"Because what's worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?"

― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

The room was spinning; everything felt as if it was falling around her. No matter how many breaths Usagi took, she couldn't seem to fill her body with oxygen. And she was shaking again -not the room, her.

"Usagi-chan….USAGI! Get a hold of yourself! Breathe!"

A hand smacked her back (forcing her to breathe) even though she thought she had been the whole time. Air filled her lungs, and oxygen hit her blood; Usagi realized she hadn't been breathing. The spinning came to a slow stop as everything came back into focus.

"What...what happened? I don't understand!"

Luna had to take a calming breath as well, thinking over her words. "That night.. in Shiba Park.. you were so badly wounded, you were going to die. I don't…. I don't know how to explain it to you other than just to tell you Usagi. The Crystal… the Silver Crystal sensed your death and wrapped you up in itself, protecting you and healing you. But it put you in… a coma of sorts so you could live long enough to heal. The poison in your blood… slowed your healing so much, it took over a year to heal you. Then… you didn't wake up, and I didn't think you ever would. So I moved you down here, watching over you in hopes that one day… you would return to us."

"Where… where is here?"

"We're underground." The man took over; his voice was strangely soothing. "After you… went to sleep, the Senshi kept up the fight in your absence. More joined the fight with them, my charge included. But… it wasn't enough. They were able to fight Beryl and her horde off for over a year, but…."

The man faltered, and Luna took over. "After I moved you, they lost hope, Usagi-chan. And.. they lost one battle. The energy was taken back to the negaverse instead of to the people they took it from. Ten people… none of them made it." Usagi gasped, a tear slipping out as she grabbed her mouth in hopes of containing her sob. "It broke them, the Senshi. But they didn't stop, staying in the fight even though it was clear they were struggling. The energy stolen gave Beryl an advantage, and after that one battle, they never won again."

"The public got scared, and many cities caved to Beryl's demands, becoming hers." The man spoke.

While Luna nodded sadly, "And now, those who still resist are forced underground or into hiding. There are still many who resist, though."

The man gave a smile with a nod. "Yes, here in Tokyo, we have a large standing. One in England and America, where they are still fighting against Beryl's control. And in Germany and Russia as well, although they are in more of a trench war at this point."

"But… what about the Princess?"

All eyes turned to Usagi, having been silent for so long it was almost as if they forgot she was there. Luna gently took Usagi's hands in hers, steadying the blonde for some kind of shock. "Usagi-chan…. You're the Princess."

Never had Usagi wished for the ability to pace as she did right now. The man had to hit Usagi's back again to get her to breathe. No one said a word, helping Usagi to her feet before she hyperventilated yet again. Now she tried to focus as much as she could on getting the feeling back in her legs. Her head was pounding; all the information far too much to process.

"We should get you some clothes."

She glanced up at Luna, who was looking Usagi over. "Yeah…. why don't they fit? My clothes?"

Luna gave her a small and crooked smile. "Because, Usagi-chan, you may have been asleep, but your body kept growing."

"So.. I'm…. older?"

"Nineteen."

She nearly fell; both Luna and the man had to keep Usagi from hitting the floor as her already weak legs gave out of her again. "Come on, Usagi. Try to keep it together. I know this is a lot, but we still have a lot more to tell you and for you to do."

The man was careful with her, being as gentle as Luna with her and her feelings. "I'm sorry, but… who are you?"

He chuckled, tightening his grip on her as they took her towards the stairs. "Artemis. Nice to finally make your acquaintance Usagi-chan."

"Artemis… why does that sound familiar?"

He shrugged. "Maybe you heard Luna and me through the Crystal shell? It opened to Luna and me and… other trusted persons, so perhaps you heard my name when I took care of you? Or maybe, you are getting your memories back from the Silver Millennium?"

"My memories? Were you there? In the Silver Millennium?"

Shaking his head, Artemis kept his attention on his task, getting Usagi up the stairs. "Well, I guess we can rule out your memories then."

It was dark in the tunnel of the stairwell, a light at the end of it that was dim. "Luna, how and why are you not a cat?"

The woman who walked before them turned quickly, confused and shocked by Usagi's outburst. Luna must have been in this form for a long time; the woman they trusted before them had no clue. "I needed to be able to take care of you, Usagi. Plus…. Beryl and her henchmen would have found me long ago in my real form. As a Mau, I can take a human form, as can Artemis."

Usagi's head swiveled hastily towards the man. "You're a cat like Luna?!"

The man and Luna laughed; the woman before them looked back at them again, confused. As if the sound of laughter was strange to her as well as Luna being a cat. "Mauian, Usa. We're Maus. And yes, yes he is."

It was slight, but Usagi could hear the warmth on Luna's tongue when she spoke of Artemis. She had missed a lot while asleep, including her cat falling in love.

The stairs gave way to a small room; holes cut into the walls leading off in unknown directions. A few more doors, and she was in what looked like a bedroom. Luna and Artemis set her gently on a bed; the old metal squeaked from her weight. The dirt walls continued to add to the claustrophobia Usagi was starting to feel; thoughts of being in a grave tried to find their way into her mind. So instead, she focused on the room and its dressings.

There wasn't much; a small table with a couple of chairs. Papers and books were strewn over the table, and the words hard to make out. Usagi wasn't sure if her eyes were still struggling to focus or if it was all in another language, but it all looked like scribbles to her.

Luna and Artemis whispered at the door, their voices still showing agitation and haste with their words. The woman that had been with them returned, a pile of clothes in her arms. "Here you are, Moon Goddess. It's not much, but it is all we have."

Usagi gently took the clothes from the woman while offering her a smile. "They are more than enough, thank you. And please, call me Usagi…."

"Mary. Mary Klausner. And I dare not call you so informally."

Usagi twerked her head at the woman, getting help to disrobe. "You're not Japanese? But you speak the language so well!"

Mary nodded, not taking her eyes off her task. "I came here after my town was taken over."

"You have family here with you?"

Mary smiled sadly. "A son. We were the only ones to… make it."

A tear slipped down Usagi's face, and she placed a hand on Mary's shoulder, causing the woman to jump slightly. "I am so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Mary responded, shaking her head.

"Isn't it?"

Mary opened her mouth, but more shaking cut her off. The vibration was far worse, being higher up out of the ground.

"What is that?"

"Air raids," Mary said it as if it was nothing.

"Air raids! By Beryl?"

Mary nodded, going back to dressing Usagi. Who had to put almost all her weight on the woman just to get her pants on. "Tokyo is the only standing city; the rest fell to Beryl's control; all of Japan is now under her thumb. With that, she gained control of the air force, which is now used to do weekly bomb drops on all of us in hopes of scaring us and possibly killing a few."

"But… the city?! The parks, all life above?!"

"I'm sorry, Goddess, but it is all long gone now."

She blanched, feeling as if she might faint again. It was all too much, the devastation that had occurred all while Usagi slept.

Mary had gotten her a pair of tan cargo pants and a loose long-sleeved shirt the color of dark grass. Then Mary handed her an elastic hair tie. "Sorry, but this is all we have by for hair care."

She smiled at the woman again, through her inner turmoil. "That's more than fine. Thank you so much, Mary-san."

"No, Goddess. Thank you. I would have given up hope long ago if it weren't for you."

Now finding she could at least stand, Mary left Usagi; Luna and Artemis took Mary's place and left the three of them alone. "We need to get you to the Northeast post."

"It is too dangerous, Artemis; she can barely stand!"

"Let's go." They both looked back at her, gaging her resolve. "Let's end this war as soon as possible."

Going up even more stairs, Luna and Artemis led her to what looked like a communal space; people were milling about and conversing. This looked far more welcoming than the dark hollows of the cave they had been in.

Many stopped and stared as they passed. A few gasped, and some fell to their knees at the sight of Usagi. "Luna… what is this?"

They were whispering; far too many bodies close to the three of them to do much else. "This is just a small human stronghold, Usagi-chan. None of these people are fighters and have seen little of battle. And what they have seen was traumatizing. They all came to this stronghold (in particular) because of you. They are believers in you and your return, the return of Sailor Moon."

"You're telling me, all these people know I'm Sailor Moon?!"

Luna took her hand, her fingers lacing with Usagi's. "As much as I wanted to keep your identity secret, I needed help with your care. Word got out, and more came to aid in your recovery in hopes you would awaken and save us all from the Dark Kingdom."

"Luna… why did you need help? Why didn't the Senshi help you? Or my family? Oh god, Luna, where is my family?!"

Luna tugged her in closer, hoping to calm her as much as possible. "The Senshi couldn't sit around and wait; they all spread out to different strongholds. A few went to America and England, but you never met those Senshi. And your parents, I'm sorry I lost track of them after the air raids started a few years ago." Usagi did her best to contain her tears; Luna wrapped an arm around her shoulders in an attempt to help. "Don't give up hope! Last I heard, Mamoru-san was helping them get out of the city."

"Mamo… Mamoru? Mamoru, Chiba?!"

Luna gave her a nod and nothing else. Someone else handed Usagi a pair of boots, and another handed her a coat. All of it was given to Usagi like offerings on a grave, bowing their heads and not making eye contact for very long.

Artemis and Luna also wrapped up, telling Usagi she must have awoken well after the spring she fell asleep during. Luna stepped up to Usagi again with a scarf, wrapping it around her head and neck, covering most of her strands.

"We should probably dirty her up some too."

Usagi glanced over at the man who spoke, his eyes dancing from her to Artemis. "You are right, Yunes. Can't have her walking around looking so pretty, can we?"

A woman stood up to her, wiping her face with cold mud over her cheeks and nose. "It's not much, but it will help. Just keep your face hidden, Goddess."

She looked back at Luna and Artemis. "Why do I need to keep my face hidden? And my hair?"

Luna frowned. "Even though everyone thought you were dead, Beryl wanted to be sure. At first, she only targeted blondes, but then she started going after anyone who held a candle to her supposed beauty."

Usagi's stomach lurched. "You mean… Beryl killed girls just for being pretty?!"

A few heads nodded, and Usagi quickly ran to a wall, holding herself up as she vomited what little her stomach held. Luna was beside her, rubbing her back in hopes of calming her again. "We have to stop this, Luna. I have to stop it."

Those that heard her cheered, a hubble breaking out over the crowd. Artemis came to Luna's side, a heavy-looking pack on his back. "We need to get going. The airstrike is done for the day, giving us about seventy-two hours till the next one. It will take us sixty to get to the Northeast side, what with our limitations and terrain. But we need to keep a good pace, and we need to go now."

"Are you okay, Usagi-chan? Can you move?"

She nodded; the two of them pulled her from the wall and up another flight of stairs. "What limitations are you talking about?"

Luna and Artemis shared a look while Luna took the task of filling her in once again. "You can't use your powers, Usagi-chan. Not yet. No matter what, we have to keep a low profile. If discovered too soon, Beryl will scorch this Earth until you are in her grasp, dead or alive."

A few bodies followed behind them, wanting to get one last look at her before they left. One last look at their Goddess and savior. Usagi didn't know if she could live up to their standards.

But Usagi did know she would die trying.

The few that followed them out gave them all a wave goodbye, then turned back as none of them joined their journey -to her relief. Usagi wanted all those that remained to stay safe and sound till she could free them all.

The hole they emerged from was set back on a hill, the crest coming into view as she marched behind the couple. Once at the top, they both grabbed hold of Usagi again, ready to steady her. And Usagi saw why, before Usagi stretched Tokyo, once filled with tall skyscrapers, beautiful architecture and historical shrines, parks, greenways, and winding streets leading to cozy neighborhoods. Families and life. But now, it was flat and barren.

A few buildings still stood, skeletons against the graveyard of bones and death. The roads were primarily broken pieces of cement, as were the sidewalks, a result of the fly-bys for sure. The remaining trees were scorched and twisted along with the ground, never to grow life again from years of abuse and burnings.

It was a wasteland.

"It was known that Sailor Moon called Tokyo home, so Beryl has focused heavily on its destruction." Usagi glanced over at Artemis, tears blurring her vision again. "Tokyo also stood the tallest against Beryl the longest. It still does, even though it may not look that way, Usagi-chan. So don't lose hope; the rest of us haven't."

They walked in silence, partly due to wanting to stay hidden but also because there was so little to say. Usagi's voice stuck in her throat for most of it, her boots creating a cracking sound from the Earth she walked on. With a combination of the freezing air and burned dirt, everything popped and shattered under her weight.

They came on a small clearing, the buildings breaking away as they walked silent and stealthy through what used to be a park. Usagi's bearings were hard for her to maintain (the city she knew so different), but she recognized this place. And if she had any doubt, it was quickly swept away at the sight of the monument that stood in the last spot she ever saw before sleep.

It was broken, barely remaining in existence, but it sat right in the spot she was sure she fell on. The white marble was charred, looking like what used to be a crescent moon and a woman lying in the curve. In its day, it would have been quite a sight.

"The city put this up, in your honor."

Luna stood just behind her, looking at the statue over her shoulder. "Why would they do that?"

The Mauian hesitated. "Luna.. tell her."

Turning, she found a look of guilt on the strange yet familiar face of her guardian. "Beryl wasn't the only one who believed you were dead. Everyone thinks you, Sailor Moon, is dead."

"What?"

"The people in the stronghold are the only exception. That is why the Senshi left; other than to do their duties, which they wouldn't have been able to do at their best abilities if they were tied to you here. So I told them and the rest of the world that you were dead."

"Oh, God, Luna…."

Luna held Usagi, and she let her. "I'm sorry, but I had to protect you. And the Senshi needed to protect this planet. They would never have left their Princess behind, no matter how much I begged them to go. So I convinced them you were dead."

They started to pull away, Artemis trying to keep them on track. "Ami and Rei? Where are they now?"

They kept their voices at a whisper; Artemis flashed a glare at them, but the two of them continued to murmur regardless. "Ami is in Kyoto. A large lab survived there, and she is head of the tech crew, mostly creating the technology that helps keep many safe and allowing the rebellion to communicate across the distance. And Rei…she is all over, fighting non-stop wherever she can."

"Oh, Rei…"

"She never forgave herself for what she said to you last and how she failed to save you. She blamed herself. As did I."

"Yeah but, you knew I wasn't dead…."

"I hoped you weren't, Usagi. But you still took longer than I expected to wake. I tried… not to lose hope."

They stopped so Usagi could yank Luna into her arms and hug her tight. Artemis hissed at the two of them, sounding very much like a cat. "Both of you, get down!"

Luna yanked her down with her, practically laying on top of her, covering Usagi with her body. Grumbling voices filtered over the white noise, the silence cutting away as a couple of creatures walked by just a few feet away. It was the first sign of life she had seen since leaving the cave, and it was far from human life.

There were three. Each of the Youma ugly and disfigured; they looked similar to the twisted metal around them. That may have been on purpose, allowing them to blend into the background and surprise attack someone.

Their shape caused their movements to be awkward and disjointed, something that appeared to give even the Youmas themselves a hard time as they growled at every little thing: even each other.

"Why doesn't Jadeite just level this place and be done with it?"

The tallest one shoved the short, round one that complained. "Because, you idiot, there are still a lot of humans here. He would not waste so much energy."

The one in the middle, thin and wiry beast, smacked both creatures up the back of their heads. "Both of you shut up, or you will scare away the food!"

Passing the rest of the way in silence, they waited several more minutes to make sure they were once again alone before moving. Artemis fell from above, having climbed high up in a tree to watch the creatures pass. None of them said a word for a long time, wanting to be sure they didn't reveal themselves to another passing group.

When she was sure they were alone, silence ringing on the empty bars of a windowless building, Usagi stepped up to Luna's side again. "What was all that?"

Artemis didn't even glance back this time, choosing to ignore the both of them and focus on their surroundings. "Patrols. Hoping to catch a scavenger group."

"Scavenger group?"

"Groups of survivors brave enough to leave the tunnels or stronghold. They look for food, weapons, supplies, and any survivors. A few cities still have running markets too. The scavengers will visit them from time to time, but it's perilous. One wrong move or word and they can be killed on the spot or taken to be drained."

"Drained?"

"Beryl still needs the energy to keep her troops up and running; the Youmas. It's how she stays in power. She created one hell of an army."

They grew silent again, night beginning to fall. Artemis and Luna wanted Usagi to rest, but she didn't want to stop until Beryl was dead.

Another day and a half, and they were close. The place just as barren and desolate as the last, Luna shoved Usagi behind her, pulling the hood of Usagi's coat high over her head. After a few more minutes of walking, they came to a fence, two men with guns jumping out of nowhere to stop them.

"State your business!"

Artemis stood tall at the front of their small group. "We are here for rest and salvation."

"Everyone is."

A second passed in silence, and then a ringing filled the air; a slight glow was coming from Artemis. Being behind him, Usagi had no clue what Artemis was doing, but it got the guys with guns to back off and open the gate in a hurry. Artemis turned back, waving to them to join him, and she saw it. The Lunar mark on his forehead shining brightly back at her.

The place was filled with junk, unrecognizable items that all blurred together in charred lumps, save for the occasional car. No matter how many times those burned, the shell remained obvious.

After winding through a small maze of junk, Artemis pulled open a large metal door of what looked like an armored car, the kind that used to carry money from place to place now sat half-buried in the ground. It whined loudly, its lack of use evident, and she shot Artemis a look.

"This entrance is never used. Only a few know its existence. We don't want anyone knowing you are here if we can help it."

"Why?"

Luna gently pushed Usagi inside the back of the car. Inside was a hole with the top of a ladder poking out of it, now in front of her. Artemis was already making his way down before her. "We never know who we can trust, Usagi-chan. Remember that. Beryl has spies everywhere."

She gave her friend a nod, lowering herself down. Artemis grabbed her near the end, helping Usagi down the rest of the way in the pitch black and taking her hand. Luna took her other one once on the ground again. They walked blindly, or rather Usagi did. Both Maus seemed to know where they were going. Either from memory or some kind of night vision. Neither seemed impossible at the moment.

Light cracked ahead, along with the growing sound of voices… lots of voices. Usagi's breath caught in her chest as she rounded the corner at sight.

It was huge, easily thirty times the size of the other stronghold. And it was full of people. All of them moved around in what looked like a sort of market—hundreds or thousands of living, breathing, and thriving people.

"Usagi. Welcome to the Northeast stronghold. The largest surviving stronghold of the Tokyo resistance."