Inspiration: Jonathan Lynn's and Antony Jay's Yes Minister

Pyrrha sat alone in her dorm. Since yesterday, after watching that film, her heart had been in turmoil. Seeing the actions of her other self hurt her; she was so vindictive and brutal, something which she had promised never to lose herself to. After all, while she has no first-hand experience with that level of anger, she was certain that, with her strength, the results would be quite similar.

She had also been thinking about her parents. She hadn't given them many calls since coming to Beacon, feeling that she had to focus on her studies first and foremost. However, she now had to see them, to know that they are alright and not in any grief.

She took her scroll and dialled the house number, listening impatiently to the repetitive tones. Then, there was an answer, "Hello?"

"Hello, mother," Pyrrha replied.

"Sweetie! This is a surprise."

Pyrrha smiled, "I suppose. I've been busy with schoolwork and didn't have time to call."

There was a chuckle, "That sounds just like you. Honestly, we were a little worried, but presumed that if something were wrong we'd get a call. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, everything's…" she halted for a moment, "...good."

"You don't sound too sure."

Pyrrha sighed, "Well, yesterday we watched quite a tragic movie, something that brought tears to my eyes. Since then, I've been worrying about you and father."

"Oh, sweetie," her mother replied, "That's sweet of you. We're alright down here, but the car has a problem and your father is taking it over to the garage today. Other than that, everything is as it should be. I don't think you'll believe this, but Hector got married!"

A joyous smile spread on Pyrrha's lips as she listened to her mother, her fears easing, "Really?"

"Yes, to a girl called Andromache, from the city. Oh, and your friend, Psyche, she got accepted into university, she's taking social studies."

"That's good to hear. I'll be sure to give her a call."

Her mother chuckled, "You do that, she'll be very happy. How're things with you, made lots of friends?"

Pyrrha's smile widened, "Yes, I have. I'm on good terms with my team, we're known as JNPR, and we're close to another team, RWBY."

"I'm glad to hear that. Is there anyone that's caught your eye, anyone you… fancy?" her mother teased.

Pyrrha flushed a deep red, "...Yes… He's my team leader…"

There was a chuckle, "How romantic. I can't wait to have grand-kids, you know?"

Pyrrha's smile morphed into a frown, "Actually, he has his eyes on a different girl, though she doesn't seem interested…"

"Don't worry about that. Your father was head over heels for another girl, but after one too many rejections, he lost interest and finally noticed me. I'm sure everything will work out for you."

"Thank you, mother."

"Now, I better go, sweetheart, before the food burns again. Take care, darling."

"Bye, mother," the phone hung up, and Pyrrha released a relieved sigh.

There was a knock on the door, and Ruby entered, "Hey, Pyrrha!" she called, "We got another movie today, and I was wondering if you wanted to watch it with us? You don't have to, I understand if you'd rather not after yesterday, but…"

"It's alright, Ruby," the invincible girl said, "I'll join you. I actually feel… better after yesterday."

Her friend smiled, "That's good to hear. Come on, we're watching it in our dorm." The two girls joined their friends in RWBY's dorm, sitting around the television. Ruby put in the disk and sat herself next to Weiss and Yang.

Ruby sat in her home, glaring at the telephone.

"Uh oh…" Ruby muttered, worried that she might now have to look at her doing something awful as well.

"Looking pretty intense there, sis."

Her husband, Oscar, entered with three cups of tea. "Anything?"

Ruby shook her head, "Nothing. Blake was on the phone earlier, said she's coming over."

"Well, why doesn't she just move in?" Oscar grumbled.

Ruby sighed as she picked up her tea, "Look, she's my political advisor. The two of us need a talk, the election was last night!"

"I'm a politician?" RWBY's leader asked.

"I'm worried for whatever country you're managing," Weiss muttered.

"But politics is so boring!" Nora bemoaned.

"I think you need to calm down," Oscar stated, sitting on the couch and picking up his tea.

"The thing is, I ran against the Prime Minister for the leadership," the woman replied, "If I don't get in the cabinet, I'll be a backbencher again!"

"Well good luck," Weiss chuckled, "I doubt the PM is going to let you into his cabinet after standing against him."

"What is this cabinet?" Jaune asked.

"It is the PM's ministers, essentially the government," Ren answered.

The phone rang, and Ruby jumped at it, nearly spilling her tea. "Hello?" she greeted excitedly, but then her face fell into a frown, "Oh, it's you Yang…"

"Gee, thanks. Don't sound too excited to talk to your sister," Yang grumbled.

"I think she's just disappointed that she's not getting into the government," Blake reassured, placing a hand on her partner's shoulder.

"Yes, that party last night was intense, my head is still aching," Ruby chuckled, "Look, as much as I'm happy to hear from you, I'll have to call you back," she placed the phone down and sat down, lifting her cup of tea to her lips.

The phone rang again, causing Ruby to splutter as she hastily set her drink down and lunged for the phone. "Hello?" again, her face fell as she turned to Oscar, "It's the gas board…"

Yang snorted, "Well, this might actually be a bit funny!" The others were somewhat glad, ready for something more light-hearted than what they saw yesterday.

"Mr. Watts, I'll have to ask you to call later. There happened to be an election last night…" she paused as her frown deepened, "Oh, you voted for the other side, did you? I'm surprised you got to the polling booth on the right day."

"Damn, Ruby's a savage in this," Nora tittered.

"That's it, Ruby," Yang cheered, pulling her sister into a hug, "Don't take crap from anyone!"

"Don't encourage her," their white-haired teammate added.

Ruby placed the phone down, whereupon it immediately began to ring. She answered, slightly annoyed, "Hello? Oh, it's you Pyrrha, have you got a call?"

"I take it I'm a politician, too," the spartan girl said.

"I feel better about the country, now," Weiss stated, much to the annoyance of her partner.

"Traitor…"

"Mercury's got a call?!" Ruby turned to Oscar, "Mercury's got Europe!"

"Europe?" Nora repeated.

"Probably a continent, or something," Ren answered.

"Lucky Europe," her husband replied, "Didn't know he could speak French."

"He can hardly speak English."

The group laughed, surprised that Ruby was capable of such insults yet glad that it was ultimately light-hearted.

"No, I haven't got a call yet, I'll let you know if I hear anything." Ruby hung up and went back to her tea. There was a ringing sound and she threw herself at the phone again, "Hello?" she said, but the ringing did not stop, "Hello!"

"Darling," Oscar called, "That was the door."

Yang burst into laughter, whilst the others, barring Ruby, giggled at the silly display. Ruby flushed in embarrassment, hiding behind her cloak.

Ruby sighed, as Blake entered, quickly removing her jacket. "Did you know that Martin's got the Foreign Office?" the faunus said.

"Has he?"

Blake nodded, "Cardin's got Health, and Sun's got Energy!"

"Has anyone got brains?" Oscar quipped, taking Blake's jacket and hanging it up in the porch.

"Ha!" Yang laughed, "This guy is a real brain-iac!"

"I preferred his joke over that pathetic attempt at humour," Weiss shot, infuriating Yang, but much to the agreement of their friends.

"Well, what have I got?!" Ruby grumbled, as she and her friend sat down, "Blake, my entire career is going down the drain, and it's all because the PM can't get to me over the electric telephone!" The phone began to ring again, and Ruby, annoyed, gestured to Oscar, "Would you get it, wouldn't you darling?"

Oscar picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Hello, this is the BBC. I was wondering if we could speak with Mrs. Rose on the PM's Office program?"

"PM?"

"PM!" Ruby shouted, hastily setting her tea down and taking the phone, despite Oscar's protests, "Hello, Ruby Rose here!"

"Oh no," Weiss said, smiling uncontrollably as she and the others could tell where it was going.

"Hello, would you like an interview?"

"Yes, that would be great!" Ruby replied, giving a worried Oscar a thumbs up.

"Splendid! Now, which job do you think you'll get?"

Ruby's face fell into confusion, "What do you mean? That's for you to say, isn't it? I mean, you're the PM's office!" She paused, her face falling in horror, "Oh, the BBC's PM office…" she chuckled nervously, "S-Silly mistake, really! Umm… Goodbye!" she quickly put the phone down.

Yang was howling with laughter at her sister's embarrassment, reassuring her that it is a sibling's job to mock their little sister. The others were giggling, thoroughly enjoying the comedy.

Oscar and Blake were smirking at Ruby, her husband saying, "I did try to warn you."

The phone began to ring again. The MP sighed, taking the tea tray, "You answer the bloody thing," she told Oscar, taking the tea into the kitchen.

Oscar picked the phone up, "Hello? Oh, congratulations Prime Minister, it's Oscar here." There was a crash that emanated from the kitchen as Ruby rushed back in.

"Give that here!" she demanded, taking the receiver and smiling, "Hello, PM! Yes, I'm fine thank you. You want me to take Administrative Affairs? Of course, absolutely! It'll be a pleasure working with you!" she placed the phone down, and hugged Oscar.

"I have a feeling this is gonna be good," Nora laughed.

"I don't like it…" Ruby grumbled.

"You're only saying that because it's making you out to be a fool," Weiss smirked, "Well, more than you already are, anyway."

"Weiss!"

The next day, Ruby had arrived at her department office, escorted by her private secretary Jaune Arc. "Would you like some sherry, Minister?" he asked.

"Ruby."

Jaune looked confused, "I beg your pardon?"

"Call me Ruby."

"Well, if you don't mind, I'll be calling you Minister, Minister," the private secretary smiled nervously.

"Minister minister?" the Minister repeated, a look of realisation soon crossing her face, "Oh, right. I suppose I should call you Private Secretary Private Secretary!"

"I take it that a bad sense of humour is a family trait," Weiss jabbed, much to Ruby's annoyance.

"Hey, I make way better jokes than that!" Yang shouted.

"Actually, your jokes are much worse, somehow," Blake giggled, predicting her teammate's reaction.

"Blake!"

"Uh, yes…" Jaune muttered, handing a glass of sherry to Ruby, "To your health, Minister."

Ruby raised her glass, "And to our future success!"

There was a knock on the door. "Ah, Minister, allow me to introduce you to your permanent secretary, Dame Weiss Schnee," Jaune stated as a white-haired woman entered the office.

"What's a dame?" Nora asked.

"Essentially it is the female version of a knight," her partner answered.

"Oh, does that mean she goes on quests and fights dragons?!" the hammer-wielding girl wondered in excited glee.

"Modern knighthood is usually in recognition of some contribution to society, such as the arts or science," Ren elaborated, deflating Nora.

"Aww."

"Ah, Minister!" Weiss greeted with a smile, shaking Ruby's hand.

"You two know each other?"

"Somewhat," Ruby said, smiling at Weiss, "I was on the Public Accounts Committee and we called Weiss up for evidence."

"Yes, you asked all the questions I didn't want to answer," the permanent secretary smiled.

"Okay, Weiss seems like a schemer in this," Yang stated.

"And how did you come to that conclusion?" the heiress demanded, infuriated.

"Just look at that smile! That's the smile of someone who'd rather people not ask questions and just accept everything."

"Well, I never!"

"Well," Ruby chuckled, "It was my job to ask the questions."

"And it's the government's job to not answer them."

Ruby smiled, "Well, you answered mine satisfactorily."

Weiss smirked, "I'm glad you think so, Minister." Ruby stared at her, confused.

"See what I mean?" Yang asked amidst a fit giggles, causing Weiss to flush in indignation.

"Anyway!" Ruby began, "We've got a lot of work to do. This bureaucracy has become too bloated, and my party was elected on the promise that government red tape would be cut, open government! I hope you two will help me as best you can, yes?"

"Yes, Minister," the two civil servants replied, Jaune enthusiastically while Weiss' voice was more strained.

"I hate to say this, Weiss," Pyrrha said nervously, as the ire of her friend was sent her way, "I do think that you are a schemer in this."

Weiss grumbled, "I'm sure my other self is just concerned for her career."

A week later, Jaune entered the office with a letter whilst Weiss sat in a chair with a newspaper, "Umm, Dame Weiss?"

Weiss, without glancing up from her newspaper, replied, "Yes, Jaune?"

"Uh, well I received this letter for the Minister," Jaune continued, "Apparently a Miss Rose is taking part in the badger protest in Heywood Spinny."

"What's wrong with that?" Ruby asked.

"Well, it does kind of imply that you agree with the protest, which might place more pressure on the government," Blake answered.

Weiss sighed, "I see, Minister's daughter to take part in protest. Still, shouldn't be too embarrassing," she returned her attention to her newspaper.

"I think it will be more than a little embarrassing," Jaune stated.

"What do you mean?"

"Minister's daughter in nude protest," Jaune finished succinctly.

Weiss, Yang and Nora howled with laughter, whilst the others just barely managed to stop themselves from bursting into fits of laughter themselves, choosing to instead silently giggly and scoff into their hands. Ruby was the sole person to survive the giggles, instead choosing to shrink into her chair and hide behind her cloak which just so happened to be the same shade as her face as of now.

"What?!" Weiss demanded, putting her newspaper down and glaring at Jaune.

The private secretary began gesturing to his clothes, "Well, that is to say she is with, or rather without…"

"Do you mean starkers, Jaune?" Weiss asked, irritated.

"Yes, Dame Weiss."

"I see…" the permanent secretary grumbled, "That puts a different complexion on things."

"Yes," Jaune added, "Especially in this weather."

The dam burst and the dorm room was filled with laughter. Only Ruby was spared from the fever of laughter that gripped her friends, yet instead only complete embarrassment remained.

"Lover boy!" Yang wheezed, "That was golden!"

Weiss snatched the letter, less than pleased with Jaune's words, and read through it, "Put in crude journalistic words this will be a big story; front page with photograph!"

The door opened as Ruby walked in, Weiss quickly covering the letter with her newspaper as she and Jaune went rigid. "Hello, Weiss," the minister said, making her way to the office desk, "Something the matter?"

Weiss stood, smiling awkwardly, "Well, there is a… slight embarrassment."

"How slight?"

Weiss was tense, as she and Jaune approached the desk, "Well, without wishing to put too fine a point on it or cause… undue alarm, nevertheless…"

"Oh come on, Weiss, out with it!" Ruby groaned, tired with Weiss' diatribe.

Weiss shivered slightly, "Minister, I have a confession to make."

"Well, that's a change," Ruby chuckled, placing her documents on the desk, "Well, make a clean breast of it!"

"Oh god…" Ruby groaned, as her friends' amusement only grew.

Weiss' smile was strained, "Not the happiest of phrases, given the circumstances…"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it seems the protest in Heywood Spinny might actually be a bigger story than we initially thought."

Ruby looked confused, "I thought you said it wasn't very newsworthy."

"I did," Weiss answered, "But there has been some new information revealed to us, concerning a female student and her boyfriend."

"Well, that's not too bad, is it?" Ruby continued, sitting in her chair, "Just a couple of layabouts."

Jaune smiled nervously, "I wouldn't say that, Minister…"

"Nonsense, Jaune!" Ruby countered, "Everybody's fed up with these ghastly students. Just exhibitionists, you know."

Under normal circumstances, the two teams would feel insulted by such a comment, however they were too preoccupied laughing their arses off (or quietly trying to fade into non-existence) to care.

"Well, it seems they have something to exhibit," Weiss stated.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, it is to be a nude protest," the permanent secretary explained.

"I see," Ruby said, "Now that would make the front pages." She sighed, tossing her glasses onto the desk, "I don't know what gets into these students. It's appalling!"

"Indeed, Minister."

"It's their parents fault, you know?"

The room was filled with another uproar of laughter, as Ruby desired nothing more than to find a small hole to die in.

"Feeding them this trendy, middle-class, anti-establishment rhetoric," the minister continued.

Weiss smiled, seeking to save her minister's pride, "I wouldn't say that, Minister…"

"Of course it is!" Ruby shouted, "Then they go out and take it out on people like…" she rested her head against her hand, adding in a quieter voice, "...me. Who are they, do we know?"

"Well, we know the young lady's name," Weiss stated, realising there was no saving Ruby from disaster.

"Lady, humph! Who is she?"

"Well, it appears she is a Miss Rose."

"Rose?" Ruby repeated, smiling, "That's my name, what a coincidence!"

The room, once again, filled with laughter. At this point, none of them were able to actually have an intelligent thought, possessed with a spirit of laughter, or in Ruby's case a spirit of unending dread. Yang was only able to say one thing, "I'm so sorry, Rubes!"

Weiss's smirk fell slightly, "Not a complete coincidence, Minister."

Ruby's face went from one of pleasant surprise to one of dread.

"Her face!" Nora wheezed.

"Not Lucy…" the MP muttered in dread, shaking her head in disbelief. Weiss pulled the letter from the newspaper and handed it over. "Oh my god…" Ruby murmured as she read the letter, "You don't think the press will be too interested… No, no they would. But will they really go all the way up to Warwickshire?"

"For a story like this," Weiss began, "I feel they'd be willing to go all the way to the south pole."

"I think they'd develop space travel for a story like this!" Blake cackled.

"I'd die if that was the reason we got to space!" Ruby grumbled.

"You should be receiving a call from her in about…" Weiss glanced at her watch, "ten minutes."

The screen faded to black, allowing the teens to recover. "Oh my god, that was amazing," Yang muttered.

"I'm sorry, Ruby," Pyrrha and a few others told their young friend, still sporting smiles on their faces. The silver-eyed girl merely grumbled in response.

"Ah, Weiss!" Ruby, now the Prime Minister, called, "I've decided to respond to this scandal in the city."

"Hah!" Ruby yelled, pointing at her smirking friends, "See?! I'm the Prime Minister! Bet you all feel silly laughing at me now!" she quickly leaned towards Weiss, whispering, "What does the Prime Minister do?"

"They run the country."

"And what do you plan to do?" Weiss asked, now the cabinet secretary of the government.

"I shall… appoint someone."

"What sterling leadership," Weiss tittered, annoying her leader.

"And when did you make this decision?" Weiss asked, irritated.

"Today, when I read the papers."

"And when did you first think of it?"

Ruby stared at her, "...Today, when I read the papers."

"And for how long did you weigh the pros and cons?" Weiss continued.

"Not long," Ruby stated, smirking charmingly, "I decided to be decisive!"

"To be honest, Prime Minister," Jaune started, "I think you worry too much about what the papers say."

"Only a civil servant could have said that, Jaune," Ruby replied, "I have to worry about them!"

"But it's important to remember, Prime Minister, that the papers pander to their audiences' prejudices," Weiss reminded.

"Don't tell me about the papers, I know exactly who reads the papers," Ruby stated, "The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country. The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country. The Times is read by the people who do run the country. The Mail is read by the spouses of those who run the country. The Financial Times is read by the people who own the country. The Morning Star is read by people who think the country should be run by another country. And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is."

"That's pretty accurate," Blake giggled, "I read the Guardian, but that is the message the Guardian gives off; that they know what to do."

"I read the FT," Pyrrha stated.

"You guys read newspapers?" Nora asked, "Lame!"

"What about readers of the Sun," Weiss stated, "That's what I read."

"What about readers of the Sun?" Weiss asked.

Before Ruby could answer, Jaune interjected, "Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits."

The room burst into laughter again, barring Ruby and Weiss. "Jaune, when did you develop such a sense of humour?!" Yang demanded.

"It's not funny!" Weiss shouted, flushing a deep scarlet.

"Now you know how I feel!" their leader stated.

A month or so later, Weiss and Winter were drinking in the lounge. The door opened and Jaune entered, "Dame Weiss."

"Yes, Jaune?"

"Dame Weiss."

"Yes, Jaune?"

"I need to talk to you about something."

"Yes, of course," Weiss said, sitting down next to Winter.

"Well, it's about St. George's," Jaune continued.

"What now?" Winter asked.

"Well it appears the PM's completely in the dark."

"Good."

"Excellent," Weiss added, "Anything else?"

"Hey!" Ruby cried, "Aren't I supposed to be running the country?!"

"Knowing you, it's probably for the best that you aren't," Weiss stated.

"Weiss!"

"Well…" Jaune muttered, "I was wondering if there was anything she didn't know."

"I hardly know where to begin, Jaune."

"Well, shouldn't we tell her?"

Winter frowned in confusion, "She has the Foreign Secretary to do that."

"Well, the PM thinks that he doesn't know anything either."

Winter glanced at the cabinet secretary, "I should certainly hope not!"

"What kind of government is this?!" Pyrrha demanded, giggling uncontrollably, "I thought they were elected!"

"What a healthy democracy…" Blake chuckled.

"It is simply too dangerous to let politicians get involved with diplomacy," Weiss stated.

"But, surely in a democracy there should be discussion, no?"

"Of course, full discussion," Winter answered, adding, "So long as it doesn't involve politicians."

"Diplomacy is about surviving till the next century," Weiss continued, "Politics is about surviving till Friday afternoon!"

"That's strangely accurate," Ren tittered.

"All that the press, the public and their elected officials want to know is who are the goodies and who are the baddies," the cabinet secretary explained.

"The issue is that the interests of Britain usually involve dealing with the people who are considered the baddies."

"But," Jaune continued, "What if the Foreign Secretary demands options?"

Winter sighed, "Well, if pressed, we will discuss it again."

"And come up with a different view?"

"Of course not, we come up with the same view!" Winter answered.

"We present him with three options," Weiss further elaborated, "Two of which, upon close inspection, are exactly the same, and another which is completely unacceptable, like bombing Warsaw or invading France."

"Ah," Blake said, unimpressed yet thoroughly amused, "So, essentially, what you want."

Weiss grumbled, "I'm sure Winter and I are just aware that the current government is led by a fool!"

"Well, I'm the one who got elected!" Ruby countered.

The door opened, a woman entering and handing a letter to Winter. "Thank you, Mrs. Whitmore."

"What about St. George's, though?" Jaune pressed, "Shouldn't the Prime Minister be right to be worried, after all, it is a democracy."

"Not for long," Winter stated, reading the letter, "It seems the East Yemen are invading in support of the Marxist guerillas."

"That's awful!"

Winter glanced at Weiss, who smiled, "It's moderately bad for the government of St. George's, but it's very good news for the guerillas."

"What if the PM demands we help them?"

"Then we follow the four stage plan!" Weiss declared.

"What's that?"

"A standard Foreign Office response," Winter explained, "The first stage is we say nothing's going to happen."

"The second stage is we say something may happen, but we should do nothing about it," Weiss added.

"The third stage is we say we should do something but there's nothing we can do."

"And the fourth stage is we say that we probably could have done something, but it's too late now!"

The dorm room was howling with laughter. Weiss, thoroughly ashamed, turned to Ruby, "Is there any more room in that cloak of yours?"

Ruby grumbled, "I still haven't forgiven you for laughing at me."

"You childish brat!"

"That was depressingly accurate!" Blake giggled.

"Yes," Pyrrha replied, composing herself, "But it is something we can only laugh at." She glanced at the time, "Well, it's getting quite late. I say we retire for the night. If there's another movie tomorrow, will we be watching it?"

"So long as it isn't anything like that!" Ruby declared, climbing onto her bed to pout.