"Do you think it's still affecting you?"

"What would be affecting me?" The older woman raised an eyebrow at the attempt to deflect and Anna shrugged. "I guess. Something like that never really goes away."

"I would hope not since you nearly died."

"A lot of people do that."

"It's not their everyday life, Anna, and you weren't yourself afterward."

"Who is?"

The older woman paused. "I'm only saying what you told me, Anna. Those you're your words to me."

"They were and I didn't but…" Anna shrugged, "I don't feel that way now. At least… I don't feel that way as much as I think I did then."

The woman made a note on her pad before holding Anna's gaze again, "Do you think it's something that'll hold you back?"

"How'd you mean?"

"Do you think not feeling like yourself after a traumatic event like that will hold you back from doing your work?"

"No." Anna pulled at her fingers, legs rustling in the fabric of the chair. "It wouldn't hold me back. It's... It's not like that. Not… Not really, I guess."

"Not like what, Anna?"

"The way I felt different. It wasn't like…" Anna scrunched her eyes, as if a focus of all her energies could give her the words she needed. "It's not like I'm scared to go back or that I felt so different I can't go back."

"So you're not afraid?"

"I never was."

"No?"

"No." Anna shook her head, "How I felt different… It wasn't fear, I think. I'm not afraid of swimming or the shower or a bath. I'm not even afraid to dive into water or submerge or anything. I do laps in the pool like I've always done. It's… It's something else."

"Like what?"

"Like if someone brushes me in the lane I tense up. If someone bumps me near water I freeze like I'm about to go under." Anna looked up, pulling at her fingers again as if to gain a hold on something tangible as her mind bobbed around the currents of her thoughts. "Does that make sense Mrs. Hughes?"

"We can never say how the trauma of an event will affect us. It's different with everyone." Mrs. Hughes made a note, "My job, on behalf of the department, is to make sure you're in a mental space to perform your duties as outlined despite what you went through… Or perhaps make sure you'll not take your duties worse because of it."

"I'm fine."

"And what makes you say that?"

"I can still drive a truck, insert a line, and take a pulse." Anna smiled, smoothing her hands now. "Those aren't things that scare me."

"What about your physical therapy?" Mrs. Hughes put down her pad, meeting Anna's eyes. "After your injury they said there was some confusion."

"Nice way of saying I was having a lot of bad dreams and mixed memories."

"All the same…"

"My concussion faded and I don't have blackouts anymore. My CAT scans and MRIs are all clear so…"

"So?" Mrs. Hughes nodded at her, "If it's not the performance and it's not fear, what do you think would hold you back from returning to work?"

"I never said anything was holding me back."

"We're still here, Anna, at your request." Mrs. Hughes smiled at her, "Whatever you're working through can only be addressed if you face it."

"It's…" Anna pursed her lips, sucked the insides of her cheeks, and winced before she continued. "What if what you think might be wrong with you is… What if it's not something a scan can show you as being wrong?"

"How'd you mean?"

Anna took a breath. "It's odd to ask this but have you ever had moments where you thought something happened in real life and then realized it was just a dream?"

"A few times. Usually arguments I thought I had with my husband or awkward experiences I feared might happen that my subconscious brought to the fore in a dream." Mrs. Hughes narrowed her eyes. "Are there concerns that you're not accurately remembering reality as reality or that you've replaced your reality with something else?"

"It's more that I feel like I'm remembering two realities instead of just one. Like I've lived two lives and both of them are mine." Anna swallowed, "Ever since I woke up in that hospital bed I've been convinced that he saved me. But he claimed, in his interview, that I hauled him from the water."

"Are you trying to figure out how you did it?"

"I know all about Mama Bear syndrome and the effects of adrenaline in the body." Anna sighed, "I once watched a man in my department lift a beam four times his weight to get a trapped child loose. I know how this works."

"But you don't think that's what this is?"

Anna shook her head. "I think I pulled him from the water and then passed out. I remember hauling him through the water. I remember it pretty clearly."

"Then what's the problem?"

"That I don't remember it just like that." Anna pushed her palms over her jeans. "I also remember it as if I was drowning. I have dreams where I'm drowning and waves throw me on rocks where someone rescues me. All mixed between the memories of me saving him, pulling him from the car and getting broken ribs for it."

"Six broken ribs, to be specific, and a concussion."

Anna put a hand to her side, almost on instinct. "I remember those."

"What else is bothering you then?"

"I remember waves. Not the river current. Or not just that. I remember it like… Like I was tossed on rocks by waves."

"There weren't any waves, Anna. It was a river so the most you could've expected, especially given the flooding because of the rain, was the Ouse bursting its banks and making some intense rapids."

"I remember tasting salt water but I also remember tasting the muddy river water. I wake up with both sensations in my mouth, both tastes claiming they've been there."

"But the river's fresh water." Mrs. Hughes winced, "Of a sort, anyway."

"Hence my issue."

"Because you're remembering something that didn't happen?"

"Because that's not what I remember sometimes. I remember what happened that night in the river but it's not all I remember." Anna sighed, closing her eyes and trying to sort her thoughts. "I know it doesn't make sense but it's like I remember another event entirely. Like I remember someone else's memory."

"Something from an earlier memory bleeding through because it's similar?"

"I only ever went to the seaside and it was only beaches, no rocks." Anna puffed her cheeks and then let out a breath. "If anything, it just reminds me of a book I read once."

"A book?"

"More of a novella really but it was about this man in a lighthouse and this woman who ran a fishery and…" Anna stopped, "My mother always said I had too much of an imagination. Said it would get me into trouble one day."

"That's not a bad thing Anna, to have an imagination."

"But I'm starting to believe it's my life?" Anna tried to curb the hint of desperation at the edge of her voice, almost paralyzed with fear that she sounded half mad to her therapist. "Is it normal then?"

"I'm not sure 'normal' is a term we can fairly apply to your situation."

"But is it?"

Mrs. Hughes did not immediately respond and when she did it caught Anna off-guard. "Did the woman drown?"

Anna frowned "What?"

Mrs. Hughes repeated her question, amending it slightly. "In the novella, did the woman drown?"

"No, it was more romantic than that." Anna thought a moment, "I don't even think there was a risk of drowning."

"Then, if anything, the memory might've been informed by the book but not molded by it." Mrs. Hughes made a note on her pad. "It's just an extrapolation of your mind trying to resolve a traumatic experience through links to your childhood."

"You believe that?"

"It's what I'm paid to say." Mrs. Hughes gave Anna a smile, "And part of me does believe it, yes."

"Because it's a good story?"

"Because the mind is a complicated organ we've barely begun to understand." MRs. Hughes wrote something quickly and gave Anna another smile. "I'm giving you a clean bill of health and my all-clear for you to return to duty."

"Even with what I've said?"

"Because of what you've said."

"It all sounds mad… Even to me!"

"Anna," Mrs. Hughes held her pad, reaching over to put a hand over Anna's for a moment. "Even if you're remembering events out of order or remembering them differently, you're remembering. You're not a danger to your coworkers and you saved that man's life. That's all we can ever do in this business and I'm not going to stop you going back to saving lives like you were meant to do."

She stood and handed Anna a slip of paper, "Remember that, when you're in doubt."

Anna stood and accepted a copy of the slip. "Thank you." She held the slip in her hands, "It… It means the world to me."

"I'm glad and thank you for all you do." Mrs. Hughes pulled her in for a brief hug. "Now get back out there and help save a few more lives."

"Yes ma'am."

Anna took the slip, holding it tightly in her hand, and left the office. Even the dribble of rain that drizzled over everything was nothing to the triumphant smile Anna gave Gwen as she entered the other woman's car. The slip opened between them and Gwen gave a whoop of excitement.

"The Estrogen Cycle is back!"

"Don't call us that." Anna cringed and tucked the slip away.

"Estrogen Squad?"

"Almost as bad but not worse." Anna settled into her seat. "But I'll take anything over incessant paperwork."

"You mean you don't love to file expense reports and inventory logs?" Gwen dodged the swat Anna aimed for her and kept the car moving along the road. "It'll be nice to share a van with you again. No more trying to coax six words from Daisy when William's driving."

"She says six words with William?" Anna whistled, "That's an improvement."

"It's worse with Alfred. And don't get me started on Thomas." Gwen groaned, "He's been incorrigible since you were benched."

"I can imagine power going to his perfectly coifed head." Anna clicked her tongue against her teeth. "But now that I'm back in the saddle, I'll be taking over my van again and no pretty boy with perfect hair'll get in my way."

"Spoken like the true return of Lieutenant Smith." Gwen nudged her with her shoulder and turned toward the hospital. "Almost makes me miss our days in the Army."

"You mean back when people respected us?"

"They respect us now."

"When they need to." Anna shook her head, "I don't miss it. I don't miss the pushups, the morning exercises, the constant drilling, or the hazing. Give me irregular hours, a cramped van, and the high-adrenaline rush of trying to get an IV line into someone's line any day over the monotonous drudgery of the military again."

"It wasn't that bad."

"No, it was worse." Anna unbuckled as Gwen parked. "The only good thing I got out of the army was medical training."

"You know," Gwen tapped the steering wheel before unbuckling herself with one hand and using the other to point a finger at the building in front of them. "We could still do it you know."

Anna looked at the hospital and shook her head. "No thanks."

"It wouldn't be hard to get into the nursing program and you know we'd smoke anyone else in it." Gwen leaned over the top of the car as Anna closed the door. "Are you going to make me beg?"

"No because my answer won't change and I can't stand that pouty face you get when you… Nope, there it is." Anna threw up her hands. "Why do I even bother?"

"Are you seriously not even going to consider it?"

"Why would I when I like my job?" Anna counted out the reasons on her fingers. "It's interesting, I get to work relatively consistent shifts, I get to take difficult cases and hand them off to other people, and I still have fun stories to tell people without looking like I broke into the meds to keep myself going, I'm not always on my feet, I don't-"

"I get it." Gwen put up a hand and finally locked her car, joining Anna on the pavement. "Still feels like you're cutting out a chance to do something different."

Anna stopped, her hand grabbing for Gwen's arm. "Are you trying to tell me something but you're afraid of how I'll react?"

Gwen bit her lip before pulling a much-folded piece of paper from her pocket. Smoothing it a bit, she handed it over to Anna. "Surprise?"

Anna took the paper and, after reading it, sighed. "I should've known."

"I've told you for years that I want to be a nurse and I thought, if ever there was a sign, and then I had to endure a fifteen-hour shift with Thomas and Daisy and since I didn't strangle either of them…" Gwen trailed off and cringed. "Are you mad at me?"

"No." Anna handed the paper back. "You're living your dream and I can't be mad about that. Not when I was just arguing in defense of my own dream."

"You can't seriously tell me that working as a paramedic is your dream."

"I get to help people every day."

"You could do that as a nurse too."

"No thank you." Anna linked her arm through Gwen's, forcing the woman to come with her as they walked into the building. "I don't want to work under flickering lights in bland corridors for the rest of my life."

"But you'll be covered in blood and vomit in the back of a moving van?"

"It's better than being covered in the same while a hundred other people are clamoring for your attention." Anna shook her and pulled a face. "No thanks."

They walked into their dock and almost ran into a small, slightly mousy looking woman standing there. Anna smiled at her, "Hey Daisy."

"Welcome back Anna." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, "There's a man waiting for you in reception."

"For me?" Anna frowned, "I don't remember misplacing a man here."

"Maybe it's Green."

"No. Prick finally took that banking job in New York and good riddance to him." Anna held up her hand, fingers splayed. "I changed my phone number five times to get away from that ass-wipe."

"I remember." Gwen trailed Anna to reception, "Maybe it's someone from another hospital hoping to snatch you up."

"Because paramedics are so hard to find and train." Anna snorted as they rounded the corner. "Kids out of high school can do what we do."

"Not as well as we do it." Gwen patted Anna's arm. "See you in the cubes."

"Later." Anna nodded her off and approached the reception desk where a man waited, leaning into the grip his right hand held on the head of a cane. Rounding him slightly, Anna addressed the orange-haired, rotund woman behind the counter. "Daisy said I had a guest waiting for me?"

"Anna!" The other woman rose and came out from behind her desk to pull Anna into a hug. "How are you?"

"Better now that I've said hello to you." Anna smiled at the woman and she hurried to retake her seat. "How are you?"

"All cleared." Anna held up the slip before passing it over. "If you can see to it that Chief Carson gets then then I'll all set to get back on the beat."

"He'll be ever-so happy to hear that." Mrs. Patmore paused, "But this-"

Anna pivoted slightly to turn to the man and stuck out her hand. "Hi, I'm Anna Smith and I'm…" She only just realized she extended her right hand, forcing him to rest the head of his cane on his left arm to shake with his right. "Sorry about that. Inconveniencing you just now with that mindless"

"It's honestly no trouble." He released her hand, squeezing it a second before retaking his cane. "This is a bit more for show than I like to admit in public."

"It's very dashing." Mrs. Patmore agreed before pointing to the man. "Anna, this is John Bates and he was the one asking for you."

"Oh?" Anna turned back to him and narrowed her eyes before wincing. "I'm so sorry but I'm not sure if we've met before."

"We have but I don't think we exchanged names at the time."

"No?"

"No." He smiled at her, "I… We were…"

Mr. Bates laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm mucking this up rather well aren't I?"

"I'm not sure there's even anything for you to muck up yet." Anna gave him a conciliatory smile and raised her arm toward the pavement outside the doors. "Maybe we should… It's a bit more private and you could gather your thoughts if you-"

"Yes, please." Mr. Bates followed her out the doors and shuffled a moment, his hand flexing on the head of his cane, before he cleared his throat to speak again. "You don't remember me, do you?"

"I…" Anna studied his face before shaking her head. "I'm almost ashamed to admit I don't and I do apologize for that."

"I'm sure the traumatic events of that night were… Enough to drive me from your memory of it."

Anna raised an eyebrow, "If we slept together and you were dissatisfied then-"

"No, no, heavens no, I…" Mr. Bates spluttered even more when Anna widened her eyes at him. "Not that I would… I think you are… It would've been… What I mean to say is…. It's not that I don't…"

"I think you'd best take a breath before I need to consider giving you mouth-to-mouth for when you inevitably pass out right here on the pavement." Anna tried to hide her giggle at his flustered state. "Honestly, Mr. Bates, I'm sure you'll-"

"You saved my life." Anna blinked at his outburst. "You pulled me from a car when it washed into the current after an accident and-"

"And you're the man with his leg trapped in the car!" Anna almost slapped herself in the forehead. "I feel so stupid. I was literally an inch from your face at one point."

Mr. Bates offered her the conciliatory smile now. "Like I said, I'm sure the trauma of it rather wiped my face from your memory. It was a rather wild night."

"I was."

He leaned forward slightly, "Wildest you've ever had?"

Anna snorted another laugh and covered her mouth while shaking her head. It took her a moment to recover before she spoke. "No offense, Mr. Bates, but getting you out of that car, while the most adventurous rescue I've ever performed, was not the wildest thing I've ever done."

"No?"

"Sorry, no."

Mr. Bates hummed, "May I ask what surpassed me in your recollections?"

"I once delivered twins in the back seat of a car in the middle of a hailstorm while my partner did compressions on the father of said twins after he suffered a heart attack at the wheel."

"And all I got for my accident was nerve damage and a concussion." Mr. Bates clicked his tongue against his teeth, "I think I lost that one rather pointedly."

"I'm glad you only suffered a leg injury given how banged up we were in that car." Anna looked him over, "Nerve damage?"

"From getting my leg trapped by the door." Mr. Bates patted his leg. "It cut off blood flow long enough to cause some irreparable damage to the nerves and a few blood vessels. Sent part of the muscle necrotic and they had to perform a surgery or two to stop the progression of it but…"

He shrugged, "I got off rather easy in the end."

"And here I thought six broken ribs was the worst thing I'd experienced."

"I broke one once playing footy and I moaned like a dying cow for a week." Mr. Bates hissed through his teeth, "Not sure how you endured six."

"I couldn't speak and they had me on some very powerful medications." Anna offered him a little smile, "But it's all a reminder we're alive, in the end, so I'm not all that fussed about it."

"No?"

"No." Anna's smiled brightened, "My desk duty's up as of today and I couldn't be happier to be back in a van."

"I'm…" Mr. Bates's hand flexed on the head of his cane again. "I'm glad you're well. That you… That rescuing me didn't have any long-term effects."

"Even if it did…" Anna chewed the inside of her cheek a moment. "I don't regret what I did that night, Mr. Bates. Saving your life was worth whatever injury I suffered because of it. I promise you that."

"I can't really be that important."

"No, you're not. But you're a person and I had the chance to save you if I could. I could and I did so I consider that a job well-done." Anna extended her left hand to him, "I'm glad to know you're well."

He shook solidly and smiled. "Well enough to ask that you call me 'John'."

"Sorry?"

"I…" He coughed and released her hand. "Every time you call me 'Mr. Bates' I feel like I'm about to enter an exam."

"Medical or professional?"

"Medical. My profession doesn't require exams anymore."

"Lucky you." Anna paused, "What is your job, if I can ask?"

"I'm a music producer. Nothing big, just a local label but we get good play on most of the stations on this fair isle." John gave a little smile, "And some of the surrounding isles as well, if I'm being honest."

"Spotify and SoundCloud and iTunes too?"

"I think so but my co-manager manages that side of it." John dug into his pocket and handed over a card. "If you're interested."

"Can't sing." Anna took the card all the same. She read it and raised her eyebrows at him, "Jazz musician?"

"I handle the piano better than the bass, if you're curious about the instrument."

"I wouldn't have taken the callouses for strings but…" Anna snuck a look at his hands. "I'm amazed at the kind of dexterity you'd manage."

"I've got a rather wide spread." John extended his left hand and splayed his fingers. "Octave and a half, you're curious."

"That's eight notes right?"

"Twelve." John moved his hand down. "Do you like jazz?"

"Not if it includes a saxophone or came anywhere after the fifties." Anna shrugged, "I'm a sucker for big band music."

"The classics?"

"Glen Miller, Henry James Orchestra, Benny Goodman." Anna fingered John's card. "You work that into your repertoire?"

"Our lead signer's black so there's a lot of New York jazz the likes of Louis Armstrong and we sometimes wander back into the Greatest Generation." John paused, "If you like, we're playing at a local pub tonight."

"Does the pub do parties?" Anna jerked her thumb over her shoulder and back toward the building. "A friend of mine just snagged a spot in nursing school and I think I need to celebrate with her or she'll think I'm painting her a traitor."

"It's a clean place, good lighting, and tends to serve a pretty good selection of food with its bar so it's not half bad." John pointed at the card, "If you'd like I can-"

"Please." Anna handed the card back, including a pen so John could write the time and address. She took both back and held up the card. "I'll be there."

"I'd like that." John nodded to her, shifting with his cane again. "And, again, I… I just wanted to thank you, for saving my life."

"Don't…" Anna stopped herself and nodded back at him. "It was… not a pleasure, but it was more than just my job so you're welcome."

John opened his mouth, as if to say something else, but stopped himself and gave her another nod. With that he turned on his heel and walked away. His gait hitched slightly and he used the cane to keep himself stable but otherwise walked tall and proud.

Anna watched him go, tapping the card against her hand a moment, before pivoting back toward the doors and returning to her job.