!TRIGGER WARNING FOR RAPE AND SEXUAL ABUSE AND ASSAULT!
The line for breakfast moved excruciatingly slowly for Emma that morning. She was exhausted, having had an awful nights sleep with her child trying to stretch and kick her to death from the inside and the Whispering Walker pacing back and forth all night. Emma was a naturally light sleeper but had become even lighter since coming to prison. She was also absolutely starving! For the first eight weeks of her pregnancy, the thought of food alone was enough to make her throw up but now she couldn't get enough food. The prison doctor had put her on an enhanced iron and calcium diet with daily prenatal vitamins for the baby. The baby was growing and growing, and she felt her bump getting bigger and bigger every day.
Finally grabbing her plastic lunch tray from the older woman serving, she mumbled a quiet "Thanks", and went to sit down. Emma slumped forward before picking up her spoon for her oatmeal that she put honey and fruit on and her two cartons of orange juice with some extra crackers and a banana. Not a patch on Mary's cooking Emma thought bitterly.
Suddenly Emma was rudely jolted from her quiet thoughts but the Whispering Walker sitting across from her. Her name tag said her name was MILLS, REGINA which Emma felt was beautiful name but was too embarrassed to say. The woman looked up and Emma almost expected anger from her, but was surprised with a thin, polite smile, before opening her mouth and saying quietly:
"Is that one your first?" pointing at Emma's now unmissable bump.
"Yeah, my first. I'm Emma, by the way" said Emma, holding out her hand in a friendly manner.
"Regina. You're lucky you know" said the woman who now had a name.
"I am?" Emma asked, quite scared of the woman's answer.
"Yes, you are. You're hardly more than a child, you're pregnant, and you're getting treated with kid gloves in here. How long is your sentence" Regina asked, her voice remaining monotone?
"One year, but it's been dropped to six months. I have four months left" Emma gulped down her juice in the hope it might calm her racing heart. It didn't work.
"like I say, you're lucky. You know what you're having yet?" Regina asked as she flicked an eyebrow at Emma.
"Not yet. I find out this week though. It feels like a boy to me" Emma smiled, running her hand over her stomach, and feeling her child kick lightly in response.
"so means you must be at least five months. Your due date must be right around your release then" Regina observed as she shoved a forkful of food into her mouth and patted her lips elegantly.
"The week after my release. I hope they don't come early" Emma half-joked, and silently prayed that the baby would be late, so there was no danger of it being a jailhouse baby.
"You'll be fine dear. A young thing like you. How old are you anyway?" Regina asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Fifteen. I'm sixteen next month which is why I'm here and not in juvie. That and the reason why I'm here" Emma added that last sentence quietly, but not quietly enough for her new companion who had sharp ears.
"Why are you here?"
Emma debating about lying or softening the truth but sighed before telling Regina the whole thing about Neal, and how they were broke, and desperate, and starving…and the robbery.
"I wouldn't have done it for anyone else but him, I thought he loved me. Now all he left me with is the keys to a car I can't drive and a baby" Emma whispered, letting a few tears fall.
"we've all made that mistake dear" Regina said briskly, handing Emma a napkin to dab at her eyes.
"What? Robbery?" Emma asked.
"No dear, not robbery. Falling in love. I can almost certainly promise you that is why ¾ of the people who are here today are here. Love is a powerful and dangerous thing. A kind of magic, almost" Regina's monotone changed to an almost unmistakable sadness and the lines around her face grew soft again.
"Are you okay?" Emma whispered.
"of course, I just can't help but remember someone I loved" Regina said, her brown eyes that usually were sad looked happier, fuller of life again.
"I don't think love exists. I think we all have soulmates and when we find them… we'll just sort of… know. The father of my baby wasn't my soul mate. He was just someone I loved" Emma said, thinking about the darker side of Neal that only she had witnessed.
He was violent, possessive, jealous, and controlling. He tried to guilt-trip Emma into staying with him after he beat her up in their motel room by threatening to "give in to his inner temptations" which Emma knew meant nothing good. There had been a few times that the pair had had sex in their motel room and Emma had been too tired to fight it or refuse. So Neal did whatever he wanted with her before rolling over and going to sleep. He hadn't noticed the tears that had slipped out of Emma's tightly shut eyes, or felt the pain that Emma felt when he forced himself inside her when she didn't want him to.
He had raped her. Emma knew that now, but she couldn't bear to admit it to anyone other than herself yet. Even the thought of it made her feel sick, shaky, and dirty. It wasn't her fault, but it felt like it was somehow, maybe because Neal had always told her that everything was her fault.
Emma then felt a comforting hand on her shoulder and saw that Regina had moved to be next to her, having noticed the fear in her green eyes and the slight tremor that went through her when she talked about her baby's father. Obviously was a touchy subject that Regina herself could relate to, an abusive partner or husband was something she was all too familiar with.
Regina had been married young, at 20 years old. Her husband was a friend of her father who was around the same age as her father if not older. His name was Leopold, and he had a ten-year-old daughter that Regina had adored and loved her as though she was her own daughter. That little girl, named Sophia but nicknamed Snow was the only good thing about her marriage. Regina then applied to be Snow's adopted mother to give her some rights over the child should anything happen to her father.
Leopold hadn't wanted to marry Regina, but his young bride's mother had insisted on their union. "You can tame that wild young girl in whatever way you see fit" was what Regina's mother Cora had promised when she betrothed Regina to Leopold. And Leopold did just that.
Night after night he beat his wife until she was forced to buy special makeup to hide her bruises, and have their young daughter run her a hot bath to soothe her aches and pains.
Regina suspected that Leopold got off on intimidating her and he might have a bit of a rape kink, so Regina "allowed" him to rape her on the promise that he stayed faithful to her (a promise that was repeatedly broken)
The final straw for Regina was when she caught her husband spying on his daughter and her friends in their hot tub when the children were wearing their swimsuits and Snow was in her first bikini. Regina knew then that Leopold was going to start hurting their daughter next unless she put a stop to it.
Meanwhile, Regina was comforting Emma who was beginning to calm down after her flashback. Her green eyes had glazed over and was trembling. Regina held her until Emma blinked furiously, saw herself in the embrace of the slightly older woman, hurriedly spat out a "thanks", and rushed back to her cell.
Regina decided there and then that she was going to try to befriend Emma, give her guidance and advice, treat her as a surrogate daughter of sorts. Since being in prison, the thing that Regina had missed the most was the affection of her daughter who seemed to love her unconditionally.
Sophia and Regina were extraordinarily close, you would almost think that the pair were sisters as opposed to mother and daughter. Regina had loved watching Sophia having fun and learning things and she was always the first person that Sophia had run to with any problems.
Regina nursed her when she had chicken pox, Regina helped her when she got her first period, Regina mended her first broken heart. It was actually because of Regina's love for Sophia that she was in prison.
When Regina caught her husband perving on the young girls in the hot tub, Regina asked him what on earth was he thinking, that was his daughter and her friends! He tried to explain that it was a one-time thing, but his wife was sure he would slip up again. And he did.
Snow complained to Regina one day that her father had taken to walking in on her when she was undressing, and she felt embarrassed about her father seeing her developing body. Regina took to waiting outside the girls bedroom and bathroom just to ensure that she was safe, like any concerned parent would do. But the one night that Regina had fallen asleep on the sofa in her private sitting room was the night her husband stole the most precious thing he could from his own daughter.
So Regina poisoned him.
She put arsenic on his dinner and watched as the light went out in his eyes. She couldn't believe that she had just killed someone. Her husband. Her daughters father! But he wasn't a particularly good husband or father, or even a particularly good human being. Regina had forgotten to dispose of his body that night and when she heard a scream the next morning from Snow, her blood ran cold. Pulling the now 15-year-old girl into her arms to try and prevent her seeing her fathers corpse was all that she could do, and when the toxicology results came back with high levels of arsenic, Regina pled guilty to first degree murder in self-defence. Telling the court and the jury about the abhorrence of the acts that her husband had done to her and their child convinced the court to grant Regina a 15-year sentence. She had so far served 13 years and was hoping to get out early for good behaviour, although this was never guaranteed.
Emma was now taking refuge in her cell, wishing above all else that she could just burrow under some freshly washed sheets, wrap her baby blanket around her shoulders, and watch a good film on Netflix. That was one of Emma's guilty pleasures, taking some time away from everything else to do some self-care. Mary was always ready if Emma needed a down day from school or anything else, and often held her while the girl explained whatever it was that was on her mind.
What Emma wouldn't give to have her mother hold her now.
At the beginning of the adoption, everyone involved was worried that Emma would reject Mary, with her loving hugs, habit of cleaning up after people, and her loving and caring personality. Mary herself was nervous about Emma not taking to her, but she could still remember the night that they bonded:
Emma had been quiet since coming home from school that day and had gone straight to her room and hadn't been seen since. Mary figured that maybe the pre-teen just wanted some space to clear her head and process the whole day. Ten minutes later, Mary heard Emma run to the bathroom and slam the door behind her, and Mary thought she heard some quiet retching noises. So, like any parent, she knocked on the bathroom door
"Emma? Is everything okay in there?" Mary called
"yeah, all good" Emma answered weakly.
"you call vomiting 'all good'?" Mary checked and she could imagine the girl rolling her eyes on the other side of the locked door
"Okay, maybe I'm a little bit sick. But honestly I'm okay…" Emma was cut off by another bout of sickness
"Sweetheart will you open the door and I'll help you" Mary offered and just when she was about to walk away, she heard the sound of the lock click and Emma emerged. Her pale face emphasised her dark circles, her hair was limp and was stuck to her still-sweaty face, and Emma just looked like death warmed up.
Mary knelt by the girls bed all night, putting cold washcloths on her forehead to reduce her fever, rubbing her back and wiping her mouth when she was sick, and reading stories to her when she was restless. Emma's stomach flu lasted for about four days before her fever broke and she felt well enough to weakly take a shower with her mother helping to wash the suds out of her hair and rub lotion on her back afterwards.
From that day on, Emma was a Mama's girl.