With Greasy Sae's help, I have chosen a black dress from Cinna's collection. It is casual with three quarter sleeves and reaches to just above my ankles. We pair it with simple black heels, and I feel like Cinna would be somewhat pleased with my look. The shoes were one of many pairs in a smaller chest beside the bigger one. Inside, I also found make up that I have no idea how to use and accessories like earrings. Greasy Sae said tonight was casual, so I opt for no jewelry.

Following her instructions, I leave my hair down in its natural waves and let it drape over one side. I try to use the make up like she instructed, but it is nothing like my old prep team would do. I stick to powder foundation, natural eyes, and no lipstick. I never liked that stuff anyways. When I am finally ready, I exit my house and find Peeta and Haymitch standing on my front porch.

"It's about time, Sweetheart," Haymitch mutters in a greeting. He's wearing a white button up shirt and dark jeans. He looks like he showered and doesn't smell like alcohol and vomit for once.

Peeta gives me a warm smile and says, "You look beautiful." I blush at his words and notice that he is wearing a blue button up shirt and black dress pants. He looks handsome as usual, but I can't find the words to tell him.

Thankfully, I can always count on Haymitch to fill the silence. "Okay, lovebirds. Let's get going." He earns two glares.

The walk into town is short, but I am already regretting wearing heels. By the time we are standing in the newly renovated town square, I already feel the urge to take them off. That would only earn me more stares. Even though I am looking down at my throbbing feet, I can feel the stares of the town's people. I wouldn't be surprised if the rumble of the crowd was caused by me.

Peeta excuses himself as Haymitch and I try to disappear within the crowd. We stop in the center and face the steps of the new justice building. An uneasy filling sits in my stomach, and the look on Haymitch's face tells me he feels it too. It feels too much like we are waiting for the Reaping to begin, and we will soon be plucked from the masses... or running after my little sister as she begins her death march.

I try to distract myself by looking for Peeta. On the walk here, he was telling us all about the people that returned and people that had just moved here. A majority of the new people were from thirteen, but I have yet to see someone I recognize.

Haymitch nudges me out of my thoughts and points his head in the opposite direction of where I was looking. There, I see Peeta laughing with a blonde woman around our age. She looks beautiful in a blue dress that matches the shade of Peeta's eyes. It almost looks like they are matching...

"Looks like you have some competition," Haymitch tells me just as I am having the thought myself. It's clear to anyone that the two are friends and match each other's energetic energy well. I don't think I have ever laughed like that before with anyone.

I scoff in reply to Haymitch. I have no comment really. If Peeta wants to move on with his life, then I support that. Meanwhile, I am just trying to survive. I remind myself that I don't have the time or energy to be jealous. Why would I be jealous if I have already closed my heart off to him?

I can sense another snarky comment coming from Haymitch, but he doesn't get the chance to say it. The new anthem of Panem starts to play as the new mayor of District 12 emerges from the doors that once stole my childhood. The feeling in my stomach grows, and I desperately want to leave. I want to flee and run back to the safety of my home. I lean into Haymitch and whisper, "I don't want to be here for long."

He nods in agreement, but his eyes stay glued to the scene before him. There's a darkness there that I have only seen on those with difficult lives, and I suddenly wonder if this is one of his nightmares.

The mayor greets us and tells us how excited she is that District 12 has completed phase one of their reconstruction plan. She thanks the workers and shop owners, but I can't focus on anything besides the sound of her voice. I have never seen his woman before and wonder where she is from because her accent is not common here. Why would they let an outsider run this place after a rebellion? Who was in charge of this? Paylor?

The crowd is clapping, and I follow suit to not look out of place. I should have been paying more attention, but its too late now. The crowd is dispersing. I look to Haymitch for guidance.

His face is paler than normal, and I can tell he wishes he had drink. There's a look that he has, and I have become pretty familiar with it as I'm the one that usually causes it. "She said to stroll around and visit the shops."

"Do we have to?" There's a whine in my voice that sounds unfamiliar.

"It would look strange if we left so early. Besides, we should visit Greasy Sae and the boy's shops."

He's right. If we left now, it would be noticeable and of "bad manners" as Effie would say. Greasy Sae has been our lifeline lately, and we owe it to her to stop by. Peeta is a different story though.

We fall in line behind other citizens and stroll through a hair shop by some woman from the Capitol. Next is a clothing store with the "new style" as Greasy Sae tells me. It's really just a combination of the Capitol's vibrant colors and the normal clothing of the districts. Haymitch finds that store funny and giggles like a school girl the entire time. Next is the school. I remember the school being in a different part of town, but the reconstruction moved it here. With new technology, they were able to build it bigger and taller than before. Haymitch and decide to skip that building.

Greasy Sae's restaurant is on one of the corners. It's a big upgrade from the Hob. The floors are a beautiful mahogany colored wood, and the walls are painted a deep red color. It feels elegant while still being casual. Greasy Sae greets us with hugs and sample of her new food. Since she wasn't able to bring either of us dinner tonight, Haymitch and I both accept the samples. She always has a way of making things taste good, even the wild dogs Gale and I used to sell her.

"I think we've been here long enough," Haymitch says with a sigh. "I am too sober for this."

"I'm surprised you're sober at all," I tease back.

He laughs in agreement. "The boy's bakery, and then we can go."

My feet feel heavy as we approach the new bakery. The outside looks more presentable than the old bakery. The Capitol's designs have finally made their way to District 12. Haymitch seems to sense my resistance and slows his pace to match mine. When we are a few feet away, I come to a compete stop.

Haymitch stops too and faces me. "It would mean a lot to him if you came in."

I shake me head as it swarms with flashbacks. One second I'm selling his father squirrels, and the next Peeta is strangling me in thirteen. "I can't. There's too many memories." I feel so weak in this moment and begin to fear that I might cry.

Haymitch's eyes plead with me for a second longer, but my face must tell him something my mouth can't. "Okay. I'll be quick."

I take a few more steps and look inside through the large glass window. The bakery is full with smiling customers, and I realize that Peeta must also be giving away free samples. He's laughing with that blonde woman again when he sees Haymitch. He crosses the room quickly to greet him.

I can tell that his eyes are searching behind Haymitch for me, and I can see the exact moment when Haymitch tells him I'm not coming inside. His shoulder drop a little and his smile isn't as bright. Then, his head turns in my direction, and he spots me outside. His smile returns and reaches to the corners of his eyes. He waves at me as if to tell me to come inside.

But I can't. My feet are frozen. All I can offer him is a smile and a wave back. I'm relieved when he looks back at Haymitch and take it as my moment to escape. I turn quickly and begin to walk down the street that leads to the Victor's Village.

A few moments later, I hear loud footsteps behind me. Haymitch appears beside me, and it seems like he is out of breath. He growls and tells me, "I thought I told you to wait."

I shrug. "I was worried he would come outside and get me."

Haymitch chuckles and says, "I wouldn't be surprised if he did. What's wrong between the two of you anyways?"

For a second, I'm too taken aback by his question to give him an answer. Haymitch only every jokes about our strange love story, but he seemed serious in this moment. I study the ground beneath my heels and ask, "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," he mutters, the lack of alcohol clearly messing with his patience. "You begged me to save him a few times, and now you act like you wish he was dead."

The bluntness of his words were not lost on me. "I don't wish he was dead," I mutter back.

Haymitch shakes his head, not happy with my reply. "What are you waiting for? The cameras? Because I can assure you that they aren't coming."

"What are you talking about?"

"If your love for him was really an act, then you should be the lead in the next Capitol movie. Come on, Katniss. This is your life now, and you are free to do whatever you want with it."

He never calls me by my name, and I wish I could take his wisdom seriously. "You sound like Peeta," I say with a tense laugh.

Haymitch also laughs at my comparison. "The boy rubs off on me." Then, more seriously, he says, "There was once a time when you begged me to keep him alive. Well, he is. So act like it."

There are so many things I want to say in reply to Haymitch. I want to yell or cry or scream, but the sight of the Victor's Village stops me. I'm suddenly reminded why I am doing what I am doing. I can't lose Peeta if I never have him. The old Katniss and the old Peeta are gone, and I am tired of getting hurt. I am tired of losing everyone that ever mattered to me. It only gets them hurt, dead, or tortured. Somewhere in my mind it makes sense to think there will be no one left to hurt if I don't let them in. "I'm protecting myself," and protecting them in return.

I glare at the man. His wisdom is really starting to get on my nerves. If I wanted sweetness, I would've asked the baker. "Things are different now," I tell him. Haymitch stops walking once we are in front of his house, but I continue to mine. I can't wait for the darkness to swallow me.

"How did it feel to see him with that girl tonight?" He calls out after me.

I stop in my tracks. Did he notice that too? I turn around to give him a snarky reply, but I find him gone. The door to his house is shutting, and I wonder how he moved so fast. I shake off his comment and enter my own house. All of a sudden, the quiet darkness is not as comforting as I expected it to be.