Chapter 2: Promised answers
After the first few days of my transfer to Aldera the novelty of a new student began to wear off, coupled with the seemingly cordial relationship with Midoriya and my penchant for spending most of my time around him many began to leave me alone believing there was something wrong with me for voluntarily hanging out with a 'Quirkless loser' a few attempted to harass me in the same way they did my green-haired acquaintance although their attempts were less than successful.
That wasn't to say that Midoriya was suddenly freed from his position as victim, even my presence could only prevent so much and the Bakugo boy seemingly ignored me as he continued his little bullying campaign against 'Deku' Midoriya. I will admit that I wasn't as involved as I could have been, seeing the prospective hero take up the role of villain in someone else's life was a sickeningly guilty pleasure of mine. My role was more akin to damage control in their relationship than outright prevention of violence, as much a twisted tactic on my part as it was Midoriya stating that it didn't really matter what Kacchan did to him. I could see it in Midoriya's eyes that even after every act of violence Bakugo committed against him, Midoriya still held onto some strange form of reverence of him which from my understanding Bakugo interpreted as Midoriya feeling superior to him.
My interactions with Bakugo in the coming weeks were remarkably limited outside of our occasional confrontation when he came to deliver his daily dose curelty against Midoriya, he would arrive call Midoriya names, threaten him with violence and then I would step in and Midoriya would try and stop us from fighting then Bakugo would leave. One thing I noticed however was that Bakugo's posture shifted whenever I would speak to him, where he would normally shift into a position of arrogance and belittlement of others whenever I would confront him his posture shifted and his eyes would narrow. I quickly determined that this shift was perhaps because he viewed me as the only real threat to his position of superiority in the class considering it was well known that I too was aiming for the Hero course in the future like him.
Ironic that he took great pride in his position as number one while it would bring me no joy. Beyond our occasional confrontations we barely interacted with each other aside from occasionally making eye contact from across rooms or corridors in which case we would pass each other with no comment.
At least that's how it normally was until today.
"Remember Midoriya" I pointed at the booklets latest hero addition "Even if he has the ability to grow his limbs to bind opponents with his branch arms he is still a living tree, vulnerable to fire based attacks and if someone were to nullify his quirk then he lacks the necessary hand to hand combat skills to reliably wi-"
"Oi, dead eyes." I could already feel the smirk forming on my lips while Midoriya sat opposite suddenly returned to his regular jittery state.
Dead eyes, the name Bakugo had begun referring to me as lately due to our continued interactions. Midoriya had no idea why but I suspected that Bakugo was far more perceptive than I gave him credit for and had noticed how vacant my smile was. Although I could still find joy in how much it irritated him, he would regularly voice his irritation about my 'dumbass smirk' but it would never come to blows between us. I was under no illusions about how even our chances were of winning and neither was he. Apparently throwing a reinforced pencil with deadly accuracy and lodging it into a brick wall all to kill a fly earns me some form of special attention from him.
"How can I help you Bakugo-san?" I turned to see his face adorned with his regular scowl and he makes his way across the classroom to me.
"A-ah g-good morning K-Kacch-" Midoriya awkwardly begins his morning greeting of Bakugo and yet I've seen this enough to know what's coming next.
"Shut up Deku." Bakugo cuts him off and yet I find myself intrigued that he didn't shout at him as he regularly would, he simply dismissed Midoriya's greeting as if it were utterly irrelevant. How curious.
"Dead eyes, meet me outside the classroom. I want to talk to you." His piece finished Bakugo sharply turns and marches outside clearly expecting me to join him soon. It seems as though Bakugo has forgone the regular morning routine of insults just to have a private conversation with me and I find my curiosity as what it is rising.
"This is bad Kotomine-san!" I'm brought out of my thoughts by Midoriya's sudden cry, I turn my attention to him to see his eyes wide with a panicked expression on his face. "Kacchan doesn't normally talk to people in private unless he's really serious about something! What did you do?"
I give him a placating smile before standing up with the intent of joining Bakugo outside.
"Truthfully Midoriya I don't know, although I suspect I shall find out momentarily."
I leave Midoriya alone while he gives me a worried look as I leave the classroom. I spot Bakugo just down the hall with his focus solely on me, I give him a slight smirk which has the desired affect of irritating him before I make my way over to him.
"I'm here Bakugo-san, now what can I help you with?"
"Why do you want to be a hero?"
I freeze.
What?
I raise an eyebrow at Bakugo to try and get him to elaborate his point, this gets me a click of the tongue while he squares up to me despite me having a 10cm of height over him.
"Why do you want to be a hero? Because it isn't to protect people, it isn't for fame or money and it sure as hell ain't because you want to beat villains so why?"
My smirk vanishes as if it were never there to begin with and internally I find myself intrigued as to how Bakugo was perceptive enough to see through me.
"Oh?" I adopt an amused tone of voice although I'm being anything but in this situation "What makes you so sure I'm not wanting to become a hero to protect people?"
He makes a disgusted face at me as if what I said was repulsive to him before speaking further "Is that your idea of a joke you bastard? You don't give a shit about people do you, not really anyway. Despite what everyone says about you protecting Deku I see that nasty little smile on your face when some starts bullying him. Sure you step in after a bit but at that point you've already had your kicks out of seeing him suffer you just do it because that's what people expect of you now don't you?"
It feels like the world freezes around me, to have my disgusting hobby discovered by him of all people that my nasty habit persists despite my best efforts to stop it is repulsive to me. Seemingly unaware or uncaring about my internal crisis Bakugo continues on in his little rant.
"I know for a fact it ain't about fame or praise either, whenever someone congratulates you about something you put on that fake smile of yours while you're eyes have the look of someone who just dropped their fucking sandwich or something."
I'm no longer fully focused on Bakugo now as my mind is running reeling at the idea that someone see's the dark nature I tried so desperately to hide, I reject the possibility that I can get joy purely from misfortune of others.
"What's worse is that you don't gloat whenever you win at anything, I've seen you complete sprints in first place with some bored expression on your face. So you tell me bastard. Why do you want to be a hero if you don't care about saving people or winning?"
That snaps me out of my internal panic as I refocus my attention onto Bakugo. I stare at him in silence and he responds in kind for a few seconds. I sigh and look away from him.
"It's a selfish desire on my part." I respond to him because ultimately that's all it is, a selfish desire to claw at any scheme to find joy in life which isn't derived from pain.
"Tch" Bakugo clicks his tongue at my answer and barges past me pack towards the classroom "You better find your fucking reason to be a hero you dead eyed bastard. If not make way for the actual heroes." he sneers at me as he disappears back into the classroom and leaves me alone in the corridor with my thoughts. The very last place I want to be right now.
I empty my mind as I return to the classroom and make my way back to Midoriya just as our homeroom teacher arrives. Midoriya shoots me a concerned look which I ignore, I'm too concerned with the implications that perhaps Bakugo may have gotten some idea as to what I truly am rather than what I desire to become.
I interact little with Midoriya until lunchtime where he joins me in a tree in the corner of the courtyard. Originally it was occupied just by Midoriya but I find it to be a useful get away from the others. It's not that I hate interacting with the other children it's simply that if I don't enjoy it what the point.
I glance over at Midoriya eating his lunch next to me and I remember Bakugo's words from this morning. Why do I only step in to protect Midoriya after a period of time rather than right away? Do I take joy in his ostracision and bullying? I can only hope not and yet I have a sickening feeling in my gut that the real answer to that question is one I do not want to know.
"Ummm Kotomine-san." Midoriya's voice brings me out of my thoughts and I divert my attention to him "If it's not too much trouble could I ask you a question?"
"It is never a concern with me Midoriya." I reply easily and truthfully, while I don't know if I truly like Midoriya as a person I certainly find his presence to be more agreeable with me than the other children my age. However I am unsure if that is wish fulfilment on my part at being the hero who saves him from bullying or if I find his quirkless nature to be a novelty in today's society.
"In that case what did Kacchan want to talk with you about?" Midoriya's rather innocent question flings my mind back into the uncomfortable state it was in after Bakugo's interrogation. Midoriya clearly notices my sudden stiffness as he frantically tries to wave it off.
"O-oh y-you d-don't have to a-answer i-if you d-"
"Bakugo…" My sentence cuts off Midoriya from making any further attempt at taking back his question. "He wanted to ask me why I wanted to be a Hero."
This clearly confuses him as he sudden turns away from me and adopts a thinking position. "Now that I think about it Kotomine-san you never told me why you wanted to be a hero either."
I frown and look down at my hands as the clench into a fist. I feel my fingernails begin to dig into my palms. "Midoriya." my sudden shift in tone catches him by surprise as he now stares at me with an uncommon look of seriousness and concern on his face.
"Midoriya, do you think that a person can become a hero if they are...evil?"
I turn to look at Midoriya and notice he now has a look on his face as if I just said something incredibly stupid, a rather unusual look for him.
"Kotomine-san, I don't think anyone is naturally born evil and even if they were I think that at least attempting to curb their…villainous desires for the express purpose of helping others would already make them a hero."
I turn away from Midoriya and look out at the rest of our peers as they talk or play games with each other.
Could, could that be the answer to my question? Is curbing the desires my heart wants what would truly bring me peace? To deny that which may bring me short term joy in favour of the happiness of others?
I close my eyes and release a breath I didn't know I was holding before opening them again and turning back to Midoriya.
"I appreciate your input Midoriya" I think I finally understand how I feel towards Midoriya. My relationship is purely parasitic towards him, I use him to try and avoid my dark desires. His desperate desire to be that which I aim to become, it is as if the two concepts of heroism and happiness are merged into one for him, and I am left with the simple question. Is it possible for me to find such joy in Midoriya's wish? Even if it is not, I find it is more acceptable than the alternative.
The rest of the day passes relatively quickly until its time for us to return home. I wait for Midoriya at the usual place for us as he finally arrives. We begin to make our way home as we start our regular pastime of discussing heroes. Midioriya seemingly uses me as a way of discussing the weaknesses of certain quirks, although he is capable of doing that himself he probably talks with me because he seeks conversation and I don't feel strongly about it one way or the other.
We arrive just outside Midoriya's apartment complex when we're brought out of our conversation discussing how Eraserhead could be very easily defeated if a villain simply used pepper spray to disable both his quirk capabilities and incapacitate him when we are interrupted by a voice.
"Izuku!" Instantly the both of us turn to the source of the voice and I spot an unfamiliar woman with green hair waving at us, whom I can only assume is a relative of Midoriya given their similarities and the us of Midoriya's given name. My suspicions are swiftly proven by Midoriya's next sentence.
"Ah! Mom!" Midoriya runs over to her and I promptly follow him, figure I could at least introduce myself to his family.
Mrs Midoriya quickly envelopes her son in a hug before turning to me and speaking before I can introduce myself "Ah you must be Kotomine-san. Izuku has told me so much about you, thanks for taking care of him at school. He doesn't talk to me about it much because he knows I like to worry" the younger Midoriya quickly flushes with embarrassment as how doting his mother is "but I wanted to thank you for taking care of him at school."
She gives me a rather warm smile while releasing her son and I feel that hollowness again. The woman is genuinely thanking me for taking care of her only child and her thanks make me feel nothing.
Would she still give me that warm smile if she knew what a creature her son had befriended?
I quickly sweep that thought away while giving Mrs Midoriya my itchy smile.
"It's no trouble Mrs Midorya, I simply enjoy your sons company."
She continues to smile at me completely unaware of how disgusted I am at myself for feeling nothing towards this show of appreciation. "Nevertheless it just makes me happy to see Izuku making such good friends at school, you're welcome to come over anytime."
"Thank you for your kind words Mrs Midoriya, I shall see you tomorrow Mirdoiya" I nod to the younger of the two and begin to turn off towards my apartment bloc when I hear a voice call out behind me.
"Excuse me! Are you Kotomine Kirei?"
Myself and the Midoriya's turn to the source of the voice and I'm somewhat surprised to see it originate from a police officer stood next to a parked car.
I answer his shout "Yes. Can I help you with something officer?"
The man makes his way over to me and I immediately take note of his solemn expression as if he is hesitant as to the reaction that his next words will have on me.
"We...we need your help to identify a body."
The world freezes around me, I instantly feel two sets of eyes fixed on me from the right, presumably the Midoriya family is concerned about the topic of this conversation. I myself feel an uncomfortable emotion that I can't quite identify or that I don't want to identify.
I fixate my attention on the officer before I give my reply.
"Whose body is it you need identified?"
The officer shifts under my gaze and darts his eyes between myself and the Midoriya family before answering.
"We believe it is your father."
I feel sick, not at the idea that my father is dead but rather at the idea that his relationship to me could be summed up in a simple word him being my father and nothing else. Did I care if he was dead? I didn't know but I wouldn't truly know if I felt anything until I saw his body and confirmed in my mind that he was truly gone.
"I see. I'll come with you then." I nod at the officer and begin to follow him to the car.
"Kotomine-san!" I turn to the Midoriya's, a look of horror is visible on both of their faces and for a moment I'm truly scared that they feel more sadness over my fathers possible death than I do.
"I'll see you later Midoriya-san. Mrs Mirdoriya, it was nice to meet you." I finish my statement before turning off and following the officer to the car.
The journey to the hospital is muted. I say nothing and neither does the officer I'm riding with, occasionally he shoots me worried glances as if he is expecting me to break down into tears at any moment.
The trip through the hospital to the morgue is equally silent, its as if the world has frozen around me as I travel to some inevitable conclusion, its like this will finally answer the question of whether or not I am a monster, will I feel sadness over the passing of my father and if I don't what will I do? What kind of inhuman creature will I be if I see his cold body and feel nothing in the sight of it.
I don't remember reaching the mortician all I can see is the table with the cloth covering the body. I nod to the undertaker to remove the cloth.
This is it. I think to myself This is where I truly discover the extent of my inhumanity.
The cloth is removed and I see him. My father. He looks somewhat peaceful with his eyes closed on that cold metal table, almost as if he is sleeping as if any second now he will awaken and greet me. He doesn't. He lies there on that cold table with me staring down at him.
"That's him" the words leave my mouth before I can even register what I've said "that's my father"
The officer nods to the moritcian and the cloth once again covers my father. I feel something sliding down my cheek. I move my hand to touch the source of the sensation and see a single drop of liquid on my finger.
The others in room probably mistake my tears for those of sadness brought about by the death of my only living relative. Only I know their true meaning.
It was a tear of joy, not over my fathers death but over something else.
I'm not a monster, I can feel regret over my fathers death!
I'm sad he's dead!
I'm not evil!
I'm human!
A second tear slides down my cheek and all I can think about is how I'm sad over the death of my father, I regret his passing!
"How?" I turn to the officer "How did he die?"
The officer swallows and then turns to look me straight in the eye "He was caught up in a villain attack, a mutation quirk that let the user shoot out projectiles from their finger tips. He got hit by a stray round while fighting a hero."
I close my eyes and nod to the officer "I'd like to go home now."
The officer pats me on the shoulder as we leave together.
"You have any relatives you can stay with?"
"None to my knowledge."
"Any family friends?"
I pause. Would the Midoriya family take me in?
"I'm…I'm not sure."
The officer hums in response before answering "Don't worry son, we'll sort it out."
I notice I have a few texts from Midoriya on my phone and open up his contact to check them.
Midoriya: Kotomine are you alright?
Midoriya: Kotomine?
Midoriya: I'm here if you feel you need to talk to someone.
I press the call button on his contact and put the phone up to my ear, I wait a few seconds for Midoriya to answer before I hear his voice on the other side of the line.
"Kotomine-san?"
"Hello Midoriya."
"Are you...How are you feeling?"
"I'm…" I sigh "It was him Midoriya"
"I'm so sorry Kotomine-san…"
"It's...it's fine Midoriya, it's not your fault"
There's a long silence on the other end of the line before Midoriya speaks again.
"Where are you going to go now?"
"I don't know, My father never really had any close family friends and I don't have any living relatives left."
"My mother said that you can stay with us if you don't have anywhere to go."
"I… I wouldn't want to be a burden Midori-"
"You wouldn't be a burden Kotomine-san! It's fine really! You've done so much for me so let me at least do this this you!"
"I...if you insist Midoriya"
"It's no trouble! Really. I'll… I'll see you later Kotomine-san"
"I'll see you later Midoriya"
I end the call and put the phone back into my pocket.
Truthfully I still feel elated at the feeling I had back at the hospital.
If I can feel sadness and what brings sadness to others then the possibility exists that I can find what brings joy to others can also bring joy to myself.
I'm not evil
For the first time in my life, my smile doesn't feel so itchy.
AN: Good for Kotomine! He can feel sadness just like the rest of us! Or what is it that he truly regrets about his fathers death? Either way we're moving onto a time skip in the next chapter. Nothing to severe we're just moving to where the show initially takes place at the start of their third year. We won't deviate too much from canon until we get into UA itself. I won't be cutting out any characters, instead I'll be adding one so that it is 21 students in Class 1-A and 1-B. No spoilers on who it is just yet, we'll have to wait and see.