As the days went by they developed something of a routine. She walked with him to his shop each morning and wished him a good day. After he closed he took her to sit in the park, or out to dinner, anything that kept them in the public eye. Today when she showed up decked out in a Sunday hat it was all he could do to keep his heart from sinking.

"Shall we?" She asked, and linked arms with him without waiting for an answer.

There was no point in replying, because there was nothing for him to say. He'd already agreed to start attending her church every Sunday. She had shown herself around his neighbourhood to prove him decent, now it was his turn to make her respectable to her community. It was part of the deal they made.

They strolled into the church with plenty of time for the old ladies to peer at them and whisper. Clara beamed as if there was no place she'd rather be in the world. Jack did his best to keep from tripping as she dragged him to meet one person after the other. She kept up a relentless enthusiasm as she trotted him around. If he had to hear the words "This is Jack, my fiancé," one more time today he suspected he might be ill. He sighed in relief when they finally slid into a pew.

Pastor Mackenzie stepped up behind the pulpit. "It is stated by Paul, in first Corinthians 6:9-10: Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."

Jack already didn't like where this was going.

"There are those amongst us who defy the will of God, and seek to deceive us in so doing." The Pastor declared. "Those who are unrighteous, you may seek to fool the eyes of mankind, but know you will never evade the eyes of God."

Jack struggled to keep his expression passive. He felt like Pastor Mackenzie was staring right at him.

"Just as the unrighteous shall not be allowed into the kingdom of God, we should not allow them into our homes, nor in our hearts, nor even in our communities. Nothing less than spiritual survival is at stake. Those who seek to drag us down into debauchery and chaos must be cast out in order to preserve God's nation, to preserve the very fabric of all that's good." Pastor Mackenzie went on, his voice rising.

Jack heard his message loud and clear. "You will always be unworthy. No matter what you do, you will never earn our acceptance."

Pastor Mackenzie continued "There are those amongst us who seek to draw us away from the very nature God has given us. They would have us engage in abominations to satisfy their own pleasures. Their ways are sin, and they would draw us into embracing their sin. Their perversion of the flesh is a contamination to the very spirit God gave every one of us."

The words burned in Jack's chest like a wound. "You don't deserve love." Those words said to him.

The Pastor wasn't finished yet. "By order of God, when a man defiled himself with another man, they were both to be stoned. Despite God's words the law today would have us stay our hand, allowing them to live to repeat their shameful acts. There are even those who would have us look the other way, telling us it is not our business to uphold God's laws. For surely, God will sort out the sinners in his own time, and his own way. Do not be fooled by their treacherous words, for we were not put on this earth to stand idle. Know we are all called upon by God to do his work. Even now we must take a stand against those who live by sin and corruption, and those who would allow corruption to spread. We must stand together and tell them evil has no place here."

Clara had the gall to look unabashed, as if she had no notion of Jack's discomfort. She hadn't even bothered to warn him what to expect. All he could do was sit there and fume. He couldn't believe she expected him to endure this monster every Sunday. All about people were nodding, lapping up this bluster. Jack kept still and tried to block the rest of it out, not daring to call attention to himself in this crowd. The hardest part wasn't being forced to sit here and listen; it was realizing everyone around him agreed.

XXXXXXXXXX

The moment the service ended Jack took Clara's arm and hurried her out of the church, ignoring her attempts to stop and say goodbye to her friends.

"Jack, you're being rude!" She hissed in his ear, and then quickly gave a little wave and a bright smile to an old woman watching them go.

He kept up the pace the whole way home. He didn't even slow to acknowledge her customary loud small talk. Right now he didn't care he was missing an opportunity to convince the neighbourhood he was decent. All he wanted was to get back to his apartment.

He didn't speak a word until he'd hustled her inside. After a lifetime of secrecy he was only able to speak candidly behind closed doors. "So, do you want to tell me it's just coincidence your pastor had a sermon targeting homosexuals the day I show up, or is there something else going on here?"

Clara sat primly at the table. Jack stood well away from her, still too agitated to sit.

Clara pulled off her gloves and hat, sighing in exasperation. "Don't be so suspicious, he says that kind of thing all the time. He was only reading from the Bible. Besides, why would I tell anyone what you got up to in the past?"

"All the time? You knew what to expect, and you didn't think to tell me?" It took all of Jack's self-control to keep from shouting.

Clara scoffed. "What's there to say? Look around you, what you saw today is the normal thing for people to think."

"Normal," Jack echoed. "That doesn't say much for people like me, does it?"

"I can't help what kind of reputation you made for yourself before we met, but I will help you build a better one now. People like Pastor Mackenzie make the perfect cover. Who's going to expect to find someone of your nature attending his sermons?" Clara brushed aside his pain as easily as sweeping up crumbs.

Jack hung his head, speechless. What had he been thinking, agreeing to marry someone he didn't even know? He rubbed at his face, trying to wipe away his second thoughts. He still needed this arrangement, hurtful words aside.

"Alright, let's just start over. Given some time, I hope that we can become friends."

Clara's expression took on a hard edge, and she looked down at the floor.

"I've upset you," Jack realized belatedly. He forced himself to sit with her. Ignoring her pain would do nothing to ease his own.

Clara shrugged. "I admit, there was a time when I wanted a bit more from my marriage, but..." She trailed off, and when she looked at him again her eyes were cold with disappointment. "I've come to realize I'll never be able to fall in love with you."

Relief washed over him, and he drew what felt like his first unburdened breath since they met. Finally, something honest had been spoken between them. A cowardly part of him was glad he wasn't the one to speak up. It almost felt like Clara was letting him off the hook by voicing her feelings first.

"Maybe we don't have to try so hard," Jack kept his voice even so it would sound like a suggestion and not a plea.

"How do you mean?" Clara asked.

"Let's not pretend so often. We both used to have lives of our own, surely we can still convince people we're a couple without abandoning who we are. Spending a little time apart won't spoil the charade." Jack pressed.

"It is awfully hard smiling all the time," Clara admitted with a sardonic laugh. "And I do miss my friends." She glanced down at her belly. "Those of them who will still talk to me."

It was weirdly relieving to see her pain; it made her a little more human after all that false cheer. This didn't make it hurt less for either of them, but Jack hoped things would be easier if they didn't have to pretend to be happy quite so often.

XXXXXXXXXX

They clung to each other with a bit less determination from then on. Clara made peace with her friends and family. Jack chatted with his customers, went drinking alone, and tried to convince himself that life wasn't uniformly awful. He hadn't felt this sorry for himself since he and Owen separated. The loneliness had broken him then, and he'd been a fool to think he could handle it now.

He'd thought Clara could fill a need in his life, but instead she unknowingly created a void. It wasn't her fault he was miserable, after all, she took pains to behave like any happy bride-to-be and expectant mother. The fault in their arrangement was he no longer had a private place to shed the falsehoods he spun throughout the day. He'd long gotten used to hiding who he was in public, but she made him a liar in his own home. Not only that, he'd sacrificed all his old connections to build this new future. Avoiding from bigots was bad enough, but now he found himself avoiding his friends. How had he ever thought leaving the support of their inner world could make things easier? By now he couldn't bring himself to go them, to look them in the eye and admit that he'd turned his back on who he truly was, while they were still brave enough to love themselves and each other freely.

The months wore on him more than they had any right. The pain of the beating faded, the paint on his window washed away, but the longing got worse every night. It drove him mad each day knowing Llewellyn was only a block away. Jack longed see him, just to find out if he was happy, or if he'd forgiven him. He wished now he hadn't given up on secrets and dreams. If only he'd asked Llewellyn to run away with him to another country where they could be safe, rather than capitulating to society. He couldn't bring himself to run now, not on his own. The real reason he stayed wasn't for his business, or his reputation. It was for Llewellyn. He lingered here, day after day, hoping the man he still loved would wander by his shop.

Every day that went by without seeing him, and every morning that went by with Clara hanging off his arm, made things that much more unbearable. He wanted desperately to leave her. She couldn't help that she wasn't Llewellyn, but Jack couldn't stay like this, with her. He had to talk to him again. If they just had a chance to see each other, perhaps they could work things out. He would ask Llewellyn to meet with him, tonight.