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A Question of Matrimony

Before Hop Sing even woke to light the kitchen stove, I was on my way to town; I figured I'd have breakfast in Virginia City with only my conscience for company and then visit Darla McMasters and try to explain things. Granted, she might slam the door in my face but if she did, that would mercifully put a quick end to matters. I had gone over and over what I would say to Darla and I still wasn't sure. Would she be hurt or merely insulted when I informed her Kopakashe was staying and that, well, what else could I do since she was my wife?

Then I would head over to the parsonage.

The small restaurant was already busy and the smells of frying bacon, roasting ham, biscuits and strong coffee seduced a hungry man, beckoning him in like a loose woman on her front porch. The clicking of ceramic coffee mugs and knives and forks on thick white plates gave the place a pleasant enough air. I didn't have much of an appetite but still ordered my favorite buckwheat pancakes with a hefty side of bacon. I chose a table facing the front window so I could watch the sun rise over the facades of the buildings across the street. And as I ate, my appetite returned, so I was mopping up the last of the maple syrup with a piece of bacon when the Bonner brothers walked in and grinning, came over to my table and sat down. I guessed they, like many others, had come in for the 50 cent breakfast special; three fried eggs, two thick ham slices, biscuits and all the coffee you could drink.

"We know we should wait to be invited to sit but what's niceties between old friends," Jeff said, grinning and pulling out a chair. Rick did as well.

"Well, if you were gonna wait to be asked, you'd still be standing," I said, taking up my coffee cup. They do make good coffee in that place.

"Hey," Rick said, flagging down the waitress, "Peg! Howsabout some coffee over here for me an' my brother? And two of them specials." Then he rocked his chair back, grinning. Rick always let Jeff do the talking if it had anything to do with business since Jeff was the older although not necessarily the wiser, and they were less than a full year apart. Where you saw one brother, you always saw the other and if you had a problem with one brother, it was guaranteed you'd have a problem with the other one as well. I often wondered what would happen if one married. Would the other brother patiently lie in the bed with the married one and wait for his turn with the woman? After all, they had been known to share the same bed with the same whore. Fortunately, my brothers and I weren't that close nor that generous.

"Your pa still hiring? We never got to finish our business with you due to your feisty little squaw. I tell you, we had a big laugh about that! Don't never want to cross her!" Jeff winked at Rick.

"Yeah," Rick added, "me and Jeff was talkin' 'bout her just the other day. Words gone 'round that you shipped her off to some school run by the Rowes or someone else who's just as dull. A Christian school where they'll probably try to beat the Indian outta her, 'course, all in the name of religion. Shame to waste all that spirit; I bet she'd be one hellcat in the sack!"

"Shut up. Both of you."

"A little touchy there, ain't you, Adam? We're just funnin' with you. After all, you got that little McMaster's girl eatin' outta your hand. Better that than a ring in your nose and her leadin' you about like a timid lamb what can't even say 'Baaaa' without askin' permission first."

I felt my head get hot but I kept my mouth shut; they'd find out soon enough that Kopakashe was still here and that Darla and I were done.

"But to get back to business," Jeff said, "we hired out to move a herd from Salinas to Abilene so's we won't be available to help your pa. And since me and Rick decided to hire on men in California, thought we'd send the four men we already hired over to the Ponderosa, maybe your pa can use 'em."

"Well, what's the cause of all this generosity?" I asked, wiping my hands with the checked napkin.

"Just doin' a friend a favor," Jeff said. Then he leaned in and with a puzzled look, said, "Why you still wearin' that string of bear claws? Moonin' over your lost squaw? Make you feel a little closer to that sweet piece?" Then he elbowed Rick and they both guffawed.

I tossed my napkin on the table and stood up. I wanted to slam my fist into their jaws to end their grins, but this wasn't the place. Besides, I didn't want Roy Coffee to toss my ass in jail for bruising my knuckles on a Bonner jawbone, that is if I was lucky. Actually, more than likely it would be me with the cracked jaw and two blackened eyes since both Bonners would take me on at the same time. So, taking the most reasonable and peaceful way out, I said, "Kiss my ass-both of you. One on each cheek." And I left the restaurant, but I knew they were enjoying my misery as their laughter followed me out.

~ 0 ~

I paced on the sidewalk trying to summon the courage to go see Darla. According to my pocket watch, it was twenty after 9:00, not too early to stop by and Mr. McMasters would have left for work. I know I sound like a coward and in this regard, I am; I don't enjoy hurting the tender feelings of someone like Darla, a young woman I loved. Yes, I loved her and I know that makes me a cad. I enjoyed her smile and bright conversation, the way she tossed her curls when she felt saucy. She loved the opera as did I and many a night, she and I went to Piper's Opera house. We also took in many plays there and afterwards, Darla was always eager to discuss not only the actors' performances, but the play itself; she is an intelligent, beautiful young woman and once my father had commented about the magnificent children she and I could have. A few times, when the play was tragic, Darla dabbed her eyes as we exited, truly moved by the portrayal of human suffering. Yes, I loved Darla, loved to kiss her and take her hand in mine, to talk with her about the future of Nevada and a few times, of our future together. I hadn't yet asked her to be my wife but it was an understanding we had with one another. And Darla looked at me in the manner of a woman in love. I was fortunate. But I had chosen Kopakashe and I wanted her over Darla despite our vast differences or maybe as my father had said, because of them. Not only would I be able to explore Kopakashe's slender body, but I would be able to explore her mind, terra incognito; at least life wouldn't be predictable as we learned about one another. But Darla was still there, a shadow in my memory, an ache in my heart.

I stood before the McMasters house and finally, I thumped the door knocker twice and Mrs. McMasters opened the door. I pulled off my hat but by the look on her face, nothing I could do would change her opinion of me at that moment; her disdain for me was obvious and I deserved it. But she was a handsome woman and in the past, had been pleased to see me.

"Morning, Mrs. McMasters." I pulled off my hat, holding it against my chest. "I know it's early for calling on someone and I'm not expected, but may I see Darla?"

She considered and then coldly said, "Wait here." she partially closed the door. It was telling she kept me waiting on the porch. I looked about. A few people who were also about early passed by but gave me no notice. I looked into the house. There was a vase of fresh flowers on a table across the room and bright sunlight spilled in through a window framed by blue curtains. I had been inside enough to know that once night fell, the heavy drapes were pulled on the large front window to close out the street and that the settee was of blue and white tapestry, the rugs imported from China. That seemed to be a bragging point of Mr. McMasters as if it gave him more prestige.

Darla came to the door; she forced a smile although it was obvious she was upset. "Hello, Adam. I would invite you in, but my mother isn't feeling well…why don't we sit out here." She walked past me to the porch swing and sat, then looked up at me. I joined her.

"I want to apologize for Saturday night, for leaving and having Hoss take you home. I have no excuse to offer, I didn't know Kopakashe would show up at the dance and when she did and people started…I couldn't allow her to be an object of ridicule. I'm sorry for any embarrassment I may have caused you." I anchored my feet on the porch boards, causing the swing to careen.

"There was quite a bit of gossip at church about you and this Indian girl. Apparently, everyone says she's your wife, that you've married her and that by taking me to the dance, well, it doesn't speak well of you, does it?"

"No, it doesn't. Please believe me, Darla, at the time, I had intentions of sending her away with Pastor Rowe and his wife, but things haven't panned-out."

"The best laid plans…" she said with a wan smile. "Remember that night when we sat out here and discussed Burns? I called his poetry simplistic and difficult to read, but you defended his use of the Scottish brogue, said that you admired that he didn't compromise. I suppose that's you, Adam, not compromising. It's another reason I love you, your stubbornness."

How could she love me? I had humiliated her in front of a room full of people, and she still loved me. I wasn't deserving of her. And I thought of Kopakashe and how, last night, she had turned away from me, and how much it had hurt. I felt like I was in a bad play where I was the anti-hero and two diametrically opposed women were in love with me—I could choose either or even both and revel in their love—or they could both reject me and I was left with nothing and no one, punished for my lustful greed.

"Darla, I…"

"No, Adam. There's no point to it. My father has forbidden me to see you. He's called you some…unkind names, not to me but I heard him talking to my mother. As you know, he's not fond of Indians, period. They did kill my brother when we crossed the plains. He said that if you've been with a squaw, you're not fit to be with me or any other decent woman. Nevertheless, I would defy him and keep seeing you except for one thing…the Indian girl. Is she your wife as my father says?"

"Darla, it's not that easy to explain…" I wondered what type of man I was if I couldn't just tell the truth. I thought of Kopakashe and her dark eyes. And then there was Darla. I didn't have to keep Kopakashe with me. I could take her to the Bannock tribe, leave her there. A brave would quickly claim her as his and I would be rid of her. But I couldn't. "Yes, she's here and she considers us married in some tribal ritual or other. I guess that's what I came to tell you. I never wanted to hurt you, Darla."

Her chin quivered. "I see, Adam. Whether you meant to hurt me or not, you have. You know, Adam," and she turned to look at me, "I thought you loved me and I know I loved you, actually, I still do." A tear escaped and she wiped it away. "I suppose I should wish you happiness but, God help me, I can't!"

Darla's obvious pain was tearing me apart but the thought of Kopakashe and her trust in me tugged at my heart. "Darla, I…" But Darla rose and went in her house, closing the door and shutting me out forever. I deserved worse.

~ 0 ~

"Reverend, are you busy? I can come back later if you are, but I was wondering if I could speak with you." I had walked to the parsonage behind the quiet church and since the door and windows were open to take advantage of the weather, I stepped inside the threshold after gently rapping on the open door. He looked up from his desk where he was probably writing the coming Sunday's sermon, and smiled broadly, then rose to offer his hand. Reverend Sanford was unmarried and the parsonage, although furnished, lacked a woman's touch. There were no homey, framed samplers on the wall, no vases overflowing with multi-colored blooms and no smells from the kitchen, just too much paper and too many books stacked on the floor by his desk. I often wondered how an unmarried man could counsel people on subjects such as marriage and children and other intimate business, but I suppose he goes by a script of sorts; his opinions are in biblical writings.

"Adam," Reverend Sanford put out his hand and we shook, "missed you at services but Pastor Rowe had earlier spoken with me about the young Indian woman so I assume that you stayed with her until they arrived. He told me he was taking her to the Indian school in Albuquerque. I'm glad you chose the right path for the young woman. If we could only reach all of God's lost children as easily, it would be a blessing indeed." Reverend Sanford was a head shorter than me and stoutly built. I wondered who fed him.

"Well, she's who I want to talk about." I pulled off my hat; seems I was always going a-begging, holding my hat in my hands. I should have tugged at my forelock in subservience as I was always uncomfortable around good men. At least I assumed he was a good man, but I always wonder if men such as he have impure thoughts when a female swings her hips in front of him.

"Oh? Well, come in and sit, Adam. May I offer you some coffee? I have some sugar cookies Miss Carter gave me after services; a bit too much baking powder and not enough sugar but they're palatable. But I shouldn't criticize since I can't do any better. I just felt I should fore-warn you." He smiled.

"Thank you, but no. Is Miss Carter after you, Reverend?" I couldn't help from teasing him. Reverend Sanford was a man in his 40's and Miss Carter, in her late 30's, was considered a spinster who had guarded her chastity to the point that at her age, no man seemed to find it desirable enough to take although I think at that point, she would have given it away.

He chuckled, "No, no, at least if she is, I'm not aware of it." He blushed though and I wondered if he found her full breasts and wide hips desirable. After all, first, he was a man, then second, a man of God. "But I can see something is troubling you; the young squaw, I'm guessing. Are you concerned whether or not you did the right thing by her?"

We sat and I smiled nervously, turning my hat in my hands. "I didn't send Kopakashe away."

"Oh? That's the Indian maid, I assume."

"Yes. She didn't want to go so I didn't force her."

"I see." He picked up the pen he had been using and tapped it on the table while thinking. I noticed his fingertips were ink stained. "I don't think that was wise. Indians are like children and must be guided. One can't let a child choose what they want to do; they need direction. The Bible was written to give us, God's people, direction, and we are to lead others on the path to knowing Christ's sacrifice was to save us poor sinners."

My irritation grew but I knew I had to stay pleasant if I wanted him to help me. "Look, Reverend, I would like to marry her, marry Kopakashe. So, I came to ask if you would perform the ceremony. It would only be a small ceremony on the Ponderosa…"

His face went pale and he drew back. "Marry the two of you? You and the Indian woman? Adam, what's come over you?"

I didn't know how to take that. "Look, Reverend, as far as the Shoshone tribe and Kopakashe are concerned, she and I are already married so I'd like you to perform the ceremony to satisfy my father and others. It would help with things."

"Adam, I don't involve myself in petty gossip if I can avoid it, but aren't you and Darla McMasters close to having the banns of marriage read?"

"No," I answered. For some reason, it was then it all became real. I had broken off with Darla completely. I would never hold her or kiss her or feel her pressed against me. Never again. I had chosen a different path.

"I see." He sat back in his chair, dropped his pen, and steepled his fingers. "I'm going to be honest with you. Adam, I think you're up against many restrictions, both legally and religiously. For one thing, a wedding isn't just a play put on in front of others."

"I know that and that's not what I meant. I just think that if we were married…" I suddenly felt ridiculous. He was right; a wedding wasn't a performance where one repeated memorized lines; it was far more which is part of the reason I had side-stepped it in the past.

"I can't marry you to a pagan. This young Indian squaw…"

"Her name is Kopakashe."

"Yes, well, Kopakashe. Does she understand English?"

"No. I guess by holding a wedding, I would be pulling a fast one on her." I wanted to add, "as the Shoshone did with me."

"Well, she would need to learn English before being taught about God, the Ten Commandments, sin, the resurrection…the whole Bible, both Testaments. And along with all that, she would have to accept Christ as her savior and be baptized."

"Let's take this step by step," I said. "Is it that important she know all about the Bible before she's baptized?" It was a foolish question as I knew it was important but I asked anyway.

"Well, I couldn't baptize her until she was completely aware of its importance regarding her soul. She would need to be aware of all that, of what baptism means."

"Why? Babies are christened and they don't know what's going on. Why not baptize an adult without her understanding?"

"Adam" Reverend Sanford said in his most condescending manner, "that's sophistry and you know it. Besides, as far as marriage, the Bible warns us about taking 'strange wives'. The men of Israel who married these strange women had to put their wives aside before they could return to God and if there were any offspring, they had to be denied. And, although man's law is not within my purview, I don't think the territory legally recognizes any marriage between whites and Indians."

"No, the territory doesn't. But my hope was that, well, I guess it doesn't really matter." I stood up. Reverend Sanford did as well.

"Adam, I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I wish there was a way I could and still remain true to the tenants of the church."

"I understand, Reverend."

"I hope to see you in church next Sunday," he said, "and please bring the young squaw. It would be the first step in her religious training."

"Yes, I'll consider it. Well, thank you for your time." I put my hat on and the Reverend walked me to the office door.

"You're welcome, Adam…but, Adam." He placed a hand on my arm. "I have noticed you haven't mentioned 'love'."

"What?" He took me by surprise.

"I know many marriages are for convenience; a man becomes fearful of dying alone so considers marrying a woman he doesn't love. A woman fears never bearing children so before time runs out, she quickly marries someone she would never consider in her younger days. People marry for money, for land, for so many reasons, but in my opinion, one should at least have an abiding affection for one's spouse. You've not mentioned it."

I stared at him considering what he said as a personal confession of sorts; did he fear dying alone? "I'm not sure how I feel, Reverend."

"Consider this, as part of the wedding ceremony, the groom says, 'With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, Amen.' The Indian maid wouldn't understand what you were saying. And she would only be saying unknown words to you if she memorized her vows. Please don't take this lightly, Adam, as marriage is a serious undertaking and requires more than just repeating words. Those words have meaning. In a marriage, people commit to one another whether they are Christian or not."

I didn't know what to say so I thanked him for listening to me and stepped outside into the bright sunlight. It blinded me.

TBC