CHAPTER 3
Skylar watched the sun come up through her small bedroom window. She had gotten barely any sleep that night. After everything reminding her of Ian the day before, she couldn't shut her mind off and stop it from playing the movie of him and her from the moment they met to their last kiss.
She rolled on her side and looked again at the empty space next to her. She put her hand on the pillow, imagining she was instead touching Ian's face, giving her his biggest shining smile. In her head, he pulled her against him and kissed her. He went slow but the pace didn't diminish the want he clearly had for her. He brought one hand under the blankets and bunched the fabric of her shift so his hand could slip beneath it, drawing it up her leg and to her backside. He let it rest there as his kiss became more passionate, then continued its path over her hip to her lower stomach, causing goosebumps to form on her skin wherever he touched. Steadily, he brought his hand down to her privates and-
I can't do this right now, she thought, forcing herself out of the fantasy.
Sometimes at night, when the bandaids attempting to hold her together would fall away and the fragile pieces of her were on the brink of shattering, she would remember what it felt like to kiss him and have his hands on her. How fire would run through her blood when he would look at her with his dilated eyes full of desire. She would remember the night they handfast and when they were finally able to give in to said desire that had been eating away at them since the day they met.
Replaying every one of these moments in her head had the same effects on her as they did when she was living them. She would need him so intensely it was maddening, so she would pretend her own touch was his and take her time before finishing to savor every second of the memory or fantasy of him. But when she was done, she was reminded that the euphoria she had just felt being in bed with Ian hadn't been real, and that he was still far far away, likely bedding other women in the Mohawk. She wanted to believe he was still only devoted to her and would forever stay away from all other women out of his faithfulness. But that was a ridiculous notion that would absolutely never come to be.
He's human. It's impossible that he would never be attracted to or turned on by someone else. He could very well already have found someone and fell in love with her and married her.
That idea made her stomach churn.
She pushed herself to sitting and looked at the clock on the wall. 7:03am. She looked to Ollie's crib and saw he was still sound asleep.
Of course the one day I can't sleep, he decides to sleep in.
She dragged her hands over her face and let out a sigh as she dropped them back onto the mattress. She took another look at where Ian should be and touched it once more tenderly before making herself get out of bed.
It was starting to get a bit warmer now that it was April, so she just put on a loose white shirt and lightweight navy blue skirt. She tied her hair up into a ponytail to attempt to keep it from sticking to her neck from sweat and looked herself over in the mirror.
Nothing spectacular. But I'm not trying to impress anyone, so who cares?
While she thought it was imminent that Ian would one day put their past behind him and find someone else, she knew without a single doubt that she never would. He may have been her first love, but she was sure that he would be her only. She could never love someone half the amount she loved Ian, and it wouldn't be fair to the hypothetical new husband for their marriage to be forever one sided. She would only ever be Mistress Murray.
As long as we both shall live.
Her head turned to her closed door when she heard movement coming from the kitchen and soft talking. She went to see who it was, and when she opened the door, her face lit up.
"Dad!" she exclaimed. She ran to Jamie, standing at the table with Claire, and collided with him into a deep hug. He held her close against him and kissed her head.
"A leannan, m' annsachd." She kept her cheek against his chest for another few seconds, then pulled back from him.
Still smiling, she said, "I didn't think you would be home this soon."
"Unfortunately, 'tis only for a short time. Lieutenant Knox has instructed me te gather the men of the Ridge te aid us in enlistin' fer our militia and showin' the Regulators our numbers."
Skylar's face dropped slightly. "Well, how long are you gonna be here then?"
"I canna say fer sure. I was ordered te return te Hillsborough wi' all due speed once I have the men."
"But you'll be here for Ollie's birthday in a week?"
"Of course. I could never miss such an important day. I told Knox that I am in his service, but I must be home te celebrate me grandson's first year." Her smile grew again.
"Speaking of," Claire spoke, "I'm surprised to see you up and about without him."
"Yeah, he actually decided to wait until the sun was fully in the sky before waking up. I, on the other hand…" She stopped herself. She didn't want to tell them that she couldn't sleep, because then she would have to explain why and that would lead to them trying to pry out a very uncomfortable conversation that she in no way wanted to be a part of. So she kept that bit of truth to herself and instead told them, "I guess my internal alarm clock is now permanently set for 5:00." The focus of all three was brought to the bedroom behind them when the cries of a certain infant started to ring out. "Well, speak of the devil." She went back into her room and to Ollie's crib. He wasn't screaming, but he was crying enough so that everyone would be able to know he was awake and would come get him. His little legs were kicking as if trying to run away, and when he saw his mom, his whines died down and he reached his arms up to her.
"Good morning, bubba," she said softly to him. "You slept in. Were you that tired?" She picked him up and held him against her so that his head was laying on her shoulder. "Guess what? Grandda's here. You wanna see Grandda?" He smiled, recognizing the name, and continued to kick even wilder out of excitement. "Let's go see him." She walked back into the kitchen and announced, "Someone is very excited to see you, Grandda."
Jamie's smile went from ear to ear seeing the baby boy and he met them halfway. "Mo ogha." He took Ollie from Skylar and cradled him. "How is it that ye've grown so in just the week since I saw ye last? Yer gettin' so heavy I canna barely lift ye."
"What are you up to today?" Claire asked her.
"I'm gonna start making the decorations for Ollie's birthday and keep working on his blanket."
"You've been making good progress. You should be done soon."
"I hope so. I want it done before his party."
"But even if you're not, he won't know any different."
"Yeah, still..." She looked back at her son in Jamie's arms. He was smiling up at his grandfather and Jamie was beaming while holding him. Skylar brushed her fingers through Ollie's hair and added to Claire, "I really wanna try so it can be his first birthday present from me." Over the last two months, she had been working on knitting a blanket for Ollie. It was an attempt at a green ombre with any green yarn she could get her hands on. She worked on it any free moment she had, which was usually at night when she couldn't sleep, and was so close to finishing. But she would have to work overtime if she wanted it to be done within the next 6 days.
"If you need anymore yarn, all of mine is in our room."
"Thank you. I might take a couple of the darker greens, those are the last ones I need. I was gonna do the decorations at Bree's because she has good paints, so I'll just bring the yarn with me."
"When ye go, would it be alright if I spent some time wi' Ollie? I've missed the wee lad," Jamie asked of her.
"Of course. He'd love that. And so would I."
Claire rubbed Skylar's arm tenderly. "You relax today. Enjoy your break. We are more than happy to take care of him for a while."
"Thank you. Oh, do you have any extra paper or has Dr. Rawlings claimed all of it?"
Claire laughed. "No, I have some left over in the surgery. Help yourself."
"Thanks." Before she left, she kissed Ollie on the head. "Have fun with your grandparents, sweetheart. Be a good boy."
Claire stroked Ollie's cheek with her finger. "Can you say bye bye to your mama?"
Skylar followed, "Can you say mama? Mama? We've been trying so hard. Mama?"
Somewhere in his little one year old brain, he knew his mom wanted him to say this word, but he just couldn't form it. He could still only get out, "Meh. Meh. May." But he babbled it out with such a sweet smile that Skylar accepted it was all she was getting right now."
She picked up his hand and he wrapped it around one of her fingers. "That's okay, baby. We'll keep trying. You'll get it, I know it." She gave him one last kiss then looked back up at her parents. "I'll see you guys later. I'll be at Bree and Roger's if you need anything."
Claire cupped her face for just a moment. "Have fun, darling."
Skylar pat Ollie's head and smiled lovingly, then walked out to collect her supplies.
She went into the surgery first and picked up a basket on top of Claire's herbs counter. She then crossed to the table to look for any blank papers. Among the array of scattered papers on the small table, she picked out the ones she needed, but took a minute to look over the ones with writing. It was a list of medical recommendations from Dr. Rawlings to the people at the Ridge. But what the readers wouldn't know is that Dr. Rawlings was actually Claire. She had heard too many misconceptions about medicines and treatments from patients and other settlers and no matter how many times she would try to explain things the right way, no one would listen because she was a woman. Thus, Dr. Rawlings was born. Though he was a person that had already existed since he was the previous owner of her medical box.
I hope she gets these distributed soon. Hopefully they'll believe this is the truth if they think it's from a man. It wasn't ideal, but it was the ways of this time, as annoying as it was.
After gathering the paper and yarn, she headed for the front door to leave. But before she could open it, someone else did and ran into her on their way in. The impact was strong enough to knock Skylar to the floor and all of her things fell out of the basket.
"Oh, Christ. I'm so sorry, Mistress Murray." It was Benjamin. He immediately dropped down to help pick up the paper and yarn. "I shoulda knocked before I came in. I-I wasna thinkin'. I need te watch where I'm goin'."
"Benjamin, it's okay. It was just an accident." She gave him a kind smile and finished putting everything back in the basket. He stared at her as he picked up the last yarn ball, his face still beet red. He stood up before her and held out his hand to help her up. She took it and got on her feet.
"Yer no hurt?"
"Not at all. I'm perfectly fine. Just a little sawdust." She brushed the remnants of construction off her skirt.
He looked over her from her head to her feet and suddenly couldn't stop himself from letting out, "Ye look lovely teday, Mistress Murray."
"Thank you, that's really sweet. I haven't even been awake an hour and I feel like I'm already sweaty and gross, it's so hot."
"Ye are the farthest from it, I promise ye."
"Such a gentleman, Mr. Allaway."
He gazed at her for another moment before he remembered he was still holding the yarn. "Oh, um, this is yers, I believe."
"That it is." She held out the basket and he placed it in.
"May I ask what sort of project yer workin' on?"
"I'm making things for Ollie's birthday next week. Paper for the decorations and I'm making him a blanket as a gift."
"His birthday is next week?" he repeated.
"Yeah, next Thursday. I can't believe it. He's growing up way too fast. Soon he'll be a man with a family and job."
"Well, if he grows te be anythin' like his Ma, ye have nothin' te worry about."
"You think far too highly of me, Benjamin." She touched his arm and they switched places so she could leave. He watched her go, his heart pounding so loud he could hear it in his ears, until he made himself return to the task he set out to do.
When Skylar reached the Mackenzies' cabin, she walked onto the porch and knocked. A moment later, Bree opened the door and smiled at seeing her.
"Sky, you know you don't need to knock when you come over."
"Yeah, but I don't wanna risk walking in on something I shouldn't."
Bree's cheeks turned pink at the insinuation. "I'll just put a sock on the door handle as a warning." They laughed and Bree let Skylar pass, then closed the door behind her.
"Hey, Roger," Skylar greeted him. He stood up from the table he was at when he saw her.
"Good mornin'," he said back. He was wringing his hands together and seemed nervous. But Skylar didn't notice. She went to Jemmy's crib to say hi to her nephew.
"So what prompted the visit?" Bree asked.
"I was hoping I could use your some of your paints for Ollie's decorations?"
"Definitely. Have at it." She went to Bree's easel and picked out the colors she wanted.
"Is it okay if I chill here to work?"
"Of course." When she sat down at the table, Bree and Roger exchanged a look.
Bree then said, "I'm gonna take Jemmy out for a walk. I'll be back soon."
"See ya," Skylar called.
It was quiet after Bree left with Jemmy. Skylar arranged her paper and paints over the table, then asked Roger, "Do you guys have scissors and paste I could use?"
"Aye." He brought the supplies over but hung awkwardly at the table.
Skylar could sense his nerves. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. Um…" He sat down at the table with her. "I just…I-I wanted te apologize fer, uh, what I said last night. I didn't know that that word-"
"Why are you sorry? Nothing happened."
Roger was confused. "I was sayin' that I was sorry usin' the nickname-"
"I don't know what you're talking about because nothing happened. You didn't say anything." The emphasis she used made it clear she knew what Roger was talking about but did not want him to bring it up. Thankfully, he understood.
"Aye, yer right. I don't know what I was…Just forget this ever happened."
"Already done." She looked back down to the papers and started to outline letters to spell out "HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLLIE."
"Do ye need any help?" Roger offered.
"Sure. If you wanna cut out the letters as I draw them, that'd be great."
"Absolutely."
One by one, they got the letters cut out and then they painted them. They pasted them together when they were done to create a banner. When Brianna got back, the three of them worked together to make paper balloons and chains as other decorations. At the end of her time there, they had made enough to cover the entire cabin wall to wall, and she also got a lot more done on the blanket.
And by the eve of Ollie's birthday, she finished it. When she made that last stitch, she let out a huge sigh. She laid it out over her bed and looked it over.
It's actually not too bad, she thought.
The ombre effect wasn't perfect and there were definitely a few mis-stiches, but all in all, it was a blanket and it was in one piece. She folded it nicely and wrapped it in a ribbon so Ollie would be able to "open it." She placed it under her bed next to the box from Jenny and Ian. When she saw the box, her heart went into her throat. She pulled it out and stared at it. She thought about opening it and looking at the stuffed rabbit, but she knew it would only hurt her and she was going to have to go through that the next day. So she quickly put it back under her bed and tried to forget about it.
The next morning, Ollie woke up right on time at 5:30am. With a huge smile on her face, Skylar leapt out of bed and went to his crib to pick him up.
"Happy birthday, sweet Ollie," she whispered to him. "You're a whole ear old. How is that possible?" Still waking up, he gave her a small sleepy smile and laid his head on her shoulder, gripping tight onto the collar of her shift. She rubbed circles on his back. "Are you excited for such a fun day? It's all about you today."
They both got dressed and went into the kitchen to get breakfast. Jamie and Claire were already there to meet them and they had put out a breakfast of eggs, toast, bacon, pancakes, and fresh milk. All of their focus was on Ollie and they fawned and pampered their grandson even more than usual. Ollie was all smiles and giggles as he shoved fistfuls of the eggs his mouth and enjoyed the attention. Skylar loved watching Jamie and Claire adore her son. But at the same time, she couldn't stop wishing her own mother was there to share this special day. She knew that had she met Ollie, he would be the center of her world and spoil the hell out of him. She would give anything to have all of his grandparents here with everyone.
But it's impossible, she had to remind herself. Two of them are across the ocean and his other grandmother hasn't even been born yet. He has his Grandda and Nana here, and they have enough love to give him for all of them.
She held tight onto her necklace, fixating her mind on missing her mom to ignore the absence of the most important person that needed to be there.
When the Ridge came to life and people were up and about, Skylar brought Ollie outside. Bree, Roger, Fergus and Marsali came with Jem and Germain and found them right away. They each took turns pampering Ollie with hugs and kisses. Ollie still had no idea why all of this was happening, but he was so happy it was.
When Lizzie came over to watch the kids so their parents could do their jobs for the day, Skylar and Ollie went on their own.
"You wanna go see the horses, baby?" Skylar suggested.
Ollie's excitement picked up and he blew out a "Brrrrrr," through his lips, mimicking the sound the horses make.
The noise made Skylar laugh. "Come on. Let's go see the horses." They travelled to the pen where a group of the horses were out and trotting around, picking at the hay and grass on the ground.
"See them, Ollie?" Skylar pointed to the animals. "They're all friends playing together."
"Brrrr brrrr," Ollie kept going. He was pushing against her to try to get closer to them and reaching out his hands. Skylar had to hold tighter to him to make sure he didn't fall.
"Sweetie, we have to stay here. We can't go play with them."
"Do ye want ye pet one, laddie?" Skylar turned to the voice and saw Benjamin coming from the stables towards them. When he got to them, he smiled at the little boy and asked again, "Do ye want ye pet one's the horse, Ollie? Of course, as long as it's fine by yer Ma."
"Oh, we would love that. Would that be so fun? You wanna pet the horse?"
"Hah! Hah!" Ollie squealed, wanting to say "horse."
"I'll bring one over te ye." Benjamin jumped inside the pen and was able to coax one of the light brown horses over. "This here is Betsy," he introduced. "She's verra sweet. If ye hold out yer hand and let her sniff ye, she'll let ye pet her nose."
"Okay, Ollie, put your hand on mine." Skylar held out her hand and he followed the direction. Slowly, she raised their hands to the horse and, just like Benjamin said, Betsy sniffed them. Ollie giggled when her whiskers brushed over his hand. Carefully, Skylar laid his hand on Betsy's nose and showed him how to pet her.
"Gently, gently," she instructed. "Very good, my love." She let him pet the animal on his own until he decided to stop.
"Do ye want ye feed him some sugar?" Benjamin reached into his pocket and took out a few sugar cubes. "See? Just like how ye went te pet her, ye put the cube in yer hand and hold it out. Then she'll lick it up." He demonstrated and Ollie was fascinated.
Skylar helped him hold out his hand so Benjamin could put one of the cubes in it and the she raised his hand very cautiously up to Betsy's mouth. She sniffed him again and then gobbled the sugar up. Ollie burst into a monster fit if giggles and was flailing his arms in joy.
"That was so good, honey! You were so brave! I'm so proud of you." Skylar kissed him on his cheek and hugged him.
"Yer a little natural wi' horses, laddie," Benjamin said to him. "Ye'll be able Te start ridin' before long."
"Don't even say that. He's going to stay this little forever. It's hard enough on me that he's already one."
"Speakin' of, I have a small somethin' fer him fer his birthday."
"Benjamin, what?"
"When ye told me about the day last week, I couldn't let it come and go wi'out givin' him a gift."
"You really did not have to do that."
"I ken. I wanted te. One moment." He went back into the stables then jogged back to them. He handed to Skylar a small package wrapped in a handkerchief. "Tis only a wee trinket. I apologize I didna have time te dress it better."
"You already did way too much. Ollie, can you lift the cloth? Take it off?" She pointed to the handkerchief so that Ollie would grab it. When he did, Skylar let out a gasp. "Benjamin, Omigod. This is unbelievable. What?" It was a small wooden rattle with a thin handle and circle at the end for Ollie to hold onto. It was painted dark blue and had his full name carved into it and painted yellow. Under his name were small, and also, yellow painted carvings of the different phases of the moon. The rest of the rattle, from top to bottom, was dotted with tiny yellow dots, meant to be stars.
"I ken that ye like the moon. I've seen ye starin' at it several times when we've all been outside at night. I thought it might be nice te put on there."
"This is so beautiful, Benjamin. I can't get over it. Ollie, look. You see your toy? Here, you can take it." Skylar held it to him and he slowly wrapped his hand around it. He stared at it and when he moved it, he heard it make a noise and that sparked his interest. He started shaking it and he began to smile and laugh all over again. "Yeah, you like it? It's a fun noise, I know. Can you say thank you? Say thank you, Benjamin?" He didn't hear his mom. He was too busy playing with the new thing. Skylar looked at Benjamin, and his eyes were lit up seeing Ollie love his creation. "Thank you, Benjamin. Seriously. Omigod, this is so incredible. How did you do this in less than a week?"
"I had some free time here and there."
"I don't believe that. You do everything around here. You're the animal wrangler, groundskeeper, farmer, you work at the still. Plus, you have to eat and sleep."
"I just wanted te do somethin' special fer him. Ye dinna turn one year olds every day."
"You are such a wonderful man. Thank you."
"I also wanted te give ye somethin' as well, Mistress Murray."
"Me?"
"It isna a material object, so much as an offer. Should ye ever want a while te yerself and yer family isna available te do so, I wanted te say that I am more than happy te keep watch on Ollie fer a time."
"Oh, don't tempt me, Benjamin. I will absolutely take you up on that."
"That is my intention fer ye te do so."
"You are such an incredible friend. I'm grateful. You are going to make some girl an exceptional husband one day." She went back to cooing at Ollie with his rattle and didn't see the sparkle in Benjamin's eye dim when she said that. "We have to go show off your toy, huh? Germain and Jemmy are going to be so jealous." She looked back at the man. "Thank you again, this is so amazing."
"Of course." He softly touched Ollie's head. "Happy birthday, Oliver Murray."
Skylar smiled at him again, then walked away, unknowingly leaving him in a trance.
Around 6:00, the family, as well as John Grey who had arrived the day before, gathered at Bree and Roger's cabin for Ollie's birthday dinner. Since the dining room at the Big House was still far from done, the Mackenzie's offered up their home for the night.
"I'm so glad you were able to come, John," Skylar said to him as they ate.
"I would have fought snow, rain and fire to get here. I would not have missed it."
"And I know you are so happy to see your Uncle John, right, mister?" She brushed Ollie's curls away from his face but he didn't respond. He was too busy in his highchair stuffing as much of his own small cake into his mouth as would fit. "Oh my goodness. You are going to need a bath very soon, I know it." She did her best to wipe the chocolate off him thought it was pointless since he got just as messy two seconds later.
"More please?" Germain requested. He was sitting on Fergus' lap.
"Not right now, mon fils," he told him. "Don't you want to give your cousin his present?"
"Yes! Yes!"
"Go get it."
The two year old jumped down from his father and ran to pick up the bag. But it was too heavy so he just pulled it across the floor to Skylar.
"For Ollie, Auntie Skylar."
"Thank you, Germain. That's so sweet." She lifted the bag and set it on the table. "Wow, this is so heavy. You must be super strong, mon neveu." She opened the bag and looked inside. "Oh my goodness, Ollie! You are just being spoiled today. Look at all of these." She pulled out a few of the items which consisted of hand me down clothes and toys from Germain. "You are going to look so handsome, just like your cousin. That is so nice of you to share your things, Germain."
"Aye, he was so excited te give his baby clothes and toys te Ollie. Huh, mo mhac?" The boy just smiled wide, happy that the adults were proud of him.
"Did Ollie like the blanket?" Claire asked.
"I think so," Skylar answered. I gave it to him at his first nap and he fell asleep holding it for all of his others during the day."
"It came out beautiful," Bree complimented. She and Marsali had seen it earlier that day.
"Thank you. It's a far cry from perfect, but it's not falling apart yet. Yet."
Presents continued with Jamie and Claire giving a variety of toys such as a jigsaw puzzle, a whistle in the shape of a bird, a couple books, and it all came in a small wagon Jamie had made that matched the ones he made for Germain and Jemmy. Bree and Roger had made a wooden sword that he would be able to use when he was bigger, and John Grey had brought him a rag doll that looked like Sam the dog. Finally, there was only one last gift of the night and it was the one Skylar was dreading.
She put the package in front of Ollie and helped him to take the top off. She held her breath as she lifted the yellow rabbit out.
"I recognize that," Fergus spoke up. "It's from Lallybroch. That was Ian's when he was a bairn." He quickly clenched his mouth shut, wishing he could take back those words. Everyone was silent and all eyes were locked on Skylar, waiting for her reaction.
To their surprise, she was very calm; at least she presented that way. "Jenny and, um, Older Ian sent it." She says the bunny in front of Ollie. "Look, sweetheart. A bunny. You see bunny?" He stared at it for a minute, unsure of what to make of it. "It's a little stuffed bunny, like your doggy. And this one, it belonged to your daddy. To Dada. This was Dada's toy." She brought it closer to him and he picked it up and banged it on his chair like he did with all of his other toys he got. "We're gonna have to write to Grannie and Grandda in Scotland to say thank-"
"Dada," he suddenly said. No one spoke, no one moved, no one even breathed. "Dada," he said again, still thrashing around the rabbit.
The world seemed to stop for a moment around Skylar. Her vision went hazy and her mind went completely blank. She could feel her body shut down and the million little pieces of her that she had worked so hard at holding together all day were coming apart too fast. But at the same time, she felt the seven pairs of eyes burning into her, waiting to see what she would do.
I can't show it. I can't, she told herself. Swallow it down. Lock it away.
As fast as her mind could, she made the pieces go back together and readjusted her permanent mask. She smiled and said, "Ollie, you said dada! That's so good!" She took him out of his seat and lifted him high. "I am so proud of you. You are so so smart." She brought him back down and kissed him over and over. She sat back down with him on her lap. "He must've been listening when you two were trying to get Jem to say it."
The rest of the guests slowly exhaled the collective breath they were all holding, and the night carried on with no one mentioning it again.
It was clear the party was over when the birthday boy had fallen asleep. Everyone said goodnight and they all headed for their own homes.
When she returned to the Big House, Skylar, carrying the fast asleep now one year old, went in the direction of the kitchen to get to her room. But before she made it halfway, Claire stopped her.
"No, no, no. You're not sleeping in there."
"I'm not? What, you think Ollie is old enough for his own room now that he's one?" She snickered at her joke.
Jamie shared a knowing look with Claire and John, and just said, "Follow us." Skylar was confused but nevertheless followed then out of kitchen and upstairs.
She looked around hallway as they went. With all the men diligently working around the clock, it was now safe to walk around upstairs and the basics of it were done. But there was still a lot to do to get it finished, like carpeting the floors or putting wallpaper on the walls, etc. What would one day become bedrooms were just empty spaces with nothing in them. They didn't even have doors. Except for one.
The four stopped outside of one room that had a finished door, painted white with maroon trim and a silver doorknob.
"What's this?" Skylar questioned.
"It's yer new room," Jamie casually stated.
She raised her eyebrows, not understanding. "What? What do you mean? What do you mean my room?"
"Go inside and see fer yourself," John added.
Skylar was trying to remain cautiously optimistic as she slowly turned the doorknob and opened the door.
"Omigod," was all she could say at first. Inside was an upgraded version of what she had in the kitchen. Not only was room twice as big but there was a new bed was as well. On the wall across from the door, that was wallpapered off white with small pink rosebuds on it, was a large window that looked over the back fields and had curtains that were color of door's trim that at the moment were drawn back. She no longer had only a small dresser for both her and Ollie's clothes. Now, she had a tall and wide standing wardrobe for just herself that was a dark wood with intricate patterns carved out in it. Ollie's crib sat against the wall across from her bed with a woven tapestry of subdued blues and green hanging behind it
She took one step at a time going around the room, wondering if this was real.
"Well, lass? Does it please ye?" Jamie needed to know.
She looked back at them "It more than pleases me. I can't believe this. It's unreal. This is actually my room?"
"We figured it was time you and Ollie had a bit more privacy and space rather than being held up in that shoebox of a room," Claire told her.
"How? When"
Jamie explained, "I gave a group of men the task of putting this together and fer them te focus on no other job than this. I gave them the money te go inte Woolam's Creek and buy the materials, includin' the bed, wardrobe, and tapestry. We wanted this te be perfect fer ye."
"Jamie showed this all to me earlier while you were away," John said. "I couldn't wait to see your reaction."
"I would scream and jump up and down for joy if this one wasn't sleeping," Skylar said, rubbing Ollie's back.
Claire went to her and gave her a small hug, careful not to disturb Ollie. "We're so glad you like it, darling."
"I love it. 'Thank you' doesn't even suffice. It's so beautiful."
"We'll let the two'a ye get settled in then. We'll see ye in the morning," Jamie said. The four said goodnight and they left Skylar and Ollie in their new room.
She took another look around, inspecting everything closely and paying attention to every detail. As she did, she passed her bedside table and saw that the rattle from Benjamin was placed on it. She picked it up and looked at it. She ran her thumb over the engraving, Oliver Ian Murray. She brushed her thumb back and forth over Ollie's middle name.
The earth shattering heartbreak she felt when Ollie said "dada" had all but disappeared. Her chest was still tight and she felt disgustingly nauseas. She hadn't been able to ground herself back to reality in the moment so she still felt far away.
He knows dada. He knows the word. He knows what a dada is. He's gonna ask questions one day. What the fuck am I gonna say? How do I explain this?
She felt her heart start to pick up again, so she set the rattle back down before she slipped too close to falling apart outwardly. She brought Ollie over to the rocking chair that was brought up and put next to his crib. She rocked gently and watched her child sleep. He was still clutching Ian's rabbit. He hadn't let it go the whole night.
Does he know somehow? Can he feel something in it?
"My sweet angel," she whispered to him. "I love you to the moon and back and there again."
She then remembered a popular musical theatre song from her time, and she started to quietly sing it to him, though making a couple adjustments:
"Dear Ollie Murray, what to say to you?
You have his eyes, you have your father's name
When you came into the world, you cried
And it broke my heart
I'm dedicating every day to you
Domestic life was never quite my style
When you smile, you knock me out, I fall apart
And I thought I was so smart
My father wasn't around
I swear that I'll be around for you
I'll do whatever it takes
I'll make a million mistakes
I'll make the world safe and sound for you
You will come of age with our young nation
We'll bleed and fight for you
We'll make it right for you
If we lay a strong enough foundation
We'll pass it on to you, we'll give the world to you
And you'll blow us all away
Someday, someday
Yeah, you'll blow us all away
Someday, someday"
GAELIC
Mo ogha – "my grandson"
FREAKIN' FINALLY OMFG! I WAS ABOUT READY TO UNALIVE! WHEN I TOLD YOU THE MINUTE IT WAS WORKING I WAS GONNA UPLOAD I MEANT IT!
This was such a stressful day omigod. I am going to go get my computer cleaned so that this never ever ever EVER happens again. I cannot apologize enough for this ridiculous delay.
I hope that the chapter was worth the wait. If you thought so, please follow, favorite, review, combo.
I love ye all verra verra verra much and thank you so so so so much for being so incredibly patient with me today. Y'all are the absolute best! I'll meet you back here next Sunday for chapter 4!
P.S. – Disclaimer: I do not own the song Dear Theodosia from Hamilton. I just changed a couple words.