Sam's POV

Wow the Colonel is mad. Not sure I've seen him this angry before and I'm rapidly heading in the same direction myself. I've spent the last 2 hours sitting in a room on my own after being told that the women on this planet aren't allowed to wander around freely unless they belong to a man, something Daniel neglected to mention. In fairness to him I don't think he actually knew, but the Colonel, well let's just say it sucks to be Daniel right now. I know he's working hard to negotiate my release which I doubt is particularly easy as I imagine Jack would quite happily shoot his way out if needed. Having let the boredom really kick in a while ago I jump in shock when the door finally swings open again.

"Carter, you okay?" he asks, striding in and sitting down heavily next to me, I'm pretty sure he isn't bringing good news.

"Aside from being completely bored Sir, I'm fine. Has Daniel managed to sort this mess out yet?" I ask hopefully.

"Yes and no" he replies tersely standing back up. "This one is going to take some believing"

"What's going on Sir?" He runs his hands through his short hair and for a moment I forget the situation we're currently in.

"I'll tell you about it over some tasty MRE's" he replies with a half hearted smile.

Oh crap I mutter to myself before following him out of the room.

"Sam, I'm really sorry. I promise I had no idea" pleaded Daniel the moment I saw him. I briefly contemplated making him suffer but I suspect the Colonel has already done that so instead I promise I'm not mad and yes he will be making the coffee for the foreseeable future.

"Have you told her yet?" he asks Jack hopefully and I get the sneaking suspicion I'm not going to like what I hear next.

"Nope"

"I thought you were going to tell her?" replies Daniel, starting to look more and more panicked.

"This is all you Danny boy" replies Jack without a hint of humour in his voice.

"Well Daniel, what's going on?" my patience certainly goes a lot further than the Colonel's but even I'm reaching my limit.

"Well, you know how women here need to belong to a man?"

"Yes Daniel, I'm well aware of that fact now"

"Well"

"Daniel" I growl, suddenly getting a rather unsettling idea about where this might be heading.

"They believe you and Jack belong together and if you don't get married you can't leave" he rushed out before taking a few steps back from me.

"I'm sorry, what now?"

"You must wed Colonel O'Neill Major Carter" pipes up Teal'c in an effort to be helpful.

"Yes thank you Teal'c, I gathered that. Why the hell haven't you got us out of this Daniel?" I yell, my patience well and truly at it's limit. "You know forwell I can't marry the Colonel, this is ridiculous"

Jack's POV

I know I can't punch the crap out of another soldier but I'm pretty sure I can get away with wringing Daniel's neck. Although after this it probably won't matter what I do. The minute we entered the village something didn't feel right but instead of trusting my instincts I let Daniel convince me nothing was wrong. Approximately 20 minutes later Carter has been taken away and I'm trying my best not to shoot someone. Apparently Daniel failed to mention that women are forbidden from being seen in public unless they belong to a man. Now I'm sitting listening to him trying to negotiate Carter's release whilst the village leader tries to explain that that won't happen unless Carter gets married. At this point Daniel turns slowly round to look at me and I know exactly what he's about to say.

"Over my dead body Daniel" I growl.

"Come on Jack, it's not that big a deal" he begs, both of us knowing just how this is going to go. Before I completely lose my temper and shoot Daniel and the leader, I excuse myself to go and find Carter, having resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to have to do what they say. I'll do pretty much anything to guarantee the safety of my team and when it comes to her, well there pretty much isn't anything I wouldn't do.

"You okay?" I ask, sitting down beside her. I immediately know she can tell something is up but I decide Daniel can take the heat and tell her himself. Running my hand through my hair I momentarily allow myself to wonder what it would be like to be married to Carter and then I remember how much trouble we'd be in. Smiling at her, I tell her we'll talk about it over some food and motion for her to follow me.

Unsurprisingly, Daniel starts grovelling the moment he spots Sam and, to her credit, she doesn't give him much of a hard time although I suspect when she finds out the situation we're about to face that might change.

"Have you told her?"

"Nope" I reply to Daniel, instantly watching his expression change. I'm definitely going to enjoy this conversation I think to myself smugly. Watching Daniel try and explain the situation to Carter definitely cheered me up and when Teal'c decided to help well I nearly snorted on my coffee.

"Carter, I'm sure this won't be legal on Earth, it's just to keep the peace" I tell her, realising that she's as well and truly pissed off as I am now.

"With all due respect Sir, that's not the point" she replies angrily, "how can you not be mad about this as well?" I debate whether or not to try and calm her down or simply use the opportunity to vent myself because of course I'm mad. This could have serious implications on both our careers but I can't deny that a little part of me would be happy to say I was married to her, even if it wasn't legal on Earth and basically didn't count. When she starts ranting about having rights and that Daniel should never have agreed to anything I decide it's best to start agreeing. That's what good husbands do right?

Sam's POV

I can't believe the Colonel isn't as angry as I am. When Daniel told me we needed to get married I literally thought it was just a bad dream but when the Colonel stepped in and told me it was merely to keep the peace, well, I'm pretty impressed with the level of restraint I demonstrated. Leaving the others alone I headed to the small room off to the side of the one we were in. I'm guessing part of the deal agreed means that we can't leave until this shit show is over.

Never did I think I'd have to marry someone just to be allowed my freedom and I certainly never anticipated it would be him. I'm not going to lie, he's definitely featured in a few dreams I've had about my future and I'd be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for him but a fake marriage off-world is not top of my list. I catch him hovering by the door out of the corner of my eye, I guess we should probably talk about this.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Sure"

He sits down on the bed next to me and we sit in silence for a few minutes before he finally says something. "I'll find a way out of this if that's what you want?"

I study his face, I can see his concern for my feelings and for a moment I consider flinging myself at him, since we're screwed anyway and all that.

"It's okay," I reply, managing to control myself. "When is this all supposed to happen then?"

"Tomorrow and then I told Daniel we're leaving"

"I bet he was very pleased to hear that," I say with a small smile.

"Well it's better than me beating his ass" he tells me with a smirk, "I really am sorry Carter, I can't imagine your idea of marriage was to an idiot like me"

"It's not your fault Sir" I reply, instantly feeling sorry for him. It's only then I realise that he's doing this all for me and I can feel myself beginning to blush. Thankfully he senses my discomfort and excuses himself, leaving me to contemplate what's to come.

Okay so that was a little crazy, the Colonel and I did the little ceremony thing and got married but then things went a little bit strange. I think I drank something that might have contained alcohol, yeah that's definitely it. Anyway, my head is pounding and the room won't stop spinning so I'm going to lay back down where it's nice and warm…

Jack's POV

Shit, I'm in bed with Carter.

What the hell do I do?

Christ what the hell did we drink? Man my head is pounding, when I find Daniel I am so going to make him pay for this. We got married and it was all fine and then suddenly we're offered some weird drink and Carter just went, well crazy. At first I didn't really know what to do but when the villagers started giving me funny looks that suggested we hadn't taken the whole situation as seriously as they would have liked, I thought I'd better save Carter from herself. Now she's lying next to me and yep, goddammit, I'm naked.

I'm totally going to hell.

Slowly I try to extricate myself from the bed, it's definitely daylight outside so at least I can use that as an excuse if she wakes up. I don't dare look to see if Carter's naked, the thought alone sends blood to all the wrong places. I think I'm clear when she suddenly rolls over, grabs my leg and sends me sprawling across the floor, naked.

"Oh my god, Sir!"

"Oh my god, Carter!" I yell back, frantically looking for anything that might preserve what little modesty I have left. Thankfully she takes pity on me, although not that much, and chucks a pillow in my general direction.

"Why are we naked?" she asks, pulling the bedsheet up as far as she can.

"I'd love to know the answer to that myself Carter but I'm having a hard time remembering what happened last night" It's a pathetic reply but in my defence it's the best I have. I decide not to mention how inebriated she was but since we're both naked, I'm guessing I swiftly followed.

"Why don't we find Daniel and Teal'c, maybe they will know?" she suggests hopefully. I love her optimism but Daniel is unlikely to remember his name if he went anywhere near what we were drinking but I agree with her anyway as Teal'c is much more likely to be able to shed some light on the situation.

"I'll, um go and get dressed in the bathroom" She nods, carefully looking round the room for her clothes whilst I grab what I hope is mine and make a swift dash to the relative safety of a separate room.

When I come out a few minutes later, she's dressed as well and to her credit, looks a lot more composed than I still feel.

"Let's talk to Daniel and Teal'c and find out what the hell happened" I suggest heading for the door. Both Daniel and Teal'c are sitting in the shared room outside of ours, Daniel looks like shit so I doubt he'll be any use so I head straight to Teal'c.

"T buddy, please tell me you know what the hell happened last night?"

"I do O'Neill"

"Well can you tell me then?" I ask, slightly annoyed that I'm having to prise the details from him.

"Yourself, Major Carter and Doctor Jackson became inebriated after consuming the liquid offered in celebration of your marriage. I took Daniel Jackson to his bed before returning to help yourself and Major Carter" he replies and I sense that's not the end of it.

"Daniel Jackson suggested you would both be more comfortable if you slept without your clothes" At this point, Carter lets out a string of expletives before marching over to Daniel who by this point has remembered his comments and lunges towards Teal'c in an effort to save his ass.

"Sir, permission to shoot Daniel?" asks Sam and, for a moment, I'm tempted to let her but we both know Daniel can't handle anything stronger than a soda so I tell him to get us the hell out of here.

"Carter, you okay?" I ask once we're packed up and ready to head back to the gate. "If you want to talk about last night?" I'm trying to be respectful but a big part of me wants to scream from the rooftops that we're married, as unprofessional as that might be. I wouldn't care if we stayed married but I'm not sure she's with me on that one.

"Actually Sir, can we talk about this when we get home?" I simply nod in response, too shocked to actually formulate a coherent response.