Warning: this is the longest disclaimer I've ever written, read at your own risk.
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So, before anything else, I want to clarify something: I posted and thought about doing this story before I read the final chapter (I know) I just saw some spoilers and decided I didn't really care anymore (and it was not even about the undeveloped pairings, I just didn't have the energy to read it and be disappointed again) so I didn't. But a few days later (after I posted the first chapter) I saw a few things on Twitter and thought: well, what the hell. So I read it. And made a huge mistake, obviously.
I'm not going to bore you with my opinions, and of course, you must have your own anyway, but for the next paragraph it may be preferable (if you, like me, didn't like the ending either) to watch a video that ultimately sums up every issue I had with it. Go check IDontKnowANYTHING's video on the matter if you like, I surely recommend it.
Now, about Radioactive: I was going to drop it (since I really can't take what happened as canon, because since it changed everything including the characters' motivations, then for me there was nothing worth it to write about anymore) BUT then I thought… well, this is fanfiction after all, right? And I've seen many fans come up with different endings of their own, so why should I sacrifice my understanding of these characters? It's not like Isayama cares who writes what online anyway…
But these characters do belong to him. So, with the disclaimer out of the way (and after so many boring sentences) I wanted to let you all know that I'm going to continue this new story. But it is not going to acknowledge the canon ending. I'm still deciding if I'm going to write one of my own, but that is still miles away. So, for now, know that Eren is in control of what he is doing, he is deciding consciously. Basically, ignore the final chapter (and previous one too, just in case)
That's all, now that I've shown you context let's get to the good part (or the interesting one at least)
Thank you all for reading and see you at the end!
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Kill. All. Titans.
That was what used to drive him, but he knows better now.
Because it's worse. Everything is so much worse… as complicated as it could ever get, and he just wants to close his eyes and disappear. No more memories from dead people, dead titans, dead family. No body, no mind, no soul, no attachments, no feelings.
Which hurts, because feeling the way he did… like he was ready to tear anything and everything apart, or cry. Most times both. It was like destroying himself, changing and changing until all that is left is a shell of what Eren used to be. A bug. A creature.
A monster.
And he knows it's inevitable. He knows, every time he looks in the mirror and sees his father, or a man with his same name (thief, disgusting scum, you have no identity, you are nothing, you don't exist) Knows when he feels himself forgetting, confusing his senses with the visions and spiraling until he falls asleep. Alone and terrified.
Even if Eren, Yeager, Eren Yeager, comes back to life sometimes (when he looks into Mikasa's eyes, or when he hears Armin laughing) all it takes is a blink, a shout, a thought, to make him go back to being inside the head of dead people. Eren is slipping away and he just can't take it anymore, he is-
The guard leaves the room without noticing him. Eren stares at her. Not Grisha, not Krueger, himself. Because he has seen her before… right? But before he could ask her anything she is gone.
He keeps walking and notices that the door is not closed, so he enters the room and walks down the stairs without understanding where the hell is he going until he is less than three feet away from the crystal.
She looks so young. Eren shakes his head, forgetting or avoiding or well aware that he is only seventeen years old. Still a teenager. But Annie looks, is, petrified; trapped in eternal youth. Her face is so pale, her hair is loose and she's still wearing her scout's uniform, and with no warning whatsoever Eren starts to sob.
He falls ungracefully to the ground and starts laughing, covering his mouth and waiting for the curse to swallow him whole, but the visions don't come. No sister, or dogs, or soldiers. He just sees Annie, with her eyes closed, somewhat resembling something peaceful. But he knows better. Used to know her better, at least.
Then again… those three words come back to him. Making him remember a time when that promise was all that really mattered to him.
When he enjoyed training, and learning, and laughing with his friends. When the hope he felt for the world wasn't naïve, and the anger Eren felts towards her consumed him completely. It used to be the most important thing in his life, her betrayal. Like Annie was the cause of all his problems. Humanity's doom and his mother's killer.
A smile of regret and nostalgia he never thought possible appears in his face at the indisputable irony, but he keeps staring at her. Wonders how bad the memories were for her as well, and if she can hear him, or at least feel him there. Will she remember him if she wakes up? Does it even matter?
He chuckles with no humor. Of course, it doesn't. Dinah appears in his mind again and Eren gets up. He hadn't thought about Annie in so long… that rage he fed upon once now almost unrecognizable to him.
What would you think of me if you saw me now, Annie? He stops himself before getting too close to her, not quite, dead body. Hands in his pockets just for precaution. Not that she would take it. Annie would probably throw him if he even slightly tried to enter her personal space.
He actually smiles at that, and realizes with surprise that he actually misses her.
Annie's face, her somber stare transforms into Krueger's as Eren leaves the room, closing the door behind him and entering the darkness that is humanity once again.
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Hope you enjoyed it! And one more thing I would like to clarify just in case: these chapters are not connected, but they do exist in the universe that has a different ending than the original.
Hope to hear from all of you, and thank you so much for taking the time to read, add this story to your favorites and leave a comment.
Virtual hugs,
-vigigraz