Pain.
The most intense pain he'd ever felt. The kind he never wanted to feel again.
And it was coming back. Just a dull throbbing at first, a thick haze. But it was there.
It was coming.
Jay…
The pain knew his name—perhaps that was the worst part. Because it was calling out to him, trying to make him come back.
I can't. I won't… Stop it, just—
Jay!
Stop…
Jay! Come on, buddy. Come back! Please…
Please… Go away…
If he ignored the hazy pain long enough, maybe it would go away. Everyone goes away if you ignore them long enough… right?
Jay… Jay! Come on!
Go away…
You've got to come back to me, buddy, okay? Please?
Ignore, ignore, ignore—
But the pain continued to grow; continued to call out to him, begging him to return to its clutches.
So it can crush me completely and finish the job?
Jay!
Yeah, no thanks…
Jay, I'm sorry…
Sure.
I shouldn't have… I didn't mean to… I thought I was helping, okay? You know that. So, come back so you can forgive me, okay? Or don't forgive me. That'd be fine, too.
What?
Just come back and yell at me or talk my ear off, or something… Please!
The pain moved faster now, burning him like the hottest flame.
Flame…
Look, you can't leave us yet, okay?
Kai… Though the fog was beginning to clear, chased away by the searing pain, he couldn't get his eyelids to open. They seemed to rebel against him, locked somehow from the outside.
And he was trapped on the inside of it all. The pain, the memories, the world.
Nya needs you! I can't…
Nya…
I can't tell her you… You have to come back, okay? You still have to marry Nya someday, remember? She's your Yang! You can't just…
You can't just leave her like this…
I can't leave her—
In that moment, the pain hit him at full force and Jay's eyes snapped open.
"Jay!" Kai's voice was filled with the kind of relief Jay was looking forward to feeling himself. Once the pain goes away… "You're alive!"
"Was I—" Jay cleared his hoarse throat despite the pain doing so pounded into him. "Was I dead…?"
And where was Cole? He could've sworn Cole was there at some point… Though he couldn't be sure. Not yet. Reality was still a blur and so were the memories.
"Not exactly," Kai replied. He was hovering so close, Jay found it hard to breathe. Or maybe that was the pain's fault again. "Your pulse was really weak for a moment there, though. It was really—Well, let's just say, you scared me. Don't ever do that again, okay?"
Jay forced half a smile. For Kai. "I'll try not to—"
"Jay!" Cole's voice fell over them seconds before the Master of Earth slid into view, dashing over from somewhere off in the middle of the clearing. "You're awake!"
"I guess so," Jay responded, still trying to clear his hazy mind. "And thanks for not saying you're alive. For some reason, Kai thought I was dead."
"What? You almost were! I mean, it kinda felt like you were…" Kai swallowed and looked away as Cole inched closer to Jay.
"I just got off a call with Lloyd. They're almost here. Maybe about three minutes away. You think you can hold on for that long?"
When Cole began fixing the bandages, Jay had to keep himself from pushing Cole back. His side hurt more than anything, but Cole was only trying to help. He's only trying to—
Jay bit down on his lip to keep from crying out. Because it was fine. He was fine.
"Yeah," he replied with a rigid nod. "Thanks to you guys."
A shadow fell over Cole's face at that, one Jay couldn't decipher for the life of him. "We wouldn't have done what we did if there was any other way to stop the bleeding. You know that, right?"
Jay nodded again. "It was my idea, after all. At least, I think it was…"
"Yeah…"
"Cole, it's okay. I know it was the only way. I'm only sorry you guys had to be the ones to do it. It was…" His attempt at a chuckle sounded more like a ragged cough than anything. "It was a lot to ask of you—of anyone, really."
"And while I'd do it a thousand times over if it meant saving your life," Cole said softly, "I'm still sorry. For hurting you. For not keeping it all from happening in the first place."
"Hey, you can't be everywhere at once, dirt clod. Getting stabbed was my fault, not yours. Not Kai's. I…" Jay shook his head as the horrible memory flashed across his mind's eye. "I was the one who let my guard down. I'm not blaming myself," he added quickly when Cole furrowed his brows, "I'm just saying that it's no one's fault by mine."
To his surprise, Cole snorted. "Try getting that through his thick skull."
Jay stretched a little to peer over Cole's shoulder, where Kai stood in the middle of the glade, his back facing them, his arms folded tightly across his chest.
"Oh…" And suddenly, it all came rushing back to him with a clarity he wasn't ready for. Every word, every scene. All of it.
That voice in the haze. It hadn't been the pain talking, it'd been Kai.
Kai…
"Yeah," Cole sighed. "Oh."
"Maybe if you get him to come back over here, I could… tell him? Tell him it wasn't his fault?" It wasn't a solid plan, but it was the only one Jay could think of while battling wave after wave of agony.
"That might work…" But Cole didn't sound sure. Before either of them could be proven wrong, however, Kai was shouting. And jumping like a maniac.
"They're here! Guys! It's over! They're—!"
"Jay!" Nya…
Nya was there. She was at his side long before he knew it.
"Oh my gosh, are you okay? What happened? Cole didn't tell us anything. I was so worried! So afraid that you—Never mind. We just need to get you out of here. I'm going to get you out of here, okay?"
A nod and a smile was all he could manage. Relief consumed him, flooding over every anxious thought and cooling his inflamed nerves.
It was all going to be okay. Nya was there and it was all going to…
His gaze fell on Kai, who still lingered in the background.
It's all gonna be fine.
I hope…
"I still can't believe they burned you!"
Jay sunk further into the pillow, trying in vain to find a comfortable spot on the stiff hospital bed. Nya's fussing would've been a lot more enjoyable if his neck didn't hurt so much.
"Nya, I told you," Jay replied, swallowing down a yawn, "it was my idea. And I'm fine. Or, I will be once I can get back to my own bed."
"Well, you can't blame the hospital for wanting to keep an eye on you. Need some more water?"
Jay shook his head. "I'm fine, Nya, really."
She returned the smile he flashed at her with a sigh. "I'm just glad you're safe. I mean, Cole didn't tell us anything! The whole ride over, I nearly had three heart attacks!"
"I'm glad you didn't," Jay chuckled. "But then again, if you had, we could've had hospital beds next to each other."
When Nya smiled again, her nose crinkled. "That's a sweet thought. A little morbid, but sweet. And for the record, I'm glad I'm not in that empty hospital bed over there. If I was, I wouldn't be able to do this."
She leaned in and kissed him before Jay could even comprehend the sweet feeling of her lips against his.
"Don't you ever scare me like that again," she whispered once she'd pried herself away, her voice tight with emotion. "Okay?"
"Okay," Jay whispered back, blinking back the unwelcome prickle of tears.
"Knock, knock—Oh! Geez, oh, my eyes! Agh!"
Nya rolled her eyes as she turned toward her brother, who hovered in the doorway with his palms pressed against his face.
"Hey, Kai," she greeted in a tone that made it quite clear what she thought of his antics.
Peeking out from a slit between his fingers, Kai took a step back. "Are you two done, or am I gonna have to leave?"
"Oh, knock it off, you big wuss," Nya admonished. "We're done. For now, anyway."
"Ah! La, la, la! Can't hear you! Ow!"
Jay couldn't contain his laughter when Nya smacked her brother upside the head.
"Did you come here for any particular reason," Nya continued, hands planted firmly against her hips, "or are you just here to make a fuss about everything?"
"Oh, well…" Jay watched Kai's expression sober almost instantly as he rubbed a hand awkwardly over the back of his neck. "I, well… I was actually hoping to talk to Jay for a minute."
Nya seemed to get the message hidden in her brother's face, bless her, because she nodded and made her way to the door.
"I'll go grab some more water and a couple pudding cups. Be right back!"
Even after Nya had gone, Kai remained rooted to the floor, silently studying the far wall.
"I think your sister's trying to drown me with bottled water," Jay commented, unable to stand the silence any longer.
"Yeah," Kai replied with a chuckle. "She does that a lot."
"Uh, you can sit down, you know."
"Oh, right." Kai's chuckle was weaker this time, but he sat down on the edge of Nya's chair anyway. "Uh…" He cleared his throat. "How are you feeling?"
Jay shrugged. "Achy, I guess? Sore. But other than that, good. Ready to get out of this white room. Seriously, the walls are almost blinding."
This time, Kai didn't laugh, he simply gazed at Jay with sad brown eyes.
"Look, about what happened out there…"
Jay was shaking his head before Kai had begun to taper out. "It's fine. There's nothing to talk about or apologize for—"
"No! Jay, just—" Kai blew out a sigh. "Just let me say this. If I could turn back time, I would—I swear I would."
"Kai, none of it was your fault—"
"I'm the one who pulled the knife out!"
"Because I told you to!"
"Yeah, but you never would've had me touch it if I hadn't put the idea in your head!" Another sigh brought Kai's voice level down by ten notches. "The point is, I'm sorry, okay?"
Jay let out a sigh of his own. "Well, if it's the only way to get you to stop blaming yourself, I forgive you. I forgave you the second you pulled it out. You panicked, I get that. Heck, I probably would've done the same thing if the roles were reversed. Heh, I probably would've made it way worse, too…"
Silence fell over the room as Kai nodded and slumped back in the chair.
"You're stronger than I thought, you know." The words were so soft, Jay nearly missed them.
"What?" was all Jay could manage, finding no other words to be adequate enough. Because how do you even reply to that?
Kai shrugged and took to studying the wall again. "I don't know. I just… I guess that… Well, since I know I could've never made a suggestion like that—to close a wound with searing hot metal—I didn't think you could, either."
"Oh, come on," Jay replied, trying to smile, "you would've thought up the same idea if it'd been you—"
"No, I wouldn't have, Jay." Kai ran a shaky hand through his hair. The fact that he'd so carelessly messed up his thickly gelled hair told Jay just how serious he was being and it sent shivers down his spine. "I know fire. I know how hot it can get and how absolutely destructive it can be. And if it had been me out there instead of you… I don't think I could've done what you did."
For once, Jay had no words.
"So," Kai went on, finally meeting Jay's eyes, "that's what I mean, I guess, when I said you're stronger than I thought you were."
"Thanks?" This time, Kai did laugh and it made Jay smile. "I mean, thanks. That means a lot coming from you."
"Okay," Kai said, still smiling, "now it's my turn: what?"
"Well, you know…"
"No, I seriously don't." And it was the fading of Kai's smile that gave Jay pause.
As always, you never should've opened your mouth. Nice going, Jay.
"Uh… You know, just forget I said anything, heh heh…"
"Come on, don't do that to me. I told you what I meant, now it's your turn to explain."
"No, it's nothing. It's just, you've never said anything like that to me before." Jay made an attempt to shrug it off. "You usually say other things, so coming from you, that means a lot. There. That's all."
When Kai's eyebrows rose, Jay knew he'd said too much. Again. Why can't you ever just shut up, huh?
"What kind of things?"
"You… really don't know?"
Kai shook his head for a second, then slowly stopped. Jay could practically see the gears grinding in his head. "Well… I might have an idea, yeah…"
"We all rib each other, sure," Jay continued, hoping that the quicker he explained himself, the sooner they could both get past this. "We always have, but it just seems like, well, making fun of me specifically comes easiest to you. It's probably 'cause I'm an easier target or something, I don't know, but whatever it is, to hear you say something like that, well…"
Jay sucked in a breath of fresh air—well, as fresh as stale hospital air can get, anyway—and shrugged.
Clearly guilt ridden, Kai rubbed at his shoulder, his gaze drifting to the floor.
"Yeah… I hate to admit it, but I know what you're talking about." His sigh was heavy, the kind that turned Jay's stomach. This was not the kind of conversation he'd wanted to have today. "I could give you a million lame excuses, but that wouldn't be fair, and I've already been so unfair to you. It's just… Well, for as long as I remember, I was the only guy in Nya's life. I was her world and, well, then Master Wu found us and everything, and suddenly it wasn't just me anymore. Then you two got together and, gosh, I don't know. Making jabs at you was easier than dealing with my own buried emotions, I guess. That's definitely not an excuse because I said no excuses, but you deserve an explanation."
"That makes sense, I guess," Jay said slowly, careful not to go on another mile a minute tangent. "It doesn't take away the hurt, though…"
"I know," Kai whispered back. "I suppose if I really want to apologize for something, it should be for that." Another sigh shook his shoulders. "And I am sorry, truly. I knew what I was doing, I just didn't realize how much I was doing it. Or how much it was hurting you. Gosh, Jay, can you ever forgive me?"
"Yeah, I think so. If you can forgive me for stealing your sister away from you. I'm an only child, so I have no idea what that feels like."
"Hey," Kai replied, a smile small tugging at his lips, "that's the last thing you'd ever have to apologize for. Seriously, I've never seen her so happy, so… light. You know, she's not as hard on herself when she's around you."
Just the thought made Jay grin. "If you say so. Does all this apologizing stuff mean you're not gonna walk around the monastery with a guilt complex? You'd better not, because guilt-ridden Kai is, like, the worst Kai to be around."
"Don't worry, I'm leaving all the guilt at the door when I leave."
"What? You're leaving it with me? Thanks a lot."
A long beat crawled before they both burst into laughter.
"So…" Jay began after a deep breath, deciding to try his luck once the laughter had died down, "can I really marry Nya?"
"Huh?"
"I might not have been fully conscious for awhile, but I heard a lot of the things you said back there."
To his relief, Kai's smile didn't fade away this time. "Hey, if you want to."
"I mean… would you be okay with that?"
"If this is some sort asking for a blessing thing, then I think you're better off talking to my dad."
"Yeah…" Jay felt his gaze drift down to the pale bed sheets as he twisted them around his fingers. "But you're the one who practically raised her. Like you said, for a while, you were the only guy in her life. You were there when she grew up and all that. So, if it's all the same, I was always going to ask you first."
When he risked a glance back up, he was startled to find Kai's eyes glazed over with unshed tears.
"Sorry! Sorry, did I say something wrong? I did, didn't I? Whatever it was, I didn't mean—"
A dull pain shot through his side as Kai slammed against him for a tight embrace, but Jay couldn't find it in himself to care. Without wasting another second, he wrapped his arms around his brother.
"Sorry," Kai choked out, "it's just… That means a lot coming from you."
Jay tried to reply, only to find his throat was too tight with emotion to get any words out. Instead, he settled for burying his face in Kai's shoulder.
"I'm back! They didn't have any vanilla pudding, so I got choc—Oh! Ugh! Ah! Gross!" Nya's sarcasm filled the room and Jay felt Kai pull away. "Human affection! How will I ever survive if I don't wash my eyes out right now?"
Kai crossed his arms. "Ha. Ha. Very funny. At least when I freak out about you guys, it's real."
She snorted as she put the food on the side table. "Are you kidding me? You're the biggest fake I've ever seen!"
"Well, just save the mushy stuff for when I'm not around, okay?"
Nya rolled her eyes and scooted her brother away from the chair so she could reclaim her seat. "Uh huh. Sure. Why don't you make yourself useful and hook up the game console I brought. I can't make heads or tails of it."
"Does the hospital even allow that?"
Nya just shrugged, which was Kai's cue to get a move on.
"Fine. But I'm only hooking this up if we can play Fist-to-Face."
"I don't care what you two play, just get it working."
"I'm trying! It's gonna take longer than five seconds, you know."
"Well, if you'd stop complaining—"
"I wasn't complaining! Did that sound like complaining to you…?"
As the siblings continued their bickering—or banter, he couldn't tell—Jay settled his head back down against the pillow and sighed, content just listening to the sweet sound of his family.
Though the dull ache in his side continued to throb, Jay knew he would be all right. Somehow, things always turned out all right.
And if one day they didn't, at least he would always have his team with him.
He would always have his family.