Chapter 3: The Oracle's Sadness (Ryne)
Ryne holds Claire's hand as her breathing returns to the slow breaths that they were growing used to. This latest seizure lasted only a few seconds but they were happening much more frequently. She squinted her eyes against the Light as she tied and retied the knot of Light that she kept locked up inside her friend—watching how it was nestled, almost cradled within her soul.
Her soul… oh, gods it was painful to look at it. She could see the deep cracks that ran through it as if it was suddenly made of glass and something large and heavy cracked it so that only the tiniest threads were holding it together. But with every seizure that took place and the Light tried to break free those cracks would run deeper and deeper… her soul just couldn't hold out for too much longer.
"She's running out of time, isn't she?" she asked slowly, looking up to Thancred, who remained silent the whole time as he continued to hold Claire's head up so that Ryne could work.
Thancred grimly looked up at her and she could see in his eyes how hard he was struggling to try and find something positive to say.
"She's too stubborn to let herself be taken that easy," he finally decided on.
That was perhaps the nicest way he could have put the fact that they were up the creek without a paddle… or some other saying that he brought with him from the Source.
In other words, they were in a hopeless situation.
Ryne, slumped to the floor as Thancred set Claire's head gently back onto the pillow before turning his attention to her—actually sitting on the floor with her.
"Maybe if Minfilia was here, she would know what to do," she mumbled miserably.
"Ryne, you need to stop that," Thancred scolds softly.
She looks up and reminded him, "I barely know how my new powers work! But if there was anyone else out there who would be able to tell me how to use them… or even have a way to remove the Light inside her… then it would be her!"
"Something tells me that she wouldn't have any more clue to what to do than you do now," Thancred answered back and shocked her when he suddenly reached out and pulled her into his arms. She could not remember ever being held like this, her head against his chest as he wrapped his arms protectively around her.
"No point in wondering what she would have done," he added calmly.
"But I don't know how I can fix this! I know that I'm not good enough for this, but….?" She began again before he pulls her back so that he could look firmly into her face. For a moment it looked like he was going to shout. But instead, he seemed to do his best to keep his frustration being directed at her and answered, "You are doing your best. We are all trying our best to find a way. But out of all of us, you are the one who is doing the most for her by keeping the Light locked up inside. If not for you, she would have become an eater by now. Don't forget that."
He sighed as he pulled her into another hug… and this time she shut her eyes tightly, savoring the feeling of being held at that moment… as if a father was protecting her from some kind of monster under the bed.
"It's my fault that you are thinking like this, I know," he added, "But don't you dare question how important you are. To all of us. Not as Minfilia… but as our Ryne."
"But…" she began before he gives her a gentle poke in the forehead.
"We will do everything in our power to protect her and make sure she recovers from this," he said to her. "It was all that we can do."
She leaned her head against his shoulder as Urianger's words came back to her.
'Thou needs but have faith…'
Ryne sniffled miserably for a long while as he continued to hold her. When she could feel her legs beginning to cramp up, Thancred helped her to stand.
"You stay here with her for a little longer," he ordered. "I think that Y'shtola will be here later to share what she found. I'll go and meet her. I feel better knowing that if she does start seizing up again, you'll be on hand."
"Ok," she agreed with a nod. "I'll keep her safe."
He smiled as he patted her fondly on the head. "I know you will," he said. Thancred's eyes were red and his smile was forced when he saw her, but she pretended not to notice the worry and guilt written in his eyes as he patted her head. "If she wakes up before we get back then…?"
Neither of them spoke, but they were both thinking the same thing. How were they to break the news to her when she did finally awaken?
"What about Alphinaud and Alisaie?" she asked worriedly and Thancred sighed again.
"I don't think they're taking it well," he said. "Alisaie all but ripped my head off when I contacted her. Alphinaud… he's acting like the sun will never rise again."
His eyes went to the blocked window and added, "Well, in a way, he may be right."
They were silent for another long moment before he asked, "How does she look?"
"I-I'm afraid I don't know for sure," Ryne confessed, "Her aether… it's become very unstable. But it's her soul I'm more worried about. Before it was so clear and whole… but now it's threatening to break apart. Who knows the kind of damage that could have on a person? All I know for sure is that she needs rest, and lots of it."
"It will give us time if nothing else," he said slowly with a nod. "Good. Hopefully we will find a solution by the time she deign to grace us with her presence. Well, in that case, I leave her in your capable hands. Take good care of her for us, alright?"
Ryne nodded and watched as Thancred left, looking as if he had aged to an old man who was struggling to carry a great weight.
"He feels a lot of guilt over this," Ryne said as she took her seat at Claire's side and took her hand again, which was cold and clammy. "He feels that he could have somehow protected everyone. I guess, in that way… you two are just alike."
Ryne went silent as she thought of how that future conversation will go. As much as Ryne wanted her to wake up, she didn't want to see that look on her face when she realized that the reason there was light everywhere again was because it was coming from her. She was so close to becoming a Sin Eater… she was all but a Lightwarden now and all that really prevented the change was this feeble knot of light aether.
But the Light had grown to such a point that it was like a parasite… almost alive in its own way and it wanted to break free from its confines.
It was only a question of when that moment happened.
"I don't want to imagine how you will react when you do wake up to the truth," Ryne whispered, "But… But I want you to know that because of you, so much good has already come to the world. The Eulmorean army is on our side again and already they are doing their best to help the people of Gatetown and are readying themselves to fight against the Sin Eaters. We have allies all over who are determined to bring that sky change again. Now that they got a glimpse of the sunless sea, they are preparing to go however far they have too to be able to see it again. It's all because of you, you know? They keep talking about how the Warrior of Darkness will bring the night back to them. They just have to hold out until then. So… so what I'm trying to say here is that…?"
Her words sounded cheap and hollow to her own ears the more she spoke and shook her head as she whimpered, "Don't blame yourself for this. I know you can beat this. You always do, you're the only one who ever could. At least, that was what she always used to say."
Ryne never told the others about this, but the truth was that she had also inherited something else from Minfilia that day other than just her powers of the Oracle. She inherited some of her own feelings and memories.
It was very strange to dream about that shining city in the sands that shone under the blazing sun and clear sky… and especially that warm building in Vesper Bay made of sandstone that was filled with faces she didn't recognize but loved so dearly. Perhaps that was the reason that Minfilia chose to wait there on the very edge of Amh Aerang… why she first appeared in the desert… for it reminded her of home.
Ryne reached behind her to pull her long red hair out front so that she could look at it. Even after all this, it was strange for her to see those copper-colored locks; and even stranger to see her pale blue eyes looking back at her from a mirror.
She was not Minfilia, not anymore. She was her own person with a new name. Her whole life ahead of her… the idea of that was as terrifying as it was exciting for she had always been known as 'Minfilia'. Yet now that she was free to choose, she wasn't sure where to go from here. All she knew was that she meant every word she said to Minfilia that day when she made her choice.
It was strange though… if it had not been for her new friends she never would have found the courage to take the reins of her future in her hands. Hells, she knew she never would have left Eulmore and been completely ignorant of the outside world.
She could still remember how frightened she was and how she had all been blinded when she first took those steps outside her prison. Thancred practically had to carry her until her eyes finally adjusted to the constant glare of the sky. She remembered how tiny she had been… how tightly she clung to him as she found herself trusting this man completely to take care of her.
Ryne knew that it was foolish to trust some stranger with her life like that, but she just knew in her heart that he was someone whom she could trust completely. And when she met his friends… others whose faces she didn't know but her heart all but sang at the sight of them all… eventually, she came to realize why that was.
It was Minfilia—who remained buried deep inside of her. The one from whose memories and feelings that rose up inside her. Feelings so strong that Ryne mistook them for her own until remembering that she knew nothing of any of them. Yet still, they were family to her even though she couldn't recall when she started feeling that way.
But somewhere along their journey those feelings grew more detached from Minfilia and more to herself as Ryne. They were family to her… not in the same way that they were to Minfilia… such as with Thancred and how Minfilia saw him as a protective older brother whereas she, Ryne, saw him as akin to her father… or even a knight in shining armor who rescued her from her prison.
Yet always, there was always this twinge of sadness… of regret that echoed from somewhere in her soul and Ryne felt that she finally understood. Minfilia had missed her friends so greatly over these long years and lamented the fact that she knew that she would never be able to rejoin them.
She shook her head as she rested her head on the bed, sobbing slightly to herself for how helpless she felt. She put on a grand speech to the others that she would be pulling her weight, but she knew not what she was supposed to do.
Why couldn't she have been more...more like her?
She shook her head suddenly, Thancred's voice suddenly in her head and she chastised herself for thinking such thoughts.
"I know that Minfilia wanted me to meet you," she whispered at last out loud. "And I wasn't sure why, at first. Just that it was what she wanted. I thought that I was supposed to help you, but I cannot help but feel that it was the other way around. That she wanted me to learn from you."
She closed her eyes and whispered, "I not only inherited what was left of her powers, but some of her memories and emotions as well. I remember the love she held for the woman who raised her as her own… the joy she felt whenever she was with the Scions… and the admiration she held for you."
She wiped her tears away and whispered, "So please… hold on. For all of us. Because we cannot bear the thought of facing the world without you."
Suddenly, she felt a faint warmth inside her chest. It was so subtle that she almost was convinced that she imagined it. As she placed her hands over her heart, right where she felt that warmth, she found it oddly comforting as she felt a tear falling from her eyes.
"You knew… didn't you?" Ryne asked quietly, her eyes shutting. "You knew what was in my heart better than anyone else. You wanted me to make this choice, didn't you? Well, if you're still there… if you can hear me… then please… help me find the strength. Minfilia."
Her hands shook as she remembered both of Minfilia's memories and her own with the Warrior of Darkness… with Claire.
Her quiet, reassuring presence… how she never had an unkind word to say to her. How she helped protect and lifted her up. She smiled faintly at those disastrous cooking attempts and hoped that they will be able to try may more such recipes together in the future. She owed her and the others everything and she wanted to do whatever it took to pay them back for what they've given her.
"Please, help me find a way to save her," she pleaded softly. Whether it was to the gods or to Minfilia, or even to Hydaelyn herself, she couldn't be sure. All she knew was that she wished to become stronger so that she could make a difference. To protect those she cared about.
Her own family.