A/N: This is just a little one-shot of what I imagine and hope happened after Hailey left the district at the end of 8x14. It doesn't exactly match up with the end of the last chapter, but these chapters are all kind of one-shots and different ideas and interpretations I have depending on the day. Hope you guys like it. Drop a review to let me know what you think.
Voight's words were rattling around in Hailey's head as she drove back to her apartment. "I know you. We need Jay just the way he is." What did it mean? Did Voight think that Hailey was bad for Jay? That she was going to change him? Hailey couldn't stop worrying as she changed into sweatpants and climbed into her empty bed. She loved Jay, and more than anything she wanted to work things out with him. But after what she had done tonight, she wasn't sure Jay would ever forgive her, or even if he should. And with Voight's warning, she was second-guessing trying to fix things with Jay as well. She didn't want to change Jay. As much as they had different approaches to how they policed, they balanced each other out most of the time. She loved the man Jay was. That he was so dedicated to the law, to doing the right thing. There was a time when Hailey had been like that, when she had first joined Intelligence. The unit had changed her, but Jay never had. She didn't want to be the one responsible for Jay losing his morality.
She knew any attempts to get any sleep would be futile, but she tossed and turned for almost an hour anyways before giving up. She got out of bed, pulling her hair into a ponytail and walking into the bathroom. She stood and the sink, staring at herself in the mirror, before glancing down at the two toothbrushes sitting in the holder on the counter. It was the sight of Jay's toothbrush sitting beside her own that made the decision for her. Before she had even realized what she was doing her shoes and coat were on and she was heading down to her car. Despite the fact that it was nearly two in the morning, she had to see Jay. She had to know if there was anything to be salvaged because she knew she didn't want to live without him. If he didn't want her, she would make her peace with that, but she had to try. If she didn't, she knew she would never forgive herself.
She knocked on his door at 2:15am, trying to pound loud enough that he would hear her but not so loud that it would wake the rest of his building. She had been knocking for close to a minute when she finally heard movement behind the door and it sprung open. Jay stood in the doorway shirtless with sweatpants hanging low on his hips, the apartment dark behind him. His hair had that gently tousled look that told Hailey he had been in bed, but judging by his eyes, it didn't look like he had been getting much sleep either.
He didn't say anything as he stood in the doorway looking at her. He didn't seem surprised to see her, though. She took that as a good sign, along with the fact that he had opened the door in the first place. After a moment's hesitation he stepped back, holding the door open for her to come in. She stepped in, moving past him to the couch, standing behind it as he closed the door and turned on a light. She didn't turn to look at him quite yet, instead looking around the apartment. She had only been here a handful of times, the last time being over a year ago when he had gotten shot again. She had brought him into his apartment and settled him down on the couch after he had been discharged, spending an hour or so making sure he had everything he needed before leaving.
With all the time they had spent together over the last few years of their partnership, they somehow always seemed to either go to Hailey's or go out for drinks, never coming here. Even after they had started dating, it was like they had formed some unspoken agreement that they would always go to her place instead of his. She told herself it was because she lived closer to the district, but part of her knew that it was just Jay once again putting Hailey first and letting her have the convenience of not having to worry about packing overnight bags.
The apartment was sparsely furnished, just a couch, a TV, and a small table over by the kitchen. He kept it very tidy, but Hailey wasn't sure if that was because he hadn't spent much time here of late and most of his clothes were now in her closet. After taking it all in for a moment, she finally turned to face him, sitting down on the back of the couch, her feet still firmly planted on the floor. Jay was still standing by the door, leaning back against it, his hands shoved into his pockets. He was looking expectantly at her, waiting for her to speak first. She wasn't sure where to even begin. Her thoughts were spinning around confusingly in her head. She finally decided that she needed to ease her way into what she had come here to say.
"How'd it go with COPA?" Hailey finally asked, breaking the lingering silence between them.
"Fine so far," Jay replied after a moment's hesitation. She could tell he was surprised that she had led with that. "I have to meet with the review board tomorrow afternoon after they finish collecting all the evidence and ballistics."
Hailey nodded, pausing again to collect her thoughts. "Jay, I'm really sorry," she said, choking back tears. "And you were right. I might not have directly forced you to come into that house with me, but I knew if I went that you would back me up. We follow each other." She said the last few words almost at a whisper. It was sort of the mantra of their partnership. They had both said those words to each other over the years, and had certainly backed them up with their actions. They were a team on the job, even when they didn't agree.
It was Jay's turn to nod. "That's what partners do," he eventually replied. "But Hailey," he said, standing up straight so he was no longer leaning back against the door. "Partners also listen to each other. You asked me to set better boundaries at work so I did that. You asked me not to talk to Voight after he confronted you, so I did that." Jay took a few steps closer to her, speaking so softly that she almost couldn't hear him. "Hailey, the only thing I asked you to do this week was not go into that house, and you couldn't do it."
His words stung more than if he had screamed at her. Even when he was furious with her, he was always so soft, never wanting to raise his voice or scare her in any way because he understood her past in a way no one else did. Hailey blinked several times, trying to keep the tears at bay but unsuccessfully as a few slid down her cheeks. She could taste the saltiness on her lips. She looked down at the floor, not wanting to look up at his piercing green eyes that she was sure were filled with hurt right now. Hurt that she had put there.
It took a moment for Hailey to collect herself enough to be able to speak without sobbing. "I know," she said, agreeing with his statement. "Okay, I know I screwed up. And you were right. Voight did get to me on this case." She cleared her throat again before continuing. "I don't regret moving in with you to protect Tolan the other day because, like you said, that's how we work together, how we've always worked together. But Voight questioning how I police?" Hailey sighed. "I wanted to prove to him that I was still a good cop. And I think I was trying to prove to myself that you and I could work together and be together without it effecting our cases."
"And did you?" Jay asked. Hailey looked up at him finally, slightly confused by his question. "Did you convince yourself?" he clarified.
"I told Voight we were together," Hailey confessed, and she almost smiled at the surprise on his face. She kept her face straight, however, since she wasn't sure how the next part of her conversation with Voight was going to go over with Jay. "I told him that maybe us being together was effecting things at work, and that, maybe I needed a new partner."
"So who's your new partner?" Jay asked, hurt evident in his voice even as he tried to hide it by staring down at the floor.
"You," Hailey replied, and for the first time that night, she smiled, albeit a small one that didn't quite reach her eyes. His eyes snapped back up to hers in surprise. "Voight said that even if our relationship was effecting things at work he still thought we were a good team and he wasn't going to split us up."
"And you're alright with that?" Jay asked, sounding hopeful.
"I am," Hailey said. "As long as you still want to work with me. I know I put you in a tough spot tonight. And... I don't know where weare at right now." Jay knew the way she said it that she meant them as a couple, not in the work sense. She bit her lip nervously while waiting for him to respond. He took another step closer to her so he was standing right in front of her, his legs almost brushing hers.
"I want to work with you, Hailey," Jay said. "And I still want to be with you." Hailey let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, relief flooding through her at his words. "This week was rough, but..." Jay reached for her for the first time in two days, taking both of her hands in his own. "I love you, Hailey," he said as he brushed his thumbs over the top of her hands.
Hailey didn't think she would ever get sick of hearing those words come from his mouth or feeling his hands locked in hers. She bowed her head, resting her forehead against his chest, his heart beating against her skin. She felt his head stoop down as well and he kissed the hair on the top of her head as she let more tears fall freely down his chest, this time in relief and gratitude. She didn't understand how she kept screwing things up and pushing him away and yet still he was here with her, forgiving her and loving her despite it.
He let her cry for a few moments before pulling his hands out of hers and reaching for her jacket. She picked her head up, looking up at him as he unzipped it, pushing it down her arms and letting it fall on the couch behind her. "Come on, it's been a long week and you need some sleep," he said, taking her hand again and guiding her towards his bedroom.
She had never been in his bedroom. Just like the rest of the apartment, it was nice and tidy with minimal furniture and no decorations, just a bed, a dresser, and a night stand on one side. The bed was unmade as Hailey had clearly pulled Jay from the sheets by her late arrival. Jay led her to the bed, gently pushing her down to lay on the side of the bed that he had recently vacated. It was still warm and smelled of him, her favorite and most comforting scent. He pulled the covers up around her before walking around and climbing in on the other side of the bed. It didn't go unnoticed to her that Jay had given her his usual spot in this bed because it was the side she normally slept in at her own apartment.
As soon as he was under the covers next to her she curled into him, resting her head on his right shoulder, her hand resting on his chest just above his heart. She traced the freckles covering him as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into him. She tilted her head up to look at him and found him already peering down at her. She lifted her head up off his chest and stretched her neck to capture his lips with her own for the first time in days. God she had missed him, missed this. They kept their lips tender in their sleepy state, not looking for anything more than comfort.
They broke apart after a moment and Hailey settled her head back down on his chest, closing her eyes and knowing she would finally be able to catch up on the sleep she had been missing since the last night she had shared a bed with him. Right here in Jay's arms, that was the safest place in the world to Hailey, and she vowed to herself that she would never again let herself get so close to losing him. Hailey knew that no matter how far she crossed lines at work, Jay would never be changed by her. His heart was too pure and full of love to sink to where her damaged heart sometimes led her. In fact, if anything, she thought maybe Jay would be the one to change her; leading her back to the cop she had been when she first joined Intelligence. His love was the most powerful thing she had ever felt in her life, so she knew if anything could heal her, he could.