AMORE ET HONORE
by: tweety-src-clt9
Sealing Engagements
October 28th, 1817
Falling out, falling in
Nothing's sure in this world no, no
Breaking out, breaking in
Never knowing what lies ahead
We can really never tell it all no, no, no
Say goodbye, say hello
To a lover or friend
Sometimes we
Never could understand
Why some things begin then just end
We can really never tell it all no, no, no
But oh, can't you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So oh baby, please smile
Because I'm always around you
And I'll make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me
Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain
- The Wallflower among the Ton
Penelope gave a sad smile after dropping her quill to the side of the makeshift writing desk she was using in her chambers. She needed to create one more copy of this poem so that she could hand it over to her dear friend, Eloise, as a parting gift of sorts.
The time to leave London, the ton and the rest of her identity as wallflower Penelope Featherington was drawing near. She had everything sorted out. She would leave her life here, Eloise, the rest of the Bridgertons, and then she would start anew.
The money she has secretly saved from her earnings as Lady Whistledown would be enough to support her for the rest of her days if she lived modestly.
There's no way in bloody hell that she would marry that disgusting and vile duke!
Penelope would leave London and the ton, fading into oblivion, and maybe make her way in the world as a poet or novelist. Maybe she would make use of a new nom de plume, "the Wallflower."
With Prudence and Philippa already married, the scandal of her disappearance would no longer affect anyone's marriage prospects. Only her mama and the new Lord Featherington would be talked about by the ton for a fallen relation. When the ton scorns her mother and the new lord for her running away, she would never feel sorry for them. They truly deserve it since they were selling her like a prized pig to a greedy and vile man.
She had to leave London before that disgusting man returned with an ostentatious engagement ring that he would force upon her.
Yes, she wanted to marry. And yes, she knew that she would never marry Colin Bridgerton. However, in the deep recesses of her heart, she so wanted to have a family of her own. Someone to love and care for, to raise children in a home filled with love – just like that of the Bridgertons.
But no! Even a family was not in the works for her. The only man who seemed to be interested in her was a vile old man who only saw her as a pair of breasts that he wanted to squeeze like a lemon. Penelope gave out a disgusted shiver as she recalled the horrendous memory of that perverted man leering at her as he accosted her by touching her bosom.
She sniffed her angry tears away.
"Enough, Penelope. Just a week more and you would be safe and away from this hellhole," she muttered to herself.
To her family and the ton (except for Eloise and the other Bridgertons), she would always be the unnoticeable wallflower. And yes, they were correct. But deep inside, she knew she was more than that.
She is Lady Whistledown, the eponymous writer who redefined the way the rumor mill circulated among the ton. Her alter ego commanded the attention of all members of the ton. They were addicted to her words. They anticipated every news she wrote. They paid a hefty sum through the years just to get a hold of her work.
Lady Whistledown is a strong, fierce, and independent personality.
Penelope Featherington is Lady Whistledown!
She would never marry an old lustful, disgusting, and abominable idiot.
No, she won't!
It's time to shed the wallflower's cloak.
It was time for Penelope to save herself.
Just as she was about to write a second copy of her most recent poem so she could give it to Eloise, she heard a knock on her door.
To her surprise, the butler called out, "Mr. Colin Bridgerton requests a private audience with you, Miss."
Her knees shook and she almost fell off her chair.
Surely, this must be a dream. Why in the world would Colin be here?
Colin Bridgerton was barely able to control his temper as he entered the drawing-room waiting for Penelope. The discussion he had with the new Lord Featherington wanted him to beat the bloody shit out of that stupid gold-digging scoundrel's face. The man discussed Penelope as if she were some cattle he was selling out to the highest bidder. It's as if Penelope was not a person.
He sighed.
That had always been the problem. The Featheringtons never saw Penelope.
They never noticed her, they never treated her as if she were precious to them.
Penelope was never treated like family. She was just tolerated as the least marriageable daughter, someone disposable.
He clenched his fists in again.
Penelope will never have to set foot in this house again, he promised to himself.
Penelope will be a Bridgerton; and he, along with the rest of his family, would take care of her.
It was such as a relief that the duke, per Lord Featherington, was away on business, most likely to buy an engagement ring as well (according to the bastard at least), and he still had time to rescue Penelope from this most gruesome fate.
If I was too late if I didn't decide immediately… What if –
No! He refused to let his thoughts stray to what-ifs.
He was here now.
Anthony was right, all the new lord wanted was money.
And so, along with the dowry clause, Anthony sweetened the deal by paying a decent sum to the lord should he grant Colin the sole right to marry Penelope. He was most certain that the Duke of Hastings pitched in some money as well because it was indeed a hefty sum. After all, what was a third son compared to a duke?
He hated the very fact that the lord treated Penelope as some sort of property that he could sell-off.
The bloody bastard even had the guts to say, "I don't know why you would marry her, Bridgerton. You seem to be a handsome and eligible fellow… Ah well, the girl does have very attractive bosoms if you're into that sort of thing," upon hearing that statement, he almost poured his brandy to the man's face.
Instead, he said, "I hope you would refrain from speaking about my future wife in that ungentlemanly manner. My brothers, the Viscount Bridgerton and the Duke of Hastings are very fond of her as well. I wouldn't want you to incur their wrath… Consider this, your first and only warning," he all but growled as the man went pale.
"My apologies, Mr. Bridgerton. I was just – "
"You don't joke about objectifying women," he cut off. The man could only nod, obviously seeing the threat of cold murder in his eyes.
Counting to ten in his head, he then cleared his throat and said, "Are we settled here? Are you content with my brothers' offer?"
"Of course, Mr. Bridgerton. Penelope should be delighted to become Mrs. Bridgerton," and with that Colin nodded.
"Please wait in the drawing-room. I'll call someone to inform Penelope of your presence."
After that horrible conversation, here he is now.
He was sitting on the couch as a generous serving of tea and biscuits was placed in front of him. He didn't even bother with the food and the tea. He was still severely vexed at the way Penelope is only seen as cattle to be auctioned off for marriage in this household.
Thank the heavens that Portia Featherington is out shopping to god knows where, he mused as the new lord also informed him of the former matriarch's absence. At least his pain of enduring Penelope's horrible relations was only limited to the new patriarch. Portia Featherington would have made the conversation even more tedious.
Lost in his thoughts, he was startled when a staff member announced the presence of Penelope as she entered the room.
Colin gulped.
This Penelope in front of him was not the Penelope he last saw a few months ago.
Most definitely not.
The Penelope in front of him was absolutely stunning.
He was always used to seeing her in yellow frocks, or the occasional orange shades.
But right now, she was wearing this most beautiful shade of blue – the color of Sapphires – that contrasted well to her pale smooth skin. She looked ethereal, otherworldly even.
What had happened to sweet innocent Penelope? Why and when had she turned into this siren?
He didn't know what to say so he just offered her a quick bow, as gentlemen of his station are wont to do.
Penelope curtsied and asked, "How can I help you, Colin? Is something the matter? Is it Eloise?" He could hear the concern in her voice.
"No… no. Nothing is amiss. Everything's fine. Eloise is at home," he replied reassuringly.
"Oh," she muttered, her blue eyes reflected relief.
His eyes scanned the rest of her. Her ginger hair was hanging around her shoulders, the coiffure her maid must have arranged earlier, now loosened. When his eyes glanced to her shoulders and down, he quickly averted his gaze.
While the sapphire gown was clearly striking and highly complementary to her, it was the low bodice, much lower than anything he could recall her wearing, that highlighted her more than ample bosom.
"I'm so sorry, oh – how rude of me! Please, sit," she gestured to the comfortable couch.
"Thank you," he muttered as he took a seat.
Since he was still discombobulated with the deadly combination of the dress, décolletage, and her hair, he didn't know what to say. So, awkward silence reigned as Penelope waited for him to say something.
"So… What can I do for you, Colin?" she finally broke the silence.
"You look nice," he said as he gestured to her dress.
"Well, it's not yellow," she chuckled.
"Yes," he agreed. "When did you get that dress?" he continued.
"The new Lord Featherington picked out my clothes as soon as Prudence got married shortly after Benedict. Something about making me more attractive if that were possible," she shrugged.
"I see..." Colin couldn't think of anything else to say.
"So…"
"Will you marry me, Penelope?" he decided to just blurt it out.
"What?!" she exclaimed. When she recalled that her outburst may draw the attention of the rest of the house, she stood from the seat across him and took the space by his side.
"Are you out of your mind?" she whispered as she leaned closer.
"I beg your pardon," he couldn't help but be affronted. God! This is not going so well!
"Did you just – did you just ask me to marry you?" she continued in a whisper. He too leaned closer since he knew that eavesdroppers in the form of servants or even the new lord himself, could be curious about their discussion.
"Yes, yes, I did! Oh – yes! Here you are," he reached for the velvet box in his pocket. He opened the box, revealing the ring inside and she gasped.
"You're serious!" her blue eyes widened in surprise. If it weren't for the tenseness of the situation, he would have laughed.
"Of course, I am."
"But… but – no! You said – you said, I am certainly not going to marry Penelope Featherington!" she prattled about. She even managed to copy the tone of his voice as he said those hurtful words a year ago. Suddenly, she frowned. "Did Eloise put you up to this?"
I sometimes hate how smart Penelope is, he thought. "I cannot allow you to suffer under the hand of that horrid man," he admitted.
"You don't love me, Colin."
"Well, yes – but – "
"Oh, Colin! You truly are the sweetest man... However, I can't let you do that. It would not be different from what Marina tried to do with you," her eyes were soft, but he could see something else reflected in them as well. Something that he couldn't define – a mixture of pain, resignation, and anger?
"No! It's not the same thing!" he insisted.
"Why not?" she challenged, her eyebrow raised.
"You're not tricking me. I want to help you."
"You don't want to do this, Colin. This is you being noble again. Think of your travels, the places you still want to see… Think about love. Think about finding that one woman that will melt your heart, like Anthony and Kate, Benedict and Sophie, Daphne and – "
"I know that! But it doesn't matter!"
"Of course, it does!"
"If I don't marry you, you'll be doomed. That – that bastard will hurt you. I can't – I can't allow that." His thoughts drifted to the content of Benedict's letter. He would never allow Penelope to be treated that way.
"I won't marry that bastard, Colin," she said resolutely.
"Pen, your family would insist that you do!" he countered.
"I'll run away," she murmured.
"What? You can't do that!" He was now aggrieved with the idea of Penelope running off to god knows where, in destitution, and all alone – unaware of the dangers that lurk in the world. He grabbed her shoulders as if that action alone were enough to stop her from running away.
"I can and I will ," she fought back. Their eyes met. His emerald ones staring at her azure orbs. A battle of wills.
"You will stay here, where you'll be safe and cared for... And, you will marry me," he insisted.
"How dare you make choices for me?" she hissed. Her eyes throwing daggers at him. Oddly enough, it made her look even more alluring. God! I must be sick or something. Did I just think of Penelope as alluring?
"Because you're not thinking of the ramifications of running away," he sighed.
"I've thought long about it."
"Marry me, Pen. For Eloise, for your safety…"
"Oh, Colin!" she chuckled. Her familiar chuckles made him laugh too.
They stared at each other and laughed some more until a comfortable silence settled in the drawing-room.
Penelope, ever kind and accommodating, extended the plate of biscuits to him. He grabbed a couple of them as he ate. She only shrugged as she too grabbed one and then she handed him a cup of tea.
From the corner of his eye, he watched her staring at something on the walls – obviously lost in thought. Maybe catching her off guard will do the trick. As if I would allow her to run away!
"For God's sake, Penelope, will you marry me or not?!" he whispered against her ear and she nearly dropped her teacup.
"Colin!"
"What? You're taking so long," he grinned cheekily.
"If you're going to marry me, you'll regret this, Col," she said in all earnest. She knew Colin, he was uneasy in London, always desiring to leave for foreign lands. Also, she was certain that he wasn't ready for marriage. Yes, they were friendly, but he's not attracted to her. What sort of man would be content to marry a sister figure?
"Hmmm…" he picked the ring from the box and grabbed her left hand. Her hand was so much smaller than his. His skin tingled at the contact. He'd never touched her bare hand before. When they danced, she was always wearing gloves.
He slid the ring on her finger, looked into her eyes, and said, "I don't think so, darling," he teased, and she snorted.
"Goodness knows how stubborn you are once you get your head wrapped around something," she muttered, and he grinned. Finally, they're getting somewhere.
"If you marry me, you'll be Eloise's official sister," he cajoled, and she rolled her eyes.
"Oh, fine! Very well. Don't say I didn't warn you," she pursed her pouty lip.
"Surely you're not that bad," he said as his fingertips grazed along the ring on her dainty hand.
"Hmm… I will marry you – "
"I thought we already established that?" he interrupted with a smirk.
"I will marry you," she continued, "but I insist that you still travel, I don't want to hold you back. And er since this isn't a love match, you have the freedom to… the freedom to…" an adorable blush appeared on her round cheeks.
"The freedom to what?" he leaned in closer.
"Take a mistress," she whispered.
"What?!" he hissed.
"I – well, it is practical and – "
"Do you even know what you're saying?" he was crowding her now as he leaned even closer while she attempted to increase the space between them. His eyes were drawn to her eyes and her lips.
As if I would ever stray and betray my wife like that! He was utterly insulted.
Just as he was about to punish her with a passionate kiss to shatter her stupid idea of offering that he finds a mistress, the door opened. Penelope pushed at his chest and he moved away.
"Ah! I see that you two are indeed in a rush to get married. I suppose a fortnight is enough?" Lord Featherington entered the room, a smirk on his face as he glanced at them with a knowing look.
"No! We'll marry in a week," Colin insisted. Better be sure than to have that lecherous duke return to London and snatch his Penelope away.
"Capital idea, Bridgerton."
Penelope stood there gaping like a fish, her eyes darting from Colin to her ring, and then back at the man whose eyes were daring for her to counter his words. She could only glare at him in return.
"I'll bring my fiancée to dinner at Bridgerton house this evening. I have to announce the news to my family. Tomorrow, the mothers can talk about wedding arrangements," Colin said as he reached for Penelope's hand.
"Of course, she'll be by – "
"Oh, no need! Penelope and I can go there now – "
"But her hair – " Lord Featherington interrupted.
"My sisters can fix her hair. My mother will be overjoyed to chat with her new daughter-in-law so best just go now," Colin insisted.
"Oh… Of course," the head of house Featherington could only nod in agreement.
"Well then, come along, darling," Colin smirked as he escorted Penelope to the door.
As soon as they were away from the Featherington estate, and no person could eavesdrop on them, Penelope hissed, "Colin Bridgerton, what in the world was that?"
"That was me making sure you will be safe," he replied.
"Fine," she sighed. "I do appreciate you going out of your way and sacrificing yourself for me, Colin, really I do… But I – I do think you will regret this someday."
Colin didn't reply. He felt that it was unnecessary because she would not be placated.
Oddly enough, he actually thought that marrying Penelope is not a bad idea.
Not at all.
In fact, it seemed exciting.
There's just something about an angry Penelope – or at least a Penelope who argues back – that would surely make this marriage most interesting.
Mistress, my arse, he thought. No bloody way.
A/N: The poem Penelope wrote here is actually selected lyrics of the song, "Rainbow" by Southborder.
With that out of the way, let me here you thoughts on the proposal?
I actually wrote a Polin called "Sneaky Glances" under my Loving Lady Whistledown collection. You should go check it out.
If you guys also read my Harry Potter fanfics, I'm truly sorry to say but I'm taking a break from the fandom. I'm licking my hurt wounds. To be honest, a lot of people have been rather insulting lately and it truly does not inspire. So for that, I apologize, especially for the nice readers out there.