Chapter stuff I want to talk about:
- Yes, I realize Isabel's canon characterization is not being big on dresses, and canon calls her a tomboy at least once. I still am unclear on whether tomboy is a slur, but more to the point of this chapter, I don't think Isabel is necessarily opposed to wearing "girly" clothes - she's probably just more used to seeing her own worth for the things she can do (sports, physical activities, skills…) and not for her looks.
- I have a lot of thoughts on Coral and how she would take the idea of her children leaving the nest. Relevant right now - #CoralNeedsAHug. I feel for her, but also, I have an OTP to develop here XDDD
- And yes I also have a LOT of thoughts on Marduke and Anneliese's relationship and I go into that in the chapter but like… I'd love feedback if anyone has anything to say (?)
Ok second PSA done, pls continue XDD Enjoy!
CHAPTER 2
When we meet everyone downstairs, mom has enlisted Matt for help in the kitchen. Shaun isn't there anymore, though Laura is. She's decorating her final batch of cookies, and she and mom are chatting animatedly. Laura grins as she sees me, but doesn't speak. Matt doesn't bother commenting either, so mom is torn between pointing out the obvious and not wanting to make things awkward. I take one of the salads from her.
"To the dining room?" I ask, unnecessarily. She settles on an indulgent smile, and nods.
"Yes, please. We're almost ready, I was about to send Matt to get you," she scolds me gently. I snort.
"You wouldn't have, not really. You'd lose your best ally for every single time I stop Matt from interrupting you and Jimmy."
She blushes scarlet red, but Laura laughs, delighted. She offers me a highfive, which I'm not expecting, but I accept anyway. As I turn around, Shaun is shaking his head from the doorframe. Arkarian picks up the other salad in silence, but I would bet money he's just rolled his eyes. I lead the way to the dining room before things can go from funny to awkward.
"Kids," I hear Shaun murmur as we leave. I roll my eyes as Ethan laughs from the door of the living room.
"Did you just call Arkarian a kid?" he asks, amused. Arkarian snorts.
I don't get to hear the answer, leading the way to the dining room instead, where Matt is setting down glasses, and Neriah is fussing with the napkins. We put down the salads as Jimmy enters with another tray of food.
"Isabel, won't you change for dinner at least?" mom asks me as I pass by the kitchen again. I sigh, looking at myself. Yeah, my shirt has a crease right down the middle, but it's a pretty decent shirt… Then again, it's tradition, and Mom likes it when we dress up for New Year's Eve's dinner. Arkarian raises an eyebrow questioningly, and I realize he's not following, so I open my thoughts to fill him in.
"I'll... find something," I reassure my mom distractedly, already running mentally through my options while hoping I'm making any sense. Arkarian huffs, perhaps amused at the fact that I don't really remember which dresses are in my wardrobe, and nods. "I'll be right back."
"Do you want help?" Neriah asks me. I hesitate, then agree.
"You probably have a better idea of what my mom is looking for."
"Your mom is looking for pretty much anything that will make Arkarian's jaw drop," she rolls her eyes. "I meant if you want help choosing."
"If I thought I needed clothes to do that, I'd pay attention to clothes," I huff. Not far off, Ethan snorts, and I roll my eyes. "Oh, very mature. Honestly, Ethan..."
"Am I right or am I right, though," he asks, reappearing from the living room. I roll my eyes.
"Yes, but I can't very well go to New Year's Eve dinner naked, Ethan."
"You two are absolute fiends," Neriah whines, embarrassed. We laugh at her, and Ethan pats her shoulder apologetically. "Do you want help or not?"
"Yes. Come on. One of us needs to know what dress actually goes with my hair or something, I don't care."
"You don't have all that long," Matt reminds us calmly, already used to me putting off the moment of dressing up.
"Do I ever?"
He doesn't answer, and I lean on Arkarian to press a kiss to his cheek before leaving back for my room. I climb the stairs two at a time, and open my wardrobe as Neriah joins me.
"So, dresses..." I start.
"Has Arkarian ever seen you in a dress?" she wonders, interrupting me. Somehow, I start to find the constant implications annoying, and she smiles. "I know he doesn't like you just for your looks, but it's always fun to dress up for someone, isn't it?"
"I'm not exactly the dressing up type of girl," I remind her. She nods.
"Can't say I relate," she looks through my wardrobe. "Why do you have these then?"
"My mom buys them every now and then, perhaps hoping I will wear them."
"Look at this though!" She pulls a blue one that I shake my head at. "Why not?"
I'm glad to have my thoughts shielded again when the first thing that comes to mind is 'wrong shade'. I sigh, but she's already looking again. She pulls out a green one, but then discards it, and a red one, that she lays down on the bed before turning back to the wardrobe in a rush. She gasps.
I get closer to see what she's found, and I can't help but laugh when she pulls out a small dress from when I was a kid, the exact shade of Arkarian's violet eyes. She lays it on the bed as well, and, before I can say anything, she disappears.
"Neriah?" I call, confused. She comes back soon enough, and shows me something. "Oh," I start to feel heat creeping up my face when I see her brush. "Are you thinking...?"
"It's perfect! Oh, you have to, please tell me you will. I want to see his face when he sees you wear this. It's not even a racy dress, it's very tame!"
"It's still kind of short," I argue, for the sake of arguing. She rolls her eyes.
"Sure, the skirt is. I can make it longer too, if you'll be more comfortable."
"Just a bit, maybe... I like the sleeves, though," I admit.
The dress had been too short, but as a kid, it had looked like a tutu, and mom had liked it on me. Now, as Neriah works, it becomes almost knee length, much more appropriate for someone my size and age. She keeps the half length sleeves, but deepens the neckline a bit more into a V shape. I let her. In all honesty, the moment I had realized she could enlarge it, the decision had taken itself.
"This is so cute, I love it," she declares as she holds it before me. I sigh.
"The question is whether or not Matt, Ethan and Dillon will ever let me live this down."
"They might, depending on how well Arkarian takes it."
I have no idea how he's going to take it, but if he'd been flustered about others seeing my lips all bitten red, he might just combust with this... It's an odd combination, the embarrassment and the flooring pride that comes with the thought.
I let Neriah run to her room for her makeup things while I put it on. It fits me like a glove, not that I'm surprised about that. I'm quietly happy to wear it again, though. I vaguely remembered how happy it made my mom when I wore it as a kid, and it keeps nice memories from back then. It's a slightly different shape, but it's the same kind of fabric, the same textures. I run my hand down my stomach, my waist. I look... nice. It's comfortable, which is something rare from a dress, and while this is more cleavage than I'm used to, I find solace in that the sleeves won't let the dress slide off of me. As Neriah returns, and promises to keep it extremely minimal with the makeup, I resign myself to being dolled up.
Thankfully, it's only minutes later that I find myself waiting for her to put on her own dress. I hold her back before she can sprint downstairs, though.
"Don't make a big thing out of this, please," I ask her. "Not for me... I just don't want to make it too obvious that Rochelle isn't here with us."
It brings a shadow to her expression, but I don't feel bad for it. Neriah is too excited, and I would hate to make Ethan sadder than he has to be. She nods.
"I'll just use my wings to go downstairs, you come down when you're ready... but you better tell me later what he said!" she points a finger at me, and I laugh.
"You can hang around the stairs, I just... I don't want it to be a scene, both of us going down and... everything."
"I know."
With that, she disappears.
As she does, I suddenly realize what I'm doing. Why have I let her dress me up again...? I try to think about how happy mom is going to be, and I fish under my bed for the box of nice shoes that I barely ever use. I have a pair of black heels that I put on any time that I need to look fancy for whatever reason, and I go with those, because I don't have any violet ones, and most definitely no blue ones, much less of the right shade. Neriah could have probably changed the color if I had thought to ask… but then again, it's probably better like this.
I would like to say I don't hesitate when I reach the stairs, but I do, I absolutely do. Getting out of my room has been an ordeal already. I caught a glimpse of myself in my mirror and suddenly, I looked so different... Neriah has put my hair up, some sort of artistically messy bun with a fuckton of pins, and... well. I look very pretty, but for whatever reason, knowing that only makes me more nervous. Now there are stakes, I suppose. I can't feel judged if I don't put in the effort...
"Don't be silly," I tell my feet as I look down to myself. "This is Arkarian we're talking about. The worst that can happen is that he'll just smile and say it's cute. He would never tell me I look horrible in front of Ethan, Dillon and Matt."
"He wouldn't," a voice reassures me from behind me, and I jump, too startled to scream. Matt helps me keep my balance. "Easy! You look great. I will get a chance to tease you for the color choice when I go downstairs as well, but, you know. I remember the dress," he smiles, shrugs. I smile back.
"That's nice of you to say," I mumble. "I feel a little... not me."
"It's a bit more than you usually wear, but it's New Year's Eve, it'll be fine. He better appreciate it," he adds, rolling his eyes. I laugh.
"I'm sure he will. I mean. I hope so, at least."
"Well then, go and figure it out. I won't be there to embarrass you, promise."
"Thanks."
He gives me a thumbs up before heading to the bathroom, and I feel a little better about it all. I can't take the stairs two at a time in heels, but I try to get used to the clacking of them as I hurry to get this over with.
The first person I find is Ethan, who gapes as he sees me, apparently unsure where to look. I huff as he looks up at my eyes again.
"Classy," I mutter. He grins, a little sheepish.
"I mean. I have never seen you wear anything like this before," he excuses himself. "Arkarian is going to disintegrate on the spot."
"You're being too nice, what's the catch?" I ask, narrowing my eyes. He blinks, shrugs.
"I'll let you find Arkarian before I drag Dillon away from the game so we can both make fun of you. Will that make you feel better?" he offers. I roll my eyes.
"That will restore the natural order of things, so, yes."
"Hey. I think it's cute that you're wearing his colors. You know how self-conscious he is about his eyes and whatnot."
"Yeah," I sigh, looking down at myself. "I know."
"Go before your mom comes to investigate. He's in the dining room with Jimmy and my dad."
"Great, so we're still going to be made fun of."
"Well, he is, for sure. Or what's left of him after he melts down when he sees you. In fact," he frowns as he considers this. "In fact, I'm tagging along. I wanna laugh at him too."
I groan, but there's no postponing it... I raise a hand to knock on the doorframe but Shaun sees me first, and grins. For a moment, I can see Ethan so clearly in his father's teasing expression that it sidetracks me. Immediately after, though, both Jimmy and Arkarian turn around and I'm instantly on edge. I wave weakly.
He isn't holding anything that he can drop dramatically, but does a double take, eyebrows shooting up in disbelief. He doesn't walk closer, but he turns around to look at me properly, and it takes him a comically long moment to even open his mouth to speak, his cheeks reddening by the second. Some part of me is extremely pleased with this reaction, but I still wait for the verdict. I take a step ahead, and it seems to kick him into gear as he rushes, hands extended to take mine. He seems to look for words, but doesn't speak for a long time, during which everyone seems to be holding their breaths.
"You're an absolute menace," he mumbles after a second, smiling. He leans in closer, effectively shutting out Ethan's pleased laughter, and Jimmy's comments. "I thought you hated dresses, Bells."
"I..." I swallow, unsure of why I'm so nervous, really. "I have them, I just don't wear them a lot. I can't take the comments from everyone else."
"Should I keep my thoughts to myself, then?" he offers. I chuckle, breathless as the tension starts to bleed away from me.
"I think I'd be a little offended if you did. You think I put on this just because Neriah said so?"
"I think Neriah said you'd murder me with it and you realized she was right," he laughs, and I roll my eyes, because he's right too. "You look stunning, dearheart. I don't think I need to tell you this, but I quite appreciate the choice in color, as well."
"You said, earlier... about possessiveness and all, and I—I thought—I wanted..." I stammer, but I don't need to explain further. His eyes widen, and his hands tremble briefly around mine. He pulls me closer, his arms coming around my waist as he presses a kiss to my cheek, my temple. My hands fall on his chest, and I can tell how quickly his heart is beating.
"I thought, when I saw you… but I didn't want to presume..." he mouths, so quietly I struggle to hear him. I shiver.
"Presume," I plead, my voice smaller than I'd like with nerves, and something like anticipation. "Please, presume."
He groans softly as he holds me close. He doesn't kiss me, and I wonder if everyone is still around or if they may have left us alone for a moment. I can't tell, and I don't dare pull away just to look. I'm still marveling at just how fast his heartbeat is under my fingertips by the time he pulls away to look me in the eye. His are damp, and his voice catches with emotion as he speaks.
"You must know," he starts, fervent, honest to the point that it gives me chills. "When I think of you as mine, it's never... I would never want that, if it wasn't freely offered, love."
"Of course," I breathe. I hadn't even thought otherwise.
"I want you to want to be mine, as much as I want to be yours," he continues. "This... I can't exactly put in words what this feels like," he muses, leaning in closer to touch his forehead to mine. I part my lips, expecting a kiss that doesn't come. I say the first thing that comes to mind to ask for it.
"Show me instead?"
It does the trick.
It's always a heady feeling, watching Arkarian lose his composure for me, for something I've said or done. This time, his hands find my face, framing my cheeks as he kisses me intensely, only for a few brief seconds, before he forces himself to pull away, and hides his face against my neck. His breathing is wild, and it slides over the exposed skin over my chest, my back, sliding under the hem of the dress and making me shiver. His heart is beating so strongly against my fingers that I feel lightheaded with the idea that it's all because of me, that I've done this. He groans.
"I can't believe you still can doubt what you do to me, darling," he manages after a moment. I chuckle, but even to my own ears, I sound just as unsteady as I feel. I'm all but leaning on him, and I'd be surprised if I found out I'm not trembling. "If I kiss you right now, I don't think I'll let you go," he confesses, which does the opposite of helping the situation. I pull on his sweater, verging on desperate, but he shushes me before I can speak. "Everyone is waiting outside, Bells, we're still in the dining room."
I manage to shield my thoughts before I absolutely embarrass myself, and I pull away, letting him step away from me completely before whispering.
"Later, then… Whenever we have time. When our family and friends aren't outside this door," I start, and he raises an eyebrow. "Let me have you, just like you have me," I ask. His eyes fall shut, and I can almost feel with my powers the shiver of want that runs through him.
"A menace! An absolute, complete, menace!" He complains, all but a whine. I chuckle as he waits, breathing deeply to regain his composure before opening the door.
Dillon and Matt are outside, and whistle at me, making fun good-naturedly. I let them, because I can see Jimmy rush out of the kitchen to laugh at Arkarian as well, and I let both their compliments and their jabs wash over me. Neriah catches my eye, and of all things, it's her knowing glance that flusters me.
It's eventually Anneliese, of all people, who comes to my rescue. She calls me to help her get the cookies from the living room, and I manage to spare a mental apology to Arkarian before I take the chance to leave.
She smiles gently as I follow her.
"They're a lot, this bunch," she says, understanding. I nod. "You look great, Isabel. Don't let the boys tell you otherwise."
"Thank you."
"Here, you take these and I'll gather empty cups and plates," she says, handing me a few tins of cookies. "Take them to the kitchen, will you?"
"Of course."
Mom has returned to the kitchen, and she also smiles at me when she sees me.
"I seem to remember that dress a little smaller," she says. I laugh, and tell her what Neriah has done.
By the time I go back to the dining room, everyone seems mostly back to normal. I grin at Arkarian.
"Have they finished telling you how lucky you are that I have deigned to put on a dress for the occasion?" I ask, mostly to jab at Matt and Jimmy, who seem sheepish enough. Arkarian laughs, but doesn't confirm nor deny. "Don't be nice to them, they won't have the same courtesy."
"Does it matter?" he offers. "In the end, we all agree that you look absolutely breathtaking, so really, what's the point."
"Ah, see there, that's the correct answer. You're clearly the most diplomatic person in this family," I inform him.
I'm not entirely sure what I've done, but he seems momentarily surprised, before he starts to tear up a little. He laughs to play it off, but I can see Shaun and Jimmy share a complicit look, and I frown. Ethan shrugs with a quiet smile.
"Aaaaand I'm missing something," I murmur. No one confirms nor denies this time either. "Okay. You keep your secrets. I'm going to go get mom before she starts fussing about the kitchen, or else we'll never start eating..."
I leave them to be weird on their own. Arkarian seems happy, and quiet laughter starts the moment I cross the threshold into the corridor, so I don't worry too much. I tell mom and Laura to stop trying to tidy the kitchen, that we'll do it later, and they reluctantly come with me. I also find Neriah hiding in the guest's bathroom. I squint at her.
"You made me come downstairs wearing this and you're the one hiding? Something doesn't add up," I tease. She grins, but hesitates a second before shaking her head and walking to meet me at the door.
"Oh, they've already seen me. It's just… I was thinking of wearing this," she says, showing me her hand. I gasp.
"He... you...!"
"No!" she cries, frustrated. "See, that's what I don't want... he didn't give it to me like that!"
I would like to tell her that Matt has had that ring for years, easily over a decade by now, possibly since birth and I just don't remember. I would like to tell her that he has never given it, not even handed it over, to anybody. Not mom, not me, not Rochelle… I would like to tell her that, coming from Matt, it might as well mean "that". But I don't. Instead, I nod, I pretend to believe her. She sighs.
"You don't believe me," she guesses anyway. I shrug.
"I know my brother. If it worries you, though, only he, mom, and perhaps Jimmy, will notice exactly the significance. It goes well with your dress, and everyone else will think it's just yours."
"Do you think they'll make a fuss?" she asks, hesitantly.
"Not unless Matt makes a fuss. Does Matt know...?"
"I haven't been wearing it until now, no."
"Maybe tell him before you go in?"
"Hmm."
"Hang on. I'll tell him to come get you, you two sort it out and then come by."
She stops me, sheepishly.
"I made you go downstairs looking like this," she says. "Least I could do is risk it and go in there without prep."
I laugh, and pull her along.
"Found her," I muse as I walk into the dining room and everyone nods when they see Neriah. She smiles, and squeezes my hand before leaving my side to sit next to Matt.
Mom and Jimmy are both sitting at one end of the table, appropriately presiding it, as this is their house. Matt and I are sitting on each side of them, and to our sides, Neriah and Arkarian. Next to Arkarian are Ethan, Shaun, and Laura. Next to Neriah are Anneliese and Dillon. There's an empty space, but no one comments on it, and Ethan doesn't seem bothered. I sit down, curious as to how long it'll take Matt to notice. Mom doesn't seem to be paying attention, and neither is Jimmy, but...
"What's with your brother?" Ethan whispers at me from across Arkarian, startling me. I tend to forget he's both the most observant, and the one with the godsdamned intuition.
"Shh," I whisper back.
Matt isn't making a scene, and I'll be damned if I let Ethan ruin this. Matt is quiet, eyebrows arched toward Neriah, and more than likely talking to her via thoughts. Arkarian, however, looks between us seemingly out of the loop, so I figure they're keeping it private. I tilt my head, catching Matt's eye before I tell anyone, and he starts to blush. He shushes me anyway, and I roll my eyes.
"Why would I want to make a big deal of it, of all people?" I whisper to him across the table, while Jimmy laughs loudly at something Shaun has said. He shrugs, and I sigh. "I wouldn't, that's why."
"It's not that," he insists, and Neriah sighs.
"I'm going to revoke your friend privileges," she whines at me. I shake my head.
"Sure. But you can't revoke my sister privileges."
"You're not my sister," she adds, and I snort.
"Sure, Jan."
Ethan pieces it together before Arkarian does, which is kind of funny. He bites on his fist not to gasp, and I can tell he's concentrating very, very hard on shielding his thoughts. Arkarian seems torn between being impressed and laughing at him, and I place my hand on top of his.
"Have you heard of promise rings?" I ask him. He frowns.
"Like engagement rings?" he asks in return. I shake my head.
"Nah. Someone decided that an engagement was too much commitment, and invented promise rings, because apparently the more rings the better, or something like that."
"Why?" he deadpans. I laugh, I can't help it.
"I guess it's easier to break a promise that you don't really tell other people about. Engagements are so public, and all that," I shrug. "It's kind of silly, I guess..."
"Is that what Neriah is hiding under the table?" he asks then, quietly as to not snitch her out to everyone else. She starts to shake her head, but then sighs, conceding.
"I don't want my mom to make a scene, that's all," Matt grumbles.
"What makes you think I want her to make a scene?" I repeat, before he can make it my fault somehow. He considers it, slowly nods.
"Fair enough."
"It's bad enough as is," I manage to say, before mom cuts her conversation with Jimmy to formally begin dinner. He laughs, silently.
"You don't need promise rings, have you seen what you're wearing?" he manages, choking with the effort not to cackle. I sigh.
"Yes, Matt, I am not blind."
He shakes with laughter when mom throws him a glare for interrupting her as she talks. I shake my head.
"You're ridiculous," I mutter, but he either doesn't hear me or doesn't care.
"What are siblings for, or so they say," Ethan grins. I can't help but snort.
"Or so they say."
Dinner goes on without a hitch. I can tell that, whatever Arkarian is talking about with Matt in their thoughts, it's apparently hilarious. Neriah isn't laughing as much, but she seems vaguely amused, though it isn't until Ethan points it out that I realize why it's so odd.
"I knew they were getting along better, but I'm starting to feel like I stepped into a different reality," he jokes, startling both Matt and Arkarian, who smile and shrug. I chew on my food for a moment, wondering.
"I'm ninety five percent sure that they're talking about me and or laughing about me. I wouldn't worry about it," I reassure Ethan after I swallow. He laughs.
"Oh. I know," he nods. "Still. Weird."
"Hm," I nod as well. Matt shakes his head. "Don't start with me," I warn him. "Or I'll tell mom..."
"No, you won't," he says immediately, and I roll my eyes.
"Or I'll tell mom about the eggnog," I finish, and I watch him choke on his food, quietly very proud of myself.
"You also wouldn't, because you're a really nice sister," he offers after he drinks some water. I start to laugh.
"Oh, now I'm a really nice sister?"
"Of course you are!"
"Of course I am."
"Don't be silly," mom interrupts us both, and we look at her, amused. "I already know about the eggnog."
"You could have just let me keep the upper hand! We all knew about the eggnog, but..." I try, but she rolls her eyes.
"Neither of you are as sneaky as you think."
"That's just lazy, coming from you," I tell Matt, before he can start to panic and read too much into her words. "You can literally teleport. You can probably just pull a Jesus and transform the eggnog into wine. Or, like, stronger eggnog."
"I could," he admits, laughing at the comparison. "But where's the fun in that?"
He laughs some more, and misses the curious look that mom gives him. Probably a good thing. I smile, though, unable to stop the wave of affection that washes through me. For as much as people seem to think he's changed, he's still just Matt, my brother. He looks at me.
"Of course I am. What, did I grow a second head or something in the past year?" he flicks a breadcrumb at me, and I roll my eyes.
"Maybe you should just so you'd have somewhere to store all the ego you're accumulating in your current head," I mumble. It makes Arkarian snort right as he's trying to drink, and it tips us all into laughter. "Sorry!"
"No, no, that was funny," he murmurs, wiping at his chin with his napkin. Jimmy is still laughing, and Matt pats his shoulder, sufferingly.
"I hate you," he tells me, deadpan. I nod.
"Ah, the highest honor a sibling can bestow upon thee."
"Glad to know you don't take it lightly."
"I would never."
"Mmhm."
Ethan and Arkarian look at each other and shrug. When Neriah catches their eyes, she shrugs as well.
"Welcome to the club of only children," she offers. Both Ethan and Arkarian laugh, though I can see Shaun startle briefly next to Ethan.
"I'm fine in this club," Ethan says immediately. "I don't need an older sibling to hate me, thank you very much."
"You already have Arkarian for that," I remind him. He thinks about it for a moment, then nods slowly.
"He's just too nice to say it like that," he agrees. Arkarian raises an eyebrow.
"Oh, am I?"
"Well, aren't you?"
There's a short silence, and I pat Arkarian's wrist.
"You are," I settle.
"Maybe I am," he admits, with a slightly defeated sigh.
"You wouldn't be if you'd had a sibling," I tell him. "You can love them and all of that, but at some point you need to learn to tell them you hate them, too."
"Rite of passage of having a sibling," Matt agrees.
"You're both just saying dumb shit now, gods, shut up," Neriah grumbles, still managing to sound somewhat affectionate. Matt and I laugh.
"See, Neriah is starting to get it," I offer. Ethan nods.
"I'll take careful notes," he jokes, and Arkarian rolls his eyes.
"You already tell me how much I annoy you, almost every time we talk. You're doing just fine," he tells him, and Ethan splutters.
"I do not!"
"Well, sometimes you only think it," he agrees.
"Well, stop snooping in my thoughts!"
"Stop projecting them," comes the immediate, deadpan reply.
I catch Matt's eye, and I roll mine theatrically. He snickers.
"Are they always like this?" he asks, only half-jokingly. I nod.
"They're cute. They think they're not, but they're really cute."
"Aww."
"That makes you and Matt also really cute, you know," says Neriah. Matt laughs some more.
"Damn right we're cute," he settles.
"We're cute, and we know it!"
"I thought you hated each other," Ethan says. Matt nods.
"Isn't hate the other side of the coin for love, or something like that? We're good at keeping it interesting in this family, I guess."
"Oh, keeping it interesting... Is that what we're calling it now?" I blink at him, as innocently as I can. He snorts.
"Don't. We're having dinner, come on, Bells. Mom is right there."
"I'm here," she perks up, looks over. "What did I miss?"
"I made a vaguely innuendo-y joke, Matt got flustered," I tell her. She snickers.
"He does that."
"Yeah."
"I hate you both," he sighs. Mom simply laughs. "It didn't even make sense!"
"Then why did you tell me to stop?"
"Because!" he points at me with his fork. "You will snowball anything into a weird innuendo if we let you."
"Oh, come on! When was the last time I did that?" I complain, feeling my own cheeks redden. Ethan starts to laugh at me, so does Arkarian. Matt seems to think about it, though.
"Okay, to be fair, it's been a while," he admits.
"There you go, thank you."
"But I don't trust you further than I can throw you," he adds.
"You can't throw me," I roll my eyes. "I'll throw you first."
"... well, that's that, then," he shrugs, accepting his fate.
The conversation changes then, as Jimmy is talking about some mission or another, something mom requests often. Both her and Laura have taken some time to get used to it all, especially the idea of their kids being part of a war, and I can't say I blame them. Now, however, they're both starting to become more and more curious about this strange world, and I also can't blame them. It's only a matter of time until they figure out — or until Anneliese tells them — that the most knowledgeable of all of us is Arkarian, so, frankly, I should enjoy this while it lasts, because I don't think they'll let me have his attention for long when that happens.
This thought warrants a chuckle, disguised into a cough behind his napkin. He glances at me, amused.
'Am I wrong, though?'
He doesn't answer, but shrugs minutely. That's a no, then.
#
Midnight inches closer and closer. Dinner has been over for a while, but so far we have only moved enough to bring everything back to the kitchen, and no one has moved to wash the dishes. Afterwards, we've been talking some more. Anneliese has told us some anecdotes of the time back when she met Marduke. She didn't mean to start that topic though, and I can tell she doesn't want to talk about their relationship, so in the end I try to redirect the conversation to the time when she found out about the Guard instead. I don't think mom and Laura notice, but she seems to appreciate it.
I can't imagine what it must have been like, personally. I shield my thoughts as she speaks, and whether Arkarian, Matt and Neriah notice, I don't know. I just don't want to make the night about the agelessness thing, but... Anneliese clearly hadn't meant to... Halfway through her retelling of how fascinated she had been about it all, Arkarian turns to me slightly, though, and I know he's quietly asking about my mental shield. I tilt my head.
"Shaun tells me you were already quite cold and distant, even before Marduke and Anneliese met," I mumble. He seems thrown off. "How come Marduke wasn't?" I ask.
"Ah," he sighs. "He and I... didn't always see eye to eye, on many things. And you forget, I hadn't always been, either. I was just luckier," he reminds me. I nod, but I keep quiet before the others can notice us.
Anneliese is beautiful, and certainly so is Neriah, but it has always struck me as odd that someone like Marduke would willingly settle down, especially considering his agelessness ability. After listening to Anneliese talk for only a few moments, it hasn't been difficult to put two and two together — they weren't involved that seriously by the time she got pregnant.
It reminds me of my own mother, a little. Of course, Dartemis did mean to father Matt, in his own, twisted way... which brings forth the interesting idea that, of the two of them, Marduke was the one willing to not only stay for his child, but marry Anneliese. I'm not entirely certain I know how to feel about that.
It's not until we start to relocate toward the living room, once more dividing into smaller groups, that Arkarian brings it up again. He holds me back by my wrist, and I let Ethan and Matt leave the room before me, pretending to fuss with the hem of my dress. I look at him as they go, though. He seems serious.
"Don't judge Marduke too harshly on that, Isabel," he pleads. "He did many things wrong in his life, but his daughter was not one of them. He loved Neriah dearly, and Anneliese as well."
"I... suppose," I shrug. "I didn't really know him. Neriah certainly seems to think so, at least."
"And she would be correct. He went wrong about many things, and I won't pretend that we got along, even before he defected. We didn't. But we tolerated each other well enough, and he confided in me many times. Fatherhood changes people, a lot," he adds, and he has that voice he uses when he's unsure of how I'm going to take something. I frown, ready to tell him I want to hear what he has to say, but he shakes his head. "I've seen it only too many times, despite not having children myself," he clarifies. I can't help but smile as I realize he's misinterpreted me.
"I figured you would have mentioned it, no worries."
"Still. It does. Look no further, Shaun himself is a good example," he shrugs. "Marduke was afraid. At first, he agreed to stay with them out of duty. He tried to retreat into himself, and he made mistakes — for which he paid with a terrible scar on his face. He became paranoid, that the Guard wouldn't allow him to protect those he loved. He confused the affection he'd held for that poor lady in the past, for the affection he had for his wife and child. All the emotions he had kept hidden for three years, all the fear, and the rage, and the pain, and suddenly having people depend on him after centuries of thinking of himself as a lone wolf… it was all just… a lot. And it made him very unstable. While I have little sympathy for what became of him, I will never forget the day Neriah was born."
He says it with a quiet intensity that sends a chill down my spine. He's hard to read when he talks about the past, but this doesn't present much of a challenge. Under the pain of what happened to someone he once considered a... friend, of sorts — there's more.
"You were surprised... no, more than. You were jealous," I muse, and he closes his eyes. He nods, curtly, and when he opens his eyes again, they're damp. He's looking at me, but he's not really seeing me. He's far away.
"I've told you before — I haven't really interacted much with children, less and less so as time went on. Teenagers, yes. Young adults, most certainly. But not babies. The day that Neriah was born..." he sighs, a tremor going through him, so sharp that he physically shakes. "You've seen him. He's... he was a big man. I hadn't seen a newborn in years, and when he showed her to me, so tiny in his arms... He looked..."
He doesn't finish the sentence, and I wonder what word exactly he's thinking about. But I don't need him to really say it. I can only imagine what it must have been for both of them, Arkarian and Marduke, to think they might never have a family, and then, quite out of nowhere, for Marduke to have Neriah.
"Marduke had a bit more experience with kids than I ever did," he says, suddenly, like coming out of a dream. "He was a healer, so some of our Guardians would ask him to help their families. Sometimes, he would agree. Simple things, that wouldn't raise suspicions. He would go by, find a way to touch the person in question," he shrugs. "But he wasn't a father. And he had very few apprentices, as well. One does wonder what he felt that day, holding his only daughter."
"It must have been quite a shock for him," I venture, finding my throat dry. He chuckles, painful, and raw.
"You can say that again. Marduke had always been very vain, you see. I don't think he was ready to find someone he loved more than himself. Oh, but you could clearly see he loved Neriah. From the day she was born, until the day he left, three years later, I saw him devoted to someone more than I had ever before. It would be a nice story to tell you it was Anneliese, but neither her nor I were ever deluded that it was anyone but Neriah. She had everything a baby could ever ask for, during her first years of life. He may have tried to distance himself, but... well, actions speak louder than words, as they say."
"And what about you?" I prompt. He blinks, then frowns.
"What about me?"
"It couldn't have been easy to watch... all that."
"Ah," he bites his lips, shrugs. "No. It wasn't. Like I said, though, I'm not familiar with kids. I wasn't around them all that often, those first three years... I often wish I had been. Who knows, though. It might be for the best that I wasn't. It's hard to say, now."
"Do you think he might have stayed if...?"
"I don't think anything I could have said would have convinced him at that point. Don't misunderstand me, I have no sympathy for him. What he did, especially as a Guardian of his rank and age, was inexcusable. Anneliese has grieved enough, but imagine, just for a second, that I left you and a three year old because I somehow got attached to a girl while on a mission. For me, it might have been a few months. For you, it has been a night like any other. The next morning, Ethan has disfigured half of my face, and someone else is left to inform you of everything. Your child won't stop screaming for her father, and the only thing this person can do, while telling you the news of your husband, is rock the child in his arms, try to calm both of you while not knowing really how to feel himself."
I notice how the 'imagine' has shifted focus half-way through, but I don't really mind. I pull him closer into a hug, and he rests his forehead on my shoulder, taking a deep breath.
"So, I take it that Shaun was Marduke's apprentice, going by that analogy?" I murmur a little later. He chuckles.
"Yes. I... sorry. I think I shouldn't have said all of that..."
"It's alright. I can't imagine it was easy for you either."
"... It really wasn't."
"Neriah has told me before that you visited quite often when she was younger. I would have thought..."
"What, Isabel?" he asks, but he's laughing. "You thought I would have simply abandoned them? The Guard doesn't abandon their own, and contrary to what Marduke believed, we were prepared to protect them if necessary. I was happy to be their... liaison, if you must. They already knew me, and most important of all, they trusted me. Neriah was a quiet child, especially after that, and if I was able to bring her some happiness, well..."
"You didn't owe them for what Marduke did, Arkarian," I start, but he shakes his head.
"I grew up without parents. I was never under the illusion that I could give her that, but I felt for her, you know? I... for a long time I did wonder whether I could have prevented her from growing up without her father."
"... I understand."
"At the same time, not a full year later, I started training Ethan. It was... very difficult," he admits. "I wasn't sure I wanted to, but he needed help, and I was already supposed to train his sister, before..." he sighs, and pulls me closer. I hold him. "I wasn't supposed to be left in the middle to pick up the pieces of what Shaun and Marduke had left. But I guess I was. I only hope I did okay... I just did my best."
"Of course you did! Ethan would die and kill before he let anything happen to you, and Neriah has so many good memories of you from when she was younger. Anneliese clearly thinks highly of you, as well. Even if I haven't spoken to her a lot, it shows."
"Neriah suffered from nightmares the first year or so after Marduke left. Because of my touch ability, I would often offer to help her sleep if she was having a rough time," he says. "Anneliese wasn't doing great yet, and she was very grateful at the time. She often asked after me, how I was doing... I think we were just trying to take care of each other after what had happened. We were both trying to pick up those pieces, in our own ways, so... We found comfort in each other's company, I suppose. I know I did. I, well, I don't mean..." he adds, quickly, but I pinch him.
"I know what you mean," I interrupt.
"Right."
"She had known, right? When she met Marduke?" I ask. It takes him a moment to piece together my question, but he draws a sharp breath after a moment.
"Yes. Oh, Anneliese knew that he was ageless. Like I said, don't judge him too harshly for it. Neriah may not have been in either of their plans, but do not doubt that she was loved by them both, fiercely."
"Of course..."
"I don't think Neriah knows this herself, and frankly, it's not... well, official, or legally binding, or however you'd like to say this. But after Marduke left, Anneliese once asked me whether I'd like to be her godfather," he muses.
"Did you accept?"
"No. It didn't feel right, and it was asked at a time when Anneliese herself wasn't sure the Guard would stick by her. I promised her I would protect them, but I didn't accept."
"Does that still make you her honorary godfather?"
"I very much doubt it, though I admit I don't know if she ever asked anyone else," he laughs. "Still. I was touched. Marduke... I don't think he ever considered the idea that he might not be there for Neriah, but I like to think that, if he'd had to ask someone, it might have been me. If nothing else, he was a practical man. He would have wanted to know someone powerful would take care of her, and if nothing else, he respected my power."
"If nothing else?"
"Well, we disagreed very often, so I don't think he..."
He pulls away as he speaks, but he doesn't finish. His eyes fall on something behind me, and I hear steps. I turn around to find Neriah and Anneliese there. Neriah is crying, quiety, and draws a circle around herself, the magic surrounding them falling apart.
"I'm sorry for eavesdropping," she starts, already fretting. "But I heard my father's name, and..."
"It's okay," Arkarian murmurs, gently, and it brings fresh tears to her eyes.
"You didn't visit very often, but I know how much you did for us," she says. "Perhaps I never got to know you the same way Ethan did, but you must know I would do anything to repay you for your kindness when my mom and I needed you..."
"You don't have to," he smiles, and he squeezes my hands before he lets go of me completely to step toward Neriah. "Like I said. If I was able to make you happy for a while, then that's all I could ask for."
He extends a hand to her and she all but crashes into him, sobs racking her shoulders. He rubs her back silently, and Anneliese smiles at them.
"Well, isn't this familiar," she muses. He grins, but she continues before he can speak. "I never did ask anyone else, you know."
"Neriah doesn't need a godfather, one could argue she never did," he says, but Neriah pulls away from him with a gasp.
"Oh, say you will, please! I would be honored to have you as my godfather. It doesn't have to be official, or anything, but..."
"I told you both once I would protect you, and that has never changed," he smiles at her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "However, you don't need my protection anymore. Your own powers are far more extensive than mine will ever be."
"It's about the principle of the matter," Anneliese clicks her tongue.
"It doesn't matter whether I'm immortal or not," Neriah adds. "I have always looked up to you and that's not about to change. I won't ask you for anything, it won't be... how did you put it, legally binding...?"
"The last thing I'm worried about is whether you'll ask me for something," he rolls his eyes. "Just..."
"Why not?" I ask him, startling them all. "They have clearly had time to think about it, and they're not asking out of fear anymore, are they?"
"Well..."
"Arkarian, please..." Neriah pleads, and he looks at her, affectionately exasperated. "I will never ask for anything else!"
"That is not true," he mutters, matter-of-factly, rolling his eyes. "And I wouldn't ask that of you anyway. If it means that much to you, then I will be honored to be your godfather, Neriah."
She hugs him again, but this time she's laughing, despite her tears. Anneliese catches my eye, and I'm not surprised to find that we're also tearing up. What surprises me is that more people have gathered at the door. Everyone else has started to come back upon hearing Neriah cry, and they seem just as touched by what they're seeing as us. Shaun steps closer when Neriah manages to peel herself away from Arkarian. He takes her hands, placing a kiss on her knuckles, which seems to surprise her. He holds her glance briefly, then looks at Anneliese.
"I don't think I have ever apologized to you both for the part I played in what happened that night. And while I tried my best to stop it from happening, I also don't think I was brave enough at the time to look either of you in the eye. Belated as they are, I hope you accept my sincerest apology," he says. Neriah pulls him into a hug as well, and Anneliese nods, gently.
"I appreciate what you tried to do, Shaun," she says then, softly. "Arkarian told us, and I will admit that, in the heat of the moment, it felt like vindication... It took me a long time to even begin to understand how difficult it must have been for you, to lose him like that..."
"It's not easy to be left behind after being betrayed, and I'm afraid I didn't help matters," Shaun shakes his head. "If nothing else, I'm glad Ethan won't ever have to fight his instructor for such a horrible thing."
Anneliese nods with a smile, and I watch as Ethan takes a few seconds to process that sentence. He opens his mouth, possibly to ask his father something, but seems to think twice about it. He grins at Arkarian instead.
"No pressure, or anything," he mumbles, jokingly. Arkarian laughs freely.
"I really couldn't. Anneliese is not a fighter, but if I dared pull something like that, I would be running for my life before Isabel found me. You would have to be happy with finding what's left of my corpse."
That makes everyone laugh, me most of all. I can't even begin to fathom the situation, and it sounds so absurd that it barely deserves the effort.
"Now, now... let's talk about something happier, then," Shaun says, and he turns to grin mischievously at Neriah. "Why don't you tell us about that ring, huh?"
Her eyes widen as she realizes he's seen it, just now, when he'd kissed her knuckles. I'm impressed that he's managed to piece it all together so quickly. She barely has time to compose herself, however, because my mom is immediately squealing, and I can't help but snicker under my breath as all hell breaks loose. Ethan manages to escape the pandemonium quickly unfurling in the middle of the corridor, and he steps closer to Arkarian and I, still in the dining room. He winces.
"Well, that's one way to turn things to a different topic," he mutters. I chuckle.
"It was bound to get discovered sooner or later, I suppose. Let them deal with that, I harbor no illusions that Matt will ever let me live it down the day I get engaged."
"They're not really engaged, though... and frankly, I would be very surprised if they did get engaged before you two."
"I'm honestly very happy that he's going to get the worst of it, I don't know what you're talking about," I laugh. Arkarian chuckles as well.
"I can't say I don't know why they'd want to be engaged, or promised, or whatever the hell they call that," he shrugs. "But I also see no reason to rush."
"You're clearly more patient than everyone else combined," Ethan rolls his eyes. "Please do get married before the rest of us die, will you?"
"Stop that," I swat at his arm, and he laughs.
"I don't think we've ever even talked about it," Arkarian offers tentatively. "I know views on marriage are changing, as of late..."
"I..."
"Wait, wait, if you're going to propose we need to call everyone else," Ethan interrupts, clearly enjoying himself too much. Arkarian rolls his eyes.
"I'm not going to propose. But in case you've missed it, people don't get engaged without even knowing if their partner is morally opposed to the institution that marriage is. What do you think, for example?"
"I think I'll get sad if I think for too long about marriage, so how about I don't?" he shoots back. Arkarian sighs.
"Well, I am not morally opposed to marriage," I interrupt before they can both be sad. "But I'm also not in a rush. I imagine you might want to be the one to propose, but if you'd like me to do it, I'll figure it out," I offer, and Arkarian laughs.
"I'd rather do it, if that's alright with you."
"Like I said — I figured you'd rather do it. Apparently, our only condition is that it's some time in Ethan's lifetime or so," I remind him. He shakes his head.
"Actually, that's more of Shaun's lifetime or so, if you want to get really morbid," he adds. "He's probably, aside from me, the oldest here."
"Way to make this not fun anymore," Ethan grumbles, and we both laugh.
"Well, now you know how it feels every time you call us out on that."
"Duly noted."
Somewhere, a phone starts ringing with an alarm, and Matt, tomato-red, sighs.
"Well, that's our cue to turn on the TV," he announces. "It's ten minutes to midnight!"
He doesn't get to escape his current personal hell just yet, but as they all move toward the living room, I manage to drag Arkarian to the kitchen to pick up the champagne flutes from the cupboard. He's smiling as we leave them all to keep embarrassing my brother.
"This is a nice change of pace, having them all fuss about someone else's relationship," he mumbles, which makes me snicker.
"Isn't it?"
I pull a tray from a drawer and hand it to him so I can start counting the flutes. I tap them idly with a fingernail as I count, and he smiles.
"They sound like little bells," he murmurs.
"Yeah?"
"Hmm. Why do they call you Bells, and not Iz, or something like that?" he asks as I look for the champagne in the fridge. I laugh.
"I don't know… My dad used to call me Isa, before he left. I imagine my mom switched to Bells so as to not be reminded of him, and it must have stuck around..."
"I see."
"Why?"
"I just think it's cute," he laughs. "Appropriate, I suppose."
I don't get to ask him why he thinks so, however, because Jimmy comes over to help with the flutes and he grins at us.
"You two are probably enjoying not being the center of attention, knowing you both," he teases. Arkarian raises his eyebrows.
"And you're probably panicking because you don't know how to react to the news, we all have things going on in our heads, don't we?"
"Way to hit where it hurts," Jimmy gasps, touching his chest in dramatic offense. He's probably used to it, but I can't help but think of how fantastic it still is to see Arkarian talking back to someone with such familiarity. "I am. I have no idea what Coral is thinking about, or whether she's going to panic about this later."
"She's thinking about where Matt got that ring from, and symbolism. It has absolutely nothing to do with any of us," Arkarian informs him laconically, which makes him laugh. "As for the panicking, you would know better than me."
"She will," I affirm, and Jimmy sighs, but nods. "But I'm sure she'll get over it soon. It's not like they're getting married anytime soon."
"I would expect you two to do that before they even think of that, personally," Jimmy starts, but I cut him off.
"So we've heard from approximately everyone and their mothers," I mutter. He snorts.
"Come on. We're going to miss the New Year at this rate!"
People are getting ready for the countdown as we hurriedly pass champagne around, excitement already high in the room. Arkarian circles my waist with an arm, pulling me closer, and I remember.
"Why do you call me Bells?" I ask him, turning around. He's closer than I thought, and my nose brushes on his temple as he leans in to be able to hear me over everyone's excited chatter. He chuckles.
"Twelve!" someone calls, and the countdown begins. Arkarian is too close for me to join in; I don't have the focus to count backwards, not when he turns around ever so slightly to mouth at my ear.
"Ever since I met you, I knew that, if our hearts made songs, yours would be light and tinkling; like a bell."
It takes me two and a half seconds to get myself together after something like that. I know, because people keep counting down, and I'm still wondering whether one day I'll be able to cope with my feelings for this man. He waits.
"You know, they say that, whatever it is you're doing when the year starts, you will be doing by the time it ends," I whisper. I can feel his smile against my cheek.
"Do they, now," he muses, and I can't tell if he's truly asking, or if he cares at all. Perhaps because he knows full well what I want.
"Mhmm," I nod. I take his champagne flute from him, placing it next to mine, forgotten in the tray. "And I know exactly what I plan to start my year with."
Everyone calls out the New Year, and I tiptoe to press our lips together, in a kiss that I hope conveys everything I'm feeling right now. And if we get a little carried away, well — no one is really paying attention to us. Seconds after, everyone's screams and squeals pull us apart, and we share a smile before we're immersed in our friends and family's good wishes for the New Year. It's not the first year since the battle, but it is the first time we have spent New Year's Eve all together as a team, so I make sure to hug Ethan extra tightly. He lets me, kissing my cheek in a reassuring gesture. I catch him doing the same to Arkarian, and I can't help but smile. He's so strong, I think to myself. Stronger than he gives himself credit for. I don't know what I would do if Rochelle was alive and Arkarian was dead, and I had to spend New Year's Eve with them being all soft around one another. I'd probably cry.
I hug Ethan again, and he laughs at me, says something about 'not thinking I was sentimental', a joke about the eggnog… He holds me back after a moment, though, perhaps realizing why I'm hugging him again. His arms come around my waist a bit tighter, but he doesn't shake, he doesn't have the same fragility in him that he used to have, only a year or so ago. Then he pats my back, and presses another kiss to my cheek.
"Thanks," he whispers.
"Anytime," I whisper back.
He doesn't answer, but he smiles, wide, and happy, and it's the best thing he could have done for me right then.
#
I collapse on the sofa, uncaring that I'm literally on top of Matt, and halfway on top of Neriah. They let me, and soon enough Ethan plops down on the arm of the sofa, leaning on me as well. Matt does grumble at that, being the one at the bottom of the pile. Jimmy considers us, and sits on the floor next to me to lean on my legs. I pat his hair approvingly, and frown when mom shakes her head and leaves the living room entirely.
"Rude," I mutter, and Jimmy makes a sound of agreement. Matt doesn't move, though it's unclear if it's because he can't, or because he doesn't care enough.
"Do I even want to ask?" Arkarian asks anyway. We all look at him and shrug, almost simultaneously. I look around myself, but find nowhere free enough to invite him to lean on me, so I point towards Neriah's side of the sofa.
"Sleepy pile. Then again, sometimes I wonder if you sleep at all, so you might not be as tired as the rest of us mortals."
"Bells, use your brain before you speak," Matt sighs from underneath me.
"Ah, fuck," I agree as I realize what he means, and yawn. "Well, the rest of us... eh... whatever we are."
"Guardians," Ethan supplies. I shrug.
"Named?" Neriah adds, a bit more specific.
"People?" Jimmy grumbles.
Matt groans.
"Yes, yes, you are all hilarious," Arkarian placates them before we can boo Matt out of the pile. He sits by Neriah's legs, much like Jimmy has done, but doesn't quite lean on her. She takes advantage of the position to pet his hair anyway, which, at least from my perspective, is hilarious.
My laughter seems to set Ethan off, and soon we're both standing up so we can cackle to our heart's content without jostling the rest. Neriah continues to untangle Arkarian's hair without a shred of remorse, and perhaps funniest of all, he lets her, a tired smile present in his own face.
Perhaps nothing is funny, and we're just too tired. Ethan hugs me this time, and presses a kiss to my temple, still giggling.
"I'm dying," he announces. "I'm going home, and I'm going to crash on my bed, and I'm going to go to sleep with the vague feeling that at least the year has started the right way. Thank you for inviting us," he adds, to Jimmy, and when I look up I see mom, who has appeared in the doorframe at the sound of our laughter. Mom smiles widely, opening her arms as well to hug Ethan, somewhat motherly. From behind her, I can see that Shaun and Laura have finished packing up their things from the kitchen, and are putting on their coats.
And just like that, the goodbyes start. I hug Ethan one last time before he leaves, tightly, and he squeezes me until he lifts me off the floor. I squeal.
"Ethan!"
"I meant it," he whispers when he lets me back on the floor, before he pulls away. "Thank you. I've had fun, and I'd always wanted... well, you know it, of course you do."
"I know, Ethan. We'll get to do this more often now, okay?"
"Do you think you'll manage to convince him?" he jokes, finally pulling away. I roll my eyes, and force his hat down to cover his ears.
"Of course we will. You have more power over Arkarian's feelings than you think you do, you know that, right?"
"That's what you all keep telling me," he agrees dutifully. I pretend to sigh sufferingly, and he laughs. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you. This means a lot to me. I haven't felt properly happy in a while, and this has been really great."
"Thank you for coming, Ethan," I say.
"Yeah," Matt mumbles from behind me, on the doorframe of the porch, with Neriah. "Thanks for coming, Ethan. It's been fun."
"Here's to a year of just this much fun," Ethan muses, and Neriah nods.
Arkarian, who had been still inside until now, materializes by our side. He offers Ethan a hug, who practically melts into his arms. Arkarian laughs.
"You need to sleep," he murmurs, a hint of concern in his voice that I have already grown used to. Arkarian tends to baby Ethan a lot more than he does anybody else, and Ethan doesn't seem to mind at all.
"Yeah," he agrees easily. "I think I just might manage, you know?"
"Yeah. Sleep well, Ethan."
"I... thanks," he whispers, and I might be the only one close enough to realize that, while Ethan is obviously tearing up, Arkarian is as well. "This really meant a lot to me."
"And me as well, Ethan. Of course it did."
"I'll see you soon," Ethan says, cheeks reddening.
For once, I don't have the heart to tease him about it.
Shaun and Laura say their goodbyes as well, and they all walk back toward their car, careful of the snow. I wave at them as they leave, but soon I go back inside, to find Matt and Neriah helping in the kitchen. Jimmy is still sprawled on the sofa, yawning, and Anneliese is sitting on the other sofa, checking her phone. Mom walks by us, clearly intending to tidy up the diner. Arkarian follows her, and I stay there for a moment, wondering what in the world am I supposed to do, and whether I can take my shoes off yet...?
The answer to the latter seems to be no, as Matt calls me to help him and Neriah before I manage to walk upstairs. Fine, then.
"Are you staying here?" He asks me, direct as ever, as soon as I'm in close range and he doesn't have to yell. I frown.
"I... what?"
"Well, I was thinking of staying over with Neriah," he says, this time more impatient. It takes me a second to catch the implication behind the words, but then I shrug.
"And you're telling me this, because...?"
"Because I sort of want you to back me up when inevitably mom becomes a mess at the thought of both their children having a partner to spend New Years with, that's why," he bites out. Neriah snickers, but seems to agree. I sigh.
"You're talking to the wrong person. For starters, no, I don't know if I'm staying here, but I also hadn't talked to Arkarian about it. Second... you want to talk to Jimmy on this one. He's the one who will definitely be staying, you know."
Matt sighs, sufferingly. I don't bother replying, instead walking to the living room, where Jimmy is still pretending to be a sofa blanket. I poke his side, to little effect, but he does open his eyes.
"Hey," he muses. I grin.
"Matt is conspiring, and he needs your help," I inform him. He snorts.
"They're staying over at yours, Ann?" he asks her. Anneliese shrugs.
"Neriah did ask earlier, I thought Matt would have already told you and Coral..."
"He..." Jimmy shrugs too. "He does pretty much whatever he wants. Coral won't mind too much. You know what she'll mind? Isabel leaving as well. If nothing else, because Isabel is the youngest, and Coral isn't expecting it."
"And me right with her," I frown. "Both you and Matt have assumed I'm leaving, but I still haven't really asked Arkarian about it. Maybe he has plans with the Tribunal members?"
"I highly, highly doubt it," he replies. "And even if he did, he would ditch them in a second for you. But don't let me keep you, go ask! I'll talk to Matt to see what he wants from me."
"Moral support, I believe."
It makes him laugh just as much as it makes Anneliese laugh, and it makes me realize how silly this all must seem to them. Asking for permission to sleep at a different house, being nervous that our mother won't approve... it's so mundane in comparison to being a warrior in a war to stop the destruction of History as we know it, really.
And yet, as I walk to the diner, where my mom is ranting about something or another to Arkarian, I can't help but wonder if this isn't... well. Exactly what we're meant to be doing, at our age. Growing up, and having to ask when we want to stay over with our partners, and having to suffer through our mom thinking we're still children. Worrying about finals, and whether or not we'll be working here or there the year after. Wondering about the future, and not the past, for once.
Arkarian walks out of the room to stare at me, confused.
"I'm lost," he tells me, and I realize I must have been thinking louder than I'd noticed. I blink.
"Sorry. Just... thinking. Anyway, Matt is freaking out in the kitchen, mom," I tell her. She laughs.
"Oh, I can probably guess what's up," she assures me, with the kind of face that tells me we all were right, and the one who's going to make her freak out will be me, and me alone. I smile at her anyway. "I'll go see what his problem is."
"Right."
I stay behind, though, and Arkarian nudges me curiously. I snicker.
"Matt is staying at Neriah's, and I'm here to ask you if we have plans, before my mom makes the mental jump to 'oh no both of my children are leaving me alone on New Year's', so I know what to tell her," I explain. He seems slightly flustered at the idea, but nods.
"I'd be happy to spend the night together, but I'll leave that up to you," he says, as I thought he would. I raise an eyebrow. "I know you're going to have slightly more time to see your mom now that she knows... still, it won't be..."
"I'm talking about spending New Years together, not moving out and eloping, sheesh..." I shake my head, but tiptoe to press a kiss to his lips. He's laughing, thank the gods. "You all talk like it'll be monumental if I don't spend here absolutely every last second I can."
"Well, you could spend every last second here, if you wanted to."
"I could, and it would drive both of us crazy, my mom needs her space too."
"I think Coral is more than used to the idea that you'll leave her at some point, you know?" he says, taking us back to the topic at hand. "Whether or not she expects you to spend the night here tonight, I don't think she hasn't realized you're growing up."
"Well... I hope you're right," I settle, then ask, "So, can I stay with you, then?"
"Of course, Isabel."
I'm expecting the answer, but there's something in the way he says it, really, that always sends a shiver down my spine. Something about being... wanted. As a whole, being wanted for who and what I am, without external expectations. Being wanted in the way I want him in return.
He's the one who leans in to kiss me, this time.
We walk toward the kitchen hand in hand, and get there in time to hear mom teasing Matt about using protection. I snicker, and she turns to glare at me. I tilt my head before she can speak.
"Healer," I remind her, and her arguments seem to fail her.
"Can you do that?" she frowns.
"Do what?" I ask back. She thinks for a second.
"I don't even know, er... not get pregnant?" she asks, raising her hands in silent questioning. I nod, choosing not to overthink it for now, or it'll become awkward really soon.
"Don't worry, I got it," I laugh. Matt rolls his eyes. "Shut it, you could have asked if you wanted my help."
"I didn't think you could use your powers to do that," he admits.
"Well, anyway," mom turns to him. "Have fun, and whatnot."
"Yes, mother; thanks for your concern, mother..."
It makes her laugh, which I suppose is a testament to how long she's had to stand Matt's sarcasm.
"We'll help you tidy up before we go," Neriah promises, to which Matt and I nod. It doesn't seem to register, though, and Matt seems incredulous. I sigh, deciding to just put it out in the open sooner rather than later.
"On that note, I'll be staying at Arkarian's tonight as well," I tell her. I'm mildly proud of myself for managing to say it like an affirmation, instead of a question. She raises her eyebrows at us, surprised. I wonder what she's thinking, if she's learned to talk to Arkarian in her thoughts at all.
"Coral?" Jimmy asks, gently, when she doesn't answer. She jumps.
"Ah! Yes, yes..." she frowns. "Yeah, sure. Stay safe and all that."
"That's all she gets?" Matt complains, though I can tell he's about to start laughing. Mom chuckles, definitely amused.
"She's less fun to mess with than you," is what she manages to come up with. She doesn't seem too bothered, but I've known her for my entire life... I walk up to hug her. "Hey," she greets me, happily.
"You okay?" I ask her.
She sighs at this, her easy-going attitude falling a bit. Her arms tighten around me.
"I'm alright," she reassures us. "My babies are growing up, and they're happy, what else could I ask for?"
"And you're happy too, right?" I ask her. This is normally something Matt would ask, and it seems to surprise her, but I do mean it. Matt comes closer to back me up, and she purses her lips, cheeks reddening.
"O-of course! What kind of question is that?!"
"You would tell us, right?" Matt adds, a little awkwardly. "If you... If..."
"Matt..." she sighs, raising an arm from my back to caress his arm. "You're my children. I told you the same when Jimmy moved in, you're not supposed to have to take care of me, it goes the other way around. I can take care of myself just fine."
"We're a family," he insists. "We're all supposed to take care of each other. That's what you always told us."
She laughs. Nods.
"Yes, dear. Sorry, you're right. I think you're talking to too many adults lately, though. You're both so young... You need to go out and explore, and learn... Yes, of course I'm sad, and this will be the first New Year's Eve we don't spend together the whole night, but it was going to happen at some point, no matter what, right? I'm glad you two are doing just that, and I'm glad you both have wonderful partners who you can trust."
Thankfully, Matt seems to get the memo and hugs mom as well. She squeezes us tightly before letting go. She waves her hands to shoo us away.
"Go. I won't make a fuss, come on."
"We'll help get the kitchen sorted out before we go," Matt insists. She rolls her eyes.
"Sure."
For a moment, there's silence... then I remember, and I jump before Matt can get to the sink.
"I'm washing!"
He groans. We both hate drying, and our family, who knows it, bursts out laughing.
It doesn't escape my notice, however, that mom disappears for a few minutes with Jimmy. When she comes back, her eyes are still slightly red from tears, and I'm not fully sure how I'm supposed to feel about that. I know we're leaving her with Jimmy, and that it was bound to happen eventually, but... she's been left behind enough times.
Even Matt hugs her for a long time before he goes away with Neriah and Anneliese, though by then, mom has managed to recover enough to genuinely smile at us. She sighs as Matt leaves, however. Turns to me.
"I raised two responsible little humans," she murmurs, and I feel my face heating. "Too responsible, sometimes. Go have fun, Isabel, go be eighteen. I'm too old for you to be worrying about me for something like this."
"R-right," I murmur.
It makes me wonder. Whether we're too responsible, or growing up too fast. Shaun certainly complained about it often enough... Not proper, he'd say, a bunch of kids being the centerpiece of a war. In the past few years, how different would I have turned out if I hadn't spent most of my free time with Arkarian? No matter what he looks like, I've always known he was an adult, and I've learned countless things from him, I will continue to, for years to come. Has that changed me as much as mom seems to think? Maybe I'm too close to the issue to really see it.
Arkarian bumps his side to mine as we walk up the stairs so I can pick up some stuff.
"Worrying about it only makes you more responsible, you know?" he teases. I roll my eyes.
"Says the adult here."
"If you want to get technical, we're both adults now," he reminds me, and I can't help but grin.
"We are, thank the gods. We've had enough people frown at us for that as is."
"And they will continue to do so."
"Do people seriously not have something better to do?" I murmur.
He doesn't answer, instead leaning against the doorframe as I go around the room picking up my clothes and toiletries.
It's not a new routine, really. I've stayed at his place innumerable times by now, and each time I've packed my things the same way. I'm used to packing, for camping, for trekking, for sport competitions, for holidays... Sleepovers were never a thing I was used to, as a kid, but I'd gotten used to packing for them quickly enough after I started to spend more nights with him, after the battle.
I don't want to start thinking about that, though... those first few nights weren't exactly a walk in the park. We were all still healing from that battle, from the people we'd lost. I'd gone to see him often without having been invited, out of concern... It had worked out, in the end, but it hadn't been a happy time for any one of us. With time, though, we'd managed to steer our relationship to something... happier. Simpler, in a sense. Less about the war, and about our losses, and more about us. It had been nice, we had learned a lot about each other. And now here we were... Spending New Year's Eve together.
I threw it all on a sports bag, but then realized.
"Are we staying at your chambers, or...?"
"We can do that, or go to the Citadel," he shrugs. "I have a feeling you like the mountain chambers better, for some reason."
"Privacy, mostly. It always feels like someone is going to appear out of nowhere in the Citadel," I remind him. We've had variations of this conversation before, and he shakes his head in amusement.
"Someone could just as well appear out of nowhere in my chambers, though. I don't see the difference."
"One gets more use than the other, give me that at least. Besides, if someone enters your chambers, you would know. And besides, isn't it impossible to appear inside your chambers? They wouldn't appear in the middle of our room, just... somewhere near the entrance, I'd assume."
"You'd assume," he shrugs, and I immediately know there's a story there. I'll have time to ask some other day, though, so I simply sit on my bed to take off my shoes. He waves it off. "Don't bother, I can transport you there as you are."
"I'll need something to walk back though, might as well change?"
"Well, however you're more comfortable."
"You just want to take the dress off of me," I taunt him, and he laughs.
"Yes. I thought I'd made that obvious enough."
"Fine, but it's just not practical," I sigh. He tilts his head.
"I'll bring you back," he suggests. "Or you can just bring those clothes with you for tomorrow."
That's... reasonable, I suppose. I nod, slipping back the shoe I'd just taken off. I look around myself, and pack the change of clothes I was going to put on tomorrow anyway, no need to make him bring me back home in case he might have something else to do.
Mom hugs both of us briefly when we go back downstairs, and tells me to put on a jacket. Jimmy looks at her, at my dress, and shrugs, unwilling to correct her as he realizes we won't be making the trek to the chambers by foot. I grin at him, but grab a jacket from the rack by the door anyway to pacify her anyway, and she doesn't seem to notice anything, not even as Arkarian extends a hand toward me. Jimmy waves at us, mom and I say bye almost at the same time. Arkarian echoes it, and the next thing I know is that we're in the mountain chambers, in the middle of the dark corridor.
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~Lena