Word Count: 887

Megumi has attachment issues.

He's never thought of it that way— in fact, if asked, he'd say he has the opposite of attachment issues. He likes to push people away, doesn't like letting people into his head, out of fear of being seen. He likes being independent, is proud of his self-sufficiency, actually, because it's what helped keep him alive through his childhood after his father and stepmother left.

He doesn't realize he likes being ignored until Itadori "dies," and Megumi finds himself always in front of Itadori's door night after night after night. He knocks and says a few words, pretending the other boy's in there, just asleep, just ignoring him. It's gross, he finds it, once he realizes what he's doing is called pining.

It makes him happy somehow, to not receive an answer, to feel like he's not wanted. It makes him feel like he's been right all along, that no one wants him that badly, and he really is just better off taking care of himself.

When Itadori returns, Megumi feels like his world has been shattered. He feels like his heart is going to burst right out of his chest, like he should run away and collapse on the spot at the same time.

He ignores Itadori for a while, just a short while, trying to adjust to this new reality. He doesn't know what he's feeling; there's this mix of relief and anger and grief and yearning and sadness and joy and all other things he can't even begin to pick out and name, let alone explain. He doesn't want to think about it, either, not while they have a fight with the Kyoto kids coming in just a few minutes.

It's hard to stay away, though, because Megumi has attachment issues. And when Itadori insists that he's fine, Megumi knows to push. He knows bad liars when he sees them. He is one, after all.

Later that night, when he can't sleep, Megumi knocks on Itadori's door, forgetting that the other boy is still alive. (He was dead for more than a month, after all!)

"Hey, dumbass," Megumi says, a little pissed. "Guess what? I can't freaking sleep. Typical, huh?" He pauses, throws his head back as he kicks the ground a little, just to get the frustration out.

This is normally when he bends his head so far backwards, he can see the moon and stars through the hallway window, and he wonders to himself why he keeps doing this. Why he keeps waiting for an answer that isn't going to come and enjoys it. But the scuffling of Itadori's footsteps breaks his usual ritual, and before he can recover from the shock, the door's sliding open.

"Fushiguro!" Itadori says, and Megumi feels like his eyeballs are gonna pop out of his skull. "Woah-oh-ohhh, that really was you, Fushiguro! I didn't know you talked like that!"

Megumi takes a step back, otherwise he'd have tripped and fallen on his ass. "I don't," he snaps instinctively, his expression morphing into a scowl.

"Uhuh, all right." Itadori gives him a smug little look. (Megumi's stomach does a flip when he realizes he'd rather kiss it away than punch it off.) He lets go of the door and pushes his way into Megumi's space, their faces so close it would have been uncomfortable had Megumi not been in love with him. "Come on in! Sleep in my bed with me! Let's have a sleepover, just you and me!"

Megumi swallows, and his heart starts beating again. He takes a second to just feel it in his chest, reminding him that he's alive. Almost without realizing it, he puts a hand to Itadori's chest, feeling his heartbeat, proud and strong beneath his shirt.

And he shoves Itadori back.

"You're too close," Megumi says, voice low but clear, yet Itadori laughs.

"Sorry~!" He sings, then dances around a bit. "C'mon in, though! It'll be fun."

Megumi hesitates, wonders if all of today has just been a dream, and he'll find himself alone in Itadori's bed in the morning. But he can feel the memory of Itadori's heartbeat under his skin, and the beating of his own, bleeding from within, and he says, "All right. Sure."

"Woohoo!" Itadori punches the air.

Megumi follows him into the room, collapses on the bed. Itadori dumps a blanket atop him, crashes into the tiny twin mattress himself and worms his way in until they're face to face, palm to palm, with nothing meaningful separating them.

"Goodnight, Megumi," Itadori says simply. "Sweet dreams," he says, and briefly lays a butterfly kiss on Megumi's forehead.

Megumi doesn't know how to feel, but while he's processing that, Itadori (or is it Yuuji now?) closes his eyes and passes out in a flash.

It's nice, he decides. To be loved. To be paid attention. It feels nice. Unfamiliar, but nice.

He likes it.

He closes his eyes and listens to Yuuji's steady breathing.

He falls asleep.

And in the morning, Yuuji is still there.

author's note iii. originally posted to my tumblr (hua-fei-hua) on 1/18/2021