Disclaimer: I don't own Kamen Rider or FGO. I also don't own any type of cooking show either. Any similarities to currently or not currently airing cooking shows may or may not be intentional.
Grand (Kamen) Rider in Chaldea
Chapter 4: Chaldea Cook-Off! Rider VS Archer (Stage 1: The Cooking Part)
Ritsuka had absolutely no idea how this had happened. Somehow, in less than 5 minutes after parting from him, (Grand) Rider had gotten into a contest with Emiya. And not just any contest, but a cooking contest of all things!
Oh, and he was a judge too… He wanted to eat, anyways. At least he knows it'll be worth it.
"Helllllllloooooo! Welcome ladies and gentlemen of Chaldea!"
…Hopefully, it'll be worth it.
"We are all gathered here today for the first! Annual! Chaldea Cook-Off! I am the ever cool and young JAGUAR! WARRIOR!" The loud Lancer Pseudo-Servant from South America/Japan shouted into a microphone, "And together with my adorable student, Sitonai, we will be your hosts for today!"
"Welcome everybody!" Sitonai, an Alter Ego Pseudo Servant/homunculus waved to the audience.
"What do you mean 'annual'?!" "Take him down a peg, Archer!" "You can do it, Emiya!" The crowd of Servants that had gathered for the event (read: just happened to be in the cafeteria when this all started) shouted over each other.
"Our finalists for this season of M*sterChef Chaldea-" "Season?!" "What is going on?!" "You called it the Chaldea Cook-Off ten seconds ago!" "-will soon come head-to-head for the title of 'Best Chef of Chaldea'!" Jaguar Warrior continued announcing unimpeded by the cry of the audience, "In addition, the winner will also receive the prize of 10,000,000 QP, straight from Master's wallet!"
"What?! I didn't agree to that!" Ritsuka started panicking from his seat at the judges' table.
"And the runner-up will get a consolation prize of 5,000,000 QP!"
"No!"
"Give a round of applause to our contestant: Rider and Archer!" The room exploded with the sounds of clapping and shouts of encouragement, mostly (read: only) for Emiya, "Now then, will our finalists please introduce themselves?"
"Servant. Archer," Emiya had long since accepted the antics in Chaldea and decided to play along, "I'm a long time Servant to our Master and had been the Head Chef of Chaldea's kitchen since the Incineration of Humanity."
"Hmm-hmm." Jaguar Warrior nodded with a wide grin on her face as Emiya spoked into the microphone, "Now for Ride-"
"WAIT A MINUTE!" Within a second of that warning, the cafeteria's door burst open for the third time in an hour.
"Huh? New Director?" Mash, who was sitting on the sidelines, stared at the huffing figure of Novum Chaldea's Director.
"WHY DID NO ONE INFORM ME OF THIS FINALE?!" Goredolf Musik had been enjoying some desert within the safety of his room when the speakers started blaring Jaguar Warrior's voice. Needless to say, he ran as fast as he could, "MOREOVER, WHY WAS I NOT CHOSEN TO BE A JUDGE?!"
"Sorry, New Director, but all open positions had been filled already. You are welcomed to take a seat, though." Sitonai gestured to an empty seat next to Mash, "You could try applying as judge next season if there is a spot."
"There'll be a next season?" -Random Servant A
"Hmm… Maybe I'll try joining next time." -Random Servant T
The (New) Director simply sighed in sadness/frustration and went to sit next to Mash.
"Where were we? Oh, right." Jaguar Warrior cleared her throat before going over to Rider's counter, "Rider! Introduce yourself to our audience please!"
"Grand Servant. Rider," Decade spoke into the microphone before posing, pointing his finger to the sky (read: ceiling), "Someone's grandmother said this: A knife can only bring happiness when used in cooking."
"Someone's grandmother?" – Random Servant…J? It can be anyone really…
"I am the newest Servant in Chaldea and a Hero of Justice." Rider, still posing, finished his intro.
"Hero of Justice?" -Random Servant E
"Another Servant who claims to be a Hero of Justice? You'll get along with Emiya. Wait, no. Never mind…" It took Jaguar Warrior a moment to remember who Rider's competition was, "Anyway, let's all give another round of applause for our three judges!"
Like before, the room exploded with cheer as the judges stood up from their seats and bowed to the audience.
"First, we have the Tongue-Cut Sparrow, innkeeper of the Enma-tei, and M*sterChef herself; Beni-Enma!"
"It is a pleasure to be here dechi," Beni-Enma chirped happily.
"Wait a minute, I thought she can't taste anythi-"
"Shush!"'
"I don't like him… but hopefully Rider is a good cook…" -A different Random Servant T
"Our next judge is the King of Knights, the Once and Future King, King of Britain, and one of the Servants who had been here from the start; Altria Pendragon!"
"Good afternoon, everybody," Altria spoke with an air of elegance, "It honors me to be chosen to be as a judge in this fine competition."
"As radiant as ever." -Random Servant G
"You're the best choice for this role, my King." -Random Servant B
"ARTHUR!" -Random Servant L
"Will someone please get him under control?" -Not-so-random Demi-Servant M
"And finally, the one you've been waiting for! The Master of Chaldea, the person four-fifth of the female Servant dream of, and all-around nice guy; Fujimaru Ritsuka!"
"Hello, everyone. Thank you for-Wait. What was that middle-"
"Anchin-sama!" -Random Servant K
"Master!" -Random Servant HoS
"You'll do great, Senpai!" -Not-so-random Demi-Servant M again
"Now with all the introduction finished," Sitonai announced, "We can finally move on to the finale itself." "Are we still going on about this finale thing?" "We are." "Before we begin, we have to reiterate the rules of the contest." "Reiterate?" "Just accept it already…" "The first rule; you are to cook make a meal of your choosing and are to use everything at your disposal. The second rule; you two only have 90 minutes to prep your chosen dish. Third and final rule; no interfering with the other's cooking. Doing so are grounds for disqualification."
"Understood."
"I already got the gist of it."
"Good, good. Sitonai, ready the timer," ordered Jaguar Warrior.
"All is set up and ready!"
"Alright! Contestants! You may begin in 3. 2. 1. Go!"
The finale of the annual Chaldea was fiercely underway with Rider and Emiya currently cutting and preparing their ingredients for the actual cooking process.
At the judges' table, Beni-Enma was completely engrossed in watching the way Emiya and Rider were cooking. Seeing as the only way she can truly judge how the food will taste in the end due to not having a tongue, it is easy to see why.
Meanwhile, Altria and Ritsuka were engaged in conservation. Well, to be more specific, it was mainly the Saber-Class Servant expressing concern over Ritsuka's wellbeing.
"You are completely unharmed, Master? Rider didn't hurt you, right?" Altria asked with worry in her voice.
"Just some emotional scarring," Ritsuka jokingly said, "But other than that, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm fine, you don't need to worry so much," Ritsuka smiled in an attempt to try and get Altria to calm down, "Besides, it's not like Rider is the first Servant who has tried to kill me." It would take way too long to make a complete list of those Servants…
"…" Altria remained silent for a few moments before sighing. Having been in Chaldea for such a long time, she knows how her Master would act. It wasn't a surprise to her that he would try and act like he's okay.
"Thank you for worrying about me." Ritsuka gave a more genuine smile this time, "I appreciate it."
"It's nothing." Altria couldn't help but smile in return.
"Oh, Altria. Can I ask you something?" asked Ritsuka.
"Of course."
"You were here when this all started, right?" Ritsuka asked the Saber-Class Servant.
The Servant nodded in confirmation, "I was. Although I didn't see Rider come in. All I saw was Rider and Archer arguing. Before I knew it, I was dragged in this as well." Not that she was complaining, of course.
"So, how exactly did Rider got Emiya to agree to do this?" The Archer was generally reserved and tried to stay out of things like this. Usually, he fails and gets dragged into it in the end anyway but Ritsuka was still curious.
"To put it as simply as possible, Rider annoyed Archer into doing this," Altria revealed.
That wasn't that big of a surprise. Rider had the uncanny ability to piss off everyone.
Earlier…
"It was not too long after you left with Rider."
"Here," Emiya said as he placed another serving of rice onto the table claimed by the Knights of the Round Table (Well… The ones that were in Chaldea).
"Thank you, Archer," Bedivere expressed in place of his king, who was busy with stuffing her face, "I'm sorry for troubling you further, but I think we will need another plate of beef."
"It's already on the stove." More than used to the chaos that is lunchtime in Chaldea, Emiya had already started cooking more food for the Knights of the Round Table, or rather, their leader… The many, many versions that were in Chaldea.
Speaking of which, Altria Pendragon proceeded to wolf down more food as Emiya left to deal with her other selves.
"Sir Tristan," Altria overheard Bedivere speaking, "What do you make of our new ally?" Her knight was, of course, referring to the self-proclaimed Grand Rider.
"…" Tristan remained silent for a few moments. Either the Archer was deep in thought…or he was sleeping… She could never tell.
Altria's own thoughts on Rider were a bit negative. That man acted all high and mighty over everybody and didn't have an ounce of respect towards anyone. There was also the fact that he tried to kill her Master. So far, Rider had not once shown why he was worthy of being a Grand Servant.
Even if he was a Grand Servant, Rider was completely different from the other Grand Servants (candidates) in Chaldea. The ones that were here were much nicer. Well, it was mostly just Romulus-Quirinus. King Hassan constantly threatens to behead the other Hassans while Orion usually tries to hit on the other female Servants (which always leads to a chokehold from Artemis). And Merlin…was Merlin.
Now that Altria thought about it, Merlin was acting strangely (as strange as Merlin can act, anyway). For starters, the Caster seemed to be familiar with Rider. It could have been just her imagination, but when Ritsuka mentioned Decade's name, Merlin seemed to be surprised at hearing it. Furthermore, there was also when Rider was dragged off to the Control Room. When some of the other Servants followed after them, Merlin stopped Altria and the other Knights from joining, mentioning something about making sure it was the same person. Although, she ignored the wizard and came along anyway.
"Merlin told me about that. He said that he met Decade in Avalon."
"Really?"
"Apparently. I don't think Merlin was joking around. We can try asking more about it later."
Altria's other Knights continued to converse among themselves regarding Rider.
"He most likely has a teleportation skill," Altria heard Gawain say, "How else could he slip past all of us, get into the kitchen, and out without anybody noticing."
"You're probably correct, Sir Gawain," Bedivere said, "But is it possible for a Rider-Class Servant to do that? Wouldn't that type of skill be more suited for a Caster?"
"He claims to be a Rider, but are completely certain that he is? For all we know, he may be hiding his true Class like that BB."
"Sir Gawain, may I ask why you so wholeheartedly believe Rider is hiding something," Tristan finally spoke up and questioned his ally.
Gawain fell silent for a moment in response before answering, "There is just something about Rider that unease me. Something…different."
"Something different than being a Grand Servant?"
"Assuming he is one, then yes," Gawain stated, "Something about that Rider is unnatural."
"Are you implying that he is a Foreigner?" Tristan questioned.
"I cannot be certain. But it is a possibility."
"Well, Rider didn't have Existence Outside the Domain or any kind of Divinity. Chances of him being a Foreigner posing as a Rider is pretty low."
"Exactly what Skills does Rider have?"
"He has five, including Riding. I'll tell you about it later."
Bedivere, who had been listening to the other two's discussion, decided to let his own opinion known, "Could he be an Anti-Hero?"
"That is another possibility, but can an Anti-Hero be a Grand Servant?"
"It shouldn't be-" "Care to repeat that?!" Emiya's voice rang throughout the cafeteria, catching everyone's attention. Immediately, the cafeteria fell silent as everybody turned to see what got Emiya all riled up.
In the corner of the room, Emiya was glaring at another Servant. The Servant in question, however, wasn't disturbed in the slightest by the death glare he was receiving.
"I'm just saying, this food is supposed to be served to the Savior of Humanity. I thought it would be better than a KQJ Lunch." Rider was quickly getting on Emiya's nerve, "You should really show more gratitude to your Master."
"Hang on. Did he-?"
"He did."
"What's with him and eating my food?!"
"And where do you get off stealing Master's food?!" Emiya demanded. He didn't know what KQJ meant, but he assumed it was an insult if it was coming from Rider.
The Rider Servant responded by waving his spoon in the Archer's face and further pissing off the Servant, "I am the best there is, and I'll only accept the best. Whether it is allies or food, only the best can do. So far, you're not shaping up to be former."
"And who the hell do you think you are?!"
"A Grand Servant. I thought I made that clear already."
"Then act like one!" At this point, the Archer was just about fed up with how Rider was behaving.
"Or what? You'll shoot me? So you are something more than just the cook here." It was as if Rider was trying to make an enemy out of Emiya.
Emiya, understandably, got even more pissed, "Why don't we put that to the test then?!"
"Hmm?" Rider hummed in curiosity.
"A fight. Just the two of us in the simulator," Emiya issued his challenge, "A one-on-one battle."
"No thanks," Rider yawned out either out of boredom or to further annoy Emiya…or maybe both, "I already said it, I only will accept the best and you're not it. Besides, I don't like beating on wimps."
"What did you call me?!"
"Relax. I called you a wimp, not a coward." It was official. Rider was now Emiya's #1 enemy, "If there is anything else you want to yell about, be quick. I got other things to do."
"How about this then? You said that you once owned a restaurant." Emiya stated, "How about we take this to the kitchen instead?"
"You're proposing that we have a cooking contest instead?" Rider thought it over for a moment before giving his response, "I could do that. I'll say this though; a KQJ Lunch won't beat an Ace."
"A contest?!" A completely unrelated character spoke up from the sidelines, "Ooh! Let me be the host! I'm the most experienced here!"
"And what about the judges? We can't have a contest without one." Rider stood up from his seat and ignored the chattering of a certain jaguar-themed Servant, "Why don't you choose, Archer?"
"So it was Emiya's idea?" Ritsuka was shocked that it was the Archer who came up with this (ridiculous) contest.
"In a sense. It was mostly Rider's fault," Altria said, "This wouldn't have happened in the first place if it weren't for him."
At his prep table, Rider tried his best to hold back a sneeze. It wouldn't do him any good to sneeze into the food.
"And how did you all set this up so quickly? Rider was ahead for only 5 minutes."
"Some of the other Servants helped set this up. They all seem to want to see Rider lose." And Altria wasn't blaming them.
Ritsuka sighed at Altria's answer, "He's gonna be a problem, won't he?"
"Without a doubt."
"…and add a drop of soy sauce," Rider muttered to himself as he made the sauce for the lamb chops.
Meanwhile, Emiya was focusing much more on his cooking than Rider was, remaining completely quiet.
"Contestants! You have 45 minutes remaining!" Jaguar Warrior announced.
At the judges' table, Ritsuka watched the two Servants with a drowsy look. "…I never realized how boring just watching was." It was a sentiment shared by most of the audience, with only those more enthusiastic about cooking were still paying attention. The only reason the others were sticking around was that they wanted to see Rider taken down.
"It looked much more entertaining on TV…"
"Master!" Rider stopped cooking for a second to pose again, "Someone's grandmother said: It is enjoyable to eat something delicious, but the greatest joy is the time spent waiting for it."
"…What?" Exactly whose grandmother was Rider quoting?
"This is bad…" Jaguar Warrior, unlike the other Servants, had a more worried look on her face, "At this rate, we won't be renewed for another season." And she already told everyone that there'll be one! There must be something she could do to keep everyone entertained…
Oh, wait. There is one thing she could do.
"Master!" With insane speed, Jaguar Warrior sprinted over to the judges' table and practically shoved the microphone into Ritsuka's face, "As a judge, what are your thoughts on this contest?"
"Huh?" Having been stunned by the sudden question, it took him a moment before he could answer, "Uh… I think it's interesting? I don't think we've ever had a cooking contest here before," Maybe they did. Ritsuka honestly doesn't remember if Chaldea had one before. With the number of weird stuff that happens there, he wouldn't be surprised if they did have one.
"So who would you say will win this grand finale? The cool red Archer? Or the annoying, irritating, obnoxious, and unlikable pink Rider?"
"Hey, Lancer!" Rider shouted from his counter, "It's magenta, not pink!"
"…" Jaguar Warrior stared at the other Servant blankly before turning back to Ritsuka, "So Master? Who do you think will win?"
"I cannot say. As a judge, I have to be impartial," That, and he'd rather not do anything to earn the ire of either Servant. Archer can be a force to be reckoned with while Rider had already proved that he was willing to raise a gun at his own Master.
"Good, good. You're great at being a judge," The Pseudo-Servant complimented her Master. But now it was time to spring her trap, "Final question: Are you currently seeing anyone?"
"…What does that have to do with anything?!" Well, it did do its job in keeping the audience interested. About half of them, at least.
"C'mon Master, we're all friends here," Jaguar Warrior kept prodding Ritsuka to answer while smiling coyly, "Unless you are more than friends with one of them."
Ritsuka, meanwhile, was playing it cool and calmly. And by cool and calm, I meant that his face was beginning to resemble a tomato, "This is a cooking contest, what does my relationship status has to do with anything?!"
"It's for the ratings, of course." She could see it now; with the newly added mystery of the Master's unknown lover, people will surely be interested in a second season!
"What ratings?! This is a cooking contest, not reality TV!"
"Uh… Sitonai! Explain that to Master!"
"Me? I don't know either!"
"…So Master!" Deciding to brush it off, Jaguar Warrior instead pushed the microphone to Ritsuka's face, "Yes or no? Is there anyone in the crowd that have you're interested in?"
"No!"
"Master!" Surprisingly, it was Rider who spoke up this time, posing again, "Someone's grandmother said: Men must be cool. Boiling water is but vapor."
"…" Everybody stared at the Rider Servant in silence.
"…What?" Ritsuka, still flustered, wondered exactly what Rider meant.
"If you were acting cooler," Rider began explaining, "Then all of us would have actually believed you."
"I'm not seeing anyone!"
"You keep saying that, we all believe you." Obviously, Rider was being sarcastic.
Emiya, meanwhile, was less than pleased with Rider's attitude. Not the part where he was being disrespectful to their Master, but rather something else, "Rider! Would it kill you to take this seriously?!"
"The soup is already in the pot and I just put the lamb on the pan," Rider smirked at the Archer, "I've got time to mess with Master."
"No, you do not! Get back to cooking!" Hilariously, it was Ritsuka who was shouting at Rider, "How about salad huh?! I saw you cutting up some vegetables just now!"
"It's already in the steamer." Rider stated, "It's an Ace Lunch fit for an Ace and is made by a super royal Ace. I won't be messing anything up."
"Is he using playing cards as rankings?" – Random Servant…C?
"What is a super royal Ace?" – Random Servant 28
"I'm not dating anyone!" Ritsuka continued denying it despite how pretty much everybody not trusting him on that matter. As Rider said earlier, had he played it more coolly, then they might have actually believed him, "I'm completely single!"
"I see. So you're not going to say anything…" Despite her deflated tone, Jaguar Warrior had a mischievous grin on her face, "Guess we have to ask someone else then."
"What? Wait, no-!"
"King Arthur! Since you're right here," Jaguar Warrior turned the microphone to Ritsuka's co-judge, "Do you have any comments for us? As one of the Master's long-time Servants, has he ever shown a romantic interest in anybody here?"
"What Master does in private is none of my business," Altria answered calmly with a flat tone, "I've got nothing else to say."
"Cool like that Master," Rider commented, "You should take lessons from…King Arthur… That's new, I guess…" *DING* "And there's the salmon heated up."
"Good! Get back to actually cooking!"
"How about you Emiya?!" Jaguar Warrior now turned her attention to the still cooking Archer Servant.
"I'm busy! Go ask Mash or something!" Needless to say, he didn't bother answering.
"Good point!" Wasting no time whatsoever, Jaguar Warrior quickly rushed over to where Mash was seating with Director Goredolf and shoved the microphone in the Demi-Servant's face, "Mash Kyrielight! What are your thoughts on all this?"
"Eh?!" Mash wasn't expecting to be put in the spotlight, hence her surprised reaction at the sudden interview, "Uh… Senpai keeps saying that he's not in a relationship…" "Thank you, Mash!" "…but I noticed him acting all giddy and smiling by himself sometimes…" "Why Mash?!"
"Ooh! Now that is interesting!" The ratings will definitely be going up!
"I can't take this anymore!" Ritsuka cried as he stood up from his seat, "I'm going to check up on Holmes!" With that, the Master of Chaldea stormed out of the cafeteria.
"…Did we take it a bit too far?"
"Definitely…"
"…Does this mean I can be the third judge?"
"No!"
A/N: I decided to break this chapter into two for reasons. What reasons? Because a lot of Kamen Rider seasons use the two-episode arc and it's not because I'm lazy but I wanted to post another chapter. It's definitely not that!
Some of the stuff that I wrote in this chapter is completely nonsensical like ratings and all that stuff about Ritsuka's lover or something was because I'm just throwing random things into the wind and hoping it'll stick. Also, not much description for the actual cooking. Why? Because I don't know how to cook nor how I could actually describe it. Why did I decide to go with a cook-off for the first arc(ish) despite that? Uh... Because this is all Decade's fault!
Also, I forgot to add Decade's luck into the last chapter's thing. It's A- Rank by the way. Getting stuck with the title of Destroyer of Worlds and having people trying to kill you when they hear your name is unlucky, right? At the very least, I'm sure he doesn't have EX Luck.
So what do you think of the chapter? Is it good? Bad? Somewhere in between? Leave your thoughts in a review and I'm okay with hearing criticism.
After this is just some more random bits and bobs about Decade's status as a Servant and stuff that I came up with. There are still more things I need to finalize like lines for other Servant. Odysseus and MHXX have a spot for sure due to being…you know. Nobunaga also has a spot because Demon King and how there are several different Nobus (OOO, Gaim, Zi-O) in Kamen Rider. Anyone else can you think of that Decade might talk about? Leave it a review too!
(Grand) Rider
Qualified Servant Class
Normal: Rider, Foreigner, Avenger
Grand: Rider
Unique Skills Description and Effects
Memories of Humanity's Justice EX
Description: As a Kamen Rider, he is fated to protect Humanity from destruction as a hero of justice against those who threaten them.
Effect: Attack up against and resist damage from Threats of Humanity.
Traveler of Worlds EX
Description: Bordering on Second Magic (with the only separation being that no magic is involved), this Skill allows Decade to travel between different Worlds and time.
In order to fit into the various Worlds, he also gains knowledge and skills regarding them. Because of this, Wide Specialization is a Class Skill instead of a Personal Skill as it is not something he should have naturally (and because all three Personal Skill slots were full...)
Effect: Unknown…
Personal Skill 1
Rider Hunter
Description: One of his most well-known deeds, hunting down and killing every Kamen Rider that existed, is crystalized as this skill. If summoned as an Avenger, this Skill would have a much stronger effect. Although why it targets anyone with the Riding Trait is a mystery…
Effect: Increase own attack for 3 Turns. Increase own NP Damage for 3 Turns. Increase own damage against enemies with Riding Trait for 3 Turns.