Chapter 1: Swan Dive

Rays of sunlight blinded him, reflected by the roofs of the cars passing by on the street below. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom; Winds carried their petals through the city, almost high enough to reach the roof he was standing on. The temperatures were mild for April, inviting one to take a stroll across the park and meet up with friends. It was a beautiful day to enjoy a beautiful life.

Oh, how the world loved to mock him.

Midoriya Izuku, fourteen, scrawny, with batches of freckles on his cheeks and a scorched notebook to his feet, stood at the edge. His knuckles had long turned white from the tightness of his grip. Sobs shook his frail body with such intensity, they almost forced him to his knees. He didn't know how long he had been crying. His mother was probably worried sick, she always was. He would be too in her shoes. Having a useless, quirkless son who returned with a ripped, scorched uniform and tried to hide the bruises from slamming into the lockers one too many times had to be hard. Having a son who had no friends and spent his whole free time watching videos of heroes and scribbling into his notebooks, muttering under his breath, had to be hard. Having to raise a son with barely enough money to afford their tiny apartment had to be hard. Having a son who shared the same freckles as that man had to be hard.

In conclusion, being his mother had to be hard.

All he ever wanted was to help people. Yet all he ever did was to cause them trouble. People were better off without him around.

Maybe mom was, too.

"If you're so desperate to get a quirk, why don't you take a swan dive off the roof and hope for one in your next life?"

Kacchan was right. It was the only way. The only thing everyone, including Izuku himself, would profit from.

"No, I don't think it's possible to become a hero without a quirk."

All Might would be rather happy about him taking his big secret to the grave, too.

Izuku was tired. So tired.

He didn't even think about letting anyone know as he bent down to untie his laces. No one other than his mom would care anyway. No one would remember. Kacchan would be happy he didn't have to put up with Izuku, no, Deku, any longer. He and his lackeys would find another victim soon enough. That thought left a bitter taste on Izuku's tongue. But no, they would be alright. Everyone was stronger than him, after all, no one was as useless as him, they would be able to handle it. They weren't weak enough to give in to the temptation like he did.

Izuku placed his shoes neatly beside the backpack leaning against the staircase. He only noticed he forgot his notebook when he was already back at the edge. Oh, well, he was going to leave a mess anyway.

Somewhere along the way his sobs had turned into hiccups, the tears left crusty, salty stains on his cheeks. His hands shook as he held onto the railing for dear life - quite literally - and climbed to the other side. His palms grew sweaty. One swift turn later, miraculously without losing his balance, he was facing the city, the cold bar of the railing pressing into his back. A flock of birds flew over his head, close enough he heard the rustling of their feathers.

This was it.

He chose the side of the roof that led down to a small alley, where it would take people a while to find him. He didn't want to make a scene. Even in death, he couldn't bring himself to trouble people, especially with the sight of his shredded remains.

An odd calm overcame him. He was able to breathe again. His lids grew heavy, but his senses were sharper than ever. Izuku stared at the ground, the narrow, dark street. It was abandoned. The front of the building across the alley was covered in glass, he could see the shadow of his own reflection. Maybe he should look at that instead of the ground closing in. Or he could turn around so the beautiful, clear blue sky was the last thing he'd see. That didn't sound so bad. One last, peaceful memory.

Izuku lifted his gaze, ready to turn around and get it over with, when something on the other roof caught his attention. There was a figure. He squinted his eyes, not able to identify more than what looked like a black or navy uniform. It was vaguely familiar, but he couldn't tell why. The figure sat at the edge of the glass building, feet dangling over the edge, Izuku saw movement, almost as if the person tried to push-

"DON'T DO IT!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, not caring about the hypocrisy of his words. The meaning probably didn't reach that far, but his voice did. Izuku believed to see the figure lift their head.

He was back on the safe side of the railing in an instant, his plan entirely forgotten. He didn't even bother to put on his shoes or reach for his backpack. Izuku slithered down the stairs in his socks, yanked them off while running down and reached the ground on his bare feet.

Nothing. No onlookers, no cruel crime scene, no body. Still driven by terror the freckled teen barged into the building to the right, not caring about the curious looks he earned and rushed up the stairs. He had to take multiple breaks and by the time he arrived upstairs he almost emptied the contents of his stomach on the concrete floor, but...

No one was on the roof.

Of course, there wasn't. It had taken him too long to get up here, even on the way he already knew he would be too late. If the other had meant to jump, they would have done so long ago. Still not ready to accept that Izuku dragged himself to the railing and peeked over the edge. Nothing. He circled around the whole roof - still nothing.

A relieved sigh escaped him. They didn't jump!

He didn't either.

The realisation made his insides cramp painfully, spreading the sick feeling.

He went home.

When his mother asked where his backpack and his shoes were, Izuku told her he had been attacked by a villain and had to leave in a hurry. Which wasn't even a lie, the sludge villain had come for him before he'd been rescued by All Might, the hero he had adored all his life, the very man who had destroyed the last spark of hope residing in his heavy heart. The eyes of his reflection had never stared back at him that dully before.

Only later that day Izuku found out the villain's next target had been Kacchan. Seeing the news report had intensified the unpleasant sensation in his guts. Eventually, the heroes had managed to free his childhood friend and bully, but the other boy had been admitted to a hospital.

Izuku caught himself wishing All Might hadn't arrived in time to save him. That would have made things easier. His suffering would finally be over, his mother would be free, and Kacchan hadn't been hurt.

He felt terrible. Cold sweat ran down his back.

The young teen curled up in his bed, pulling the blanket over his head. He didn't expect to get any sleep tonight, which was fine, he would just pretend to feel sick the next day, so he didn't have to go to school. Mom would understand, she would think he was still in shock or something like that.

Not that Izuku really had to pretend. He hadn't felt okay in an awfully long time.

Midnight came, then early morning hours, but sleep didn't. Izuku tossed and turned, curled himself into fetal position, but his body and mind wouldn't give in. His phone was still in his backpack on that roof, and he was too exhausted to even get out of bed and look for a distraction. He glanced at the red glowing digits on his All Might alarm clock-

Hot burning anger flared up in his chest. The clock was raised above his head in a matter of seconds, he almost flung it at the wall, but… That would wake mom. He had worried her enough already. Instead, Izuku kicked the clock underneath his bed. He was not in the mood to stare at the face that had disappointed him even more than the one of the doctor who told him he was quirkless ten years ago.

His feet carried him out into the hallway. His throat felt a bit swollen, but he tried to gulp the sensation down. Maybe he had cried a bit too much back on that roof. Yes, that had to be the case.

The boy placed his slippers where they belonged and tucked his feet into one of the additional pairs of red sneakers he owned. He didn't bother tying the laces. Surprised by his own ability to not make any noises - something he perfected while hiding and running from his bullies - Izuku snuck out of the apartment and found himself on a roof for the third time within the last twelve hours.

It was fairly bright for three a.m. The full moon shone down on him, as if putting him into the spotlight for the world to see. Highlighting the failure that he was, not even going through with his damn last resort.

There was a dull thud of something heavy being placed on the ground. Izuku whirled around. He hadn't seen anyone when he arrived. To be honest, he hadn't even checked since it was the middle of the night on a weekday. He couldn't see anyone, but there was something. The boy took a few more steps, eyes widening in disbelief.

His backpack. His shoes. Someone just placed his lost belongings in front of the staircase.

Izuku rushed towards them, opened the flap. It was all there. His textbooks, his half empty bento box, his phone, his wallet, his… His notebook. With a heavy sigh the boy let his fingertips wander over the scorched paper. His work wasn't lost. He could still continue.

His fingers brushed against a foreign material. He squinted at the cover and found a yellow sticky note on top.

Your analysis is good, it would be a shame to lose such a bright mind

Someone had read his journal. They had seen him. They knew what he almost did. A mixture of guilt and shame rushed through his veins, making his face heat up, intensifying the sickness that had been plaguing him since he came home.

Whoever collected his belongings had seen him. And they knew where he lived. Was it someone he knew? Not likely, no one found his notes interesting, they all told him it was creepy. And besides, no one he knew would care about him trying to fling himself off a roof. But why would a stranger go through such lengths to bring his stuff back? Why not just leave it at the door?

Izuku felt something. A presence. Another skill he unwillingly acquired while hiding from his classmates. The teen gulped and stuttered into the darkness, voice raw, "Tha-thank you."

Silence. Maybe he was imagining things. That was a highly likely option considering the lack of sleep and the traumatising events from the previous day, accompanied by more pain flaring up in his stomach at that very moment. His throat still felt sore, and a single hot tear dropped onto the notebook in his hands.

"A-a qu-quirkl-less u-usele-ess no o-one b-becoming a h-hero? What a j-joke," he muttered to himself. God, he was pathetic. Don't cry you useless crybaby, he continued to scold himself, sniffling, watching more drops stain the paper. And there he thought he had no tears left to cry.

Why did it have to be this way? It wasn't fair. What did he do to deserve this?

Another sob shook him, causing him to choke. It was getting hard to breathe, but the sobs weren't the issue. Something… Something was wrong. With him. His stomach turned and he retched, he couldn't breathe anymore, he was suffocating, the slabs under his feet blurred-

The notebook crashed into the floor with an audible thud. Izuku was on all fours, trying to catch a breath but his body wouldn't let him, black dots danced across his vision. White noise filled his ears- Until the few bites of dinner he had managed to gulp down splattered across the ground.

He couldn't see. Couldn't hear. He was shaking, all strength was leaving his body, Izuku shrunk and something warm appeared on his back, then…

Nothing.