The night continued on a lighter note. After finishing her fourth drink, Olivia looked at the time. It was later than their usual Friday nights, but she was glad to have had so much fun with her friends.

"Well, that's it for me!" her squad whined, as they usually did when she prepared to leave. More often than not it was a polite whine, but she appreciated the fact that they liked their captain. "Gotta relieve the sitter." She gave her usual excuse.

She got up and grabbed her coat. She hesitated for a second. The night was going well and she (almost) managed to put aside her pain of the last ten years. Maybe it was the alcohol level in her, or what Fin said earlier at the bar, but when she turned to go to the exit, she passed the table slowly saying goodbye to everybody. When she was passing by Elliot, she put her hand on his forearm and quietly asked:

"Walk me out?" She looked up at him.

She knew he wanted to, but didn't know if he should ask, so she made the choice for him. She felt everybody look at them for a moment, but didn't care. Elliot stared back at her but didn't hesitate long.

"Sure."

She led the way, waving lightly at the group.

"Have a good night guys."

She heard the 'night captain's but she was more concentrated on what she wanted to say to Elliot.

Once outside, she walked a few steps away from the door and stopped where it was a bit darker on the sidewalk. Elliot followed her, curious and cautious, putting his own coat. She clearly wanted to say something to him, but was careful about her choice of words. He patiently waited. After a moment where he saw her struggle, he asked:

"Was this okay?" she looked up. "I mean, me coming tonight? I asked Fin like ten times to make sure you were okay with it…I didn't want to-"

"Of course," she cut him off. "It was fine." She smiled a little to make her point.

Elliot returned in patience mode, waiting for her to tell him what was on her mind. She sighed slightly and worked up the courage to finally speak her mind.

"Elliot…I know you know this is hard for me…you coming back like this." They both knew each other enough still to state the obvious. She had a hard time forgiving him for leaving, and he couldn't blame her. Even though he felt guilty about it, he knew that she was still hurting from his ten years silence.

"It's hard for me to listen to your Rome stories, what you have done in the last ten years, without being thrown in my own ten years, where I tried so hard to forget you…I tried so hard…" that made him sad. "and now you're back, and getting better after what happened…and I'm not sure how to feel anymore..."

She was unloading a lot at once, but even though it hurt him to hear her say those things, he needed to. If they were ever to move forward, they had to talk about this. He nodded but didn't say anything. A silence passed between them. Olivia frowned and looked like she held back tears. Elliot wanted to make it better, but didn't know how. Liv took a breath and continued.

"You know, the other day…when you said you were confused about things…."

Elliot stopped breathing for a short moment, waiting for the rest of her thought.

"I think I am too." She finished looking up tentatively at him.

Air stilled around them. Elliot didn't know exactly what she was saying…Olivia didn't want to say more because frankly she didn't know how she was supposed to feel. She knew she had a mix of emotions she couldn't tell apart sometimes and it freaked her out. She tried to explain.

"I'm so torn…one moment I'm so happy you're back, the next I'm hurting so much thinking about the last ten years…what we've missed, when I needed you the most and I knew I couldn't count on you…I'm angry you left without saying anything, but I'm glad you are alright and wasn't hurt during he bombing… and I feel guilty for thinking that when Kathy-" she stopped herself. She was so confused as to what to feel.

She was rambling, and as a reflex he took a step towards her to comfort her but she stepped back. He understood she needed her space. He was hurting too, seeing her like this, but he knew he deserved every reproach she had to give.

"I know, I'm sorry…" he said softly but sincerely.

They waited a moment.

"Tell me what to do?" he offered.

Elliot wanted so bad to patch things up with her. He would do anything for her, even if it meant to back off and give her time.

Liv looked at him, but she looked even more confused now. She actually had no clue what she needed from him. She hadn't thought that far yet. She studied his face, he seemed sincere and committed in wanting things to get better between them. She was glad.

"I'm not sure yet." He looked disappointed and sad. Elliot thought she was giving up on them. "Let me get back to you?" she offered.

It was an opening, a request for some time to come back to him with something they could work on. Together. He sighed in relief and smiled. She meant so much to him, he couldn't bear knowing there was just nothing they could do to repair the damage he caused to their relationship.

"Okay." He agreed.

They looked at each other for a long time, sealing their promise to try and rebuild their relationship. Olivia's eyes went from him face to his neck, his shoulder and his hand still at his side. She extended her own so that their fingers were slightly touching and took a half step closer to him. This was more intimate that the hand squeeze she had initiated at his work the other day. This felt more like a beginning, a hope for something more. Elliot squeezed her fingers more firmly to let her know he'll be there when she's ready. She looked back up at him and saw so much emotions in his eyes. In contrast of the last few weeks, she saw that the confusion that was there before was dissipating, little by little. He was clearer now on what he was feeling for her, and she hoped that she would be too, soon.

They smiled and Olivia let go to walk toward her apartment.

"Good night." She said as she was leaving.

He stood there, looking at her walking away.

"Good night Liv."

The way he said it sent goosebump on her skin. It felt as though they were going to be okay after all. Fin was right, they did have a choice in how they would move forward, and she intended for it to be towards the light.

Hope you enjoyed!
musical-Aven, May 2021