Hilda's Based Squadron Chapter 3: The Number 2, a hilda fanfic

CHAPTER 3: THE NUMBER 2

Once they were finished with the meeting they set off through Trolberg to see if they could find someone to recruit. But as they were looking for one, they managed to see a small, green train stuck on a hill with an ungodly amount of wagons behind him. Of course being in front of a level crossing, there really wasn't a lot they could do. That was until a smart blue engine with a face would come up behind the wagons at the bottom. He'd start to push the train up the hill until he had reached the top. The engine would come down from the hill heading back the way he came. Even though the others didn't think about it that much, Hilda was pretty impressed despite it being a fucking train.

Hilda: "Mum, can you follow that train?"

Johanna: "..Oh god, are we really going to?"

Hilda: "Fuck yeah we are!"

Johanna: "..Fine."

So without getting on the tracks, they followed the engine to a shed where the engine was resting. She would then get out of the car and creep over to the shed. At this point Trollberg didn't have any walls to keep other trespassers from getting in since Trollberg's safety patrols were on a low budget.

Hilda: "Bitch, wake the fuck up."

The Engine: "..Huh?"

Hilda: "Yeah... Sorry to interrupt your sleep but we need you to take down a twitter mob Mr. Train."

The Engine: "Excuse me? My name would be Edward."

Hilda: "Alright, fine. Edward do you have a grudge against Twitter?"

Edward would pause for a moment. He was looking a bit distressed.

Edward: "Well.. don't tell anyone this but yes, they picked on my old friend Trevor the traction Engine for being a "pedophile" even though he clearly wasn't and canceled him. Ever since then I had to hide the fact I was based and coalpilled"

Hilda: "Well you're in luck, we are going to stop those fucking bitches before they can even cancel you or my friends."

Edward: "Huh.. Well I would, but.."

Hilda: "You really are difficult, are you?"

Edward: "No, I was just gonna say that I have a bit of a problem with doing that."

Hilda: "What would that be?"

Edward: "How the hell am I supposed to follow you when they're aren't any rails?"

Hilda: "Oh yeah.. Let me go get a friend of mine."

Hilda would then proceed to get Kaisa out of Johanna's car and walk back to the shed.

Kaisa: "..What the fuck are you supposed to be?"

Edward: "Well.. A Steam Engine, dumbfuck."

Hilda: "Before we go fucking apeshit on each other, could you kindly cast a spell to where Edward can run without his rails?"

Kaisa: "..Okay?"

Kaisa soon cast the spell on Edward, making him able to go on the streets of Trolberg and the lands beyond without needing those pesky rails. Edward was very satisfied with this, as this means he was no longer limited and didn't have a high chance of crashing anymore.

Edward: "Huh, that was interesting."

Hilda: "Certainly, now that that's over with, maybe you can help us find more based people to recruit?"

Edward: "Don't mind if I do, I'll take you to Sodor if you'd like."

Hilda: "..What the fuck is Sodor? Is that a retirement home for gay seniors who take 3 foot cocks up the ass?"

Edward: "No, it's an island that is across from here."

Hilda: "Alright then tardo, seems legit."

And soon Edward transported them all to Sodor, where they saw a vast land full of engines, just doing their jobs. There were engines pushing cars, pulling cars, taking passengers to their desired destinations, the whole thing. And soon enough they stopped at a station to look for some based guys, when along came the number 1 blue Engine himself.

Edward: "Thomas! How's it been?"

Thomas: "Good as usual, trying to be the best little Engine there could've been."

Edward: "Er.. right, you do sound different thomas."

Hilda: "Bruh, is this how he usually is?" Hilda whispered to Edward.

Edward: "oh No, He's quite a lot more mature." He whispered back

Hilda: "Damn, it almost feels like some money hungry merchandising company took over his previously mature body and bastardized him beyond all comprehension."

Thomas: "Well anyway, want to see how much wood items are in Annie and Clarabel?"

As they looked over at Annie and Clarabel they would both have a frightened expression on their faces.

Annie: "Save our souls already."

Hilda simply looks at Kaisa. Kaisa nods and throws the sword from the Witches' Maze to Hilda. Hilda looks at the blue #1 engine.

Edward: "Where in the hell did you get that sword?"

Hilda's tone and face becomes deathly serious. She said only one sentence.

Hilda: "Don't question it."

Hilda then walks up the the #1 engine with the sword in her hand.

Thomas: "Hello! Wait, what are you-" Hilda looks away and swings the sword casually with one arm, slicing the engine in half. Edward would just be in a state of shock.

Edward: "HILDA, WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL WERE YOU THINKING-" Edward was soon cut off by another Engine that looked almost like the engine that was just sliced in half.

Thomas The Tank Engine: "Uh.. Edward, What's wrong? Heard you screaming from a mile away." He would question as he then looked at Hilda, and then the bastard Thomas behind her.

Thomas The Tank Engine: "Thank you." As he then collected Annie and Clarabel, and headed off.

Hilda smiled as she knew exactly what was going on. She then turned to look at you. Yes you, the reader.

Hilda: "Yeah, I see you reading this. Bet you weren't expecting that shit, huh? Well I just have one message." Hilda raised a middle finger to the non-existent screen.

Hilda: "Fuck you Mattel. Fuck you. You shit on Thomas' brand and image, and all for what? Merchandising? You disgust me."

Hilda then turned back around, with everyone simply confused as to what she was talking about and who she was talking to.

Edward: ".. Right, well I guess we should head for Crovan's Gate to continue the search for more based people."

Hilda: "I don't know what that is, but I agree."

Edward: "Well other words.. it's a station."

Hilda: "Huh, No shit."

Edward would then take off once more to Crovan's Gate as they stopped right on the platform, as by that time it was already getting late. So there wasn't anyone at the platform or anything that would bother them.

Edward: "I must admit, it is pretty quiet."

Hilda: "Again, no shit. This place is empty, I think we should move on."

But before they could move on a cloud of mist rolled in out of nowhere. It was hard to even see what was around them.

Hilda: "..What in the Kentucky Fried Fuck is this?"

Edward: "Welp you know what that means, something bat-shit crazy is about to happen."

And from out of nowhere, a yellow Engine appeared out of thin air.

Hilda: "Bruh… Why is there a fucking piss colored engine?"

Edward: "That's not a pissed color- Well it is.. But good God, it's fucking Proteus! What is he doing here?!"

Proteus: "I am here to haunt the motherfucker who is edward,

because he is actually based."

Hilda: "Fuck is wrong with that, you retard?"

Proteus: "It's fucking disturbing mate."

Hilda: "Motherfucker, you trying to justify your reasons for hating him based on his "basedness" alone is like Ricky Berwick trying to win the fucking Indie 500."

Edward: "That's fucking cold, dude."

Proteus simply sat there, with a face that wrote "Bruh Moment" all over it. He was simply awestruck at the joke, and how offensive it was.

Hilda: "You gonna sit there looking like you saw the quiet kid whip out an AR and start kashooting, or are you gonna say something?"

Proteus began shaking as if he was a frightened little child after seeing Joe Biden's Alzheimer's ridden cock directly in front of them. But he wasn't afraid. He began floating above the rails along with a few other belongings. Edwards face would turn from broke to woke as he watched proteus float in the air.

Hilda: "Oh holy fuck, this dude is floatin, wonder what pussy got him to do that?"

Proteus would then proceed to throw a bench straight at Hilda out of pure rage. Hilda dodges out of the way, causing the bench to hit a wall.

Hilda: "God, your aim is like a kid with Parkinsons' trying to use a squirt gun. Gotta try harder, retard!"

Proteus would growl at her like he was like a chimpanzee screaming Pat her for a banana. He would then pile up some missing luggage and belongings from passengers on the railway that had forgotten them, and threw them at Hilda. Hilda whipped out the knife she used against the army, and managed to slice through every single item that was thrown at her.

Proteus was getting even more pissed off as he aimlessly started throwing stuff at Hilda. Edward would just look on, being very impressed but also scared at the same time. Hilda would continue to dodge and slice through the objects that got thrown until one managed to slip through her guard and send her flying into a wall, causing a decent sized crater in the wall.

Hilda: "Motherfucker that hurts!"

Hilda got back up slowly, it was painful but she still has the will to fight.

Edward: "Hilda! A bit of advice! Proteus' lamp is essentially his heart! You grab that shit and he's finished!"

Hilda simply nodded. She gathered the strength she had left in her and continued to dodge and counter all of Proteus' attacks. She got closer and closer, reaching for the lamp, but was blown back yet again.

Proteus: "If you were Smudger, I'd turn you back into a generator and leave you in the abandoned Mid Sodor Railway!"

He said as he continuously threw shit at her.

Hilda: "You must be extra retarded, because I don't know what the fuck you are even talking about!" An idea then sparked inside Hilda's head. Hilda thought to herself. "Got it…" Hilda then dodged another item he threw, then jumped on top of another, this gave her an extra boost to evade the attacks and grab the lamp.

Proteus: "Wait… What..?"

Hilda simply smirked and turned away, holding up Proteus' lamp.

Hilda: "Got your heart, bitch boy."

Proteus would then lower himself back onto the narrow gauge rails feeling a bit displeased with himself.
Proteus: "You actually did it, bloody hell."
Hilda felt a bit of pride, but she didn't intend on killing the steam engine. Before she decided what to do with him, Proteus spoke up.

Proteus: "Look, I really do need that lamp. As Edward said, it's my heart. I cannot live without it. So I'll do anything in order to get it back."

Hilda: "Oh? Is there something I could obtain that could possibly help me stand a chance against a Twitter mob?" Asked Hilda.

Proteus: "I can't help you directly, but… I can grant you one wish."

Hilda looked at Proteus with disbelief, but she has lived through crazier shit in her life, so a steam engine that grants wishes isn't all that unbelievable.
Hilda: "Alright, but if ya don't mind I'll go talk to my team about what 'my' wish should be. I didn't exactly come here expecting wishes.
Proteus, while a bit worried that she'll just leave him here for dead, also knew that if she wanted him dead she wouldn't have even bothered to listen to him, so he reluctantly accepts.

Hilda decided to go consult with her team to figure out what her wish would be.

Hilda: "Now then, what should it be? It has to be something that can help us against this twitter mob drastically."

Edward: "Well. we could try and use an extra amount of fuel tankers for them."
David: "Why not wish for flashy guns, I've yet to meet anyone who's immune to a bullet."

Kaisa: "That won't matter if there are tens to hundreds of thousands of them! Guns have a limited ammo supply. Even if you can take them down with a single headshot, the sheer amount would still overwhelm you."
David: "Well then just wish for infinite ammo, surely that ought to drop them dead one by one!" Kaisa just rolled her eyes at his comment, knowing full well that no amount of military equipment given by a steam engine would be enough to stop an angered mob of twitter users. Johanna: "Well, I have an idea."

Everyone turned to Johanna, curious to listen to this idea she had.

Johanna: "Frida could be anywhere. She's unpredictable. We could wish for an item that could track wherever she is. So when the time comes, we're able to directly track her down to take care of business."
The squad thought about it for a couple of seconds, before they all agreed that a 'Frida Tracker' would certainly come in useful. Except for David, he still wanted guns.

Hilda: "Well, frida tracker it is, I'll go wish for that right now." The blue haired adventurer headed over to the train genie, and was ready to ask for her wish.
Proteus: "Took you a while to talk to your team about the wish, but I'm just glad you didn't just run off with my lamp and leave me for dead"
Hilda:"Glad to hear it, now I'm ready for you to grant me a wish"
Proteus:"Oh yea, and what would that be?"
Hilda:"You heard of Frida, right?"
Proteus whistled, which basically meant yea he has.
Hilda: Well, I wish for a frida tracker, so that we may know where Frida is located at all times."
Proteus just wanted his lamp back, so he proceeded to grant our blue haired heroine her frida tracker.

Hilda thanked Proteus, put his lamp back where it was, and headed off, in search for someone to join her squadron.

Kaisa: "Alright, let's get off this damned island. Engines are starting to give me the creeps, no offense, Edward."
Edward: "No, no, it's fine, believe me you're not the first to say that."
Kaisa readied a portal with spellz (magic bitch) and told everyone to get in.
Kaisa: "Alright, you said you wanted Saitama right?"
Hilda nodded and told her, "why wouldn't we want a bad ass like Saitama on our team, he'd fucking splatter the Twitter horde like ants!" Hilda was excited to meet a man like Saitama, most men in Trolberg are sissies and those who aren't have stupid accents.
Kaisa: "Well, off we go then."

One teleportation later…

The squadron was teleported to a new place, and Hilda couldn't be more excited to meet the new squadron member. Kaisa then realized something.

Kaisa: "Wait… This isn't City Z. This isn't where Saitama is meant to be. We're in a completely different place."
Edward: It doesn't look nearly as detailed, but it has a certain char-" As soon as he was about to finish his sentence, a car bumped into Edward's backside. The car was fucked, but Edward was fine.

?: "Oh! Oh that's just fucking great! Peter, our car has been absolutely demolished beyond recognition!
Peter:"Oh gee Lois, that's terrible! That almost reminds me of the time when I was sus!"

Before our lovable protagonist was able to finish his funny haha, Johanna slapped him right across the face.
Johanna: "For the fucking love of all that is fucking holy, I am going to tear out your fucking tounge if I have to sit through one of these cutaway gags!"

Peter looked at the Bri'ish female with an odd expression, not understanding half of what she was saying because of her accent.
Hilda went from fucking hyped to severly disappointed, reminds her of E3.

Hilda: "Well this is just fucking great, we were SUPPOSED TO GO TO CITY Z, BUT INSTEAD WE END UP IN THIS FUCKING DUMPSTER FIRE OF A SHOW!" Hilda was mad as shit at Kaisa, but she tried to not let her anger get the best of her. Kaisa, knowing that Hilda, if not the entirety of the squad, is severely disappointed, decided that it would be best to talk about this mess later.

On the other hand, Peter and Lois were just confused as shit, and they wanted explanations.
Peter: "Ok, well before you all start yelling at each other, I want to know why there is a fucking train in the middle of the road?"
Hilda was too fucking enraged to even speak properly, and Johanna hated Family guy, so it was up to David and Kaisa to explain this mess.

David: "Well, to start this off, there's an evil force arising, one that's lead by a former friend of ou-"
Peter: "Ok, ok, I'm going to have to stop you right there, how does your little fairy tale explain how a fucking bright blue train just appeared in the road? For God's sake, there aren't any train tracks here!"
Edward: Well, I was given a weird spell by that witch over there that lets me 'walk' anywhere with solid ground. It's pretty neat!"
Peter, not knowing that 'the train' could talk, was confused as shit, even more so than before.
Peter: "Who said that?"
Kaisa: "The train, his name is Edward."

Peter couldn't believe what he was hearing, but he just decided to roll with it. David tried to explain again, after being rudely interrupted.
David "..Anyway, we're trying to save the universe from an angry Twitter mob, if Twitter is even a thing in this world."
Peter:"Wait… a Twitter mob?
Hilda: "YES, ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF YOU DANT CUNT?!"
Kaisa: "Calm down you orphan, anyhow you know anything about the twitter mob?"

Peter: "Yes, I know a lot about the Twitter mob, and frankly, I don't have the most pleasant experience with them."
Kaisa and David were intrigued, Hilda was still absolutely fucking enraged, Johanna couldn't believe the absurdity of the situation, and Edward just blanked out a while ago.

Kaisa: "What did they do?"
Peter: "What didn't they do? They got me fired from my job, all my friends can't look at me the same way, and my own children were disgusted with me."
David: "Jesus, that sounds terrible. Why were you cancelled though?"
Peter: "Over a cutaway gag about Mexicans that was made 12 years ago"
David: "Sounds like a very Twitter thing to do, and unfortunately we're next!"

Hilda took the opportunity to explain everything to Peter, from beginning to end. How Frida first made her account, to her becoming the neopronoun swinging, man hating, faggot shitlord she is as of now.

Peter: "Jesus, pal. She really sounds retarded beyond that of even a special ed second grader!" Hilda simply nodded and agreed.

Hilda: "Buuuuut… We do have this tracker, which can tell us where Frida is at all times. So if we need to wipe her ass off the face of the planet, then we can fucking do so!"
Peter thought about this for a bit, and decided to settle a score with the horde that took it all from him.
Peter: "Is there a way that I can join your little faction?"
Out of no where, a fucking guy dressed up as a rooster came out of god knows where and stared at peter with the intention of beating his ass.

David: "Who is that?"
Hilda: "I dunno, some hobo who's on crack probably, Peter, do you know this cock lover?"
Peter: Well yeah, we've been beating the shit out of each other since day one." David knew shit was about to go down, so he asked Kaisa if she had a spell that made popcorn, but as soon as he said that, Hilda made a remark.
Hilda: "Quit asking for snacks you fat fucking retard."

David looked dejected at this comment, then realized it was most likely for his own good. As soon as they both looked back on the fight though, Edward ran over the rooster dude.

Hilda:"Well shit, we missed it. Nice job, fat fuck."
David: "Go to hell."
Edward: "Glad to be of service."
Peter: Well, trains have faces now. And it doesn't help that his wheels are covered in hobo blood. Someone appeared in the distance. It was… Meg?!

Meg: "Hello white trash colonizer. I am here to end you and cancel you while you're in your gravestone!" Meg then yells a battle cry that could be equated to autistic screeching but multiplied in the thousands.

Hilda: "This could be a good warmup for when me and Frida eventually fight."

The fight begins with Meg charging in, as Hilda dodges to the right and gets a clean shot on Meg's face, sending her into a wall. Hilda kept on the onslaught, landing clean ass blows that did a lot of damage. Meg goes back on the offensive however, sweeping Hilda's leg and swinging a pipe at her that she found laying on the ground. This sends Hilda into the air and Meg took this opportunity to throw hands at her stomach while she was still in the air. Hilda was knocked into the air even higher. Meg jumped up and hammered her into the ground, causing a crater.

Meg: "You think you're tough, huh? Well I'm still tougher because I have Twitter on my side!" Hilda simply laughed in response, because she had a trump card ready to be played.

Hilda: "Is that so, retard? Then come on… Show me what you can truly do."

This enraged Meg, making her blows become predictable. Hilda took this brief moment to swing a haymaker into Meg's stomach, causing her to cough up blood. Meg was starting to lose ground, as Hilda's tenacity and speed were able to keep her at an advantage. The battle was hard-fought on both sides, but luck had to favor one.

They clashed one final time. Hilda smirked as she prepared another blow, but this one was special. She enhanced it with a bit of magic she had learned from Kaisa. This hard-hitter was enough to pierce through Meg's stomach, causing a brutal sound and blood to fly everywhere. Meg fell to her knees, shocked.

Meg: "You… You… Bas...tard…"

Meg then got back up and tried to fight back, she even caught Hilda by surprise. One of her swings managed to send Hilda through a window, which damaged her.

Hilda: "Seems you weren't as tough as you really thought you were."

Hilda slowly got to her feet, and brought her hand straight across Meg's neck, this fatal blow decapitated the girl. The battle ended once and for all. Hilda walked back to the squadron, who were worried once they saw the state she was in. Johanna could hardly believe that's the same Hilda she raised.

David: "That was cool, scary but cool"

Edward: "Erm.. would now be the right time to ask you if you are alright? I mean, it looks like you took some harder blows then when we fought proteus!"
Hilda: "Well, that's cause Proteus at least wasn't a snarky cunt that no one likes, which unfortunately can't be said with Meg."
Edward: still didn't like the brutality, but if it stopped the Twitter mob, then whatever.
Johanna just stared at Meg's corpse with fear, but she was snapped back to reality by Peter.
Peter: "Eh, no one liked her anyway. Chris was always way funnier."
Johanna: "Still, can't help but wonder."
Kaisa: "Well, these events have happened in the exact same street they started in, anyone wanna head to our actual designated location?"
Hilda: "Sure, but for the love of god, don't teleport us to the American Dad world."

Kaisa just rolled her eyes once more. Hilda looked back at Peter, and said a few words that fired him up beyond anything before.

Hilda: "Did I mention that Frida is black?"

Peter immediately tensed up, as he was so fucking ready now.

Kaisa did the haha magic, summoned a portal, and waited for everyone to get in. Before they all left, Hilda asked Peter if he wanted to join their squadron. An offer he couldn't pass up on.

Peter: "Ah, why the hell not? Lemme just do one thing. This is better than the time I grabbed the entire stock of the Clam and then came back here almost instantly!"

The stuff then appeared, having been in a cutaway gag.

Peter: "Sweet! Alright, let's go!"
Kaisa: "Edward hasn't moved this entire time, wtf?"

They all entered the portal (hopefully.) leading to City Z, where Saitama will be located.

ONE TELEPORTATION LATER…

They were there. Finally. No mishaps, no nothing. It was time.

Kaisa: "Yep, we're here."

Hilda sighed in relief before talking.

Hilda: "Thank fuck. You didn't fuck it up this time! I'm proud of you!"

Kaisa simply rolled her eyes.

Hilda: "I can't wait to see this dude! He's so strong, and he's so GOD DAMN COOL!"

?: "Who's cool?"

They all turned around to see… A cyborg. Hilda was visibly disappointed.

Hilda: "Oh… It's only Genos."

Genos: "How do you know my name?!" Genos quickly got into a defensive battle stance, ready to kick some fucking ass if need be.

Hilda: "Relax, I'm not here to fight. We are here to find Saitama."

Genos visibly tensed at the mention of his master. He didn't know how these random ass people knew of both him and Saitama.

Genos: "Wait… Sensei? How do you know him?"

Kaisa spoke up.

Kaisa: "Well, dumb blue hair retard here is a very big fan of Saitama, and you… To an extent."

Hlda simply glared at her. Someone landed next to Genos.

?: "Oi, Genos! What's all that noise? And who are you talking to?"

It was him. It was the caped baldy himself. Hilda got excited and started jumping up and down!

Hilda: "YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES! Saitama!"

Saitama: "Woah, woah, woah! Who are you? Also, I'm quite busy, so make this quick."

Hilda: "Sure. Well, we need your help with something. It's… Twitter related."

Saitama dropped his groceries and clenched his fist. A threatening aura spread throughout the area.

Saitama: "And what of it..?"

Hilda: "We need your power in order to beat the shit out of a Twitter horde. They could become a multiversal threat if left to spread out and increase numbers. I'm sure you have your reason for hating the bastards, just as much as I do."

Saitama: "...I do have a reason. Those bastards cost me any chance of applying for a job. They cost me my love life. THEY MADE ME START THIS TRAINING SO I COULD DEFEND MYSELF AGAINST THOSE BASTARDS! They're the whole reason I'm like this now…"

Hilda: "Good God… Well Saitama. I have an opportunity for you. An opportunity to get rid of those faggots once and for all."

Saitama looked, slightly more surprised at Hilda.

Saitama: "Go on."

Saitama sat down as he listened to Hilda explain what the Based Squadron was, and their purpose to take down Frida.

Saitama: "So that's what it's like. I see."

Saitama immediately relaxed back into his usual self, and smiled.

Saitama: "I'm in! Genos, you take care of things around here until I get back. Watch the apartment, and contact the Hero Association, tell them I won't be here for a good bit."

Genos bowed.

Genos: "Yes Sensei!"

A rumbling was suddenly heard. A ship hovered over multiple cities. It was gargantuan in size.

Saitama: "Let me go take care of this first."

One Boros Fight And A Serious Punch Later…

Saitama: "Okay, I'm back. Let's go."

They all nodded, and without a word spoken, they all got in and went back to Trolberg's Library, their base of operations.

Hilda: "Good job everyone, we got three members! Edward, Peter, and Saitama. This will definitely increase our chances of beating Frida. We may have a chance now."

AN: Took us a while, but we finally got around to making chapter 3. We'll try to have more consistent upload schedules, and maybe, just maybe we'll be able to finish the fic by June. We have lots in store tho, so be sure to stick around if ya want.