Beware of Watching too Many Horror Movies When You're Easily Scared

On a cool sunny day on one of the busy Kabukicho streets there was a large billboard with half a dozen photographs on it. Each person had mysteriously vanished in the last two weeks after reportedly seeing a shadowy figure on the streets late at night. Two men and three women and one child had gone missing so far. Anyone who saw this faceless shadow was doomed to vanish within twenty four hours. The Shinsengumi had no leads and the daughter of the last person to go missing had hired Yorozuya to find her mother.

Both Gintoki and Tsukuyo had been prowling the streets late last night and they'd both seen the shadowy figure and so, were fated to vanish. Tsukuyo scoffed at the idea of a curse but Gintoki had lain awake all night, sick with worry.

"Maybe we should choose our mug shots for when the evil ghost gets to us," Gintoki shuddered.

"There ain't no ghost," Tsukuyo insisted for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Then how'd you explain all these missing people? They all saw the ghost! And so did we! We're next! I knew this job was jinxed! Now we're gonna die! I don't wanna die!"

"We ain't gonna die. And it wasn't a ghost. Can't 'ave been. They ain't real."

"What was it then?"

"Don't know," she shrugged. "But we'll find out," she said, confidently.

"If you don't, I'll choose a good picture of you for the wall, Gin-chan, uh-huh," Kagura slapped him on the back, sending him flying forwards.

"You'll choose a horrible one, you little brat!" he yelled.

"Gintoki! I was just coming to look for you. Did you just say something about a photo? I have just the thing. How about this one?" Katsura said, walking over to them with Elizabeth beside him.

He held up a picture of what seemed to be Gintoki licking a sharp knife with a deranged look on his face.

"EHHHHHHHH?!" Gintoki cried. "What's that? Is that supposed to be me? Why does it look so violent? That picture screams violence! That's not me! It's just some violent imposter in a wig!"

"I'm not an imposter, I'm Katsura," the samurai snapped.

"YOU?!"

"I figured you'd need a fancy picture for your memorial once the ghost gets to you," Katsura answered, dryly.

"Fancy?! That's an evil photo! I look like a maniac! Why am I licking a knife?!"

"I figured we should show off your sweet tooth so you seem more relatable to people. So when we took the photo I was eating cake...with a knife because that's all we could find..."

"A knife? That's not just a knife! That's a butcher's knife! Look at it! And who eats cake with a knife?! And where's the cake? Why isn't the cake in the photo? How are people supposed to know I'm...I mean you're...eating a cake?! Arggggh...you're an idiot!"

"It's a good photo, very fancy," Katsura insisted.

"It's crazy! You're crazy! You freak!" Gintoki snatched the photograph from his friend and shredded it into a thousand tiny pieces then threw the pieces into the air.

"Then what photo are you going to use?" Katsura asked.

"I don't know!"

"Well..." Tsukuyo whispered, seductively and sauntered closer to the silver haired samurai. "We could always use the pictures we took...last night..." she suggested.

"I don't really think that's how I wanna be remembered," he said, unmoved.

"Gross," Kagura muttered, marking mock gagging noises while Shinpachi blushed and his sister muffled a scoff, smiling.

"Ya seriously believe all this ghost stuff, don't ya?" Tsukuyo sighed, "It ain't real. We won't need any photos to put up there 'cause we ain't dying! 'Cause there's no ghost."

"But..."

"We're gonna find whoever takin' these people and it'll all be fine, geez. Now, come on, quit starin' at this thing and let's just go home," she said, dragging his attention away from the board of photos.

"But..." he repeated.

"What? Ya wanna stay here?"

"Well, we've only got...a few hours before the ghost comes for us tonight..."

"Oh, that so, huh?" Tsukuyo drawled. "In that case we really should go home...maybe take some more photos...for the board...y'know..." she said, trailing her index finger up his chest.

"That sounds...no...wait..." he snapped and took a step back from her.

"What?"

"In every horror movie ever, if people are being haunted and they have s**, it just means that they're really, really gonna die! In a really, really horrible way!"

"Seriously?" she asked, stunned.

"Seriously. just like that movie we watched last week, remember? Two people got cursed by a ghost in a haunted house, but they didn't believe it was real, they had s** in the haunted house and the ghost killed them!" he exclaimed.

"That was just a dumb movie!" she rolled her eyes.

"It was based on a true story!" he insisted.

"Whatever. But...if we're gonna die anyway...we might as well, right? And think about it...if we're gonna die tonight...this could be our last chance..." she said, taking slow steps towards him.

"Our...wait...what?" he stammered. With every small step she took, he took one back until he hit the wall of the building behind him. "I didn't...I don't..." he mumbled.

"So, ya sayin' no. You?" Tsukuyo asked, in disbelief. She raised her hand and placed her palm against his forehead. "Ya got a fever or somethin'?" she asked.

"No, I'm...wait...what's that supposed to mean? I'd have to be ill to say 'no'? Why are you making it sound like im some kind of a s** maniac?" he snapped. When she just stared at him with a raised eyebrow, he continued. "Okay, fine maybe I am...a bit...but it's not like that's a bad thing. And anyway, you're just as bad as me! It was your idea last week for us to go to the..." her hand over his mouthm stopping him from saying anything further.

"That's enough. The whole street doesn't need to know about that," she muttered to him.

"Why not? It was a great idea!" Gintoki declared as he moved her hand off his mouth. "If anything, you're the s** manaic for even coming up with that idea in the first place. Waaaaaa. When I'm on my death bed, I swear, I want that playing on repeat in my head..." he trailled off with a dazed look on his face.

"OI," she clicked her fingers in front of his face. "Snap out of it, y'idiot! Back to reality," she snapped with a light flush on her face.

"That was real."

"Fine, back to the present, then."

"Don't wanna," he replied.

"Last warning, I'll throw a kunai at ya."

"So cruel," he sighed, dramatically, "At least in my head, there's no evil ghost coming after us."

"There's no evil ghost after us now!"

"Yes, there is!"

"No, there isn't. I can't believe ya actually think there is. And ya think it'll kill us if we just went home and had s..."

"Don't even say the word!" he snapped.

"Ya just said it like five times!"

"Yeah, but you never used to even say it! You can't just start saying it in the middle of the street when we can't even..."

"Why can't we? 'Cause ya think some horror film is real? Or are ya just bored o' me?" Tsukuyo asked, mockingly with a hurt expression as she turned away. "Ya are, aren't ya? How cruel. I didn't realise ya'd get bored o' me so fast," she said with convincing emotion.

"Men are horrible," Otae nodded to her.

"Men are scum...Gin-chan always says that," Kagura added.

"We really are the worst," Katsura agreed.

"It's true," Elizabeth's sign read.

"I'm just gonna..." Shinpachi mumbled and tried to sneak away but his sister grabbed him by the scruff of his clothes and stopped him.

"Oi, wait, I'm always the one always saying you'll get bored of me!" Gintoki said to Tsukuyo.

"What a lie," she said, quickly.

"Wait just a minute, tayuu...I just meant...we should play it safe and wait until the evil ghost is..." Gintoki said, furiously waving his hands at her.

"And then we'll be dead," she said. "Ya really don't want me, huh?" she demanded, "Ya'd rather be dead...so mean..." Her back was to him and she was shaking, presumably with tears but she was actually laughing.

"Oi!" he exclaimed, looking incredibly worried. He put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around to face him. "You're messing with me right. You know there's no way I wouldn't want...wait...you're laughing...you're actually laughing!"

Tsukuyo turned back to him and he could see that she was utterly failing to hide her wide smile and her laughter now that he could see her face. She was practically bent over with laughter. "Couldn't help it...ya just...ya actually believed..." she trailed off, laughing.

"You were joking. Argghhhhh. That was a mean trick," he said, letting out a deep sigh. "When did you start taking acting lessons? I don't like it..."

"I thought you liked it when I was forward about this stuff?" she asked, innocently.

"Cut it out! Stop it with that look, already!" he yelled and pointed at her, "Ahhh...I almost miss shy Tsukki..."

"Shy Tsukki isn't 'ere right now," Tsukuyo shrugged.

"No s**t!" he scoffed. "And will you quit doing that!" he yelled a moment later as he batted his hand against hers that had been to trail up his arm and his shoulder.

"Doin' what?" she asked, innocently.

"Really not helping," he grumbled. "I can't believe I'm the one saying this but seriously...we're in the middle of the street and the ghost'll definitely come after us if we..."

"'Cause every horror ever made movie says it will?" she finished for him.

"EXACTLY!"

"We ain't watchin' any more dumb horror films. Ya get sacred too easy anyway, why'd ya even watch 'em?"

"I...I'm not scared of them..."

"Ya are when there's a ghost."

"Ghosts are scary!"

"They ain't real."

"Remind me to take you to that hunted hot spring in the mountains some time. I'll introduce you to a ghost. She's called Rei. She's see through. Literally see through!"

"Sure she is."

"She is! Guys, tell her," he turned to Shinpachi and Kagura.

"Well...I don't remember much about it," the young samurai shrugged.

"Nope, me either, nu-huh," Kagura grinned.

"LIAR!" Gintoki yelled at them.

"Guess there's no ghosts after all," Tsukuyo said.

"You're all out to get me," Gintoki lamented. "You're all trying to drive me crazy...and you're not helping!" he grumbled to Tsukuyo.

"I haven't done anythin'," she rolled her eyes.

"You're looking at me like...that!" he waved a hand at her face.

"Like what?"

"You know 'like what'!" he flushed, "You can't use that look in public! Don't play coy!"

"Who's playin'?" she asked with a grin and for a moment all he could do was stare at her.

"I'm not falling for that...no...no way," he managed to mumble and looked away from her. "Evil ghost...gonna kill us...no way..." he muttered.

"Ghosts ain't real, dummy."

"They totally are!"

"Ain't."

"Yes, they are. And I saw the ghost before you did last night, so I'm gonna die first. Maybe if the ghost gets me you'll be okay..."

"That's dumb and kinda nice," Tsukuyo scoffed.

"And at least if you're alive you can tell the world how brave I was."

"And there's the dumb part," she snorted.

"So...I'm gonna...go find...err...leads, yeah leads...about things..." and he shook his head and took a step back.

"What? And leave me 'ere alone?" Tsukuyo asked.

"That's...really not helping...I'm gonna...g...go home and no, wait...I'm gonna find a lead and find those missing people so we don't go missing too...yeah...but hopefully I won't find the ghost... I'm just gonna..." he trailed off and too, a few steps away from them, not looking where he was going. Then he walked head first into a lamp post. "OOOWWWWWW!" he screamed, clutching his nose. "What the f*** was that?!" he yelled and saw the lamp post. He growled at it, drew his wooden sword and was just about to slice the thing in two.

"Argh! Gin-san, stop!" Shinpachi ran towards the older samurai and tried to hold his arms back. "You can't just go around cutting down lamp posts!" Shinpachi exclaimed.

"What're you talking about?! I've cut down bigger things than lamp posts!" Gintoki yelled, stuggling.

"I don't mean that you can't!" Shinpachi clarified, "I know you can, that's the problem!"

"Besides, that thing started it! It hit my nose! It hurt, damn it! Let me at it! I'll kill it! Lamp posts need to be taken down a peg or two anyway! Didn't anyone ever tell those jerks it's rude to look down on people all the time?!"

"It's terrorism! You shouldnt go around ruining public property!"

"That thing is the terrorist! Look what it did to my nose!" Gintoki growled and broke free from the younger samurai.

"Ahhhhh! Gin-san! Stooooop! Kagura-chan...heeeelpppppp!" Shinpachi screamed.

"Haaaiiiii!" Kagura yelled. She ran over to them and raised her umbrella into the air, then preceeded to swing it at the lamp post, slicing it in half.

It crashed to the ground, luckily it managed to avoid crushing any one or any buildings but it certainly did make an awful mess.

"Mission complete!" Kagura declared.

"Wwhyyyyyyyy?!" Shinpachi stared at the mess. "Why did you do that? I meant stop Gin-san! Not help him cut down the lamp post!"

"Oh...ooopppps," she pursed her lip. "But the evil lamp post is dead now. Gin-san's nose has been abenged!"

"Avenged," Gintoki corrected her.

"Oh?" she nodded, eagerly.

"What a mess," the silver haired samurai grumbled. "I'm outta here. I'm gonna...what was I gonna..." he turned and saw Tsukuyo again and then shook his head. "No, no, no, no, no. Clues...I'm gonna find clues," he said, pointing needlessly down the street. "You guys deal with this," he waved to the destroyed lamp post now lying in the middle of the street.

"HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THIS?!" Shinpachi shouted after him.

Tsukuyo and Otae tried and failed to muffle their laughter as Gintoki stumbled away and they exchanged a smug high five while Shinpachi just sighed.