Three Months Later

He had told her the day of Kathys funeral months ago thathe was staying in New York.

She doesn't know why he decided that. He had nothing keeping him here.

They had caught Kathys killer a few weeks after her death. The man was now also dead from a bullet from Amanda's gun. That's just how it goes sometimes. She didn't feel bad.

Elliot was hanging tough. She could tell he was having a hard time though. She could always read him. She didn't want to push him into a conversation he didn't want to have, but she was worried about him.

They didn't see each other often, what with both of them working. She was glad he had gotten that job with Organized Crime, maybe it would help him heal.

But he always answered her calls these days, she didn't know weather to be thankful for that or not. She had pushed all these feelings aside the past ten years, and now everytime she hears his voice on the other end, it makes her heart flutter and she smiles, even if she shouldn't.

--

He had answered her call that night, and it was so good to hear her voice. He really had missed her those ten years he was gone. He thought about her all the time and even picked up the phone to call her a few times, but something always stopped him. He didn't know if it was the guilt of being a married man in love with his ex-partner or the pride of a married man trying to save his marriage, for the kids sake, for Kathys sake.

He knew that he loved Kathy, he would always love her. She had loved him in moments where she probably should've walked away. She gave him these beautiful children. He would always think of her fondly and with love.

But in love, that a whole different story.

When he had left SVU, he didn't know what the plan was. He sat around for a couple weeks, but that drove him mad.

That's when he got the call from Rome. Kathy was excited. A new beginning she had said. And it was, mostly. It was beautiful there and he and Kathy started talking again, like really talking. He vividly remembers her saying to him just a few months after arriving, "I know you don't love me anymore, and it's okay."

He recalls standing there, mouth agape, and whispers "what are you talking about?"

"Elliot, it's okay. I know I'm not the person you're in love with anymore. I've known this for a long time. I don't hate you for it, I just wish you could admit it to yourself. You would be so much happier and free."

"I love you, Kathy!" He had said trying to convince himself more than her.

"I know that. You love me because of the years, memories and children, Elliot, but you're not in love with me. I'm not sure you ever really were. I think we married young, had kids young, and we were just stuck. I love you too, Elliot. I really do, and I'm always going to be right here. I didn't say any of this because I want to leave you or I want a divorce. I just thought you should know that it's okay that you have feelings for her. And if you ever decide that's the path you want to take, then I'm okay. The kids are okay, and we'll be fine. I'm not angry, I'm not even upset, I just want you to be happy. Really, Really happy."

He just stood there as his wife walked away, he didn't know if he should cry or laugh at what he had just heard her say. She was right. Everything she had said had been the truth. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring hisself to call her and confess his love for her. He had convinced himself that he would be happy here and that Olivia would hate him for all eternity, so it didn't matter anyhow.

But really. The truth was.

He was just a coward.

--

She met him in her car right after she dropped Noah off at school.

He got in just like he had a millions times before. A slight smile and a cup of her favorite in hand.

"Thanks for meeting me," she said looking at him.

"Of course. Do you always dropped Noah off at school?" He had asked her.

"Every chance I get," she smiled, thinking of the little boy who had made her a mom.

"You're a good mom," he stated looking directly into her eyes so she would actually know he meant it.

That held conversation for a minute and then she told him what she really wanted to say.

"I'm worried about you, Elliot" it was the first time she'd actually shared any kind of her feeling for him with him.

He stopped looking at her then.

Oh no, She thought, I've screwed up.

And just as her thoughts were sending her straight into a panic, he said

"You mean the world to me, Liv. I will figure it out. I promise."

And he was out of her car as quickly as he had gotten in.

We didn't know if he would actually get the help, that man and needing help didn't exactly go hand in hand, but she'd hoped he would.

--

His words would plague her mind all day.

She tried to work. She tried to read reports. She tried listening to her coworkers.

All she could hear was him.

You mean the world to me, Liv.

TBC