I'm not entirely sure anyone is interested in the second part of this story, since the first part got no love, but I am posting for my friend because she does want to read it!
If anyone else does enjoy it, please please let me know by leaving a review.
Thank you!
Chapter Two
Just a couple of hours later, Emma woke with a sudden start from another bad dream, breathing heavily with the panic of disorientation. Her eyes cast around the room, grateful for the limited light coming through a gap in the curtains that allowed her to at least see a little. And as her eyes fell upon the man lying beside her, she inhaled deeply, remembering where she was. In a hotel room in New York, with Killian. Being in New York would explain the light visible through the curtains, the city never truly got dark.
Rolling carefully from his embrace onto her back, she thumped the mattress softly. "Damn it!" she hissed. She had been so sure that she would have put the nightmares behind her now, the nightmares that had plagued her sleep for the last few weeks. They were always the same, of someone she loved dying; her parents or Henry, but most often it was Killian. Usually it was by her own hand, sometimes there was some other force that she couldn't prevent that killed them, like the dream she'd had about her mother in the Underworld. And sometimes one of her loved ones would just drop dead in front of her and she could do nothing to save them. In some dreams angry words accompanied their death and in others they parted with loving whispers. But more often than not her dreams forced her to relive that horrendous night where she'd had no choice but to impale Killian with Excalibur and he had died in her arms.
Surely, surely she should have been able to sleep peacefully tonight, even have pleasant dreams now that he was here, sleeping safely beside her, alive and whole once again. She lay quietly, just watching him so relaxed in his sleep with no worry lines or any sign of tension, just peaceful with a soft smile on his lips. He meant so much to her, more than she may like to admit these days. He wasn't merely her, not boyfriend - that term couldn't begin to convey what he meant to her, he was her partner, her lover and also her best friend. He was home to her, her family and her comfort and he was hers, her true love and, oh God she felt completely unworthy of him or his love.
She didn't deserve him, not after what she'd done to him.
And then the tears that she hadn't noticed falling silently down her face became sobs and she turned away from him, burying her face in the pillow, not wanting to wake him. Only now that the floodgates had opened, she couldn't stop, she just felt so overwhelmed with everything. Her love for him, knowing how much he loved her. Her relief and gratitude to have him back and right now, completely overcome with guilt.
She didn't realise she was gasping for breath, almost choking on her own sobs until a pair of arms curled around her and turned her onto her back. "Swan?" Killian was hovering over her, panic etched on his face. "Emma, what's wrong?" he asked, urgently. "Okay, breathe, love, just breathe," he whispered, realising what was happening, as he brushed her hair from her face and simply held her, whispering softly to her, calming her down.
With his reassurance she managed to get her breathing under control long before her sobs subsided which is when she turned in his arms and clung tightly to him. "Emma, please tell me what's wrong," he whispered against the top of her head. She just shook her head, unable to speak yet, so he just held her, running his fingers gently through her hair and telling her it was okay, that she was safe, he was here.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she eventually whispered.
"What in the devil do you have to apologise for, Swan?" he asked incredulously, resting his chin atop of her head.
"I'm sorry. Your brother, he was right," she sniffed loudly.
"My brother?" he frowned. "I don't...Emma, what are you talking about?" He moved his head to see her face.
She took in a shaky breath as she attempted to clean herself up a bit, feeling as though she was nothing but a mess of snot and tears.
"Hold on," he gently moved her from him and slipped from the bed, returning a moment later with the box of tissues from the bathroom and her bottle of water.
"Thanks," she mumbled and blew her nose, took a sip of water and then tried to mop up her still falling tears.
Killian switched on one of the small lamps on the bedside as he slipped back into bed. He adjusted the pillows behind him and sat against the headboard before pulling her into his arms. "What were you saying about my brother?" he asked her.
She looked up at him as another tear fell. "He...he said I was selfish and he was right. I am."
"When did he say that?" he asked, looking somewhat riled. He loved his brother, he always would, but after meeting up with him again in the Underworld and learning the truth about what he'd done, the unhealthy hero worship he'd held for him was all but gone.
"When we were at the loft," she paused to wipe her eyes again. "I went upstairs to look for the damn storybook and he followed me up, asked if he could have a word. I thought he was just being a protective big brother, coming to find out if I was good enough for you."
"I knew something had occurred then. What did he say?" he asked, warily.
"He told me that what I did was selfish. That I should have let you go. And he was right, I was selfish. What I did to you..." she faded off and shook her head as more tears fell.
"Emma," he whispered her name and gathered her tightly in his arms, "you are anything but selfish." He softly kissed her forehead.
She shook her head, disagreeing with him. "I was. I wasn't really thinking about you or what you wanted. I totally ignored you begging me, telling me you didn't want to become that, that you didn't think you could beat it and...I just did what I wanted to anyway. I am so sorry," she whispered her last sentence as another tear trickled from her eye.
"I know, but you were just trying to save my life," he said softly as he tucked her head beneath his chin.
"Yes, for selfish reasons. All I knew was that you kept telling me it was okay and I had to let you go. But, there was nothing okay about it, you were dying, I was going to lose you and I just, I couldn't. You said you'd be happy just knowing I would have a future, but there would have been no future for me, not without you a part of it. I turned you into a fucking dark one, just because I was so damn terrified of living my life without you. And that wasn't fair of me, you didn't want that," she shook her head regretfully.
"So, even though you knew that saving me would mean you'd take that final step into the darkness, the thought of living without me was more terrifying to you than living with that?" he asked her slightly awed.
She nodded and sniffed. "Of course. I didn't want to lose you."
"Emma," he sighed her name softly as he kissed the top of her head. "I can understand that. I mean, had the roles been reversed and I was about to lose you, I suspect I would do anything to save you too."
"No, you wouldn't," she said confidently. "Because even if it hurts you, you always put what I want or need above yourself, you have always put me first. And I am so sorry that I didn't do the same for you. I didn't listen to what you wanted because I was being selfish."
"Then, maybe at some point I will need to be selfish too. I don't want to live without you either. But you, my love, are not selfish," he said, his voice firm and indignant. "You are the most selfless person I know. You fight daily for other people, for their happiness, to keep others safe and that's not the action of a selfish person. Liam didn't know you as I do, but he eventually realised he was wrong about you. That's why, before he moved on, he asked me to tell you he was sorry and that he was wrong. He knew you really did want what's best for me."
"Even still, his understanding doesn't change the fact that I ignored what you wanted."
"Then what about my understanding?" he said more forcefully, desperate for her to understand. "You were afraid and distressed and you had minutes to make a decision. I think we both know if you hadn't done what you did, then I wouldn't be here right now. I'd be in that grave."
"And of course I am so incredibly grateful that things worked out the way they did. Having you back here, beside me, is a blessing I am never going to stop being thankful for. But, maybe if I had let you go, then I could have done the heart split with you, right then, in Camelot, instead of forcing you to struggle as the Dark One. It might have worked, if only-"
"Emma," he cut her off with a gentle whisper of her name, "you can drive yourself crazy with what you should have or could have done, but maybe you should try forgiving yourself instead?"
"But, can you forgive me?" she asked, shifting her head to look up at him. That was more important to her right now.
He shook his head."There's nothing to forgive, love. No, listen to me," he held up his hand to stop her when he saw she was about to disagree with him. "If we had known at the start of this what was going to happen in the end, that even through all the pain and the dark struggle, we would both get to the other side eventually, alive and free of the darkness, then I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I told you, I will never stop fighting for us."
"I don't deserve you," she whimpered and lay her head back on his shoulder, wiping at a fresh round of tears.
He snorted to himself and ran his hand up and down her arm. "You have that backwards, Swan, it is I who doesn't deserve you," he murmured and with his thumb and forefinger under her chin he tipped her head back a little and kissed her softly before she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.
"Maybe we deserve each other," she said on a choke of strained laughter.
"Perhaps you're right, Swan," he turned his head and kissed her temple. "Although whilst we're confessing feelings of guilt, I wanted to apologise for the things I did to you and the things I said to you as a dark one. I...I-"
"Killian, don't," she pulled away and put her fingers against his lips to shush him. "It's fine. I know, you were upset with me, angry with me because you felt I had betrayed you. And, technically I did, numerous times. I made you become a Dark One against your wishes, I lied to you about Excalibur and I took your memories from you. In my mind, without my conscience and my morals, I thought I was doing those things to help you. But, you had every right to be angry and upset with me. I hurt you."
"I still had no right to be so bloody cruel to you though. What I said-"
"Were the twisted words of a man consumed in a darkness provoked rage." She cut him off. "That wasn't the real you, it wasn't the man I know and love. That was the darkness controlling you, it heightens the very worst parts of you. I know that, I lived with it too."
"The worst part of yourself was to love me so much you couldn't bare to lose me? Hardly makes you a monster, Swan."
"No," she turned in the bed until she sat facing him, "the worst part of me was thinking I had to do it all alone, not trusting anyone and pushing away the people who care for me. I might only have given into the darkness out of love, but I was still rather monstrous. I ripped out a child's heart to hurt my own son. I was cruel to everyone and all I saw was what I wanted, to get the darkness out of both of us and I didn't really care how I did that. I was literally planning to murder someone else to get what I wanted."
"Fair enough, you were evil too. But even still," he looked away, as though ashamed by even the memory of what he'd said, "you do know that I never meant any of those things I said to you? I was hurt and angry and..."
"And manipulated by the darkness. I know," she nodded in understanding as she took his hand in hers. "I know that you never meant any of what you said, or that my Killian would never have said those things to me, the darkness used the hurt and anger you felt towards me and twisted it. They couldn't allow you to love me, love is hope and they couldn't have complete control over you if you still had hope. They needed that control to get what they wanted, lied to you about what you wanted and..."
"My bloody revenge!" he almost spat the word, disgusted with himself.
"Yes, they made you believe that was the only thing you cared about. But I know better, I know that your love for me was stronger than any control they had over you. That's why, when you saw what Nimue was doing to me, you snapped out of it and you were able to do the right thing in the end. Killian." She got up on her knees next to him and tugged at his hand as she urged him to look at her, "I know you've been angry with yourself, thinking you were weak for giving into the darkness so quickly, but you were actually the strongest, bravest man I have ever known." She smiled at him reverently.
He gave her a look of bemusement. "How the hell do you come to that conclusion, Swan?" He shook his head in disbelief.
She snorted and turned her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. "I'm not just saying that because I love you or anything, I'm saying that because it's true. You did something no Dark One in history has ever done, you broke through their control and you mentally held back all their power as you willingly sacrificed yourself to save us all. And even then, all you cared about was trying to comfort me," she said softly as she snuggled back down beside him, wrapping her arms around him as he draped his left arm around her shoulders.
He sighed deeply. "How can you be so forgiving of me and not of yourself?"
She shrugged and kissed him under his chin. "I could ask you the same question? I suppose forgiving yourself really is harder than forgiving someone you love," she realised. "Maybe that's something we can help each other with? Because I'm not there yet. I am aware that this whole mess was my fault from the beginning. I should have listened to you and never touched that damn dagger to start with, never willingly tethered myself to the darkness. You begged me not to and I just went ahead and did it."
"You thought you were doing the right thing."
"I was just being the God damn Saviour yet again. It wasn't just Regina's happiness I was saving, because I know that thing would have progressed through everyone in town, snuffing out all of the light if it wasn't tethered to someone. I was fighting for everyone's happy endings," she huffed.
He dipped his head slightly and kissed her forehead. "That's what you do, love. Being the Saviour is a part of who you are."
"Yeah, I know. But, maybe it's time I started fighting for my own damn happy ending just as hard as I do for everyone else."
"Your happy ending?" he asked uneasily as he pulled back slightly, fixing her with an intense gaze. "You...you know what that is?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but his tone told her he was anxious about her answer.
"Yes." She smiled at him before looking down at their joined hands and squeezed his fingers. "I finally worked it out, but you don't have to worry," she told him, stroking his cheek with her other hand. "It's the same as yours."
"The same as mine?" he asked with a furrowed brow.
"Well, unless yours has changed?" she wondered as she reached out to smooth the wrinkles above his nose with her finger, a little worried he might not want the same thing anymore. "You told me, you said that I was your happy ending."
"Aye," he nodded and brought their joint hands to his lips to kiss the back of hers, "that you are, love. So, you are your own happy ending?" he asked, his lips twitching with a hint of a smile.
"Idiot!" she laughed and back handed him playfully. "I mean you, you're my happy ending," she said softly and snuggled back into him. "You're the most important part of my life," she added in barely more than a whisper.
"What?" he asked, an eyebrow shooting up as he froze beside her. "Me? But...your parents? Your lad? Most important? Me?" He seemed completely dumbfounded by her profound statement and so shocked that he was unable to form complete sentences.
"Yes, you," she said tenderly, toying with the rings on his hand and placing a firm kiss on his neck. "Of course my parents and Henry are extremely important to me too, they're the family I never expected to find. But you, you're the only person in my life who chose me and who ever came back for me, repeatedly. You're the part of my family that I chose." Emma lay her head back on his shoulder with a shy, almost bashful smile on her face, still a little insecure about sharing her innermost feelings.
Killian brushed her hair from her face and gazed at her in awe. When she glanced up at him, their eyes met in an intense gaze and before she knew it, he had swooped in, claiming her mouth in a deep, heady kiss that went on and on, only pulling apart eventually to gasp for breath. They slid down together under the quilt again, heads resting on the same pillow as they smiled at one another before they resumed kissing, a kiss that was becoming increasingly hungry whilst their naked limbs became entwined with each other. As they moved around the bed, her thigh slid between his where she felt the solid length of him.
"Well, hello there," she muttered with a grin as her hand ran down over his firm belly, following the treasure trail of hair down to cup him between his legs. His body tensed when she stroked the back of hers fingers along his erection and then, as she curled her fingers around him, his hips instinctively arched into her touch.
"Bloody hell, Swan," he groaned.
She smirked to herself before kissing him again and then tightened her hold just a little, moving her hand up and down as her thumb brushed across the tip.
"Emma..." he gasped and put his hand over hers, stilling her movements. "It's...it's late. We, we…need to…sleep!" he said half heartedly as his eyes closed in pleasure.
"I know," she whispered and kissed along his jaw a few times. "But I also know how you react whenever I do this, so I'm sure this won't take long," she added just before wriggling down and disappearing beneath the quilt.
"Fucking hell, Swan!" he practically growled when her mouth touched him.
Turns out, things took a little longer than she had planned when Killian decided that he would much rather share the pleasure with her and urged her upwards to sit astride his lap until he was buried deep inside her once more. The pair of them made love briskly until they both achieved a mutual release and finally fell back to sleep in one another's arms.
"Emma...Emma, love?" A voice spoke close to her ear and Emma groaned as she buried her face into the pillow, not appreciating the intrusion on her sleep. "Swan?" The voice spoke again and then warm, soft lips brushed against her forehead and she cracked an eye open.
She found Killian perched on the bed beside her, giving her a gentle smile and although it was a most appreciative sight to wake up to, she still groaned and closed her eyes again.
Killian chuckled and brushed the hair from her face. "I am loath to wake you when you were peacefully sleeping, but..."
"Then don't," she mumbled grumpily and pulled the quilt up, burrowing into it.
"My apologies, love, but it is seven am already and you did advise us all to meet in half an hour. I let you sleep as long as I could."
She sighed and stretched slightly, rolling onto her back before opening her eyes again. "Aaw, you're already dressed," she pouted at the sight of him.
"Aye," he chuckled, guessing where her mind was heading. "I awoke a half hour ago, washed and dressed. So, it's your turn now," he encouraged as he placed another kiss on top of her head. As he settled on the bed beside her and leant back against the headboard, she rolled over, trapping him beneath her as she lay her head on his belly. "Emma, come on love," he protested. "Time to get up."
"Just two minutes," she begged and wrapped her arm around his hips.
"Two minutes," he agreed as he ran his fingers through her tousled blonde locks.
"Do you think they'll miss us if we just stay here?" she asked him after a few moments of peaceful silence.
"Aye love. I am afraid so," he chuckled softly. "Especially as you'll be the one ferrying half of us home today."
She groaned miserably and still made no effort to move from the bed.
"You don't want to go home?" he asked, apprehension in his voice.
"It's not about running," she assured him, "or even wanting to stay in the city particularly. And I do want to go home, I just...I need a vacation or something," she sighed, turning her face and pressing it against his belly, scratching her nose on his shirt. "There's always something with that damn town and I'm tired," she admitted. "We never get much time alone there, here we can just hide away."
"Well, I can understand that, love, or at least most of it. What's a vacation?" he asked, curiously as he continued to toy with her hair.
"You know, when you go stay somewhere else for a few days, visit a different city or even another country. Somewhere you can get away from everything and have a break from normal life. Do nothing but relax and have fun," she explained her idea of a vacation to him.
"Sounds like heaven," he murmured.
"Yeah, but there's not much chance of that happening any time soon. Something else will be coming to Storybrooke, I just know it," she said irritably.
"And when it does, we'll face it the way we do everything else; together," he smiled down at where she rested on him. "And as soon as the town is peaceful, I'll take you away for one of these vacations."
"Really?" she lifted her head and looked up at him with hope in her eyes. "You will?"
"Aye. Myself and the Jolly Roger will take you wherever you should wish to go."
"I'll hold you to that," she smiled.
"Good, it's a promise. Now, are you getting up, love? Because you only have about 20 minutes to get ready now."
She groaned and sat up, rubbing her face with her hand before flinging the quilt back. "Fine," she huffed. "Why the hell didn't I suggest a more civilized hour to meet for breakfast, like nine am?" she grumbled as she climbed from the bed and stumbled into the bathroom, leaving Killian chuckling at her.
By the time she came out of the bathroom, naked and her skin still damp from the shower, Killian was sat upon the bed putting his boots back on. "You know that I appreciate the view, love, but you may well receive some unsavoury attention if you go out like that," he teased her.
"Shut it!" she grumbled, grabbing her jumbled mess of clothes from where she'd dumped them last night and sat on the bed to get dressed. "And you can quit staring, you've seen all this before a dozen times or more," she rolled her eyes as she stepped into her underwear.
"Doesn't mean a man can't admire a fine piece of art whenever it's in front of him," he said suggestively whilst his eyes roamed from her toes up to her eyes and back down again.
She sighed and gave him a look of exasperation before pulling her socks on. "You are so full of it," she sniffed and he chuckled.
"And you love me for it," he said with a wink just before she caught him struggle to stifle a yawn behind his hand.
"I'm sorry I woke you up last night," she apologised, rubbing his knee tenderly.
"Don't concern yourself about it, love," he patted her hand still resting on his knee and then curled his fingers around hers. "I think it was obvious that our talk was necessary after everything that's happened in the last couple of months. It's wise not to let things fester between us and probably prudent to do so when there was little chance of us being disturbed. Besides," he paused, a saucy little grin grew on his face, "I certainly have no complaints over the enjoyable way we ended things," he quipped with a playful flash of his expressive eyebrows.
Emma looked up at him through her eyelashes and blushed a little, which was ridiculous after everything they'd done together. "Yeah," she sighed, "I have no complaints over that part, either," she smiled at him and then leant over to kiss his cheek before standing to pull her jeans up and fasten them.
"Just out of curiosity, what was it that woke you?"
She sighed and pulled her sweater over her head slowly to avoid looking at him for a moment. "Just...had a bad dream," she muttered eventually.
"About what?" he asked, pulling her against him.
"Doesn't matter," she shook him off her and went to sit at the desk in front of the mirror, untying her hair from the messy knot she'd worn in the shower and attempted to sort it out.
"Emma," he said, knowing she was keeping something from him.
She sighed again and looked at his reflection in the mirror. "You," she answered simply. "I...it was that night again, by the lake," she explained vaguely, hoping he'd get what she meant without having to explain further. Judging by the look he gave her, he understood. "I, erm, I've had the same dream or a variation of it ever since that night, one of the reasons I've barely slept in the past few weeks. I mean, sometimes I dream of my parents or Henry, but usually it's you that...dies," she whispered the last word and turned in her chair to look at him sadly.
His blue eyes met hers holding a look of torment and remorse. "Oh, Emma," he murmured softly as he got up and moved towards her. Standing behind the chair, he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so sorry, love." He kissed the top of her head.
"Not your fault, not really. Although I thought they'd stop now that you're back, but..." she shrugged one shoulder and returned to trying to tidy her hair. "Should have bought a damn hairbrush," she mumbled to herself as she combed her fingers through it and then tied it back into a ponytail. "That'll have to do," she grimaced at herself.
"Do you want to talk about the dreams or..." he faded off, not really knowing what to say.
"Actually," she inhaled deeply before she looked up at him, not sure of his reaction to what she was about to suggest. "I was just thinking about everything when I was in the bathroom. I think when we get home, providing there's no new immediate crisis to deal with of course, but I think we should make an appointment with Archie."
"The cricket?" he asked, one eyebrow flicking up in surprise.
She nodded. "We can go together or separately if you prefer. But, we have both been through a rough time lately and...it might be good to talk to him, it might help."
"Well," he sighed, looking a little uncomfortable with the idea. "I suppose if you think it would help, I'll go talk with him if that's what you want, Swan."
"Thank you," she gave him a smile and kissed his hand that was on her shoulder. "Right, we should be going." She got up and began to gather their meagre belongings together.
Killian pulled his jacket on and she noticed him slip his hook into his pocket. He was wearing his wrist brace though, which wasn't a surprise - she was quite confident that she was the only person who ever saw him without it.
"Ready, Swan?" he asked, heading for the door as she drank the last of her water, tossed the bottle into the trash and donned her jacket.
She glanced around the room one last time to check she had everything before turning and giving him a huge smile as she stepped towards him. "Hmm, just one last thing," she said and stood on her tiptoes, framed his face in her hands and kissed him, almost tentative at first.
It took him all of a second to respond to her lips as his arms curled around her, fingers tangled in her ponytail as she pressed herself even closer to him. He tilted his head and deepened the kiss, becoming quite passionate and dangerous before he ended it and nestled his face against her neck as he hugged her tightly, both getting their breath back.
"What was that all about?" he asked as she pulled back and placed another chaste kiss against his soft lips before looking up at him and giving an almost bashful shrug.
"I wanted to kiss you, properly. So I was just taking advantage of the last moment of privacy we're likely to get for the rest of the day," she replied.
He gave her a wide grin, the one that lit up his entire face as he dipped his head to steal another soft, brief kiss. "I promise, we'll get more time alone soon, somehow."
"Well, you could always stay at my place tonight?" she suggested shyly and fiddled with fixing a button on his vest.
"Aye, I suppose I could."
Emma gave him a look of incredulity, not quite the reaction from him she had been expecting. "What? Do you need a formal invitation or something? Like..." she thought about it for a moment and then smiled to herself, "Emma Swan requests the company of Killian Jones in her bed tonight?"
"Well, when you put it like that and if the lady insists, who am I to turn down such an invitation? I would love to, Swan." His smile beamed at her.
"Good," she whispered and was back on her tiptoes to softly kiss his lips.
"But, for now, perhaps we should go?" He finally opened the door to their room and took her hand as they headed for the lobby together to meet friends and family and begin their journey home.
PLEASE leave me a review if you read. I am a paranoid soul and the lack of response to the first to the first chapter really knocked my confidence.
Thank you x