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For the rest of his lessons, as opposed to completing class work like a good student, Izuku spent his time creating a new notebook titled "Hunt for Crazy Bitches".
Would he get his ass kicked if any of the girls in the notebook read it? Hell yes, but the woman behind the shota comment took it too far.
However thus far, he was stumped. He knew the person must've been in 1-A - surely UA's dorm security wasn't lax enough to let anyone else enter?
...
Who was he kidding? The school security sucked ass.
He saw Kacchan sneaking in some random redhead last week by literally walking into the common room. On the flip side, as he was the only one who caught them, he informed him of the secret entrance he used to get on and off campus as blackmail.
Best wingman ever.
Wait, he was getting sidetracked.
Yandere hunting.
So it seemed his options of stalker spread to literally any female he knew, which was thankfully a very short list.
Number 1: Inko Midoriya
Instantly scratched off the list. While the note could've been from an overprotective mother, his mum would've been way too enamoured by the concept of grandchildren that she'd never cockblock him. Sneaking into the school was also outside of her expertise.
Number 2: Mitsuki Baku
There was no way he was risking Kacchan's ire by even considering this option.
Number 2: Himiko Toga
This...was actually a perfectly feasible option. She'd be able to sneak in with her quirk and leave with nobody the wiser.
The person also had to have an idea of the...session last night. She could've been spying on the school (or him in particular) before coming across the making out.
She was also yandere as hell. Though considering Momo was still breathing, there was a chance it wasn't her.
Still the most viable option thus far.
Should he report the possibility of her infiltrating UA?
Nope - Izuku Midoriya was no damn snitch.
Gentle Criminal could attest to that.
The yandere bitch situation was his problem.
Number 3: Mei Hatsume
Nope - she wouldn't give two shits if he died in a car crash.
In fact, scratch that, she might be somewhat miffed at losing her test subject for her babies.
But then she'd also have to leave the workshop to deposit the note.
Yeah - definitely not Mei then.
Number 4: Nejire Hado
Yes fucking please.
Wait, no, yandere means crazy.
Don't stick your dick in crazy.
The word shota could've been from her though. Upperclassmen in hentai always had a weird fixation on those younger than them. He had a feeling that basing human interaction on pornography was a bad idea.
Wait, wasn't she into women?
Fuck.
Well, at least he could scratch her off the list.
If she was the weird yandere stalker though, he doubted he'd mind all too much.
Number 5: Nemuri Kayama
Holy shit - this was now the most reasonable so far.
She always had some weird fixation on younger men, and he definitely caught her giving him a few winks in class.
To be honest, she gave everyone winks in class.
Still a very viable option.
She'd also be likely to bestow the shota nickname upon him, given that he was unfortunately shorter than her.
One For All should've come with a damn growth spurt.
Oh well, guess Midnight was on the list. He'd have to also consider how he'd feel if it was her.
She was possessive, demanding, constantly dressed in S&M wear and was very sadistic.
He'd be lying if he said his interest wasn't piqued.
Number 6: Rumi Usagiyama
Never met her.
She was on the list as wishful thinking.
Jesus Christ those legs.
When the hell did this list go from "find the bitch who called me a shota" to "find a girl to step on me repeatedly"?
Fuck it, he could multitask.
Number 7: Ochako Uraraka
Absolutely impossible - she didn't seem the least bit interested in him romantically.
Hell, he even heard her mutter something once about "swearing off romance until she became a pro".
He couldn't help but admire such a drive to succeed.
Definitely not Ochako.
Number 8: Tsuyu Asui
Hey, didn't she have powerful thunder thighs from her quirk?
If she could leap buildings, imagine what she could do to him if he was caught in triangle choke.
Next objective for a training exercise - "accidentally" position his head between her legs so she'd be inclined to lock him in.
Oh, right, yandere thing.
Probably not her - she would've outright confessed if she liked him.
Number 9: Toru Hagakure
He overheard Mina bring him up in a conversation, to which she responded "Izuwho?".
She didn't know he existed.
The INVISIBLE girl didn't know he existed.
Was he really that plain?
Well at the very least that's another girl crossed off the list.
Being assaulted by invisible legs in the middle of a lesson would've been an amazing experience though.
Number 10: Mina Ashido
Definitely another on the "yes please" side of the scale.
She could leg lock him while slowly melting through his clothes.
She also had really nice skin.
Was he developing some sort of quirk kink?
Scratch that, he had a shit ton of notebooks dedicated to quirks. Of course he had a quirk fetish.
Could he convince Momo to create handcuffs?
Wait, she could create ANYTHING.
The possibilities were endless - he'd have to make a whole new notebook for that.
He was getting off topic again.
Mina Ashido - probably not her. She's far too mellow to be threatening people.
Other than Mineta - all perverts deserve death.
There was definitely some irony somewhere in that sentence, but Izuku couldn't seem to find it.
Number 11: Kyouka Jiro
She was definitely into women. She even openly stated that she hated masculinity once.
Or she was into Kaminari.
There was certainly some sexual tension between the two.
Anyway, the stalker wasn't Jiro. If anything, considering the two were friends, he would've received a note saying "Get away from Momo you beautifully muscular chad!"
He may have been slightly exaggerating the wording, but it was close enough.
Well - that was his list completed.
Unless the girls in 1-B counted.
He barely interacted with them outside of training exercises.
Fuck it - might as well cover all bases.
Number 12: Pony Tsunotori
He should've been ashamed for even considering it - she was a damn angel.
He couldn't even think of anything lewd to tie to her.
She was like the clueless younger sister in the hero course, and he wasn't on sis-con level degeneracy.
He remembered helping her with her Japanese grammar once during training, and her smile could've made villains surrender.
Not Pony. Never Pony.
Number 12: Itsuka Kendo
The most mentally sound person he'd ever seen - there was no way she was behind the note.
Besides, from what he saw, she and Momo were on good terms.
She was also crazy strong.
Which made her scary.
He had to bump his output to 20% the last time they arm wrested with quirks and ended up with a few muscle tears because of it.
There was no way he was going to risk his actual life by thinking of something obscene regarding her toned, muscular legs-
Nevermind - seemed his horniness had reached a self-destructive scale.
Which was strange.
Throughout his life, he was always careful to ensure he didn't damage himself intentionally.
Always.
But yeah, not Itsuka Kendo.
Number 13: Ibara Shiozaki
Wasn't there that trope stating repressed girls were freaky as shit?
Hang on a sec.
He remembered her referring to him as a poor lamb when he sprained an ankle during training.
He also caught sight of her whipping Kaibara when he "made a comment about using his God-given gift for sin."
The quirk was called Gyrate - of course he was going to use it for sex.
Quirk sex aside, she was a little eccentric, and there was a small chance she was threatening Momo for violating an innocent lamb.
Onto the list she goes.
Number 14: Reiko Yanagi
He hoped to God it wasn't her.
She seemed nice enough, and teleketic quirks definitely had versatility.
The only thing that stopped him from thinking about her lewdly was the fact that she scared him.
So damn much.
Why the hell did she call her quirk poltergeist?
Was her quirk actually communing with ghosts to carry objects for her, as opposed to telekinesis?
Why the hell was his hand shaking so much?
Oh right - because he was scared shitless of ghosts.
It might've seemed like an irrational fear to most people, but could you blame him?
Ghosts were fucking terrifying.
Imagine if you had the dead watching your every move, waiting for an opportunity to grab you and castrate you with their weird ghost superpowers.
If quirks were possible, ghosts weren't outside of the realm of possibility.
And everything about Yanagi was pointing towards ghosts being real.
He was just going to pray that the stalker wasn't her. At the very least, he might be able to wish that thought into existence.
She was still going on the list though - better safe than sorry.
And if it was her?
He had his will written out. Kacchan would look after his All Might merch.
Number 15: Kinoko Komori
She had a very scary obsession with mushrooms.
Thankfully he wasn't a mushroom, so he was safely off her radar.
...
Wait, did mushrooms come in green? He'd been compared to a broccoli before - was it possible she could compare him to a mushroom?
She was VERY obsessed with the fungi.
Please God tell him mushrooms didn't come in green.
Number 15:-
He couldn't continue writing with the possibility of Komori hot on his ass.
What if she kidnapped him and subjected him to that mushroom spore quirk of hers?
Tokoyami still had goddamn nightmares about that!
Looking up from his desk, he found Cementos with his back turned, as well as Kacchan looking just as disinterested as he was.
Kicking his seat lightly, he managed to get his attention.
"What's up nerd?"
"Do mushrooms come in green?"
They stared at each other for a good few seconds until Kacchan simply turned around and faced the front.
What the fuck?
This was serious!
Kicking his chair more roughly this time, he voiced his stress with a harsher whisper.
"Kacchan, I'm a dead man walking if you don't answer the question!"
"You're already a dead man walking for wasting my time with useless fucking questions! Use your damn phone!"
Huh - that was an option.
Pulling his phone out discretely lest he attract attention, he found himself choking on his spit as he was faced with Momo's shower pic, before quickly closing his messages.
"Midoriya, is there a problem? I've been told I could bore somebody to death with my lessons - I'd rather not have that come into fruition."
"H-huh? No! Not at all, sir! Sorry for interrupting."
He was lying a little - his lesson would definitely be boring him to death if he was paying attention.
Once the class's laughter at his expense died down, he pulled out his phone again and searched for an answer to confirm whether or not he'd need to change country.
The color of the powdery print, called a spore print, is used to help classify mushrooms and can help to identify them. Spore print colors include white (most common), brown, black, purple-brown, pink, yellow, and creamy, but almost never blue, green, or red.
Crisis averted - thank you Wikipedia!
The stalker wasn't Komori then.
Number 16: Setsuna Tokage
This was a mixed bag.
She was definitely not the type write the note - she was far too laid back to threaten Momo.
However, in their last hide and seek exercise where he was paired with her, he recalled her saying "Leave the tracking to your nice big sis Setsuna."
Well, saying was an understatement.
She detached her mouth and whispered it very huskily by his ear before laughing at his dumbstruck face.
Either she had some weird brother complex or she was just fucking with him.
Her quirk also opened the option to detach her body parts, such as her thighs.
Wait, no he meant eyes.
Such as her eyes.
Meaning she could easily have been spying on him last night.
Regardless, it'd be a bit discriminatory to judge her by her quirk.
She seemed too jovial to bother with threats, and they hadn't interacted enough for her to develop crazy yandere syndrome, so he'd give her the benefit of the doubt for now.
Well that was that.
He managed to compile an effective decomposition of the likelihood of each female he knew being obsessed over him.
He was certain he wasn't missing anyone at all from either class, meaning he was left with the following shortlist of high risk yanderes:
Shiozaki Midnight Toga Yanagi Mirko
Alright, so the last one was wishful thinking, but he'd be damnned if he didn't at least investigate the possibility.
He was jolted out of his thoughts by the lunch bell ringing.
Time to enlist help.
"Hey Kacchan?"
The blond turned to face him. "What now? You gonna ask if pigs can fly?"
"Oh! See that's an interesting topic. There was this incident a few years back where a pig manifested a mutant quirk granting wings, which was inherited by all its children. Currently there's a family of 24 of them, meaning due to natural selection, all pigs alive could eventually—"
"Fucking hell, get to the point."
That pig conversation was just getting good too.
Maybe he could speak about it with Momo?
She did say she got turned on by intelligence, so she'd at least find the topic stimulating in one way.
"I need your help."
"Tough shit - I'm grabbing lunch."
Before he could get up to leave, Izuku grabbed him by the wrist.
"There's some yandere girl who's been stalking me."
"Eh? Why in the fuck would I get involved? I'm not risking my dick getting cut off in my sleep by some crazy bimbo."
Time to play to his emotions.
"Because we're best friends, right?" Izuku replied, offering the most radiant smile
possible.
Against a lesser foe, it may have worked, but this was Katsuki Bakugo.
"Suck it dickface."
Time to pull out all the stops.
"You'll also lose your best sparring partner if I get stabbed to death by some psycho stalker...unless you're willing to spar with Todoroki instead of—"
"Fucking fine, I'll help you find the bitch." He relented. "What's the situation?"
"Somebody left this note in Momo's room this morning."
Izuku brought out his phone, opening the messages app and sliding the mobile over to his friend.
"These are tits."
"Oh, right, wrong one." Izuku hastily swiped to the previous image.
"Hah, shota."
"Wanna die?" Izuku ground out.
"Save it for the spar later. You got any ideas who it's from?"
"I've got a shortlist. I'll explain everything in a minute, just gotta grab some extra eyes for the task."
Standing up, Izuku made his way over to the back of the room followed by Bakugo and pulled up a chair in front of Todoroki and Momo's desks, who were both about to leave for lunch.
"Kacchan's helping with operation locate crazy bitch."
Todoroki tilted his head quizzically. "Am I missing something?"
"Cowtits got a note from Deku's stalker warning her to stay away from him."
"Why would Yaoyorozu receive a letter regarding Midoriya?"
Momo blushed furiously before looking to the side.
Izuku couldn't believe this was the same person who sent him a nude while he was in class.
Before Izuku could piece together a good explanation, Bakugo beat him to it.
"They're fucking, shithead's got the hickey to prove it."
"I see. Congratulations to the both of you."
Rather than deny the accusation, the pair simply sighed and thanked the aloof boy.
It was better that he assumed they went all the way. Otherwise, they'd have 'Conspiracy Theorist Shoto' watching them like a hawk to get a read on their relationship.
Momo cleared her throat before speaking up. "Izuku, would you happen to know who it's from?"
"Yep!" Izuku pushed the tables of the recommended students together before grabbing his latest notebook, placing it in front of his peers. "This contains an analysis of every female I've come into proper contact with, including their likelihood of being the stalker."
Momo looked up from the notebook to catch Izuku's eyes intensely.
"You wrote an in-depth analysis just for this?"
"Uhhhh, yes?" Izuku replied wearily. "I included a statistical analysis to measure their average words spoken to me weekly since the beginning of UA, in addition to a few charts identifying their moods before and after our interactions to get an idea of how I impact them."
Was that overkill?
"That's so hot." She replied, a faint blush dusting her cheeks.
He supposed not.
"You can fuck when you haven't got spectators, let's see what the notes have to say."
The group began reading through the analysis until they finally reached the shortlist.
"Excluding that bullshit about Mirko, we've got 4 suspects." Bakugo stated.
"Midoriya, half of your analysis consisted of discussing these women's thighs."
He forgot about that detail.
"Ah, right...you able to ignore those parts?"
"Of course not." The heterochromatic boy responded. "I was under the impression you were madly in love with Yaoyorozu, and from what I read in 'Relationships for Beginners', expressing interest in those outside of your significant oth—"
"No need to worry, Todoroki." Momo interjected, thankfully saving Izuku from a lecture on romance. "They're just notes, it's best they're as
...ah~...thorough as possible."
"Are you getting off on the nerd's notes?"
"Hm? No, don't be ridiculous. This is a serious topic." She dismissed harshly, though her tone was undeniably conflicting with her heavy breathing and flushed cheeks.
Izuku was starting to suspect she was a little strange.
Eh, it was probably nothing serious.
"On that note we should split up and look for clues." She suggested.
"The fuck do you think this is? Scooby-Doo?"
Izuku was about to laugh it off until a thought came to mind.
They did split up in Scooby-Doo.
And what else was a frequent recurrence in the show?
Ghosts.
Yanagi.
Holy fucking shit this was bad.
Splitting up was the worst idea imaginable.
At the very least, he should snag Kacchan as a partner. Dead or not, spirits would be far too terrified to fuck with him.
"In that case, I'll take Bakugo, while Midoriya and Yaoyorozu should investigate together."
That traitor!
Izuku rescued his ass from his emo phase and got this in return? Being a hero sucked ass.
"Hold it icyhot, who the hell said I wanted to be stuck with you?"
Thank God for Kacchan.
Just as he was about to voice his agreement, he was grabbed by the wrist and pulled to his feet by Momo.
"Come on Izuku, we've got some searching to do." She commanded, increasing her grip strength and pulling him close to to whisper in his ear. "We're going to the toilets, and I'm going to ruin you while you take note of every single thing I do to you."
Friendship ended with Kacchan, now Todoroki was his best friend.
He hoped they could at least make progress in the investigation, because he certainly wasn't going to get shit done.
Next instalment - Todoroki and Bakugo buddy cop chapter! Here to burn names and take asses later.