Jounouchi had known he would go blind ever since he was sixteen. He'd had three years to deal with the fact, but a little part of him hoped the whole thing would somehow go away, a deep unrealistic part. He hoped the doctor was wrong or that the whole thing was a nightmare that he would wake up from the next day. It worked for the most part; it had been three years and he had shown no symptoms whatsoever, until yesterday when he almost got run over because he couldn't tell how far away a car was.
When he first learned of the disease that would rob him of his vision, Jou was relentless, working himself to death in every part-time job he could find. He had raised the 300,000 yen needed for the tests and went in for them a year later. At that time, he had learned that the corrective surgery would cost 5,000,000. Upon hearing the number, the blonde had burst into tears, exhausted from overworking himself and convinced that he would never be able to make that much money in time. After he got home and rested, though, he woke up with a clear mind and optimistic attitude. He carefully did the calculations and discovered that he needed a minimum of five years to come up with that amount and even less to raise the down-payment of 2,500,000. The doctor was concerned that Jou's condition would get worse within that time-frame, but, really, what else would the blonde do? He needed to stay optimistic and hopeful. Otherwise, he'd never be able to get through this.
Of course, that optimism remained with Jou...for about a year. He had made and saved up 946,000 in checks from his part-time jobs. Being a seventeen year-old from the bad side of town, Jou had no knowledge of opening saving accounts in which to deposit the checks. He figured he'd do that when he had enough for the down-payment of the surgery. When he made 2,500,000 exactly, he could have the surgery then pay in installments until he covered the entire 5,000,000. Keeping the money in the form of checks would also guarantee that his old man couldn't use them to buy booze; the checks were in Jou's name after all.
What Jou didn't know at the time was that parents could cash in checks that were made out for their children. Of course, the blonde only discovered this after arriving home one day, a year and a half after he started saving up, to find all his checks, and his father, gone. After he realized what happened, Jou only blinked twice, then started laughing hysterically as he stood there, in the middle of his trashed room, with tears rolling down his cheeks constantly. It was the first time that he realized, in horror, that he might not be able to afford the surgery at all.
The thought embedded itself in his mind and wouldn't go. He stayed up nights worrying that he would wake up to the same darkness as his eyes lost all functionality. He researched homes and charities for blind people. He even went as far as to suggest to his bosses that he work over the 28-hour a week limit of his part-time jobs. They all refused, giving him dirty looks and his heart sank with every 'no' he heard in response. Could he really just go blind? Just like that? Who would take care of him? He was alone. His friends were all traveling for university. Serenity was still living with their mother far away from the slump he and his father inhabited. He had opted to stay in Japan after graduation to freaking work so he could continue to raise enough money for the down-payment and now his father has made the entire year and a half a complete waste.
Jou never thought a person would steal years of another's life before. Then again, he didn't think a person could steal another person's will to live, either. By the time Jou turned 18, his father had done both of those things to him. At that point, Jou knew he only had two years before his symptoms started. It would be difficult to work if that happens and he'd be screwed. Thanks to his father's latest 'vacation escapes', Jou had lost a year and a half worth of paychecks, but he couldn't look back. He would continue to move forward and find a better place to keep the money the second time around. He'd make enough for the down payment. He had to! What other option was there? Go blind? He had no one and nothing. He couldn't live as a blind person.
His father came back angry, though, angry enough to beat Jou into a pulp until the blonde couldn't even stand up.
"Where is it?!" he had yelled as he kicked Jou in the side, "where are you hidin' the rest of it?"
"I don't have anything!" the blonde said, whimpering.
Please stop.
Why are you doing this?
Why does this have to happen to me?
You're my father.
You're supposed to love me more than anything.
You're supposed to be the only one who does.
Who will love me if even you won't?
Am I really that horrible?
"And you shouldn't have anything, you worthless piece of shit! Everything you make is mine! You owe me for all those years raising you and putting you through that school, not that it has done you any good! You're still a good for nothing loser with a dead-end job! I thought I raised you to be better than me, to not make my mistakes! Was I really that awful a father that you learned nothing?"
Suddenly, his father had burst into tears and collapsed on the ground next to Jou, sobbing apologies. The blonde comforted him as he always did despite how much pain he was in. Both of them passed out on the floor that day, Jou from the pain and his father from the booze.
He lost two of his three jobs because he couldn't get up and go to work for three weeks due to his injuries and depressed state. With one final bout of hope, Jou looked at the ads for full-time jobs, knowing if he got one, he'd be able to work 44 hours a week and have the down-payment in a year and a half. He was rejected by every single company within a hundred miles of his house. Apparently, without a college certificate, Jou truly amounted to nothing in the eyes of any employer.
Jou kept his job as a waiter in Cheesy Crisps, but lost all hope of getting another or affording the surgery. He wept silently on his bed at night as his father pounded on his locked door asking for more money. That was the first time Jou truly considered the unspoken, cruel third alternative: death. He dismissed the thought quickly at first, but as the months passed and his father's emotional and physical abuse continued, Jou's mental health deteriorated and he sank into a constant state of depression. He didn't even bother locking his bedroom door anymore. He couldn't stop his father even if he tried. He couldn't do anything to save himself. Jou was useless; he knew that now.
The blonde moved out the second he had enough money to do so and never looked back. His new rented apartment would be the perfect place to die, away from his father's abuse. At least, then, he could say he lived peacefully for a bit before he died. Of course, Kaiba had to go and screw that up by getting him fired. Jou would now have to take his life a bit earlier than planned if he didn't want to be forced back into an apartment with his father. And. He. Absolutely. Didn't. Want. That. Ever. Jou was terrified of the man and wholly convinced that death would be a better fate than seeing his father again. The only problem? Jou had started to appreciate life again since he had moved out. He wasn't ready to die.
"How bad is it, doc?" the blonde reluctantly asked. He didn't really want to know. It wouldn't matter anyway. He couldn't afford even the most basic of treatments.
The doctor pulled away from his examination with a sigh, then shook his head sadly.
"It's not good, Jounouchi," the old man mumbled, having grown too close to the blonde boy to be objective about his condition. The blonde had called the doctor in joy every time he had gotten a paycheck or another job. They had had a few lunches together or talked about Jounouchi's future and his plans. The calls stopped a year and a half ago. The doctor should've known there was something wrong. The blonde looked like death incarnate. His body was unhealthily skinny and his eyes had purple bags under them.
"H-How long?" the blonde asked, stammering, his entire body frozen in shock. He thought he'd had more time.
"A year at most," the doctor answered quietly, "I take it you don't have the money?"
Jou shook his head, still looking at the ground. He heard the doctor sigh.
"How much more do you need? It can't be a lot. I'll pay the rest. I don't mind."
I need all of it.
Jou looked up with a forced smile. The doctor was the only person in his life who was kind to him. It felt really nice to be cared for like this, foreign even. He'd pretended to be confident enough around his friends so they wouldn't know of his insecurity and try to reassure him. The doctor saw right through his act, though.
"I don't need you to, doc," Jou said, "I've just found a cheaper alternative in the U.S. I am going soon. You don't have to worry about me."
Jou jumped off the examination table and grabbed his jacket off the chair. He didn't turn around as he said "thank you, doc. I really appreciate everything you've done for me."
With that, the blonde left the office and ran down the hallways, then exited the clinic entirely. He couldn't breathe. He had no plan in mind. This wasn't how he wanted to go. He didn't want to go now, at least not as much as he had wanted to when he lived with his father. He was finally independent and could do anything. Why couldn't he have a few more years of that. Then, he remembered.
Key word on 'was'
You got fired, remember?
You only had two weeks and a few days left anyway.
The blonde's tears thickened as he saw that his vision often went from blurry to normal again. A ticking bomb formed in his mind as he got more anxious about his fading vision. He needed some control, even if it's only a little bit, even if it's just an escape plan in case...in case the inevitable happened.
Jou rushed into the nearest pharmacy and bought a pack of two razor blades, stuffing them frantically in his pants pocket. He'd take them everywhere with him. He wouldn't ever be trapped again. He wouldn't be beat again. His body wouldn't be used again, wouldn't be starved again. He wouldn't go blind. At the first sign of any of these things happening, he'd pull out the razor and exit life on his own terms. He had just gotten his life back and no one would take it from him now.
As Jou rounded the corner to his apartment's door, he noticed a tall figure standing in front of it and panicked, his hand tightening his grip on the razorblade box in his pocket.
I have it if I need it.
I have it if I need it.
I have it if I need it.
The blonde stopped internally chanting those words when the figure turned around and Jou was staring right into the eyes of Seto Kaiba.