Summary:

Emilia looks into his eyes, "If you love me too, then don't dodge."

Notes:

No smut today either, doki-doki talk only.
Smut coming next chapter, till then, have this.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

"Baka, baka, baka, Subaru no Baka! Why do you have to go so far every time? Why do you have to endure so much for everyone, for me? Subaru, Subaru, Subaru, Subaru, SUBARU….! Why do you have to hurt so much, why do you have to be the one hurting, the only one. Why? Why, why, why, why...? Why do you have to suffer so much, I don't want you to suffer for me, I don't want you to leeeave me!" What was silent sobbing earlier, has become high-pitched wailing. Subaru never expected Emilia to break down like this. He could see that she was fine when he woke up earlier, physically at least. Subaru was sure now, that something bad has happened and it has a lot to do with him.

"Subaru, please don't leave me, please don't hurt for me, please don't suffer for me." Emilia tightens her arms around his neck, pressing herself harder against him, trying to keep herself together and not lose herself to the memories, memories of Elsa, memories of Rem, memories of the mabeasts, memories of the Whale, memories of Puck, memories of Geuse, memories of Garfiel, memories of the Rabbit, memories of Subaru dying to every single one of them.

Had it not been for the incredible softness of the mattress, Subaru was sure he would have been crushed because of Emilia's super-strength(sometimes he wonders who will win in a fistfight between her and Captain America). Subaru wants to know what has happened, he can't see Emilia breaking down like this, he caresses her back trying to comfort her, rubbing her head with his other hand.

"Emilia" he rubs his cheek against her hair, trying to assure her that he's here, "I won't leave you, I will never leave Emilia-tan, I'm here, I will always be here for you Emilia-tan, for Rem, for Ram, for everyone, no matter what." He cannot understand what she actually means by 'him suffering for her but he still has a pretty good idea.

"Emilia-tan, where are we, what happened? Weren't we going to Pristella? What happened after that? " he asks, rubbing circles around her back, trying to calm her.

Emilia loosens her hold on him, taking deep breaths, she lifts herself up, sitting on her knees, Subaru follows her, sitting up from her lap, crossing his legs. She is looking down, down at her knees. Emilia lifts her head, her eyes full of determination, she takes Subaru's hands in both of hers, looking at him in the eye.

"When we were about to reach Pristella we heard a voice saying something about 'Sage Candidate' and then we all were brought to this strange room, which was as large as the palace hall. When we looked around, we realised that other than us, other camps were there too. Then we heard the voice of this strange person calling himself the 'Warden', he made us sit down in the seats and said that we were going to see your adventures." Emilia stops at this, looking up at his face to gouge out his reaction, she saw his eyes as narrowing a bit, not sure what to think of it, she continues with a serious expression "and you, you were asleep this whole time. It has been 5 days since then, and it is only today that you woke up." Emilia finishes, her serious expression turning sad. "Then we saw it, all of it." Her eyes were getting wet now, she tightens her grip on Subaru's arms, lifts them up, bringing them closer to her face, she plants her lips on his fingers. Not looking up at him anymore, she closes her eyes and continues "We saw, how a boy from a different world, who was going through his everyday life normally suddenly disappeared in the middle of the road and out of nowhere, was brought to this wretched world of ours. We saw how this brave, beautiful, handsome boy fought, and died to protect his loved ones, again and again." by now Emilia was trying her best to not start sobbing again. 'You promised you will give better than your best, it's no time to cry, you need to tell him that how great, stupendous and amazing he is.' She tries to stop herself from breaking down again.

"We saw how this boy fought the bowel hunter, how he fought the mabeasts, how he fought the whale, how he fought the Sloth" Emilia stopped here, she couldn't help but think of Geuse, but she was glad that he received his salvation from his suffering, " how he defeated all of them and saved everyone." Emilia looks up at Subaru this time, to see his eyes wide like saucers, staring at her in disbelief. Emilia nodded, understanding what he must be questioning right now, giving him the affirmation.

She continues, this time looking straight in his eyes, holding his brown orbs tied to her amethyst. "I saw how this boy struggled, how this boy hurt, how this boy suffered, for someone as cursed and contemptible as me. I was sad when he wanted to give everything up and run away, but I think it would have been fitting, after all, I didn't deserve him, no one did, that boy was too good for people like us to even have the luck to have him as a part of our life. I was happy for him when he wanted to give up and live a life without suffering, but when he believed in himself again, I felt happier, gladder. I was cursing myself, hating myself when I saw him crying, grovelling, suffering again, all because of me, all because of my weak, incompetent self who couldn't even face her past. But I hated myself the most when he said, 'Only I need to suffer'. Why? Why does he need to suffer?" Emilia's eyes were watering more, speaking has become harder for her, but 'I am not going to stop now' she thinks to herself.

"No matter what the world says about Satella, no matter how much they hate her, from now on, I will never hate her, because she is the second greatest reason that I have all the happiness in my life that I have today." Emilia dropped Subaru's hands, but looking at his face she realises he is about to panic because of it, 'He probably thinks I'm leaving him, no Subaru, I can never, will never leave you.' she quickly stands up on her knees and brings her hands to his cheeks, holding his face in her hands, "Subaru, you are the greatest reason, the real reason for all my happiness. You, Subaru are the most important person in my life. Had it not been for you, I would never have become the Emilia I am today. You are the greatest, the coolest, the strongest person I know. You know, you have to realise it too Subaru, how awesome you are, you cannot just stay a dunderhead foreeever you know. 'Love yourself more, why don't you realise that you must be among the people you want to save' is what Satella said. I say the same too. Love yourself more, you cannot hate yourself Subaru? Do you know why I don't hate myself as much anymore?" Emilia asked looking into his eyes, she has a tiny smile on her face, she is excited, she is going to bare herself to the one she loves today her body and mind.

"You don't need to hate yourself Emilia-tan. You are not the r—" he couldn't finish, Emilia put her finger on his lips before he could.

Emilia's eyes were more filled now, more wet. "Subaru, I may not have been the only reason for your suffering, but I was the greatest reason for your pain. Subaru" Emilia sobbed, her smile disappearing, 'I can be happy later, I have to make him understand this first' she thinks, "the only reason I don't hate myself enough to die is because of you, you Subaru. You said you love me Subaru, I can never hate someone you love. Even if it's Satella, even if it's her you want to save, I will be with you, no matter what anyone else says. So, Subaru, love yourself more, if I cannot hate someone you love then how can I love someone you hate Subaru." Tears ran down her face non-stop, she could not contain them anymore, her voice is trembling, but even so, she will not stop midway now.

"Natsuki Subaru, I, Emilia, just, no, not just Emilia, I... I Emilia..." Emilia's face was too red right now, she was not able to speak the words hanging in her throat. Taking her hands from his face she slaps her cheeks twice, takes a few deep breaths, and looks at her Knight with a newfound determination with eyes that could even melt the steel. "C-can I start o-over again?" She asks, her steel-melting determination leaving her again, lost in the forest of embarrassment, she is sure if Beako saw her like this, she will definitely tease her, 'To think you would be such an idiot to even have to ask for permission to repeat your confession, I suppose. Betty's contractor surely likes to live his life with idiots, in fact.' She would say.

—

Subaru stares at her, his eyes are wide, he is sure, and his mouth is probably open too. Every single word he has heard from Emilia today has thrown him off higher and higher, again and again, every time. From realizing the fact that the dream he had was most likely not a dream, but a vision showed to him by the person who brought them here, considering that person must be very strong to be able to keep Satella's power at bay, from the realization that they have seen everything. All his pathetic grovelling, now they must be thinking of him as something so disgusting and stupid and weak. Must be hating him. But his expectations were thrown off-charts when Emilia started speaking. He did not expect her to praise him, to call him cool, to call him great. He thinks 'She is lying to make me feel better, she must be feeling guilty because I died for her.' but looking into her eyes, he didn't want to believe that she was lying. Her eyes were looking at him as if they were stating the truest fact in the universe. But he just was not sure. Maybe he was sure but was just trying to deny it. Deny it all. Because he thought of himself as small, as weak, because he loathed himself, so he wanted to believe that everyone else will too when they see his true self.

But when she repeated those words, the words which brought him out of the hell, her words, Subaru just couldn't deny it anymore. Because it was a slap to his mind, his heart, his whole thought process. After all, he had promised her, that he will love himself, that he will, save himself, he will save her, yet here he was, still undermining himself, still denying himself, still loathing himself, but those words, repeated by her forcefully made him look at himself, made him see that he was purposefully denying her love, he couldn't deny anything after that. He believed every single word she said.

Now she is trying to say something, something important, maybe she is trying to finally say what she actually wants to say, that she doesn't want— 'no, stop, believe in her' he says to himself, not letting himself think the worst.

He nods when she asks if she can start over.

—

"Natsuki Subaru," she says again, 'this time I will say it, I will not stop midway', she assures herself, bringing her palms to his cheeks again, she looks into his eyes. "I, Emilia, Emilia the Witch of Glaciation, love you!" 'I said it' she cheers herself, but she has more to say, "I adore you, I am enamoured by you, you are the most important person to me in this world, I am allured by you the most in this world, I love you the most in this world, I believe you more than myself, Natsuki Subaru" she is going to say it, do it finally, she is happy. "Subaru, if you love me too, then do NOT DODGE." She shouts the last words.

She licks her lips, and lunges forward, crushes her lips against his. She remembers that sensation again, of his soft warmth pressed against hers. She can see with her open eyes that his are wide, wide as saucers. She feels herself smirk, enjoying the sight of his astounded face, his beautifully small eyes. 'He got them from his mother' she thinks. She finds them to be the most beautiful eyes in the world.

She moves her wet mouth on his dry lips, pecking them all over, making them wet too. 'He is out of his trance now, it seems' she thinks when she feels his arms around her waist. She closes her eyes and leans more into him, pushing him down on the bed, laying over him, both of them laying over the bed, her above him, pressing her body hard against his, bringing her tongue on the tip of her lips, ready to initiate what Ram had taught her to be known as the Kararagi Kiss. She remembers Ram telling her that it was the Hoshin who named it as such. She still wonders what Hoshin must have been thinking to name a kiss after a country.

—

Notes:

And then they fucked. Like we all know.
Do you really need a smut chapter now?

Sorry for typos and shitty grammar. I am writing to improve my grammar.
I am unsatisfied with this chapter.
Please, Criticize without death threats.

~me out~