Few hours later when it was almost dawn, they left for Paradis. It was only Levi this time holding on to the flying Jaw Titan. On a normal day, the breeze would have been nice, the ocean looked beautiful. Like the color of certain people's eyes. It gave some chills but that was nothing compared to the daunting feeling clutching on his heart. He was not even sure if he should come or if his presence were needed. But she was alone with no other familiar support system. Shit, will she even be there?
And there's no way to know if the birth will have complications
Those were the words of his fellow comrades. Oh he knew that, he had seen a fair share of births in the Underground - most of them did not survive. Perhaps he, too, had his mother not an Ackerman.
The thought of coming home to no ruler of Paradis, no Historia and no child - His child - that was too much for him to bear. He wondered why he would care this much for someone he has yet to see.
This thing with Historia was never meant to happen.
He was only assisting Hange dealing with the volunteers while providing Historia with all the information she needed. Historia knew she was in a tricky situation so she wanted nothing to be left out. The new beginning for Paradis, all these tech that they brought in was indeed exciting and an accomplishment but she needed to know the ins and outs, be it strategy or politically. She asked for unbiased and honest opinions - that was his role in this.
"Do you believe in fate, Captain? I thought I managed to avoid this back then in the cavern. Free from being tied to what my family had been put up into. But it haunts me back. That must be my fate, isn't it?"
They were in her private library, just a few days after the Railway banquet. In a few weeks, the Scouts will be leaving for Marley.
"Did you regret not running away, that day, Historia?" He sighed, thinking of the day he tormented her into taking the role of the Queen. He never truly apologized for that, now did he? Back then, he thought she was just a figure that nicely fit into a puzzle. The puzzle that would benefit the Island the most. And he was simply a tool to help move the pawn into Erwin's little political game. But boy he was wrong. Historia was no pawn, not just a figure but a fierce, brazen of a lady. She surprised everyone, surprised him especially, on how effortlessly she handled things and how bold she can be in politics.
She surprised him when he knew that she said she will be inheriting the Beast Titan two years ago.
She glanced back at the Captain with her eyes stared right into his. Those blue eyes were ocean-strong with no sign of remorse nor regrets. Her answers prove it all.
"Oddly enough, I never felt any regrets. I have played a role since I was a kid, Levi. Just as you are - i guess - able to eliminate one titan to another and-." she stopped abruptly, a hint of blush crept on her cheeks. "I apologise, I can never compare myself to what you've encountered. All I had was just a fancy title." she snorted, comfortable enough not to behave like a rigid Queen when it's just the two of them.
"Each time you had your blades on them, it is a step closer to freedom, Levi. While I scribbled initials on countless papers.. in this very room." She managed a chuckle as she turned around to her back and her fingers playfully ran through a row of books on the shelves, as if looking for a specific one. The books that she had been collecting and never stopped babbling about whenever they had a quick moment in between meetings.
He did hear a little crack beneath her voice. She's devastated and thought she hid it well but he was not some MP advisor that she's normally with. Levi had always been less of a communicator and more of a listener. He knew she had been holding it all in, not wanting to look weak, not in front of him. She must have thought him heartless and he felt slightly hurt.
They had some fair share of time together these past year during meetings or at the Orphanage and handling the Volunteers. After the setting up of the Orphanage they did not see much of each other due to each one's hectic duties except from a few of his random visits to see the kids. Even then, she always happened to be there welcoming him as if he was the most joyful of a companion rather than a moody, sullen captain. He's got used to her presence and he assumed she felt comfortable enough with him as their conversation ventured to not just on official matters but irrelevant things like.. pranks or favorite teas and even her latest book discoveries which was surprisingly pleasant even for him.
Subconsciously, they dropped their honorifics when they were far enough from being heard.
She was still fidgeting with the books while he struggled to find words that could ease her worries. When was the last time he saw her most genuine smile? Ahh, that was two years ago - telling him how she had been pranking the kids at the Orphanage as a payback for the mischievous acts those runts had started, even begged him to help her scare the kids with his presence on their next supposedly Orphanage visit.
"You do realise that you can be quite a monster yourself. I've seen it." he said matter-of-factly.
"How dare you." She gave him a playful smack on his shoulder. "But they will be terrified with you being there. Oh the look on their faces I just can't wait to see." she had that devilish expression that even Levi could not hold back a smirk. A couple of rookie MPs nearby were giving them an odd look but quickly left.
"You're a terrible Queen." he said flatly. Historia scoffed loudly at that. Too loud for a supposedly well-mannered Queen. A terrible Queen indeed.
"Trying to play the hero now eh, Captain? I thought you'll always be on my side." she actually pouted at him but was quickly replaced with a wide smile. Like a fucking softie, the smile got through him like warm ocean waves, he would say the same to her annoyingly bright blue eyes. Always does things to him. It gave him a squirm that he did not like.
He cleared his throat. These banters between them, it kept piling on. She started it first in the earlier times, but she'd apologised right after. However, the teasings were unstoppable as time passed by and there were no longer fear of his reactions.
"Tsk, I meant by your side, like any of your other chaperones, your Majesty." they were MPs passing by hence he tried to be as courteous as he should.
"Meh, what a way to ruin the mood, Captain. Besides, how can you compare yourself to them?" she asked, genuinely. There were no others like Levi Ackerman.
Levi smirked. "Right. Useless bunch they all are. If you want me there just summon me, Historia, I can't have any say on that, now can I?" he said. She's the Queen afterall.
"Thing is.." she said softly. "I don't want you there if you don't want to be there, Levi." her face was pink perfection and Levi felt it again - another squirm. He hated this lately feelings of anxiousness whenever they were together. He knew Historia only meant not to order him around and he appreciated that but the fuck should he reply to that? She's putting him in a tricky spot here. That cheeky woman!
His eyebrow furrowed and he absentmindedly brush the bridge of his nose, thinking hard on what to say to that without being too.. direct.
Historia seemed to notice his discomposure and felt guilty. She only meant to tease the Captain and had been expecting another sarcastic reply coming out of his usual snarky mouth. However looking at him now, he sure looked miserable .. Her heart felt a pang of disappointment but shook it off quickly. This is Captain Levi fricking Ackerman and he surely just needed to leave rather than entertain her childish request.
"Hey, don't look so miserable Captain. I'm just teasing. I'm sure you have more important matters to deal with than a silly little visit." she smiled - trying to hide her disappointment. "Ahh.. I need to have a quick chat with Mikasa before the discussion starts. She must be overwhelmed with all these new findings about her family and I need to cheer her up." she excused herself. As she started to leave, she felt a tug on her sleeve and grip on her arm.
"Wait-" he spoke, hands clutching softly on her, however when she's just about to register what happened, it was released almost immediately.
He decided to be honest about it looking at the Queen's confused little face. Ahh Fuck it. He took one deep breath and worded his reply carefully. He cleared his throat.
".. if I'm there, it's because I don't mind it. And I come for the tea you're so keen to serve. The kids are just tiresome so you deal with those brats." he grumbled. If Farlan or Isabel could see his face now, they would be fucking trolling him endlessly and a murder might need to happen. God he felt hot, acutely aware of the blush that suddenly colored his skin. Some air, that's what he needed most now.
So he skipped the meeting without any actual fuck of a reason that he could tell Hange and will just ask the Commander about it later.
It became apparent to him ever since then, two years later, with countless Orphanage pranks and Paradis development site visits. He looked forward to spending time with her just for these moments. However, things never got easier in the Paradis, aren't they?
"It may have looked like an easy task." it took him a while but he finally spoke. "But not everyone can turn those papers onto helping others like you did, Historia. You fought for the kids and for their safety. You helped Reeves and other merchants to rebuild the city. If you ask me, the selfish bastard that I am, I say you belong here. And not just for some 13 bloody years. I regretted my way of coercing you, but never have I regretted you as our Queen. " he was honest, stern enough to send the message clearly.
Oh he got her attention for sure as he saw her turned her head back towards him. She looked surprised with the Captain's unexpected comments about her. Tears that she had been holding on went running down her eyes, freed at last. Levi was not used to seeing her like this. This intimate setting was not what he anticipated today at all, they were here to discuss their Marley visit plans with the Queen, away from the eyes and ears of the Governments. Curse Hange for running late or this would not be as awkward as it is.
There were no sobs, just tears. He knew she was still putting on her strong facade.
He walked closer to the Queen and offered her his handkerchief. Levi Ackerman may be good in a war setting so consoling someone was never his forte. He would rather slaughter a bunch of titans rather than having to deal with this.
She stood just an inch short from him as she always has. His eyes bore into hers. He took this opportunity to observe her closely. Those deep blue oceanic eyes that usually glimmers were not there today. He'd usually lower his gaze out of respect in their early days. He noticed she was easy on the eye as of late and would discreetly steal a look or two when they were not conversing. No. that would be an understatement. The Queen is an attractive woman, stunning even. - Her beauty was even acknowledged and was printed on the front page of the newspaper, much to his dismay. Shouldn't they focus on the current issues rather than a person's appearance? He thought then.
She muttered her thanks and wiped away the last bits of her tears.
"Talk to me, Historia." he urged, no longer had the will to wait for the Commander to come. Where the fuck is Hange?
She struggled to find words, fighting between her desires and her duty to save the Island as per the conditions required her to. Her hands clutching tight on the tiny piece of fabric she had just received from the captain.
"I would give my life if it's to protect the Island. Which is why I accepted the plan." she paused, took her moment to continue. "Levi, I just.. I'm not sure if I can put my children and bind them in this awful cycle. I can't do that. I know everyone is trying to find ways but I have a feeling tha-" she stopped midway, her hands trembled. Historia felt her heart racing with uneven breathing.
Levi looked concerned. He'd seen this before amongst his subordinates when they were under extreme stress. He could see her trying to catch her breath. She was having a panic attack. He grabbed her shoulder and motioned rubs on her back in an attempt to calm her down.
"Name five things you see in the room."
"..What?" Historia felt her heart raced, quicker than before.
Levi took her trembling hands, covered with his own. She flinched, surprised by the Captain's action, but his grips were solid so she couldn't budge anyway.
"Five things you see in the room, Historia." he repeated, hoping that he could get her focused this time around.
Her eyes scanned the room immediately. Somehow the room looks very unfamiliar at this moment.
"One at a time." he guided, softly.
"Books." She got one but it was just so hard to breathe still. She felt his grip tighten and it gave her some assurance.
"Window."
"Go on." she heard him say. Her eyes looked around but eventually went back to the figure standing very close to her. Captain Levi was wearing the usual official green-army suit and she had always admired him in this.
"Suit.. buttons.'' she responded. It got easier and her nerves were calmed as she named them one by one. She took one deep breath before saying the final one. "And you." her gaze fixed on him steadily.
Levi held her gaze, trying to determine if she had it under control. Her breathing pattern seemed better.
"Good enough. Take deep breaths." he said, relieved, however unsure if the last one counts but he did feel somewhat flattered. Well, she could have said 'an asshole' and he would still give her a point.
"Sorry for that." she whispered, feeling like a fool and aware of the embarrassment caused by her.
"Don't be. Did being so far from the sun, away from the countryside really affect you this much?" his voice was gentle and it sent a chill down Historia's spine. When did he become so very attentive, she wondered. But then again, he had always been kind - in his own way.
She lied whenever she said his presence would scare the kids. They, on the contrary, were rather fond of him. Unbeknownst to him, she had been watching them interact discreetly from far in fear of being intrusive of his comfort zone. He would pretend to be irritated but she knew he embraced their presence just as much and it fluttered her heart each time.
Historia's fingers were cold but Levi did not mind it. The heat came as his thumb trailed over her knuckles and moved on to caress her palm. She shuddered at the tenderness of his touch but relaxed onto it. It was almost addictive. At this rate she might have another anxiety attack all because of him. She could feel the heat on her cheek.
"I suppose." she answered, glancing elsewhere but the Captain - fearing to unfold deeper into this treacherous feeling. Historia made mental note that Captain Levi can be chivalrous if he need be and she shouldn't think too much of it.
"I might need a visit to the farm. To clear my heads." her mind went back to the concerned matter.
"We can arrange that before the Scouts leave." he agreed. In fact, that was what Hange suggested if she had been here earlier..
He took another look at her. He understood her childhood, it was almost like his. Only she was clinging to some kind of hope while he understood very early that life has no mercy. She wanted something else for her child.
This was presumptuous of him but he wanted his next words to assure her despite he himself is clueless as for now.
"Fuck knows what answers we will find out there but..." his eyes searching hers and when her gaze was back on him he continued. "I'm not sacrificing you, Historia. I won't let them." he felt it right then, the amount of care he had for her was clear. He had the chill when those words were uttered. He hates to admit it but he cares for this woman.
Historia look flustered. Levi Ackerman is a man of duty. Duty always comes first. How can he say that so carelessly? It was not so much of giving her some hope but the intention of it. Why did you say that, Levi?
She was about to say something but got interrupted by a knock on the door. That got Levi's attention away from the Queen. Hange!. He released her dainty hands, almost reluctantly. Cool air replacing the warmth once again.
A very apologetic looking Hange barged in.
"Apologies, your Majesty. I lost track of time. Shall we begin?"