Kai and Orva woke Meredith up the next morning. Derek hadn't slept very well; he had thrown up a lot so Meredith had got him a basin; he was overly tired so he couldn't sleep and his temp was up a little bit so he was too warm but then too cold.
"Shhhh..." Meredith whispered as she got out of bed and ushered the children out of the room, shutting the door behind them.
Lizzie and Kathy were on their laptops and phones trying to sort things out for the funeral and Nancy was trying to make breakfast for them all.
"Is daddy making pancakes?" Kai asked excitedly.
"How about he makes them for lunch, it's only 8:30 and daddy didn't sleep well so why don't we let him sleep for a little longer."
"Okay."
Nancy walked over to her,
"Why don't you go back to bed for a bit."
"Thank you." She smiled.
Meredith crept back into the bedroom and almost instantly fell back asleep next to Derek.
Both Derek and Meredith were woken up an hour later by the smoke alarm blaring in their ears.
"Mer?" Derek stuttered barely awake.
It took them both a second before they realised what the noise was. Derek jumped out of the bed and ran into the kitchen, Meredith followed shortly behind him. Nancy was stood next to a pan on the stove with steam coming out of it. Derek went and turned off the smoke alarm as Meredith tried to put out all of the smoke. After a few minutes, everything was back to normal but the house smelled of smoke. Derek opened the front door and stood by it because the smell of thick smoke made him feel even more nauseous.
"What happened?" Derek asked.
"I tried to make french toast sticks but I spilled some water in the pan and then that happened."
"Daddy pancakes!" Kai smiled.
"Okay Kai, I'm going to have a quick shower then I'll make pancakes with you and your sisters." Derek smiled halfheartedly.
"Okay Daddy." He said hugging Derek.
Derek winced slightly when he hugged him which caused him to run into the bathroom to throw up once again. Meredith quickly followed him in and rubbed his back gently.
"It's okay." She reassured.
"I'm...I'm okay." He said wiping his face.
"No your not, you need to rest today."
"No, I'm fine." He said gasping for air.
"Do you want a shower?"
"Yes."
"Well I want a shower too." Meredith smirked.
"Okay." Derek sighed.
"Your depressed Derek." Meredith blurted out.
"I'm not."
"Yes you are."
She hugged him tightly, he melted into her arms. After a minute or two Meredith let go because her phone was ringing.
"Hello?"
"Hi, this is Mrs Ortega from the Seattle prep school, I need you and Dr Shepherd to come in later today if that's okay."
"I don't know whether that is going to be possible."
"Is everything okay?"
"We have had a death in the family."
"I'm so sorry, but we need to talk to you about Robyn and Orva."
"What time?"
"An hours time?"
"Okay, we'll try."
"See you then, Dr Shepherd."
"Goodbye."
Meredith hung up the phone and slammed it down on the sink.
"What was that about?"
"We have to go into the girl's school in an hour."
"Both of us?"
"Yes."
"Okay, I'm showering now."
"I'll go get ready and tell your sisters."
"Okay." Derek sighed.
Meredith could see the flame once in his eyes, lighting up his entire personality was gone. His eyes were darker than normal. The happy tone once in his voice had disappeared into a sad, flat tone. His smile that could light up a room had gone into a constant frown. This wasn't Derek.
Meredith walked out of the room as Derek got into the shower.
"Nancy, Liz, Kath, Derek and I have to go to the girl's school in an hour can you still look after them or do you want me to call Izzie?"
"Meredith, we're staying for at least another 4 days in this house so you don't have to worry. You need to help Derek, we can worry about the kids."
"Thank you guys, really thank you."
"How did he sleep?"
"Not well, he is still throwing up, he's just thrown up now. He's showering at the moment."
"Oh dear."
"I'm going to change and do my hair."
40 minutes later, Derek and Meredith were sat in Derek's Porsche Cayenne. Derek was wearing a pair of old jeans, an old brown T-shirt and a black fleeced jacket. His hair was still slightly wet and he had changed the bandaid covering his stitches. Meredith had a pair of skinny jeans, a white button up shirt and a black blazer on. She hadn't let Derek drive again because he still looked pale and he almost collapsed walking to the car.
"Are you okay Derek?" Meredith asked looking at her husband who looked as if he was hyperventilating.
"I...can't...breathe." He gasped.
Meredith quickly pulled the car over, luckily it was a quiet road so there weren't any car around. She held onto Derek's shaking hand.
"Deep breaths, in and out with me." Meredith coached.
Both her and Derek took some deep breaths until he had calmed down.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
"Oh Derek, your hurting. You don't need to apologise."
Meredith started driving again but still held his shaking hand. After 10 minutes they arrived at the school just on time. They saw Mrs Ortega, the girl's teacher and the principal Mrs Mulligan waiting for them. They both got out of the car and Derek held onto the bonnet because of how dizzy he became. Meredith grabbed hold of his arm tightly and they slowly walked towards the waiting ladies.
"Good morning Dr Shepherd and Dr Shepherd." Mrs Ortega smiled
"Good morning." Meredith smiled.
"I'm sorry for the short notice, but we feel this is quite important."
"That's fine." Meredith replied.
"Do you both want to follow us?"
They walked through the large private school towards the principals office. Meredith didn't let go of Derek with the fear of him collapsing. They all arrived at the office and took a seat in front of a large fireplace.
"So first of all, are the girls okay? They haven't been in all week."
Meredith looked at Derek who was completely zoned out.
"Derek's, Dr Shepherd's mother died 2 days ago, so they've just lost their grandmother. Then Derek had an accident yesterday so they were really worried about him and wanted to stay with him."
"I'm so sorry for your loss, that is quite strange. The girls have said before they were worried about their dad."
"Okay, when was this?"
"About a year ago but they've said he hasn't been the same since."
"Ahhhh, Derek had a rough patch a year ago, the girls didn't know he had depression. All they knew was their daddy slept a lot."
"Ah okay, that makes more sense."
"Derek?"
Nothing. Complete silence. Meredith touched his hand which snapped him out of his trance.
"Yes?" He said looking around the room.
"It's okay, you were zoned out."
"I'm so sorry for your loss Dr Shepherd."
"Thank you."
"The girls said they were worried about their daddy and them Mrs Ortega saw this story that they wrote and we wanted to get you in to check if everything was okay."
"About me?"
"The rough patch you had last year Der, they said you haven't been the same since. You haven't been the same for a long time. The kids are worried Derek."
"I'm sorry." He said looking down at his feet.
"No I'm not saying it like that, you need to rest and grieve but you need to get help so you can be with your kids again."
"Okay."
"Can I see the story?" Meredith asked.
"Do you want me to read it aloud?"
"Yes please."
"Okay," Mrs Ortega started
"My daddy by Orva and Robyn,
My daddy is the cleverest man in the world but he is always sad.
Last year he was really, really sad. He didn't even take us camping like he does every year. We think it's because Uncle Markie died and he was daddy's best friend. Daddy didn't go to work for ages. He stayed home with Kai because last year he didn't go to kindergarten. Auntie Izzie and Auntie Lexie would look after us after school until mummy finished being a superhero and operating on peoples brains. He didn't go to work or kiss or cuddle us. He always laid in bed and sleep. My mummy said he was sad and to leave him alone. When we did see him he didn't look like our daddy. His hair was messy and wet, not big and curly. We wanted our real daddy back.
He is a bit happier now. We watch cartoons with him and eat his food because he is good at cooking. We love our daddy so so much and he loves us too."
"Do you have a bathroom?" Derek asked as he stood up.
"Just down the corridor."
"Excuse me." He said running out of the room.
Meredith knew he was about to throw up.
"Is he okay?" Mrs Mulligan asked looking surprised.
"When he grieves, he throws up and he has a bad concussion."
"Do you want to...Erm...check on him?"
"Thank you,"
Meredith stood up and walked out towards the bathroom at the end of the corridor. She walked into the Men's bathroom and could hear Derek throwing up, in his rush to the bathroom he forgot to shut the door. Meredith locked the main door into the bathroom before going back to Derek. She knelt down behind him and rubbed his back while playing with the back of his hair.
"You're okay Derek, it's okay." She soothed.
He leant back into Meredith and she stroked the curls.
"They...know about...me I never wanted...to...hurt them Mer...I really didn't." Derek gasped.
"I know Derek, I know."
Meredith hugged him tightly before getting up and getting him a cup of water from the water cooler next to the door.
"Thank you Mer." He said taking the cup off her.
"I'm going to finish off here and your going to the car to sleeping."
"I can finish off."
"No you can't, you need to rest because you'll have to make pancakes with the kids when we get home and with the state your in at the moment you can't."
"Okay." He sighed.
"Come on, are you still feeling sick?"
"Yeah." He sighed.
"Are you going to be sick?"
"No, just nauseous."
"Okay, you go out to the car and I'll be out in 10 minutes."
"Okay,"
Derek stood up and washed his face in the sink.
"See you soon Mer, love you."
Derek walked out of the bathroom towards the car and Meredith went back to the office. She knocked on the door and walked in.
"I'm very sorry Mrs Mulligan, Mrs Ortega."
"It's okay, is he okay?" Mrs Mulligan asked.
"He has gone to rest in the car."
"Okay, are you okay to continue?"
"Yes, of course."
"We wanted to talk to you about 2 things, home life about Dr Shepherd and their social and academic achievements."
"Okay."
"So Robyn and Orva don't have many friends, they tend to stay with each other and not socialise with any other children."
"Oh, come to think of it, they never talk about any of their friends."
"They are immensely clever probably due to both of their parents being world-class neurosurgeons so we want to move them up to fourth grade but in a smaller class so they can socialise better while getting a better education."
"That would be amazing, thank you so much." Meredith smiled.
"Is that okay?"
"That will be great, they'll love it. When do they start?"
"When are they coming back?"
"Next week."
"They start next Tuesday then, Monday is a day off for training."
"Okay, thank you!" Meredith smiled.
"That is all unless you have something you'd like to ask."
"I was wondering whether you have a counselling service here at the school?"
"Yes, would you like to enrol Robyn and Orva?"
"And Kai, they haven't talked to any of us about the death of cried really. I'm just worried it's going to cause they to have a meltdown or something."
"I'll get the councillor to do an evaluation on them all on Tuesday."
"Thank you."
"It's okay, I hope Dr Shepherd is feeling better and once again I'm so sorry for you loss."
"Thank you, see you on Tuesday." Meredith said standing up from her seat and shaking both of their hands.
"Goodbye Dr Shepherd."
"Goodbye."
Meredith walked out of the room and went straight to the car where she could see Derek fast asleep. She got into the car and startled Derek awake.
"It's okay, you sleep, I'll talk when we get home."
"Hmmmm..."
Derek stayed asleep for the entire 20 minute journey home. When she pulled the car up, Cristina and Lexie's cars were in the driveway and the kids were playing outside with Derek's sisters, Cristina, Lexie and Alex.
"Derek, we're home."
"Hmmmm...I'm tired Mer."
"I know you are, why don't you go have a nap and I'll go talk to everyone."
"Everyone?"
"Your sisters, Alex, Cristina and Lexie."
"Okay."
Derek opened the car door and stumbled out. He walked straight past everyone and Meredith watched him collapse onto the couch to a deep sleep through the high rise windows. She turned off the ignition and walked out of the Porsche.
"Mommy!" Kai shouted running up to her.
"Hi bud."
She let go of her son and walked over to the group.
"Hey Mer."
"Hi."
"Is Derek okay?"
"He's exhausted so I've told him to have a nap before he makes pancakes for the kids."
"Okay."
"How was the school?"
"Robyn, Orva come to Mommy."
"Okay." They said running over.
"So girls, your going to be moving up to 4th grade on Tuesday."
"Really Mommy.?"
"Yes and your going to make some new friends."
"Yay!" Robyn shouted.
"Race Mommy race!"
"Okay!"
"3,2,1!"