Chapter 2: A literal servant

Shirou POV

I stood there somewhat frozen under the stares of both Kobayashi-san and the Dragon-girl-phantasmal-beast-thing for what seemed like and eternity until my neighbour saw fit to offer her regular greeting to me.

"Ah Good morning Shirou-san." she said as if there wasn't a literal city destroying creature barely 2 feet from her. I made a face at her to try and see if she could understand the sheer magnitude of the situation we were currently in. As it turns out she couldn't and I could only assume she still believed she was dreaming. Seeing no real reason to panic her and start shooting off Noble Phantasms I responded in kind.

"Good morning to you as well Kobayashi-san. Might I ask who your...visitor is?" I say as gently as possible while turning to look at the shapeshifting dragon while praying that I wasn't coming across as nervous as I felt.

I meet the Dragon-girls eyes and we stare at each other for a few moments. She's looking at me as in the same way a child looks as a bug they've never seen before, nothing sinister but there's a sense of innocent curiosity, although that's no less off putting to me and I instantly look away from her.

Kobayashi looks at me and then looks back at the dragon and then back at me as if I somehow have the answer to this query. She looks at me for a few seconds more walking up to me and whispering into my ear "I have no idea, I think I'm having a strange dream."

'Ah.' I thought to myself 'She thinks she's still dreaming'

I run through this situation and think about possible options while taking a quick look at the Dragon girl.

'Well, the dragon hasn't killed us yet and she's still got some innocent smile plastered on her face.'

I turn back Kobayashi and whisper to her "I don't know either. Perhaps we could introduce ourselves?" She looks up at me and we nod to each other before turning back to the Dragon girl, who has been staring intensely as us (or rather staring intensely as me) for a while.

I step past Kobayashi and towards the dragon girl intent on making introductions "Nice to meet you. My name is Emiya Shirou." I say as politely as I can trying my absolute hardest to keep my voice still.

Kobayashi steps up next to me "And I-" as she starts speaking the Dragon girls face immediately lights up and she steps forward cutting off whatever Kobayashi intended to say.

"You're Miss Kobayashi!" the dragon says with a giant smile on her face which is somewhat endearing, although I can't help but notice that it seems that the two of them are already familiar with each other.

Kobayashi awkwardly coughs next to me before continuing "A-ah yes. Nice to meet you."

The dragon girl smiles again and starts rapidly nodding her head before gesturing to open door of Kobayashi's apartment "Would it be alright if we go inside?"

I raise and eyebrow and look at Kobayashi as she looks at me as if asking what I think we should do. She gets her answer in the form of a shrug and we both turn back to the dragon girl.

Kobayashi answers with a nod to her and gestures for me to follow.

'I swear I suffer from E-rank luck no matter where I go' I thought to myself as I followed Kobayashi and the dragon into the apartment.

Entering and closing the door behind me I immediately take notice of the differences between Kobayashi's apartment and mine, nothing physical as far as room space and layout go the two are virtually identical. No the differences were the stacked up pile of empty beer cans I notice on a drawer in the main room.

While Kobayashi and the Dragon sit themselves down at a table just inside the kitchen and continue with introductions, turns out the dragon girl's name is Tohru, are making conversation I notice that Kobayashi is in desperate need of a good cleaner for her apartment. While not overly filthy it certainly isn't what I would call spring clean.

I turn my attention back to the two others in the room and decide to ask some questions.

"So…" I begin which brings their attention over to me "Tohru-san where did you two first meet?"

Tohru smiles and raises her hand "The mountains!" she exclaimed "we met in the mountains!"

I turn my attention to Kobayashi to seek confirmation as she adopts a thinking pose, after a few seconds I notice a sudden look of shock make its way onto her face and I can only assume that she did in fact meet a dragon in the mountains. Although that doesn't explain why said dragon is now here.

"And then she said 'want to come to my place'! I'll never forget those kind words" Tohru says while clasping her hands together and adopting some kind of love struck pose.

I slowly turn my head back to Kobayashi who appears to be attempting merge with the table. 'It seems she did in fact invite a dragon to live with her. Outstanding.'

Tohru unclasps her hands and leans over the table with a star eyed expression levelled solely on Kobayashi and I can only wonder what form arrangement the two evidently formed while Kobayashi was intoxicated.

"Please allow me start working here as your maid!"

'What?'

My brain halts. A maid. This is one of the most powerful of phantasmal beasts who could destroy entire countries and she wants to start working. As a maid. I can practically hear Archer laughing in the back of my head.

Although Kobayashi quickly shoots that idea down and the two continue the conversation with Tohru seemingly getting more and more depressed as being denied her job as a maid. My brain is still catching up with the idea of a dragon deciding to do something as menial as becoming a maid that I almost miss what Tohru says next.

"I can turn this entire area into a sea of fire, or curse people to death."

'Hey. That's hell you're walking into.'

I freeze. My blood turns to ice and I fight back the urge to vomit. The casual way in which Tohru-san states that she could create a disaster on-par with the Fuyuki fire reminds just how powerful and inhuman this thing actually is despite it's appearance.

The fact that Tohru has yet to actually do anything to harm anyone is the only reason I can think of for why I haven't vaulted the table and attempt to fight her, that and she's a dragon who could probably kill me before I got very far Noble phantasms or not.

I turn my attention to Kobayashi who is almost as shocked as I am and is frantically trying to tell Tohru that burning down a city full of people is not a very good thing to do.

"Ah Shirou-san?" Kobayashi turns to me "You can head off to work now I can take care of this."

I look between the two of them, somewhat hesitant to leave Kobayashi alone with the dragon although Tohru seems to prefer Kobayashi's presence in the room to mine so I suspect it should be safe.

I turn my full attention back to Kobayashi "If you're sure, I'll see you around then. Have a nice day Kobayashi-san, Tohru-san" with that I turn and make my way out of the house and off to work. My mind still plagued with questions and worries about whether or not Tohru-san will become an issue in the future.

The rest of my day passes relatively quickly with my mind still being occupied by Kobayashi's sudden guest. The end of my shift comes about and I leave work and rapidly begin to make my way home, just in time to smell a massive concentration of Od originate from the apartment complex and see the window of Kobayashi's flat sudden burst with light.

Forgoing subtlety I reinforce my legs and make a mad sprint into the apartment bloc and up the stairs right up to the front door of Kobayashi's door. I briefly consider kicking the door in but quickly reconsider as smashing my way into another persons house in the dead of night may not be seen as the smartest thing to do and I very much doubt that the police are going to accept the excuse of 'I thought my neighbour was being attacked by a dragon'.

With that in mind I knock on the door while calling out "Kobayashi-san! It's Shirou, is everything alright in there?"

I can barely make out the sound of someone moving towards the door before it opens to reveal Kobayashi in a blue light blue hoodie and beige trousers. She seems somewhat relieved to see me and I'm left wondering what is actually going on in there.

"Shirou you can do basic housework can't you?"

"Ummm" I'm somewhat thrown off by her sudden question but I answer her anyway "I… am capable of doing basic housework yes, I can also cook if that helps."

Kobayashi sighs in relief before grabbing my arm and pulling me inside "Thank goodness, I was worried for a second."

The thought of 'I'm still worried' passes through my head for a second as I'm dragged into the main room and find Tohru standing there.

With something in here mouth?

"Tohru! Shirou here is going to help you with some of the basics of maid work." I'm brought out of my musings when Kobayashi suddenly grants me the title of maid teacher.

"I am?"

"He is?"

Myself and Tohru ask at the same time, evidently this is as surprising to her as it is to me. Although as Tohru speaks whatever she had in her mouth falls onto the floor to reveal.

A shirt. Covered in saliva. I'm now very worried about my new position.

I turn to Kobayashi in the desperate hope that she has an answer as to why Tohru was trying to eat her clothes and she doesn't deign to answer. I suppose it shall remain one of the great mysteries of the world unlocked only through access to the Root.

Seemingly unperturbed by both my and Tohru's confusion at this new arrangement Kobayashi continues on "The final responsibility of a maid is to cook" although the resigned way Kobayashi says that and the clothes covered in spit give me a fairly decent idea as to how competent Tohru was at the other responsibilities of being a maid.

Seemingly oblivious to both mine and Kobayashi's sense of dread Tohru lights up at the prospect of cooking "I'm the best at that!" she states with unrivalled confidence in her apparent cooking skills.

As Tohru makes her way into the kitchen myself and Kobayashi sit ourselves down at the table and I decide now would be a good time to question the reasons behind my sudden role.

"Maid instructor?" I begin and Kobayashi instantly flinches.

"Sorry, it's just I remembered where you work so I figured that you would have a basic idea on how to clean. Tohru is...not very skilled at housework." Kobayashi explains to me and honestly I can understand her reasoning, I wasn't really expecting a dragon to be the most proficient at such a job and despite my misgivings about suddenly being thrust into the role I don't really mind teaching Tohru the basics.

"I don't really mind helping but I suppose I would need to know just how…"

"Bad?"

"Yes, just how bad Tohru is at housework." I'm still clinging on to some desperate hope that it's not as bad as it could be.

"She vaporised the furniture when told to clean it, then brought it back, then ate my clothes to wash them and insulted the delivery man."

I shift my gaze over to the rather disgusting pile of wet clothes in the corner of the room and then shift my attention to the apparently freshly reconstructed furniture and take notice that the room is actually dust free, although the excessive methods are troubling.

I turn my attention back to Kobayashi "Well, it shouldn't be too much of a hassle so I don't mind at least teaching her the basics, depending on how skilled she is at cooking I'll see what needs improving first."

"Thank you Shirou-san." Kobayashi sighs in relief while Tohru brings over a plate of-

'What in the pits of Gilgamesh's Gate of Babylon is that!?'

I stare in horror at the plate of something that Tohru brings over and sits in front of Kobayashi all while wearing a proud smile on her face as if she didn't just commit a crime against nature and serve it up for someone to eat.

Tohru strikes a pose and while simultaneously answering the litany of questions I have in my mind "Here's my roasted tail!"

Kobayashi's face morphs into a blank slate as she turns to Tohru while I'm still staring at the slab of dragon meat on the table.

"No way." Kobayashi deadpans and Tohru who adopts a confused expression as if she wasn't expecting to be refused.

"No way." She repeats while Tohru's expression somehow becomes even more confused before turning into one of realisation.

"Should I have roasted it longer?" she says as if that were the only issue with the dish.

I calm my rising nerves at the travesty in front of me before turning to the architect of this culinary abomination.

"Tohru" I speak which instantly gets the attention of the two other occupants of the room onto me.

"Stay out of the kitchen until I start teaching you how to cook."

Tohru face turns irritated she starts scowling at me "I don't see why I should take cooking lessons from an inferior huma-"

"Stay. Out. Of. The. Kitchen." I unconsciously start releasing Od into the room and my amber eyes lock onto Tohru's red ones with a laser focus. We maintain our little staring contest for a few seconds before she breaks off and turn her eyes away from me.

"I…suppose I could wait until you teach me the basics."

"That is good enough" I slide the plate of overcooked dragon meat back over to Tohru for her to dispose of. Which she does.

By eating it.

I watch with morbid curiosity as she consumes the meat and then notice her tail suddenly grow back after she finishes it. After that disturbing display we leave the kitchen and Kobayashi sits herself down in a little bean chair while Tohru sits on the floor with myself say next of Kobayashi.

I decide to start off the conversation "So Tohru-san, you have no experience in housework and you're cooking leaves...much to be desired."

My rather sudden and somewhat blunt assessment of Tohru's skills of lack there of has her momentarily startled before she looks at myself and Kobayashi with determination "I can learn from the ground up! Kobayashi-san please tell me what you dislike!"

Kobayashi looks at Tohru with a raised eyebrow before answering "What I dislike? I'm no good with hijiki or eggplant."

"I see. I'll try to remember that. I myself dislike eggs without the yolk in them, someone once threw one at my friend Herensuge and killed them."

I scrunch my face up with confusion at the image of a dragon being killed by someone throwing a yolk-less egg at them before shaking my head and looking back at the dragon girl "Tohru-san why exactly are you asking about Kobayashi's dislikes rather than what she likes?"

Tohru made an 'X' with her arms while looking at me "I can't ask her that! Many of my friends were killed by things that they liked! What if that information was used against Kobayashi-san?"

I raise my eyebrow at her but elect to ignore that statement.

"But I can tell her what I like!" The girl then puts on the biggest smile I've seen yet while her eyes seemingly shine while staring at Kobayashi "I love you Kobayashi-san!"

Kobayashi and myself deadpan at the girls sudden confession of love and while I'm currently wondering where this sudden affection came from Kobayashi seems to interpret it in a completely different way.

"Are you trying to eat me?"

"No!" Tohru looks offended at the suggestion "I mean romantically!"

"I'm a woman you know?"

Tohru stands up and ignores my presence entirely while solely focusing on Kobayashi next to me with a look I'm all too disturbingly familiar with.

"You saved me Kobayashi-san!"

'He's alive! Thank goodness! He's alive!'

"So I'll use my entire being to repay the favour! Which is why I would like you to use me to commute to work again tomorrow!"

I shake my head at the memory being dredged up before I pick out something interesting in that last sentence and turn to Kobayashi with a raised eyebrow "Again?"

She turns to look away from me and awkwardly scratches the back of her head before answering "I was going to be late to work and I figured since Tohru could fly…"

"I see. Regardless Tohru-san" I get dragon girls attention back onto myself "I think you should focus more on perfecting your house cleaning skills rather than working as a personal taxi."

"He's right Tohru-san." Kobayashi interjects before Tohru can voice her disagreement "Your one of the strongest dragons yes?"

"Strong enough to bring about Armageddon" Tohru replies with all the casualness of reading out a shopping list.

"Please don't do that/I'd rather you didn't" myself and Kobayashi reply at the same time.

"Anyway, I'd feel much safer if you were to spend your time protecting the apartment while I was out." Kobayashi states with a look in her eye which makes me realise she just doesn't want to deal with Tohru at work, I'm left worried that Tohru will see through the obvious ruse.

Tohru smiles brightly before pressing a fist into her chest and then holding it out in a salute "Understood! Leave it to me!"

Or then again maybe she won't.

"Well then." I interrupt the two and once again they turn their attention to me "I typically work Monday to Thursday from nine until eight so I should be able to cover Tohru's training for about two hours a day and a few extra hours Friday to Saturday"

"Are you sure Shirou-san?" Kobayashi looks at me with a tinge of concern "I don't want you to take up too much of your time on this."

I wave her off with a slight smile "It's not trouble Kobayashi-san, I like helping people besides I don't really do much outside of work."

"Don't you hang out with friends?"

"I'm new to the neighbourhood so I don't really have any friends to hang out with." I say which somehow makes Kobayashi look at me with a little gleam of sadness in her eyes before she replies to me.

"Well if you're sure Shirou-san... "

"It's fine, really. Now I'd better head off, I feel like I'm about to drop with how tired I am." I make my way over to the door and am halfway through before turning around and calling back "Oh yes and Tohru-san?" the girl in question turn to me with a questioning look on her face.

"Tomorrow we'll start off with simply washing clothes if that's alright with you."

She 'Hmphs' and turns away from me before replying "I...suppose it is acceptable."

"In that case I'll see you tomorrow, have a pleasant night you two" I close the door and return to my own apartment.

I'm already in my bed by the time I realise that I have just agreed to teach a dragon the basics of housework and cooking.

'E. Rank. Luck' I think to myself before drifting off.

AN: A slightly longer than chapter than last time because now we're really picking up speed.

Next time we see one of Shirou's favourite pastimes! Running damage control.