Red eyes blinked.
Bluish-purple eyes blinked.
"Fou."
Right now, Palkia was looking at a strange little creature of white fluff that, honestly, looked like a mix of a dog and a squirrel with an even fluffier tail. Oh, and it also had a cute blue and white cape tied together with a pink ribbon, meaning that it has or had an owner.
Not many people, including she, were aware that this creature was Cath Palug, the candidate for the place of Beast IV of Gaia, one who nurtures of the concept of human "Comparison", the dreaded "Primate Murder" in the realities it was allowed to mature fully.
Ironic that possibly two of the most potentially powerful and terrifying beings on this planet were engrossed in a stare contest while in a form that was as powerless and cute as possible.
And both had no idea who the other really was.
9-year-old (apparently) Palkia was just having a walk in one of the parks of Fuyuki when she discovered the cuteness personified that was that exact creature.
Due to being an emotional child with typical girlish and childish tastes, like cute things, the result was predictable.
"Fou?"
F/C: DaS
It was a typical summer day in the Emiya household.
Three years and half ago, after convincing the head of the local yakuza to help them rebuild the ruined mansion, the Emiya family settled like fish to water there. Its size proved to be a blessing, what with a widowed father with four children and the hyperactive teenager neighbor who was also the granddaughter of said local yakuza's head.
Nevertheless to say, the inhabitants of the house are enjoying a relaxing sunny day with cigars singing, fan on and people shouting at each other while playing GoldenEye.
"Goddamnit!" Taiga cursed "Why do I always die!?"
"Because you suck." A nonchalant Giratina answers for her.
"I know that! You don't have to remind me!" The tiger roared indignantly.
"Why did I agree to play with those two?" Rhetorically asked Dialga.
Kiritsugu chuckled "Well, because playing together is much more entertaining than alone." He would never have imagined himself playing videogames, much less one based on a James Bond movie. He originally didn't have too high an opinion of them but with his new adopted family he decided to buy them at Taiga's recommendation and while he's still not much of a gamer, he enjoys the times when he plays with the children.
Maybe he should have played them with Iri and Illya before the War's fiasco…
"Here's the iced tea." Shirou announced himself with one of summer's typical cold beverages.
From the time living together, it's been clear who were the worst and best cooks in the household: Kiritsugu, Taiga and, surprisingly, Dialga were out ("How the hell did you make water burn!?" "There goes the kitchen…" "Goddamnit Dialga! That's not even food anymore!"); Shirou and Giratina were the master chefs prodigies in-making, in Japanese and Western food, respectively. Palkia… let's just say she had a knack and taste in spicy food, for good or bad, since the time they went to a particular Chinese restaurant…
F/C: DaS
Kiritsugu felt like dying, All The World's Evils curse nowithstanding, his dandan noodles long since abandoned.
Shiro never thought he would relive the same hell from a few years back, but this time in his tongue, courtesy of some saliva chicken.
Dialga's internal clock stopped from a single bite of Hunan spicy beef.
Giratina's now swelled mouth shouting cries of death, curse and Oh My God, It Burns when she took a mouthful of Chongqing Style hotpot.
But those are nothing compared with the biggest heresy of all: Palkia scarfing down Mapo Tofu like a zealot devout in abstinence eating for the first time in months, reaching Flavour Nirvana with the food-based enlightenment that she attained in this new Cooking Shangri-la that she discovered.
"Seconds, please!"
F/C: DaS
From that day onwards, rumors tell of a little pinkette girl and a sinister priest discussing theology, philosophy and other high concepts based around all the mapo tofu they devour in their fiery stomachs in that same Hell forged restaurant.
Speaking of…
"I'm home!"
"Hey, Palkia! You should have seen me ripping me a new one to Tiger!"
"UUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! Don't call me that! And I can kick your butt in kendo, you shouldn't forget it!"
"Yet, you still lose to her in videogames."
"Dialga, you're also so meaaaaaaaan! Shirou, tell them something!"
"Sorry Taiga-nee, but you know I'm neutral."
Kiritsugu chuckled once more at this domestic scene. They resemble a family that existed since forever instead of a depressed man and four orphans that lost everything… and Taiga.
"You cannot believe what I brought home!" Palkia came running towards the dining room where everyone was.
"Say hello to Fou!"
"Fouuu!"
Everyone saw what Palkia had on her arms and made their opinions immediately known.
"Is that a squirrel?"
"No, it looks more like a dog?"
"I think it reminds me of a cat."
"Is that a cape what is wearing?"
Kiritsugu sighed "Palkia, what did I tell you about picking up stray animals?"
Palkia's eyes began to water "B-b-but, Dad!" then she executes her most powerful move: the Puppy Eyes.
It is unanimously accepted in the Emiya household that out of everyone in the family, Palkia is the cutest. Dialga and Giratina are either too serious or flippant that they're incapable of exuding the aura of pure innocence the pinkette emits in the gigajoules.
Shirou is just fated to be handsome in the future, not cute.
Taiga… is Taiga.
And Kiritsugu is just out.
Fortunately for the family man, he was so constantly exposed to all that sugary radiation that he developed resistance to it. Not complete immunity, but it's high enough to protect him from his adorable daughter's childish requests.
"You know, that wouldn't be a bad idea."
Everyone blinked (yes, even Fou) and turned to Dialga, who was becoming self-conscious of being the center of attention.
"I mean. Taking care of a pet wouldn't be so bad, right? And if it doesn't work, we can always put it to adoption."
While Fou objected to the last suggestion, for Kiritsugu's impending dread, the others were using their brain gears and took the second most powerful weapon in existence: The Intense Gaze. Known for putting people awkward and persuading (forcing) them to comply to most demands.
A whole battery of Intense Gazes, combined with the already powerful Puppy Eyes, as well as the oddly intelligent gaze in Fou's own intense and cute eyes, were enough to bring down his Responsible Adult Fortress.
He sighed.
"Okay, we'll adopt it."
Everyone's faces brightened up.
"But first, we must neuter it."
No one knew how Fou was able to make a flying kick towards Kiritsugu's face with enough force to bring him down despite its deceptively innocent, cute and small frame.
F/C: DaS
Merlin was dying of laughter "Castrating Cath Palug! That's comedy old! Why didn't I think of it?"
Maybe because it would kick your ass?
Special Omake: Yorokobe Shoujo
"I always thought the Lord would reward His children with eternal happiness for as long as they searched for it. And I found it right here, on this humble dish of Mapo Tofu." Kirei Kotomine preached to his kindred spirit. "However, a lot of them are still lost in their purpose, and have yet to reach happiness, and consequently, salvation."
"And why not open a restaurant?" Palkia Emiya proposed to her fellow connoisseur "I mean, there aren't a lot of places here that serve Mapo Tofu. Maybe if more people were to know about it, they could probably discover they like it."
Kirei's eyes opened wide, as if struck by a revelation "That's… that's not a bad idea." The false priest turned thoughtful "But how could I possibly attract clients if I were to go through with it?"
"A noodle shop serving Mapo Tofu would be quite original. I think?" Palkia suggested her diabolical plan, disguised as an innocent childish thought said out loud.
Kirei's mouth turned into a sinister smile "I think I must rejoice, for not only the Lord has gifted us with Mapo Tofu but also with promising people for the future."
"Well, adults say that you must fight for what you think it's right. For Mapo Tofu!"
"For Mapo Tofu, indeed. Amen."
Thus, years later, in a thunder stricken night, the local priest opened the gates of Hell itself, not as a corrupted holy relic, but camouflaged as a simple noodle bar that only serves Mapo Tofu at exorbitant prices, may you eat it or not.
And all because of an innocent amnesiac child space goddess that loves spicy food too much for her own good.
AN: I had a blast writing the Mapo Tofu sections. Of course, Kirei and Palkia don't know each other's names. Names are irrelevant for Mapo Tofu brothers. It would be interesting to see how they will encounter each other at the time of the Grail War. And the year at this moment is 1997, three years after the Fourth War. I'm beginning to define the Creation Trio's personalities. Let's hope you liked it.