucious Malfoy. She released a few more silent sobs, her mind racing with a million different thoughts, and she felt frustrated with herself that she couldn't focus on just one.
After a few more minutes of allowing herself to wallow in her pity, Lily's mind felt blank, and her mouth tasted chalky as she contemplated her next move. Telling James. That was definitely the next step. She wasn't sure how he would feel about having a baby right now, but Lily knew exactly what she wanted. The longer she sat in her bathroom, the swell of panic in her stomach was slowly replaced with excitement as she imagined holding a hand to her swollen belly and cradling a squirming newborn to sleep. Lily never realized how much she wanted to be a Mum, not until now.
James had to understand.
She sat on the loo, peeing on the third test and setting it on the counter beside the other two positive tests. Waiting for the result from the third test, Lily washed her hands and splashed water on her face. She took a moment to stare at herself in the mirror once more, pushing her hair behind her ears. Sighing as she touched a hand to her cheek, taking in her pale skin, somber expression, and sullen green eyes. Am I supposed to feel different? She asked herself.
She moved her hands to her stomach, carefully pushing up her shirt, touching her palm to her skin, and feeling the definite bump. I feel different; I'm going to be a Mum, she thought.
Minutes ticked by, and Lily picked up the third test; reality quickly settled in. "Shit!" She swore, digging her face in her hands, the positive test clutched tightly between her fingers. "What am I gonna tell him?" She whispered to herself, turning around and lifting herself so she could sit on the counter.
She was only slightly aware the alarm on her watch was going off, warning her that her husband would be home any minute. Lily scooted back, so she could lean against the mirror and knocked over everything on the counter in the process. She brought her knees to her chest, holding up the positive test once more and studying the plus sign extra hard, to be sure.
She thought back to the pregnancy scare she had seventh year, at the beginning of their last new term in January. Just a month after getting engaged. Lily had come to James in fear when she realized her period had been a few weeks late; together, they snuck into Hogsmeade and apparated to a Muggle pharmacy to buy a test. Of course, it was negative, and Lily attributed her symptoms to the mounting stress of N.E.W.T.S and the disastrous family life she had left behind in the Muggle world.
Lily had whispered to James one night soon after that, that no matter how relieved she was that she wasn't pregnant, a small part of her was disappointed she wasn't having his baby. She immediately apologized, terrified of scaring him off and making a joke about how messed up it was that she was trying to fill the family-shaped hole that had currently taken root in her life.
James kissed her so sweetly that night, telling her he loved her no matter what, making a lot of big promises for a seventeen-year-old boy. She soaked up every word, and he married her soon after, so she had to believe him.
A soft thudding in the kitchen brought Lily from her memories. Her husband was home; Lily could hear him talking to the cat from the kitchen.
"Lil?" His voice echoed through the flat.
Lily didn't answer; instead, she had resigned herself to her spot on the bathroom counter, hoping her husband would find her and all the tests so that he would just find out and Lily wouldn't have to tell him.
She buried her face in her knees and listened to his soft footsteps as he walked through their flat and towards the bathroom.
"Lily? You in here?" James called through the door, knocking on the wood and waiting patiently for her voice.
He got nervous when she didn't call back and knocked on the door louder. "Lily?" He hit it again, harder, and he heard a soft sob from the other side of the door. "Lil? I'm coming in." James pushed open the door; he ignored the piles of clothes and garbage that had spread across the floor and rushed towards his wife's sobbing body.
James spoke so softly, "Lily." He cupped the sides of her face with his hands and forced her to look up at him. The sight of her puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks yanked at his heart, and he leaned forward to press a soft kiss against her lips.
After a moment of soft kissing and whispering, I love you's. Lily had calmed down, and James dropped his hands from her face and pulled her forward, forcing her to drop her legs from the counter and letting them swing freely. She lightly wrapped her ankles around his waist while he set his arms around her back.
Touching his forehead against hers, James whispered to Lily, "What happened?"
Say it! Lily screamed at herself. Fucking tell him, you coward! Instead, pulling her head away from him, Lily slowly unclasped her fingers and held out the positive pregnancy test to James.
James pulled back slightly and took the test from her hands. His brow furrowed in curiosity as he studied the plastic in his hands, and he looked up at Lily. She sat there, biting her lip, eyes wide with anxiety, while she gouged his reaction.
James knew what it was immediately; he had seen her take one before. He took a step back and looked around the bathroom, the word pregnancy glaring at him from a box on the floor. Blood rushed to his ears, and his voice cracked as he spoke, "Lily? What's this?"
"I'm pregnant."