Chapter 2
Hermione Granger was many things, but patient was not one of them. Today, she had arrived at the library early to study (though most people would say she didn't need to, which was simply preposterous), and to help Ginny with homework, which apparently seemed to run in the Weasley family.
She was currently seated at her favorite spot in the library, the one furthest from the entrance where no one would bother her, and the library itself was thankfully empty at the moment. Ginny was late for their study session, and Hermione was beginning to think she had forgotten about it, but went back to studying in the hopes her red-haired friend would arrive soon.
No matter how much she tried concentrating though, her mind kept wandering back to a certain infuriating ginger boy that insisted on plaguing her thoughts as of late.
For a while now, Hermione was aware that she was infatuated with her best friend, Ron Weasley.
The first signs were during her second year when Malfoy called her a mudblood and Ron jumped in to hex him, which he would've done had his wand not backfired on him. Despite that, Hermione felt touched by Ron wanting to protect her, and that idea made her feel things she didn't entirely comprehend at the time. She knew even then that had it been Harry, those feelings would not have been the same.
From then on, Ron would continue to prove to her that what she felt towards him was different. Everytime Ron did something for her, like when he stood up for her in third year after Snape called her a know-it-all, Hermione imagined the same scenario playing out with Harry instead, and everytime that euphoria just wasn't there. She even remembered feeling excited at the prospect of spending an entire Hogsmeade trip with just Ron, then immediately feeling guilty for being happy that Harry had been left out. It wasn't that Hermione didn't care for Harry just as much as she did for Ron, but Harry was simply like a brother to her and, likewise, she was sure Harry viewed her as a sister, regardless of whatever mindless drivel that wretched, repugnant, heinous excuse for a reporter spewed into her disgusting, detestable articles. Merlin, she hated that woman!.
Hermione still remembered the moment she was hit with the realization of her attraction towards Ron in full. It was sometime after the trip to Hogsmeade, when the three of them were in the common room doing homework. Hermione was sitting between both boys, and she noticed Ron had sat closer to her than usual, though she decided not to point out that fact in fear he would get self-conscious about it and move away (she didn't mind the proximity, after all). She was in the middle of her "insert-Harry-here" scenario, when Ron's elbow bumped into hers, sending her back to reality. She immediately blushed and attempted to go back to her essay, though she only managed to stare at it as if she were interrogating her paper. She couldn't help glancing at Ron to check his reaction.
That was when she looked at him, as in, really looked at him.
She noticed the way his hair stuck out at odd angles, creating a messy arrangement of flaming red that she wanted to run her hands through and feel it slide perfectly between her fingers; the pattern of freckles spattered across his face creating a constellation-like mosaic on his complexion that she wanted to take a closer look at and count one by one for hours on end. His blue eyes (Hermione couldn't tell the exact shade) resembled two small bluebell flames which seemed to be brimming with magic the longer she stared at them mesmerized; the subtle movement of his facial muscles as he concentrated on his essay, the furrow of his brow, the narrowing of his eyes which accentuated his beautiful golden lashes, and the pursing of his lips, lips she found herself wanting to know how they would feel against her own.
And that was the moment it hit her like a ton of bricks. Hermione Granger fancied Ron Weasley!
The suddenness of that conclusion was so overwhelming that she couldn't pretend to concentrate any longer, so she quickly gathered her things, muttered a goodnight to Ron and went up to her dorm room, wanting to put as much distance between them as possible.
From that day on, Hermione would continue noticing things about him, like how big yet gentle his hands were, how his freckles seemed to cover his arms just as beautifully as his face, leaving some parts of his skin looking almost tanned, or how he now stood a full head above her (and he showed no signs of his growth stopping anytime soon, a fact that left her with a weird fluttering sensation on the inside). Now, Hermione had a hard time keeping herself from staring at him so much, and she had caught herself a couple of times on the verge of straight up confessing to him.
That was when the logical part of her brain would come in and try to reason with her why she shouldn't be so impulsive with her emotions. For one thing, she still had no indication that Ron returned her feelings, and it wasn't worth taking a risk like that, potentially ruining their friendship or making things awkward between them, just so she could find out what Ron's lips tasted like. Oh, but the sweet temptation. For another, and this was the hard pill to swallow, Hermione had to concede the possibility that a guy like Ron would perhaps not be interested in a girl like her.
Hermione knew herself — she wasn't model material; she was plain, unremarkable, simple. Her hair was too bushy to be tamed in any way that could be considered eye-catching; her face was a little too thin to be called charming; her body shape was too slim to be regarded as attractive. She wasn't one to be superficial like this, but when analyzing the type of females that might hold Ron's attention, she needed to face the reality of it; she wasn't a Veela, and she wasn't Madame Rosmerta. She was just Hermione Granger.
But it wasn't just a matter of not being physically suited for Ron. Hermione was also well aware that she was a difficult person to deal with; she could be overbearing, nagging, and unbearable at times. She tended to be very stubborn, and hated being wrong most of all, which didn't make her the easiest person to debate with. She had a vicious temper that could dish out the nastiest retorts when she was hacked off (not counting those days, of course). She could go on, but as Ron had so bluntly put it back in their first year, Hermione Granger was a nightmare. Back then, she convinced herself that her tears were because Ron had insulted her and it had hurt, and that was part of it. However, she knew now what had stung most about his words.
The fact that he was right. Hermione was a nightmare. She had no friends growing up before Hogwarts, and even after coming to the magical world, she still struggled to form bonds, to interact with people in a way that wasn't completely off-putting. Even her dorm mates didn't seem to like her very much, so she was still an outcast. It was baffling that her two best friends even put up with her. They were everything she wasn't; they had fun, they were relaxed, easygoing, funny (especially Ron), likeable. It was clear that Harry favored Ron over her, and who could blame him?
Then, there was the matter of Ron himself. Hermione truly believed that he liked her, admired her even, cared for her genuinely. She just couldn't understand why that was. Honestly, Ron could be so infuriatingly confusing at times. One moment, he would be making her laugh and having fun, then later he'd snap at her and act all moody for no reason.
The Scabbers and Crookshanks incident stuck out in her mind. Even though they had already settled that matter and she had apologized for it, Hermione still didn't understand why that had upset Ron so much. Ron always complained about his poor old rat, then got devastated when it was gone. It didn't add up, and she spent the entirety of that situation confused, but most of all scared for the future of their friendship (she even cried over it to Hagrid, for Merlin's sake!). Hermione had wanted to apologize sooner, but after the disagreement she had had with both boys over the Firebolt — which was another thing that contributed to Ron being hacked off with her, adding to the stress she was already undergoing due to her bloated schedule — she was just too upset and felt ganged up in both situations, so she held on to her stupid sense of pride instead of just admitting that she was wrong to let Crookshanks run free, even if it turned out that Scabbers wasn't actually dead and Crookshanks was trying to help them. The point is, they didn't know that.
Reflecting back on it, Hermione realized she had been very insensitive to the whole issue, and that maybe had led Ron to believe she didn't care for him or what he had. But that was the biggest problem! Hermione just wasn't good at being sensitive — she was far too logical and prideful to deal with things on a deep emotional level. Ron was the complete opposite, as he was much more emotionally driven and didn't overthink things like her. Just more confirmation to herself that they weren't compatible at all.
Oh, but she certainly allowed herself to believe otherwise. It hadn't escaped her that Ron had given her signals, however mixed they were, that he could possibly feel the same for her.
He had stayed by her bed in the infirmary every night he could after her Polyjuice mishap in second year, and, as she had learned from Harry after the fact, Ron had done the same when she was petrified. There was that awkward handshake they shared in the Great Hall after they had hesitated on a hug (she had had no problem hugging Harry, though). Then, the way Ron kept glancing at her and blushing when she caught his gaze, smiling shyly at her, or how his hand kept brushing against hers as if debating if he should hold it during their trip to Hogsmeade. He had a general caring nature towards her, making sure she ate and didn't overwork herself (even when they were in the middle of their big fight in third year), as well as helping her relax and have fun. He helped her with the Buckbeak case, jumping in to her aid without hesitation despite her still not having apologized to him. He also demonstrated possible jealousy and annoyance over Hermione's admiration for Lockhart (what was she even thinking?!) and Cedric.
These were somewhat weak points, she could admit. The infirmary visits, and his caring nature, are a couple of things that could just be brushed aside as Ron just being Ron; selfless, protective, loyal. These were all characteristics that defined Ron's behaviour towards everyone he considered important. These were the things that attracted her to him beyond his superficial beauty. His behaviour in Hogsmeade and in the common room, that might have simply be due to Ron being a teenage boy, and as Hermione very well knew, teenage boys were attracted to any girl on a base level, so perhaps it wasn't so much Hermione that was causing this, as was simply the fact that she was a girl (though she still found it laughable that she would be attractive to any boy even on a superficial basis).
It was a constant battle with herself over this. Her emotions would argue one thing, clinging to what little hope she had of something more with Ron, and her mind would immediately attempt to shut it down. It was a defense mechanism; she was just too scared of the possibility of rejection and wanted to lessen those intense feelings to avoid a potential heartbreak.
And then, the Yule Ball was announced. That seemed like the perfect opportunity for Hermione to finally get confirmation of Ron's true feelings towards her. He would either ask her, which she told herself would only happen in her wildest dreams, or someone else, which would crush her inside before she eventually came to accept it.
Well, the Yule Ball was now almost here, and so far, Ron had not asked her or anyone else for that matter — not counting his invitation to Fleur under the influence of her Veela charm, something she knew he couldn't help, but left her feeling jealous all the same, which her mind once again reminded her was baseless considering their current relationship status. Hermione had asked Harry if Ron had said anything about the Ball, or if he had anyone in mind already. Harry would look at her with an odd expression, before shrugging and telling her he had no idea. She found his behaviour a tad suspicious, but otherwise didn't press further. So, Hermione had been left to merely speculate on Ron's behaviour.
For now, Hermione came up with three possibilities. First, Ron already had a specific someone in mind but was afraid of the possibility of rejection. Second, Ron was afraid of being ridiculed by his dress robes. She knew how much he loathed them, and he had whined about it whenever the Ball was mentioned. Third, it was merely a combination of the two previous ones; they weren't mutually exclusive, after all.
There was a fourth possibility, actually, but it was so ridiculous that Hermione felt dumb just entertaining the idea. However, maybe (and that was a very huge maybe), Ron did want to ask her, but was afraid of being rejected, ridiculed, or both. That would be a nice idea for her heart to cling to, if it wasn't for the fact that Ron had no reason to believe Hermione would reject him or ridicule him (she had told him she didn't find the dress robes that bad). She knew Ron didn't have a lot of confidence in himself, she had told Harry as much, but surely he knew that even if he wanted to go as just friends, she wouldn't shoot him down (the Ball didn't require the pair to be a romantic one). If Ron believed she wasn't available anymore, it'd make sense he'd be hesitant to risk it. But, again, he had no reason to believe anyone would be interested in asking her. Okay, to be fair, there was Viktor and he had already asked her three times, with her letting him down gently each time saying she wasn't sure she'd go. That'd been puzzling even to her; why was Viktor asking her when he had dozens of fangirls starving for his attention? They barely interacted; she just helped him with homework, therefore Ron had no basis for any suspicions.
"Hey," a familiar voice broke Hermione out of her musings. She looked up to see Ginny, having finally arrived.
"You're late," said Hermione, trying not to sound too irritated, only succeeding a little bit.
"Or maybe you're just too early," replied Ginny, sitting down across from Hermione, taking out her books and parchment.
Hermione decided to let that go and to focus on helping Ginny with what she needed. They started working, and after a while, Hermione began wondering if she'd get to interact with Ginny more often. They were a year apart, and as such, she already had her own friend group, but Hermione hoped she could call the ginger girl a friend one day. She would like a girl friend she could confide in, and talk about subjects she wouldn't dare bring up with her boys. Harry had asked Ginny to the ball, and lately, seemed to be cozying up to her a lot more, which gave Hermione hope she would become a part of their circle soon.
Given Ginny very clearly fancied Harry, there was the possibility of something more developing under the surface there if Harry ended up infatuated with her as well. Now, if only Ron could ask-
Hermione noticed Ginny smirking devilishly at her, and was about to ask what it was, when another familiar voice from behind the bookshelf caught her by surprise.
"C'mon, mate, stop pretending to be interested in this. You're gonna talk to me." She heard him snort. "Immediate Transfiguration. Mate, you seriously expect me to believe you were willingly reading up on homework?" Hermione didn't know who Harry was speaking to, but her immediate guess would be the same person who occupied her thoughts earlier. If this was indeed him, Hermione couldn't deny it was a surprise to hear that he was reading one of their textbooks but she wouldn't doubt him doing so. She knew Ron could be brilliant when he set his mind to things and didn't second guess himself.
Suddenly, Harry stopped laughing and everything behind the bookshelf went quiet. The silence felt tense somehow. Hermione wanted nothing more than to go up to Harry and demand answers as to what this was all about. Ginny's smirk, Harry's position, having Hermione obscured behind a bookshelf; she was pretty certain that this was a plan for her to eavesdrop on some important conversation. If the person Harry was with was indeed the one she had in mind, she didn't want to hear some potentially embarrassing secret and break his trust; it was just wrong.
And yet, Hermione couldn't bring herself to move a single inch from where she sat. For some reason she couldn't quite put into words, Hermione knew that whatever he was going to say, she needed to listen. The voice that spoke next confirmed her suspicions, but this wasn't how Ron spoke at all.
"Yes, I was reading this book for real. Figured I could finally follow Hermione's advice and try to learn something to make myself worthwhile in class, saving McGonagall the stress and disappointment. But judging by your reaction, I guess I'm too much of a joke at this point to be smart in any way. I should've left it to Hermione. It's her thing."
Hermione was hit by a barrage of emotions from his statement, none of them good. She didn't even know where to begin. Ron was reading up on homework because of her? She thought he found her nagging when it came to her reprimands. Hermione should've felt elated by that admission, instead of the cold chill that seeped into her bones from Ron's tone. She wanted to get up and tell him that he wasn't a joke, that he was smart, but felt like intervening wouldn't be the right thing to do here.
She heard Harry try apologizing for what he implied before, but Ron didn't wanna hear it. Ron didn't sound angry or anything, and that should've relaxed Hermione, but instead it just made things worse, somehow.
"Why won't you take Hermione to the Ball with you? Don't even try to say it's those dress robes, I know that's rubbish." And there was the question Hermione now knew was what Harry wanted her to hear without Ron being aware of her presence. She was definitely curious for the answer, but given Ron's sudden shift in mood, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear it.
"You want the truth, then?" Ron now sounded… normal? Hermione hoped this meant that whatever explanation came next would be silly and they could drop it for good.
What she heard instead shocked her to the very core and once again, she didn't know how to feel about it all.
Ron… loved her? Hermione Granger? But… he didn't think she felt the same way? Why?
Hermione didn't need to think too much about it before Ron gave her his reasons. Hearing Ron put himself down like that hurt so much that Hermione had to cover a strangled sob that threatened to come out. Ugly? He was the most attractive person to her in many ways! And he was not stupid, he just doubted himself too much! And who gave a rat's arse about him being poor?! That wasn't his fault, and it didn't make him less of an amazing person! Yes, he could be rude and vulgar, but he was allowed to be flawed! He wasn't perfect, no one was! But his qualities far outweighed his flaws! Why couldn't he see that?!
"I'm surprised Hermione and I are even friends; that she puts up with me when she can rattle off a list of all that's wrong with me, which just further proves I'm hopeless and I don't have a single worthwhile thing about me."
That wasn't true! She always let Ron know how great she thought he was! Back in first year, she had told him how amazing he was for sacrificing himself in the chess game… right? No, he was knocked out after that. But she did tell him later… no, she didn't. B-but, second year, she thanked him for defending her against Malfoy! Then again, he ended up hexing himself, so that probably didn't count as a win for him. She let him and Harry know she was proud of them for killing the Basilisk. Well, Harry killed it alone, actually… he still couldn't have done it without Ron! Oh, in third year, Hermione appreciated him standing up for her. She remembered… scolding him for it. Why did she scold him?! She knew why, because she didn't like that he got detention, and felt guilty over it. But she could've thanked him, too! She did thank him for helping with the Buckbeak case… which they lost, leaving Ron probably feeling like it all meant nothing, and he didn't help at all. And he didn't get to accompany Harry and her in saving Buckbeak and helping Sirius due to being unconscious. Did she remember to tell him how brave he was for standing up to Sirius on a broken leg? Ugh, why was it so easy for her to point out his less-than-stellar moments but assume he would know when she admired something he did?
Ron's next words would've made Hermione laugh if she wasn't already trying her hardest not to cry profusely over every word. She was gonna rule the world? More like bore it to death. That whole "smartest witch of her age" always rubbed her the wrong way. What made her "the smartest"? The fact that she read and memorized a lot of books? Anyone could do that if they believed they could do it! Ron could be just as smart as, if not smarter than her if he wanted. It wasn't fair for Ron to feel like he was less just because of a label people attached to her. Hermione felt moved to hear that Ron actually believed she would make a positive change in the world, when she previously thought he considered S.P.E.W to be pure rubbish.
His mention of Ginny made Hermione look at her for the first time since Ron started talking. Her expression was stony, and she was just staring at her hands with a vacant look, like she wasn't aware of her surroundings anymore, only listening in to her brother's words. Hermione could only imagine what it felt like for her to hear Ron speak so low of himself like that.
"Then there's me, honestly, can you point out a single thing you can say I'm good at? And, I don't want to hear you say things like "you're brave, you're funny, you're kind". No, I want actual talent for something." C'mon, Harry, remind him he's just as good as us! Hermione waited for Harry to go on and on about everything he couldn't have accomplished without Ron by his side. She was greeted by silence.
"See? Nothing. None of the subjects here, nothing in these books. I'm not good at a single damn thing that at least 10 other wizards can't do better. I guess there's chess, but no one has ever taken that as something serious from me. It's just a game, anyway, not a career potential." Ignoring her anger at Harry for the moment, she sat fuming at Ron instead for downplaying an impressive skill of his. It was not just a game! That skill is what allowed them to pass McGonagall's test! Knowing how to play it could prove wonders if Ron were to pursue a career in the Aurors as a strategist! And he was not below average in magic; he clearly didn't remember the time he knocked a troll out by levitating its club and dropping it on its head at the age of 11! What did Harry do? Shoved his wand in its nose and just angered it more?
But Ron still had more to say. She wondered how long he had been keeping all of this bottled up inside, and how much longer she would have to endure this without accidentally alerting him of her presence. It took her a moment to register what he was saying, but once she did, her mind was immediately bombarded by questions. What were people saying in the corridors about Ron, exactly? And how was she not aware of that? She didn't think there were that many people besides Draco and his Slytherin bunch that said nasty things about them left and right. What was truly shocking was that they were talking about Ron. Harry wasn't popular with everyone, what with his Boy-Who-Lived notoriety, but many people liked and admired him, even if it was simply for his status. And though she knew Ron tended to be treated as merely the sidekick, she still believed he was generally liked and regarded well. To hear that people in the school have been saying the complete opposite was mind-boggling. She suddenly had the urge to go around the school threatening to hex everyone that dared to speak of any degrading things about Ron.
Ron stopped talking. Hermione kept waiting for him to continue, or for Harry to finally say something. Instead, she heard Ron sigh and stand up, muttering something she couldn't quite hear, before leaving in a hurry. Hermione wanted to get up immediately and follow him, but she just remained in place, as if binded, finally releasing the sobs she had been holding all this time. She let her head fall on her hands, as she continued to cry uncontrollably.
Eventually, she felt a hand touch her back, either Ginny's or Harry's, she couldn't tell. They were saying something to her, but she wasn't listening anymore.
She had to find Ron. They had to talk.