Daisy slammed both hands onto the registration desk. "What'd you mean I don't qualify?!"

M.C. Ballyhoo, the game host, looked up from his computer keyboard. He was a bigmouthed teal worm-man in a garish magenta suit.

"Yeah, look: See?" He rotated his monitor to show Daisy's profile in the database. A big, animated gif banner covered it, flashing 'NOT A HERO.'

"This is a special charity tournament to raise awareness for Blorbs disease," he said. "Only heroes are allowed to compete."

"How am I not a hero?!" Daisy shouted. "I'm a Super Star! You should know that! You announced me as a winner before!"

"Ehhh. Sorry. Ranking first in a Party ain't quite the same thing as being a hero. We're looking for BIG names for this event. The kinda folks people look up to, y'know? The sort that rescue people from peril and what not."

Daisy leaned over the desk to snatch the computer mouse.

"Hey!" Ballyhoo said.

Daisy navigated to the registration list. Her eyes lit up at what she saw.

"Peach is on here," Daisy said. "Are you telling me SHE'S a hero when she needs rescuing five times a week?"

"She's done some rescuing!" Ballyhoo said. "Anyway, hasn't Mario bailed you out too?"

"That was ONE TIME!" She folded her arms. "Don't change the subject. Why does she get to be a hero?"

"Well, there was that weird time they switched things up and she saved Mario from Bowser. …Oh, and plus she helped out when Bowser attacked the Sprixie Kingdom."

Daisy scrolled down to highlight Bowser's name on the roster. "This guy? REALLY? How in the name of Star Hill does HE qualify and I don't?! He literally and unironically calls himself a 'bad guy!'"

Ballyhoo shrugged. "Still technically a hero. Remember that whole interdimensional war with the Smithy Gang?"

"Who?" Daisy said. "You're making that up."

"Well, it was all over the newspaper yonks back. The point is, we're going by whether you've ever been a hero."

Daisy scrolled to the bottom of the roster. "Wario too? Uggh! Are you kidding me!?"

"Accidental hero, I'll admit. Bit of a strange call, but I don't make the rules." He leaned back in his chair. "If you don't like it, maybe you should go save the day real quick so I can sign you up."

Daisy stood there in a stunned, angry silence. She needed to win this tournament to keep her crown and now this rainbow circus bozo was not even letting her compete.

"I demand to speak to your manager!" Daisy said.

"Sure," Ballyhoo said, pointing. "He's right over there."

Daisy looked further down the registration counter and saw Big Top, the magical talking top hat, busy talking to another customer.

"WHAAAAAAT'DYA MEAN I DON'T QUALIFY?!"

Daisy winced at the all-too familiar voice of that gangly freak Waluigi, who was dressed in his usual black overalls and harassing the helpless stadium manager with his unreasonable demands.

"Well, this is a tournament for heroes," said Big Top. "And it says here dat you've never been a hero." He flopped up against the keyboard, mashing the keys. "And actually, it says here you're technically a villain."

"That was ONE time!" Waluigi whined. "Give me a break!"

It was intolerable to watch. Daisy marched over to break up the embarrassing display.

"What're you doing here, weirdo?" she said.

Waluigi gave her a sharp glare. "What's it look like? I'm here to stomp you losers and win the tournament. But, big surprise, you're all a bunch of cheats trying to stop the Great Waluigi from competing!"

"Sir," Big Top said, wriggling across the countertop, "I'm gonna need ya to calm down or else I will hafta call security."

Waluigi pounded a fist on the counter. "I'll calm down when you admit to this conspiracy to get rid of me! Say it! You're afraid I'll level the playing field!"

"Knock it off, pointy!" Daisy said. "They just got a theme going this month. It's not about you. Now hit the road so the real heroes like me can get on with it."

Waluigi sneered. "As if a spoiled princess knows anything about heroism."

"I'll have you know that every princess is a hero to little girls," Daisy said. "I'm an inspiration to every child who dreams of wealth and prestige."

"Doesn't count!" Ballyhoo called from across the room.

"Wah!" Waluigi said. "You think you can stop me from playing tennis?! Fool! You can't stop me! No one can! I'm unstoppable! Because I'll stop at nothing!"

A large, toned, mustachioed pianta in a security uniform waddled up behind Waluigi mid-rant. He was like a big nosed gummy bear jacked on steroids dressed in a black suit and grass skirt. He took Waluigi by the shoulder.

"Alright Mr. Purple," he said. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way."

Waluigi flailed in protest, forcing the pianta to pull him into a grapple.

"This is discrimination!" Waluigi shouted as he was hoisted up over the pianta's shoulder. "Sports have nothing to do with your puritanical ideas of valor! Competition is a virtue onto itself! WAAAAHHH!"

Daisy sighed with relief as Waluigi was thrown out and the door shut on him. She turned back to Big Top.

"You're the manager?"

"That's me," Big Top said. "Hee hee!"

Daisy nodded. "I am certain that I meet all of the qualifications of a hero even if I have never been celebrated as one. My country, populated by tens-of-thousands mind you, is counting on me to represent them here. Now, I understand that rules and regulations are necessary, but I trust that you can look past your narrow-minded rulebook and do the right thing. Stop wasting our time, get back on that keyboard of yours, and edit your little computer registry so I can compete already!"

Ballyhoo and Big Top exchanged a tired sideways glance.

"SECURITY!" they said in unison.

Before she could react, Daisy was scooped up by the security pianta and hauled out the stadium's front gate. She thrashed to escape the pianta's clutches but could not break free.

"Unhand me you oaf! Who do you think you are?!"

There was a thoughtful pause from the thug. "I'm a chuckster."

With that, he hurled Daisy down the alleyway behind the stadium where she landed square in a dumpster with a soft wet thwap.

Daisy bounced to lurch over the grimy rim of the dumpster to scream at him. "You can't get away with treating me like this! I'm royalty!"

"That's great Your Highness," the pianta said. "Come back when you're also a hero."

Daisy watched the pianta waddle away, wondering if pummeling him would disqualify her from becoming a hero. There was no way the indignity of this could be more unbearable.

"Wahaha! Nice landing, princess. Love the new look."

Daisy looked down to see Waluigi leaning against the side of the building, smirking at her. She dropped down over side of the dumpster and picked a stray banana peel off her dress.

"Laugh it up, creep," she said. "They threw you out too."

Waluigi rolled his eyes. "You think this is the first time they've kicked me out?" He lifted a conniving chin. "This is just a setback. I won't take it lying down."

Daisy laughed in his face. "Oh really? What're you gonna do? Registration ends in a couple days. Everyone knows you're a sneak. You gonna turn your whole reputation around before then?"

"Weh. It's fine," he said. "I got a plan."

She paused. A plan was something she could use right about now. …Not that he needed to know that.

"Yeah right," she said. "How is someone like you going to become a hero?"

Waluigi stuck his hands in his pockets to strut down the alley with her. "It's simple. I just gotta find an adventure magnet. Someone like Mario. A schmuck like that saves the day so often he'll hardly miss it if I swoop in and beat him to the punch. If I can figure out what he's up to, I'll hit that deadline no problem."

That was genius. "That's stupid," Daisy said. "You're stupid. You think you can just steal credit from someone and that'll make you a hero? Ridiculous."

Waluigi looked away. "I'm not in this to help people. I show up to these things to make a name for myself. If they think they can keep Waluigi out they got another thing coming. I'll pull whatever stunt I need to and get the respect I deserve. Mark my words."

"You disgust me," Daisy said. "If you can't take heroism seriously, you shouldn't even be here. Just go home."

Daisy spun on her heel and stormed out of the alley before Waluigi had a chance to say anything. She hurried out into the main plaza outside the stadium, which bustled with the foot traffic of toads, koopas, and yoshis. There, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed.

"This is the Mushroom Kingdom, Peach's Castle reception! How may I direct your call?"

"This is Princess Daisy of Sarsaland," she announced. "Put me through to your leader this instant or else I will have no choice but to declare war!"

"Okey doke, please hold for the Princess."

Daisy tapped her foot to Peach's familiar lobby music, waiting.

"Hello? This is Princess Toadstool speaking."

"Heyyyy Peachie! It's just me your girl Daisy. Just checking in since it feels like forever since our last chat. What's up? How ya doin'?"

"Oh, you know how it is," Peach said. Stuffy and demure as always. "It's one formal event after another. The schedule is always so packed. I really do envy the free time you have."

Daisy gripped the phone tighter. "Haha, yeah? Well, I've been SUPER busy too actually."

"I'm surprised to hear that!" There was a loud thwack of a tennis racket on the other end of the line. "Right now, I'm practicing my backhand swing. I was invited to this highly exclusive tennis tournament."

"You don't say," Daisy said, masking her annoyance. "I think I got invited to that too. Maybe I'll see you there."

"Oh, it must not be the same tournament. This one was for heroes only, I'm told?"

Daisy took a deep breath to keep herself from losing it.

"Whatever, hey. Let's real talk. How're things going with Mario? Are you too official 'Special Ones' yet?"

Peach made a mousey little noise that was the verbal equivalent of a blush. "Oh, um…" The referee in the announced a fault in the background of the call.

"Guess not. Is he hanging out with you or is he busy adventuring or whatever?"

"Well… I did ask him to practice with me, but apparently something came up. He went to go look into some sort of disaster."

"Oh yeah?" Daisy salivated. "What sort of trouble?"

"I'm not too sure. Something about the yoshi tribe in the Peaceful Woods being in desperate need of a hero."

"Interesting! Well, it's been great talking to you, bye!" Daisy hung up the phone and chuckled at her flawless reconnaissance work. "Peaceful Woods here I come."