Each Moment Lost to the Past
Chapter 2
Bella's POV
A week passes in my new life, or possibly old life, with both Charlie and Rene. Rene spends her time showing me photo albums, and when Charlie isn't around, old home videos until my head is throbbing. I don't have the heart to deny the woman. She just wants her daughter back.
Charlie is the only reason I keep my head. He takes me places whenever he goes out. He takes me around the neighborhood or to the park. He lets me sit up in my room and do whenever I want and keeps Rene from stuffing too much of Before Bella's life down my throat. He doesn't hover so much that I feel anxious whenever he is in the same room.
At the end of the week, we go back to the hospital for a checkup and to take some test that will tell us if any of my schooling took a hit with the rest of my memories. Nothing dropped too terribly. Even though I don't remember learning it, I still know that two plus two is four and the first president of the United State was George Washington. So, when school starts up again next month, I can join the rest of the Sophomore class with a bunch of strangers I should know.
I haven't gotten any concerned calls from any school friends, and the only people on my wall of faces are my parents and the younger kids who I likely haven't seen in years. I don't think Before Bella was as sociable and amazing as Rene tries to make her out to be. That, or she just didn't know her daughter all that well.
A knock sounds at my door, and I hesitate a moment, before closing Dracula. I finally picked it up yesterday to attempt reading, and I'm already halfway through.
"Come in," I can't help the weariness seeping into my voice. I relax slightly when it's Charlie who awkwardly pushes the door open, a sandwich balanced in his other hand.
"Hey, Bells," he says, awkwardly shuffling into my room to hand me the plate. "Rene went out for a bit if you want to venture into the rest of the house."
"Thanks," I smile gratefully at the man. He hesitates, like he doesn't quite want to leave yet, but he also doesn't know what to say. So, I nod at the wall of faces that I can't bring myself to take down. It doesn't feel like my room enough to change things. "Who are the kids?" I ask.
Charlie looks over, and his expression softens at the photos.
He points at the boy with braids after a minute. "That's Jacob, my friend's kid up in Washington. You two were thick as thieves back when you used to spend summers up there. He points to a group photo with the other kids. "Some other kids on the reservation that you used to play with. Embry, Quil, Leah. Used to run around all together. Called yourself a pack- the protectors- and pretended to be wolves."
I stare at the pictures splashed across the wall of Before Bella and Before Bella's childhood friends.
"Why did I stop visiting?" I ask, looking over at Charlie. I can't imagine that it was because I didn't want to see him, or that he didn't want to see me. He clearly loves his daughter by the expression lingering on his face as his eyes flicker over each picture in reverence.
He shrugs to my question. "Not sure, really. Guess you just grew up." He hesitates again, looking guilty. "Listen, I have to fly back to Forks on Sunday. I wish I can stay longer, but I've been away as long as I can."
My stomach drops and I shift on the bed anxiously. "Can I-" I cut myself, hesitating, before continuing. "Can I come live with you?"
He reals back, surprised, and I wince internally. He probably doesn't want an amnesiac teen coming to live with him.
"You want to- of course!- I'm mean," he stammers, and I start to smile at his stammering. "Let me talk to Rene. But I'd love for to come live with me, Bella."
I hesitate only a moment before standing up and throwing my arms around his neck. Charlie stiffens for only a moment before relaxing and returning the hug. "Thank you," I mumble into his shirt before quickly letting go.
He smiles at me before awkwardly backing out the door, bumping into the frame as he goes.
Living with Charlie won't be so bad at all.
…
"No."
I wince from the bottom step as I listen in on the adults shuffling around the kitchen.
Charlie sputters at the blunt and instant turn-down but doesn't seem surprised by it. To be honest, neither am I.
"Rene, come on," he insists quietly, and I hear the clang of a pan as it's set on the table. "You've gotten to have her for fifteen years, and now she's asked me if she can come live with me."
"No, Charlie," Rene says again, just as firmly. "You're not even pushing her to get better; you act like everything is fine and normal."
"You know what the doctor said. We're supposed to act normal with her. Pushing for her memories isn't going to help her, they will come back on their own, or they won't. You pushing her so much only makes her feel bad." Charlie's tone is calm, reasonable. I bite my lip hopefully when Rene hesitates.
"No," she says again at last. "No, I'm not comfortable with her going across the country right now. And I found this one doctor online who might be able to help- he's been doing some research on amnesiac patients who-"
"Rene," Charlie sighs. "Please. She wants to come live with me. This could be my chance to get to know her, too."
"She's not Bella right now," Rene tries to argue, but is shut down quickly.
"She is. She might not remember what we mean to her, but she is still our Isabella."
"She doesn't act the same."
"We are strangers to her. She's not going to act the same way around us as she used to. It will take time."
There is a stretch of silence with just the sound of chopping ingredients and clanking dishes as someone sets the table.
"I'll think about it," Rene says at last, and I sigh in relief from my step.
"Thank you; that's all I ask. I'll go get Bella for dinner."
Before I can even stand to sprint up the stairs, so I'm not caught eves dropping, Charlie's head pokes around the corner. He immediately catches sight of me, and we both freeze for a moment. Then he offers that little smile and raises his voice as if to project it up the stairs.
"Bella, dinner's ready!"
I give him a sheepish smile before raising to my feet and stepping off the bottom step. Charlie really is the best.
…
I find it completely by accident. I'm gathering clothes to do laundry, so of course I have to go fishing under my bed for any stray socks, when my fingers bump into it.
Curious, and momentarily forgetting about the magic that socks have of getting into odd places, I hook my finger along the edge of what feels like a shoe box and tug it towards me. My heart jumps a moment when I open it.
They are journals. Five of them. Flipping through, I find that the earliest one starts about three years ago. The latest one is mostly full, with the last entry dating the day before the accident. Rene had said that Before Bella didn't keep journals. If she knew, she would have definitely gotten me to read them in an attempt to jog a memory.
I flip to the last entry, and stare at the short passage.
June 27, 2018 04:26
The dreams are getting worse and feel more real each day. I feel like I'm going mad.
I flip through the book again, paying more attention to the time stamps. They are all marked at some time in the early morning. Reading a few of the earlier entries, I come to the conclusion that it's more of a dream journal.
Before Bella's dreams are just as strange as mine apparently, and I come to the conclusion that maybe I should write my dreams down as well.
"Bella?" Charlie calls. "Do you have your laundry?"
I quickly close the book, putting them all into the box, and shove them back under the bed for safe keeping so that I can come back to them later.
"One sec," I call, snatching up the socks that I had been hunting for and dumping them all into the hamper by my door before hefting the entire thing up into my arms. "Coming!"
….
I shift uncomfortably under Rene's bone-crushing hug, but the woman only seems to hold on tighter. She's crying again, and Charlie abandoned me so that we can say goodbye in private.
"Are you sure this is something you want to do? You've always hated Forks. If it's too much or you want to leave, we can have you back here by the next day. You know what, why don't we just have to school send your files back over- I just know you won't like it there."
"Rene," I mumble into her bony shoulder, and she stiffens like she does every time I don't call her mom. "I want to go." I want to get away from the overbearing woman and the all-consuming anxiety that seems to follow her like her own personal raincloud. Like in those cartoons, except her rain cloud spreads to everyone she comes into contact with. So more like the plague, really.
Rene finally pulls away, only to grip my shoulders. "But you hate Forks."
It's the same argument over and over that she's been trying to convince me with all week. "Why?" I ask.
Rene blinks at me. "What?"
"Why?" I repeat. "Why do I hate Forks? What is it about that place? From what I can tell, the only friends that I've ever had are from there."
She sputters. "You have friends here." No, I don't; I know that for certain. If I did, they'd be on the wall of faces. The wall of who Before Bella cared about. I decide not to say that, though.
"If I don't like it at Forks, then I'll come straight back here. But I'd like to decide that for myself and not just not do things because it wasn't something that I did before." Rene continues to pout as I adjust my carryon bag on my shoulder, consequentially knocking Rene's grip loose enough for me to step out of. "This is something that I need to do for me." I need to get away from you.
"Okay," Rene sniffles, wiping at a tear that escapes her eye. "Okay, you're right. Make sure you call me every day."
"Sure," I say, not really meaning it, and take another step away. "Bye," I offer, feeling supremely bad for this woman.
"Goodbye, Bella. Call me when you get to the house."
"I will," I promise sincerely this time, before turning around to find Charlie.
I end up meeting up with him in the security line before our gate, and he sets a gentle hand on my shoulder. I don't tense up this time.
"All good?" he asks, and I give a bobbing nod.
"Is it bad that I'm relieved?" I ask hesitantly as we slowly move forward in the line.
"You are entitled to however you feel, Bella. If something makes you uncomfortable, I need you to tell me, okay? I'm not too great at this whole parent thing."
I look sideways at him critically and in half-disbelief. "I think you're doing a great job so far," I admit.
Charlie blushes, and I didn't know that a grown man can look adorable, but it has me grinning at his embarrassment.
Soon, we are seated on our flight and a comfortable silence settles around us. Normally, I appreciate the silence between us, but curiosity stirs in my chest along with an uncomfortable urge to fill the dialogue.
"So, how well did you know me before all this?" I ask, and Charlie glances over.
"Not very well, unfortunately. I knew you better as a child. You were quiet around strangers, but once you felt comfortable with someone, boy were you loud," his smile is affectionate. "You were never afraid to get your hands dirty. Half the time, when you came home from playing on the res, you were covered head to toe in mud."
My lips twist in amusement. "Sounds like I was a bit of a trouble child."
"Not at all," Charlie chuckles before glancing hesitantly at me. "Would you like to go have dinner at Billy's house today?"
"Who?"
"Jacob's. The one on your wall you asked me about. We don't have to if you don't want to."
I bite my lip uncertainly. "Do they know about the accident?" I ask.
Charlie nods. "They know that you lost your memory, Bella."
After another hesitating moment, I nod acceptingly. If id don't want to go, Charlie will probably try to keep me company, and I don't want to keep him from his life. "Alright then. I guess we can go."
By the time the plane lands, it's late afternoon- not that you can tell from glancing outside. Washington is very different than Arizona in terms of weather. The sun I've grown used to having to squint around, is smothered by a thick grey cloud layer. Instead of dry heat, the air is muggy and heavy with humidity.
When I step outside, I immediately wish that I had a sweater to keep the light mist off my skin.
Charlie offers an apologetic smile as he lugs my bigger bags out the door towards the parking lot. "You probably don't have many cloths fit for this weather. Next weekend, I'll take you to the store to pick some up. You'll need a good jacket before winter. It gets cold quick here."
"Thanks," I say, adjusting my backpack. I'm only slightly surprised when we end up stopping next to a police cruiser. After all, Charlie is the Chief of Police. I climb into the passenger seat, backpack placed between my legs as the man fiddles with the trunk. "Hey, so, before the accident, I was working towards my drivers license. Is that still something I can get?"
He glances at me before pulling out of the lot. "Well, you can't drive the cruiser, but I think we can work something out. Billy has an old truck that I'm sure he'd let you use for practice. It doesn't get used much now adays."
"Why not?" I ask absently, turning to look out the fogged window. It's so green here.
"Billy's in a wheelchair. Car accident a few years back. The same one that killed his wife."
I glance over at him quickly. "Oh," I say awkwardly. "I'm sorry." A silence descends over us, slightly more awkward than normal, but it passes after a few minutes.
As the hour drags on, I stare out the window again, watching the blur of passing trees and the trail of condensation trickling down the glass pane. My head spins a bit with the distorted scenery and makes me a bit nauseous, so I close my eyes and lean my cheek against the cool glass and soon doze off, dreaming of car crashes and shattering glass.
A/N: Please review and let m know what you think!
~Silver~