Chapter 3

Olivia stood in the middle of the living room somewhere between shocked, confused, and pissed off. She sat on the couch slowly replaying the last several minutes in her mind. She kissed me, she told me she is in love with me, then she left. She closed her eyes, let out a long slow breath, and then silently wept.

Natalia was driving on auto pilot to the one place she needed to be. She needed to think. She needed to come to an understanding of what loving Olivia meant. The twenty minute drive seemed to take less then a minute. She pulled into the church parking lot, turned off the engine, and bounded up the stairs. As she reached for the handle on the oak door something astounding happened. She was hit with a revolution. It's not the churches approval she needed. It's gods.

She turned and walked down the church steps and towards the graveyard. Approaching Gus' grave she gently lowered herself to the ground. Running her hand over the cold plate with Gus' name on it she began to speak.

"Hi Nicky. Oh Nicky what am I going to do? I know I love Olivia. I know I want to be with her and Emma and have this family we are building but I am so afraid. I know God is love. He wouldn't give me this love if I wasn't supposed to act in it. He wouldn't allow me to feel so much and then expect me to walk away. But that's what I did. Oh Nicky, Olivia must be so confused thinking I can't do this. Oh god what did I just do. I have to go. I have get back to her. Bye Nicky."

Running towards the car Natalia quickly sent off a text. I'm coming home. N. Rivera.

Olivia was pulled from the edges of a crying induced sleep by the chime of her phone alerting her of a text. She's coming home but for what. Is this both the beginning and the end? Is this where my heart officially breaks? Is this …

All of the sudden Olivia couldn't breathe. She was having a panic attack she couldn't stop it. She clutched her chest as she fell to the floor. Fear gripping her as the world went black.

Natalia reached the farmhouse with a renewed spirit. On the drive home she prayed. Prayed to thank God for this love. Prayed that she could make Olivia understand why she left. Prayed for forgiveness for running out on the women she loves. Reaching the porch she pulled out her keys and opened the door to see Olivia sprawled on the floor pale and motionless.

"OLIVIA! OLIVIA!" She rushed to her side feeling for a pulse. Finding a weak one she was slightly relieved. Dialing 911 she relayed what was going on and then returned to Olivia's side. Stroking her hair and speaking softly waiting for help to arrive.

After what seemed like forever she heard sirens approaching and ran to the door. Leaving it open so they could come right in and she returned to Olivia.

Remy burst through the door. "What happened?"

"I…I don't know. I was….I was out and when I came home here she was. Oh my god oh my god." She stuttered. "Oh god Remy you have to help her! I can't lose her."

"Natalia you need to calm down so I can concentrate on Olivia."

After getting her vitals Olivia was loaded up and taken to Cedars. Natalia following close behind.

Walking into Cedars Natalia was met by Rick. "Rick where is she? How is she? Take me to her."

"Relax Natalia. It was just a panic attack. She is fine. She is being set up in a room so I can monitor her for awhile then I will take you back." Rick calmly explained. "So what happened? Where you two fighting or something?"

"No not exactly. I did something a little stupid and I think I really scared her. Oh…. This is all my fault." Natalia said her voice laced with guilt.

Rick placed his hand on hers in a reassuring way. "Don't do this to yourself Natalia. We all know how Olivia can be. I'm sure whatever happened she had it coming."

"No Rick…..

At that time a nurse walked up alerting them that Olivia was settled in her room.

"Come on let me take you to our resident pain in the butt." Rick said with a smile.

Natalia gave him a small smile and followed him to Olivia's room.

Looking through the glass before entering Natalia felt the sure pain of guilt grip her. Olivia looked to be sleeping. Turning to Rick she asked for a few moments with her before he came in. With a nod from Rick she slowly opened the door.

At the sound of the door closing Olivia's eyes blinked open. "Hey."

Approaching the side of the bed and reaching for Olivia's hand Natalia looked at her with shame in her eyes. "Hi."

Olivia pulled her hand back and Natalia had to fight the tears threatening to fall. "Did you get your thinking done?"

"Yes. Yes I did. I'm so sorry Olivia. I shouldn't have left like that. I swear it's not what you think."

"Oh so now you know what I think." Olivia spat. Anger dripping from every word. Her insecurities getting the best of her.

Gently Natalia tried to grab her hand again only to have it pulled away again. "I know you're not thinking anything good."

"What makes you say that?"

"Good thoughts don't tend to land one in the hospital."

"Well what was I supposed to think Natalia? Please explain it to me."

"I've been trying to. Are you ready to let me explain or are you still too full of anger and sarcasm to listen?" Natalia questioned.

"You don't get to do that. You don't get to kiss me, tell me you love me, then run off, and come back and act like I'm the bitch. This one is on you Natalia."

"Okay, you're right. This is my fault but please let me explain then I will go if you want but please hear me out." She begged.

"Fine. Say what you need to say then get out. Go see Frank."

"Olivia that's uncalled for. When I left I didn't go see Frank."

"So where did you go then? What did you need to think about so bad that you just left me? You left me!" she screamed.

At that exact moment Rick thought it a good idea to come in. Not sensing the tension in the room he walked to Oliva and started questioning the events that brought her in. "So what happened this evening? You just miss me?" He joked.

"Well ya know, gotta keep you on your toes. Keep you from thinking I'm a good patient or anything."

"Don't worry about that. I've met you." He joked. "So seriously what happened?"

Glancing at Natalia she began to fidget with the blanket not sure what to say. As angry as she was she still didn't want to cause Natalia any pain or embarrassment.

Natalia sensed what Oliva was feeling and decided to take the lead. Using this opportunity to explain to both Rick and Olivia. "Olivia and I had a….moment together. I got a little freaked out and left. I can't say what happened for sure but I could venture a guess that Olivia let her negative thoughts and insecurities run rapid and had a panic attack. I came home and found her on the living room floor." Locking eyes with Olivia she took her hand and reveled in the fact that she didn't jerk away.

"Olivia wanna fill in gaps there for us please."

"No, she got it in one." She agreed smirking at Natalia.

"Okay then. Well I want to keep you for an hour or so just to make sure you're good. Then you can go home. Please limit the stress Olivia. You need to take care of yourself."

"Thanks Rick." The two ladies said in unison and he headed out the door.

"Now. Can I please explain Olivia." Natalia asked. Stroking her free hand through Olivia's silk strands.

"Yes."

"Good. Olivia I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left like that. Baby, I wasn't leaving you. I just…..I just needed to clear my head I guess. I am scared…terrified really." Seeing Olivia's eyes fill with pain she quickly sought to find the right words. "Olivia I feel so much for you. Things I have never felt before, things I don't know what to do with. You look at me and I melt. You touch me, even in the simplest of ways, and my mind goes blank, and when you kissed me….when you kissed me I was on fire. My body reacted in ways I didn't even know where possible. My brain went to places I have never let it go before. My heart beat faster then I think is safe for anyone. And yes I needed to think, so I drove to the church."

At those words Olivia scoffed and looked away. Natalia gently cupped her cheek and turned her head back to face her. She leaned down and placed a chaste kiss to her lips before continuing. "I went to the church, yes, but something amazing happened before I even walked in. I realized that I don't need the churches approval. All I need is gods approval. So I left the church without even going inside. I left and I went to talk to the one person I felt safe talking to besides you." She said smiling.

"Who?" Olivia questioned curiously.

"Nicky. I went to talk to Nicky. And while I was speaking to him I realized how stupid I was and what you must be thinking so a I ran to my car, texted you, and headed home. On the drive I Prayed. I prayed like I had never prayed before. I prayed for your forgiveness and understanding. I prayed to give thanks for this love God has given me. I prayed for us Olivia. And do you know what happened?"

Olivia shook her head. "No. What?"

"I felt peace wash over me. As I turned into the driveway I felt like God was making sure I felt his blessing in this love. He was making sure I knew that loving you is what I was meant to do. Baby, I'm so very sorry. Please forgive me. Please give US a chance. Please."

Olivia reached up and brushed the back of her hand down Natalia's cheek. Wiping away the tears that we're freely falling. "Of course I forgive you. How could I not? You are the love of my life."

At that Natalia smiled brightly. Dimples on full display. She leaned down and drew Olivia into a passionate kiss. A kiss that was a promise. A kiss that spoke of their future.

After long moments they separated touching their foreheads together. "I love you so much Olivia."

"I love you too. Lets get Rick to release me, go get our little girl, and go home."