"So you enjoyed that?" Kakihara rolled to the bedside table, lighting a cigarette.
""Was my screaming any clue?" Tamiko giggled. "I did expect rougher."
"I don't like causing pain, I like feeling pain. But it's different with you. I know you'd never hurt me, and I don't know if I like that." He inhaled deeply.
"How could I hurt you when I'm—" she stopped. How could she tell him? This was a one night stand, not the start of forever. But she couldn't change how she felt.
"I know you do." He paused. "You shouldn't," he added softly.
Tears filled her eyes as she looked into his handsome scarred face. I'm so stupid. She told herself that she just wanted to fuck him, that the butterflies she felt when she looked at him were pure lust. She was a bad liar, most of all to herself. Sure she wanted to fuck him. But she really wanted to save him. She wanted to love him.
"We could build a life together. We can go somewhere where no one knows who you are," she tried to persuade him.
He blew smoke out of his cheeks as if to say, "with this face?
"Plastic surgery, take out the piercings, let your natural hair grow back, change your wardrobe…" she was desperate.
"Then I would be someone else. I would not be the man you fell in love with." Tamiko's heart was crushed at his words. He was right. She was addicted to saving troubled men.
"I didn't fall in love with how you look," she pleaded. "Don't do it for me, do it for yourself. Ichi wants your blood and you can escape."
"You don't understand. I have to die. I have to avenge him…" he added softly.
Tamiko sobbed. "Wouldn't he have wanted you to be happy?"
"Tami, you showed me a love without pain. You showed me how my life could have been. I am forever in your debt."
"Then come with me," Tamiko's tears soaked Kakihara's chest.
"I am sorry I can't be with you," he whispered. "Please stay with me tonight."
She knew she should leave. Sleeping next to him would prolong the agony. But she couldn't say no. She nodded meekly and closed her eyes.
Kakihara stayed awake for another hour, listening to her soft and steady breathing. He felt her body gently twitching. Surely she was asleep.
He gently pushed her hair behind her ear, leaving it exposed to his lips. And he whispered the words he wasn't brave enough for her to hear: "I love you."